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joshyv3

Heartbreak - what to do that first day / night after receiving the bad news

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I really hate to start another thread on this topic. I'm just wondering if anyone has been through heartbreak on SL when it feels even worse than "RL" breakups when there aren't any SL or RL friends you can even talk to about it.

I know listening to someone describe all the details of what happened isn't something just anyone would care about fully. But seriously, the feeling I have now is so much worse because there is nobody RL or SL I can talk to about this. And, the friends who I can talk to about this, only think of this as good news, because now I'm "available" or whatever :/

Basically, I feel totally lame that I fell so hard for someone. He flat out told me today that we will never be "SL boyfriends" again. But I keep thinking of ways to let him know again how much I love him, and more excuses to be around him. And then realize that it's really over, so trying to extend this in any way is completely mental. But it's still hard to let go.

Right now, I have no desire to sign into SL to chat. The thought of doing that in the future seems to depressing as well, because no matter what, as I'm signing in, I will be thinking of him, and what has changed, and if he misses me and wants me back. It's lame thoughts I'm having now!

The one person I do know on SL who I can talk to, just offered for me to stay with him over the weekend. He offered to help me, since he's been through what I have been through. I know he's "real" or whatever, because we Skyped after I got the bad news. But it's a 6 hour trip to see him, but I'm seriously thinking of doing it!

If you have ever fallen so hard for someone, and then get the bad news, and have no RL or SL friends that can help in a significant way: what have you done that first day, up to the first week, to survive it in a healthy way, without extending the illusion that there is still hope of getting back together.

I won't go into more details, but this is a cry all day, more pain than I have ever felt, can't work, can't sleep type of thing, and the thought of going through a Friday night and weekend, alone like this, terrifies me. I mean, I don't wanna sound so drama-ish, it will all work out and in time, this will heal. But this first day, and weekend, I can't decide to stay in my apt with my roommates and RL friends who think SL is lame anyway, and don't think going back on SL will help at all. I could block him but honestly, don't know if that would help. Life without him is just blackness now, if I could take a "forget about SL pill" I would.

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First of all I really do know how you feel. I am four months into my break up, not my choice and I am still totally devastated. You are going to feel bad. I wish I could tell you that tomorrow will be better, but in my experience it will not. It will stop hurting so much gradually, it will get so you do not think about it every moment of every day. It will get so it is not the first thing you think about every morning and the last thing you think about every night, buit it will still hurt for ages.

People will tell you to get out, see your friends, get a hobby and that is all good advice but right now it is probably not what you want to hear.

I rarely log into SL any more, hate to be here without who was 'the love of my llife' although eveidently that only went one way. I had nearly 6 years of being with him. Do I regret it? have to say no. Had a lot of love and laughter. My only regret is he is no longer here.

Look after yourself. Know that more than likely it wasn't anything you did. Don't blame yourself and if you have anyone you can talk to just take advantage of that.

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sorry for your heartbreak, i know the feeling. with love, sooner or later comes pain. its inevitable. try to be glad you shared the moments that you did and pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with being as happy as you can be. remember if you love someone set them free, if they come back their yours forever if not it wasnt meant to be. be strong. 

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Most people who feel that devastation from a Second Life break-up do one of two things; they either take a break from Second Life, or they do like I did in 2010 and throw themselves even more into SL, like being drunk, but without the alcohol.

Things are obviously going to be so very raw for you right now, and that's hard, especially when RL friends aren't necessarily going to be sympathetic unless they've actually had the SL experience too.  Only a couple of my RL friends knew I had a Second Life relationship. My half-sister was very understanding, knew that I was grieving over a lost friendship/relationship in the same way as I would be grieving over a lost real life relationship.  I lost about 20lbs in weight (which I could easily afford to lose anyway, so that was - kind of - a happy side effect for me). 

