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I really don't want to date as I've had enough of that insanity. So I'm on here looking for a lady for a longtime  companionship.

Would be thrilled to find a nice woman who can emote, who enjoys intimacy in SL and who has a naughty side. Not looking to rush into anything so we have time to see if we hit it off.


I'd prefer not to put too much on here..we can talk and learn more about each other.

 

 

 

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Women are not toys, you can pick up, play with and hold with you for as long as it'd suit you. If you're not willing to go through the 'insanity' I prefer to call 'getting to know each other', then like with most things in life there will be nothing to harvest from both your efforts either. 

You don't want to rush into anything but you're asking for a longtime companionship who likes intimacy in SL?..

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I agree with Stefanosje.

You appear to be a bit confusing in what you are seeking. You want to skip the whole dating part, but then you say you seek someone for a longterm companionship and that you first want to get to know each other a bit...which is essentially what dating is all about.

I'm not sure what would fit your describtion....first I thought the closest would be a friends-with-benefits relationship, as that would exclude love, but for that a friendship would have to be established. The other thing would basically be a discrete, well-mannered escort.

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well not entirely so. I think a man and a woman can have a relationship that includes intimacy and emotions without the whole mundane "dating" burdens attached. And without being just friends with benefits.


I'm not opposed to commitment. I don't think of women as dolls to use and put away. It's the DRAMA I am tired of.

The jealousy...the tears...the moods..the being distant when something is perceived...the stalking...the creating alts to hit on me to "test" my devotion...the feeling of obligation to spend 100% of my SL time with the other person or there will be more drama

There has to be a happy medium somewhere. There must be a way for a man in SL to enjoy a female without owning her, picking her up in a jazz club for a one night stand or "dating" and being tormented by all the moods and expectations.  Both parties can have free time to do their own thing without the "I FEEL DISTANCE BETWEEN US" talk. 

So maybe I don't have the right term for it...what would you call this? a mistress?

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SionRemo wrote:

well not entirely so. I think a man and a woman can have a relationship that includes intimacy and emotions without the whole mundane "dating" burdens attached. And without being just friends with benefits.

 

I'm not opposed to commitment. I don't think of women as dolls to use and put away. It's the DRAMA I am tired of.

The jealousy...the tears...the moods..the being distant when something is perceived...the stalking...the creating alts to hit on me to "test" my devotion...the feeling of obligation to spend 100% of my SL time with the other person or there will be more drama

There has to be a happy medium somewhere. There must be a way for a man in SL to enjoy a female without owning her, picking her up in a jazz club for a one night stand or "dating" and being tormented by all the moods and expectations.  Both parties can have free time to do their own thing without the "I FEEL DISTANCE BETWEEN US" talk. 

So maybe I don't have the right term for it...what would you call this? a mistress?

A mistress is a term entirely connected to BDSM. A search for a mistress would give you a women who likes to live out her dominant side in a sexual relationship. You should consider that only if you feel that being the submissive part is something for you.

I don't know how you encountered so much drama or why you think every sort of dating leads to drama...but what confuses me the most is how you came to the conclusion that calling it "dating" or seeking for a classic partnership => Drama. I mean, names are not what triggers drama.

You said you don't want friend with benefits, but intimacy and emotions. Correct me if I'm wrong, but anything else with emotions and intimacy might be as well be labeled love. The drama you describe gets started by emotions. Because those women cared about you, loved you, felt jealous...and so on. To avoid that you really need to define what you are looking for. This can either be a form of relationship that has less romantic emotions on the side of the women or a relationship that is definied has very open with clear lines set from the beginning.

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@Syo

'Mistress' is also a term used to describe someone (typically a single woman) who sleeps with a married or otherwise 'unavailable' guy, typically in a secretive arrangement. Doesn't have to have a power exchange. :)

@SionRemo

It sounds like you're looking for something like a low-commitment relationship, but the terms you're using confuse this slightly. Love and romance can still happen, but there's less dependence and (ideally) less anxiety. They're typically quite casual, with partners only coming together when it's convenient. People within the relationship would be self-motivated and independent, with affectionate moments when paths collide.

If by intimacy you just mean rutting, then this would be another type of relationship.

Check out this comprehensive model.

Syo is mostly correct that more emotion == more drama, the trick there is mostly good selection and high communication during the dynamic-seeking phase. Some people are more developed for this than others. I would only recommend organic beginnings, that's where my own preferences lie.

