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Jinx Deceit

How to deal with the alt situation?

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I agree with the posters that said it's time to move on. I mean...clearly there is no balance. Things have changed since your 2 year agreement. In SL that is a lifetime.

It's not worth driving yourself insane over and continuously confronting him will drive him nuts too. Just not worth it.


I honestly suggest not trying to pursue a real serious "RL type" relationship in here. I know for women that may be harder than it is for men as women tend to be more emotion driven. Like I said before..SL is not the best platform for this unless both parties are really on the same page with needing that kind of life.

In RL men have the wife and kids, mowing the lawn every saturday, washing the car, fixing things around the house, spending their evenings watching G rated tv shows with the family only to retire to bed with their wives in faded pj's and her face covered in a new age defying cream. And this is all fine as we love our RL family.  BUT when we come in SL do we really want to live that same way? Even if we say we want to trust me, there are many temptations in here that are hard to resist. We get to be someone else for a while. There's nothing wrong with transforming into a viking warrior with a few gorgeous, scantily clad maidens waiting in his tent. Or the millionaire playboy combing the jazz clubs for a one night stand.  Or whatever the fantasy is. And women have these fantasies too.

The only thing that makes any of this "wrong" is when people come in SL and try to imprint RL into it. What's the point of even logging in then? Just be in RL.  Try to find a serious relationship in the serious RL world. Not a fantasy cartoon world.

 

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Hate to point out the obvious, but you can't hug an avatar.

The feelings you are describing sound more like 'real life' to you but not necessarily real life to him. It might be better (if real life is not an option for the two of you - and it doesn't sound like it is), that taking a few days off from SL, re-evaluate why you log in, decide for yourself what you really want; come back and go get it!

The great thinga about this place when it comes to people that even though you may find one or two you really like a lot, there are surprisingly hundreds that can provide the same thing even if in a slightly different way. With any luck, maybe one that lives closer to you. I do wish you luck and happiness. Considering you can do and be anything and anyone here, there's no reason to choose to be miserable.

If you need more from him than he is willing or able to give, then it may be time to make those tough decisions then find someone who is finished 'playing' SL and ready for a real SL/RL committed realationship if that is indeed what you think you want. But only you will know that. Sometimes its harder to be honest with ourselves and admit what we really want then take appropriate steps to attain it. You know, like the chicks who want to get married but don't want to cook, clean, have kids or do laundry? hahahaha

Oh and total sidebar: are you sure it's him on the alt? you know some people share accounts and computers, it's very possible he has friends using the other account. Seems if he really wanted to hide it, he would keep you from locating him on the friends list (just a casual observation) :) you could be worrying yourself over nothing.

 

Wish you luck!

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Dear Jinx,

Personally I hate alts. When you are with someone -in the full sense of the word- you do not wish to be with someone else. He is cheating in your face when you are together and you watch him, and he is cheating behind your back. If you like the situation keep it that way. If you do not like it just change it....simple as that. I wish you all the best!!!

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Well, this won't be a warm-and-fuzzy answer.....

Second Life affords Residents he opportunity to be many different people, and if someone is inclined to keep looking for Cyber no matter what; there is no way to stop them.

Point (A) - If your lover wants something you can't live with - you should probably find another one.

 

Point (B) - Its emotionally risky to make real, relationship commitments within a virtual world because odds are; not everyone sees the relationships as "real".  Many Residents think of SL as a Game, and see nothing wrong with having different "instances" of their love-life running on different alts.  Its common, so I advise adjusting your expectations accordingly.


Point © - There are millions of fish in the SL ocean


Point (D) - Whats good for the Gander is good for the Goose....

