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Nocturnal Clarity

Playing as opposite gender. Opinions please.

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I would like people's opinions on playing, roleplaying, and sexing using an avatar with the opposite gender as your RL gender. It's no big deal to play as a demon, monster, or something else not human but it seems not being the same gender is weird.

So I would like your opinion on the subject. Is it overly weird to RP sexual encounters as the opposite gender? Are you put off when you learn that the hot girl avatar you find attractive is a guy in RL? Do you, yourself play the opposite gender and how do you handle it?

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I can see how it would bother some people. Many don't see SL, particularly SL sex, as roleplay. They consider their interactions to be with the real person behind the av, so they want to be with the appropriate gender. However you slice it, they will see what you are doing as tricking them if they found out.

I don't mind either way, but then my opinion wouldn't cut much ice with the kind of people who are bothered. If 99% of people were happy with cross-playing and sex, it still wouldn't matter to the 1% who aren't.

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If you walk around in Second Life, its nobodies business what your RL gender is. People who persist on knowing it probably have a problem...one that shouldn't be yours and therefore should not influence your decision on telling people about your gender.

When you roleplay (and I say roleplaying in the sense of playing a character, not trying to write some cheesy emotes during sex) its also nobodies business what gender you are. The whole point of roleplaying is to play a role - and not being yourself.

If you, however engage in anything that is not roleplay as I described it and especially if you ever engage in anything long-term partnership-wise....be fair and don't lie. Especially if real feelings get involved. Everyone with a female avatar already has it difficult enough thanks to some guys who think its cool to lie till the very end.

 

And on a more personal note...I find nothing more boring than a guy pretending to be a real life women, but failing horrible doing so... Please, don't be a plain stereotype or be as obvious as possible :matte-motes-big-grin:

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I am male in RL and my main avatar is male but I do have alts of which some are female and some are of mixed/fluid gender.  Never had the nerve to get involved with anyone else romantically with an alt though. Personally I'm of the opinion that it doesn't matter; in fact I even say that in my profile:

  • "I respect others' avatars as they choose to present themselves, whether that matches RL or not is mostly irrelevent to me."

I think the more homophobic a person is, and the more they're looking for a RL relationship as well as a SL one, the more likely they are to be bothered/offended by it. I think they're afraid that if they bump pixels with a female avatar that has a male player, it makes them gay.

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Syo Emerald wrote:

And on a more personal note...I find nothing more boring than a guy pretending to be a real life women, but failing horrible doing so... Please, don't be a plain stereotype or be as obvious as possible :matte-motes-big-grin:

 

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Nocturnal Clarity wrote:

I would like people's opinions on playing, roleplaying, and sexing using an avatar with the opposite gender as your RL gender. It's no big deal to play as a demon, monster, or something else not human but it seems not being the same gender is weird.

 

I am a 33 year old straight male in RL. I exclusively use a female avatar for all of my SL activities including normal play, RP and sex. My partners can be either male or female, it doesnt matter from my point of view since I am merely guiding my female character as a seperate being. I don't post anywhere on my profile about my RL gender as I feel it would harm the RP if the other person knew and started meta-gaming.

 

So I would like your opinion on the subject. Is it overly weird to RP sexual encounters as the opposite gender? Are you put off when you learn that the hot girl avatar you find attractive is a guy in RL? Do you, yourself play the opposite gender and how do you handle it?

 

For a moment, I saw "Oppositional Gender" and thought, that's it, that's what I am! I am the gender that opposes everything. I may look female on the outside, but I'm pure pain in the ass on the inside.

Well, that's what I've been told.

;-).

Okay, now I'll address your question, simply to prove that I'm no more helpful when I'm serious.

To ask if it's "overly weird" to RP sexual encounters as the opposite gender (and what's the opposite of each of the 58 genders Facebook allows?) is interesting. That suggests you think there's an appropriate degree of wierdness and an insufficient amount. And maybe that's right. If it's underly weird, will anyone be interested in it?

SL relationship problems, like RL, often stem from mismatched expectations. So, if you're going to enter a serious intimate relationship, I think it's wise to work through expectations up front. Not only is that wise, it's nearly impossible. Relationships can spring up where you least expect them, and the emotional link may already be in place before either party knows things are going to get serious.

You are obviously willing to disclose your RL gender, so it's hard to imagine anyone blaming you for trying to deceive. There might be a few here that haven't considered the idea that people role play across genders, but that kind of cluelessness probably comes with an audible alarm.

Good luck, have fun..

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I have zero issues with it, but I have seen tons of drama related to it.

 

There is a strong contingent of "looking for a RL soulmate" folks in SL who approach SL somewhat like Facebook, so I completely agree with your policy of not lying about RL status.

 

Unfortunately, we still have "RL Voice Verified" groups in SL, so if someone has that in their picks it's probably ( but by no means always ) a red-flag that they are someone who would have issues with someone else going cross-gender.

 

There are several groups wherein gender-fluid players can network. Switchers and The Acceptance Project come to mind. Neither are "militant" and both are focused mainly on networking for people who just don't care what anyone's RL status is.

 

Have fun and good luck!

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I have encountered players, usually with male avatars, who state in their profiles that RL and SL are inseparable and they add not to bother to talk to them if you're a 'fake'.

I don;t see any harm in people playing opposite genders without disclosing it unless their SL relationships are likely to become RL ones.  Many SL players have alts of both genders, some of which probably meet each other in-game sometimes and possibly even have sex there, maybe even in public.

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There's also probably a cultural aspect to this question.  In some cultures with very entrenched gender divisions the idea of a male playing a female in a computer game might be so far off the radar that a player would expect such a thing to be a rarity in SL.

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" I don't post anywhere on my profile about my RL gender as I feel it would harm the RP if the other person knew and started meta-gaming."

My opinion:  You're selfish

"Are you put off when you learn that the hot girl avatar you find attractive is a guy in RL?"

smh...

 

Just be honest.  It eliminates soo many of your own questions.

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Don't be honest.  Let 'em guess.

I have zero respect for those that feel it necessary to broadcast that they're really men in their profile.  It takes away from the whole experience if you ask me.  If you're going to be on a female avatar, be the best female you can be and we all have more fun.

Those dumbasses who ask for verification over Skype or voice right away have their own issues and probably should be avoided.

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Ok, here is an out-of-left-field thought.

 

RL males playing SL females (well) are ideal matches for RL males looking for SL females to have adult fun with. Just keep RL info out of it.

 

-Very likely, both the "Female" and the male are looking for the same thing

-Since both are RL males, they are visually stimulated and have a high probability of not wanting the relationship to stretch into RL

-The "female" has moods and responses that will be uncomplicated by male standards so therefore misunderstandings are probably less and the whole Mars-Venus thing is avoided.

 

This also gives a break to RL females who come to SL and get annoyed at being treated like sex objects in sometimes very crude terms.

 

Of course, what messes that all up is a certain negative reaction from many SL males when they discover their playmate and fantasy companion is in RL also a guy.

 

The human condition seems to always seek out that -one- fly in the ointment :-)

 

Personally, I have no problems with people in SL presenting as what pleases them the most - but if someone were inclined to use SL as a dating service for RL, I can see where they would have issues .....

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