Its ok to cry, to wallow a little bit, certainly for the first few weeks, even to shut yourself in your room for portions of the day when you feel you could just scream with frustration. But - I found it imperative to compartmentalise my feelings about Second Life, shut them temporarily off in my brain while I went about my real life business.  It actually was fairly easy to do, except when an "our" song came on in a store one day and I found I was weeping, tears falling down my face, as I looked at the cockatiel food on the shelf.  (Luckily no one else was shopping for cockatiel food that day, and I had the aisle to myself.)

Be kind to yourself. Don't feel foolish, or lame, about having feelings like this. The more you felt for this person, the longer it will take to "get over" them.  You go through so many emotions for the first few weeks, and then it evens out, and you find you become objective, and are able to see the negative things as much as the positive things, and why the relationship actually had to end.

Part of me will always feel a certain amount of love for the SL man I lost - I probably never had him in the way I thought I wanted him, and now I can see there was an element of delusion. SL does peculiar things to some of us.  I miss the stupid stuff, the shared projects, but I also don't miss some of the stupid stuff (like all the graphics-challenging things he used to do that f4cked up my first computer!!! /me eyeballs that man over in Germany :catmad::matte-motes-shocked:

I cannot advise whether you should take that six hour trip to your good friend. I would be inclined to keep that one long-distance, at least for now.

The one thing I can guarantee though is that you will feel better in time. Meanwhile, SLife goes on. Go and dance and even have a silly rebound fling if it happens on the spur. That might sound like the most ridiculous suggestion to make to you today, but honestly, your emotional state can and probably will be like a rollercoaster. Its crap. But it can be fun, and even funny too. Just see what happens over these next weeks.

And in a couple of years time, share your experience of how you got over this traumatic time.

 

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Step #1  - Break ALL contact with your ex.

Step #2 - Put a strip of transparent tape across the top of your monitor and use a sharpie to write on the tape; "No emptional attachments until I have known them for one year". Cyber fun is fine - but until you have several hundred hours chatting with someone and know them better; keep the L-word off the table.

Step #3 - Get sexy and go clubbing.

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Really sorry man, but you can trust me - whe girl split from you IRL is too worse if she tell about it right in your face. And you see her face you se her - girl that you love so much... Terrible really. I don't have GF in SL yet and I can't say how does it feel to be heartbreak, but a friend of mine has a GF he met in www - on facebook or originclub.com or so and he really loved her (despite she was from another country). When they split I didn' notice he felt special sore about it

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Sorry to hear you're going through this, many others have felt the same pain you feel right now.

 

Sadly enough, as someone mentioned before, the pain won't just 'go away'
it will take a lot of time, and it'll be up to YOU and nobody else to make that pain go away.   You will have to forget about him, focus on what really is important... YOU... and find someone that makes you feel that way.    

Over time, your heart will recover, as it is resilient.   Don't give up and don't think this is the end.   It may be for one thing, but for the end of every one thing is the beginning to another. 

Stay positive, and spend time with the friends you have, they will make the healing process better.

 

 

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That first day, I was in shock. I cried and avoided going on voice.

Around the time of the breakup, I had also found a new family on my child avi. So it was a hard struggle to see if they were a good fit or not with me being so down. I would have left Second Life if it wasn't for the family I found. Like the people above, I have no friends in real life. I stay and take care of my mom and do my college courses online. The friends I thought I had in SL were busy, I didn't want to pull their attention to my problem, I would rather suffer on my own and let everyone do their own thing. 

Anyways, I stoped being on SL so often.  To this day, I don't stay on like I used to. I tend to be on only if I know i have something to do. Even then there are times where it is still just too much for me to handle and sit through.

 

To sum up advice for this kind of thing, just do what you enjoy doing and things will get better, or at least that is what I have to tell myself. We have been broken up for 8 months and I still have times where I wish we would get back together. But this kind of thing, find something to do you enjoy. Throw yourself into something new. Learn to do a skill. Mesh requires a lot of focus and fine details so it would be a perfect example. 

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