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I know im a little lte but ,et me express how concerned i am at this moment .... Firstly this guy that you are dating wants the alone time because u are letting him doneverything already and its beginning to get boring... You introduced all ur kinks and perks without giving him a chance to figure them out or to have the fun of enjoying them... Because of this u appear to be like a book tht hes read a million times and is beginning to get bored..... Now in relation to your kinks and perks he probably feels overshadowed by the fact that you and him have done it all...another thing to consider is. How exciting are you? In my rl i try to be as exciting as i possibly can and my bf only gets to see my kinky ways when i feel like i need to kick it up a notch...i dont fate on sl since what happened two years ago and i try not to do it anymore......... My bf tell me its ok to have lesbian relationships on sl because its been a fantasy of mine to see or understand a lesbian relationship but i dnt do it..i feel like its cheating... Long story short...try and talk to him over mic so he can hear ur voice as u voice ur feelings.. Show how passionate u are for him and how hurt u feel when he does tht

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Why is it not possible to keep a CYBER relationship for CYBER = Second Life only and keep all this REAL LIFE stuff out ? Real Life feelings because of what ? Because he wants to experience HIS fantasy world a bit more indepth ? Besides, who does not want to stay will move on anyway and as more clingy a girl gets, as faster the guy will run as far away he can get.

I do agree that things become remote at one point in SL. Thats not only relationships but everything else and its up to everyone to keep it as interesting as possible but not up to your partner to constantly provide with all your romantic or sexy needs. Get an own life, leave a man some space, especially when he is not only online for one hour a day but for many hours. We want our Garage Time and as i tell my spouse now and then ... we do not have to talk or do all the time, we would in RL probably only exchange 200 words on a normal day .. she maybe more but still much much lesser as in here.

A SL day lasts 4 hours, so life changes much more quickly as it does in RL.

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I totally agree with you, Mark. Garage Time is essential for male contentment. And that doesn't mean we're in there masterbating to porn or anything..can I say that on here...:matte-motes-big-grin:... or trying to engage other females.


We just need our space! Ladies..advice..the fastest way to burn a guy out is wanting to be with him every minute of his SL time.  Oh yeah..and crazy stalking antics..those will do it too.

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Don't forget the crazy mood swinging, the crying and the clingy tantrums...those will definitely send him for the hills too! :matte-motes-silly:

0511-1010-1117-2925_Aggressive_Woman_Attracted_to_a_Man_clipart_image.jpg

 

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Hi, I don't have SL relationships yet, but I have same example from IRL. A friend of mine meet his GF for more than 4 years. He has not ever cheated on her (I know it is true), but couple of months ago they began tio spend lots of time in internet, surfing facebook, originclub.com and same sites where he met other girls. He's never tried to met them IRL but she was very angry that he flirting online. He answered that it's not cheating but there was no difference for her. He replied that she can do the same... long story, but she made him stop his online dating, but I don't sure he really wased it out

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Jinx:

 

At least (or so I think) he's maintaining his male status.  My now ex-boyfriend has played females.  One he does indicate that he's a RP female....the other avi doesn't mention it.  He goes to lesbian or BDSM places and during his encounters takes pictures and keeps them on his computer.  Why.......maybe to relive the experience.......or as a sexual outlet.  I would rather have my guy as a guy rather than something like what I had.  He's honest with you and he's still with you.  I couldn't deal with what my boyfriend was doing.....I saw some of the things he did and I asked him if that's how he looked at females in general .  Lesbian places don't  bother me as most lesbians are guys......so essentially he's **bleep**in a guy.......no wonder he didn't have anything for me..

Just take your deal one day at a time..........

 

Daisy

 

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Seems like you should talk about this with him. That's what I hope I would do. Maybe talk with him before you pack in your hurt so long that you explode? Pretty rough situation at any rate. But maybe there's a solution that will help you two keep your relationship intact? It's worth a try anyway. Men can be very silly, without wanting to hurt anyone at all. 

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I've never gotten into SL relationships....  but I'd say he's bored with the relationship..... dump his arse, don't speak to him and see if he comes back begging.... if he don't you got your answer

 

but this whole thing reminds me of a song Diary by bread :but reversed to female.....

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