 

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I didn't know that mistress could have that meaning as well, because I never encountered it in this way. I'm not sure how often it gets used in this way and somehow I think it could come to misunderstandings letting that word stand without further explaination.

And I agree, it needs a lot of searching to find someone to establish a dynamic where both are happy and stable, when the relationship should be keept open. But I wouldn't describe it as "more developed". Its just not for everyone. Some people simply do not want it. The key is to be very clear from the beginning what kind of relationship he is looking for and where he wants to draw the line on whats ok and what not.

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I'm not sure which definition for mistress is more common, or started first. In the fleshy real world it's probably the one for plurality being more common, as kink can't compete with cheating in terms of interest. Mistresses (not in BDSM context) are historically for the wealthy and spoiled, stories of them fill the tabeloids (TW: Stupid people, maybe NSFW). I've never actually seen it be confused like this, I think these lines blur together more easily in SL. :P

Sorry about the confusion as well, my intended phrasing was "more developed for [low commitment relationships] than others" - some are better suited for it, others are not suited for it. Which is the 'better' option I leave as an exercise for the reader. ;)

Mostly I think it's hard to set down terms for a relationship before you've met the other half of that relationship. Emotional connections might be firey and spontaneous, anything should be allowed to happen! The only time you need to set boundaries for relationships is after they begin to expire. :P

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The jealousy...the tears...the moods..the being distant when something is perceived...the stalking...the creating alts to hit on me to "test" my devotion...the feeling of obligation to spend 100% of my SL time with the other person or there will be more drama

You don't need to change how you date, you need to change who you date. I have never, ever, not once had any of the above with my SL partner. We enjoy the time we have together when we happen to be online at the same time and both free, and other than that we do our own things.

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SionRemo wrote:

well not entirely so. I think a man and a woman can have a relationship that includes intimacy and emotions without the whole mundane "dating" burdens attached. And without being just friends with benefits.

 

I'm not opposed to commitment. I don't think of women as dolls to use and put away. It's the
DRAMA
I am tired of.

The jealousy...the tears...the moods..the being distant when something is perceived...the stalking...the creating alts to hit on me to "test" my devotion...the feeling of obligation to spend 100% of my SL time with the other person or there will be more drama

There has to be a happy medium somewhere. There must be a way for a man in SL to enjoy a female without owning her, picking her up in a jazz club for a one night stand or "dating" and being tormented by all the moods and expectations.  Both parties can have free time to do their own thing without the
"I FEEL DISTANCE BETWEEN US" talk. 

So maybe I don't have the right term for it...what would you call this? a mistress?

Sion, my bolding above. Your only 4 days old and you are worried about others creating alts? Hmm. Your words strike me almost ot a tee and...your avi's rez date. Some day that July 12th was.

Good luck in finding someone who meets YOUR criteria :)

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Well that may be true, but I have been in 5 relationships since 2008..and all have been the same. The women have been different..modern, medieval/fantasy...whatever. They were from different RL countries...about the same ages though, yet one way or the other..there was that DRAMA.

So is it me?? I am a really easy going, affectionate guy..a bit alpha, but not the dominant type. And I feel I am rare because I am faithful.

I really can only focus on one woman at a time. I'd prefer to have a complete experience with one special lady than scattering my affections among many.  I beleive in spoiling who I am with..she's my queen and I do what I can to show her this.  I enjoy caring for a lady and making her feel special! Being the man in the relationship...attending all her needs and then some. So why this constant drama?

Maybe when you do too much people expect too much?

Maybe I need to ask "Is there a woman out there who:

 - won't expect me to be in her shadow 100% of my SL time

- who won't get mad if I log in and don't come running to her right away or if i decide to do my own thing for a few hours

- who won't stay away from our home when she gets mad, keeping her distance in some silent tantrum

- who won't get jealous of my SL sister as she thinks any woman will try to get a man in bed no matter what role they are supposed to be playing - my sister who I have known for 2 years and who has not once tried anything like this

 - who WOULD enjoy taking our time to get to know each other in a relationship that doesn't consume all our time and burn out quickly because we're in each other's space 24/7

 - who WOULD enjoy a no-obligation sort of relationship where we can cuddle,go places,spend time doing things together that are fun and entertaining and of course eventual intimacy WITHOUT her getting mad if I said I will be online at 4pm and come at 6. RL HAPPENS!!

 - who has her own SL thing going on and doesn't spend her time literally sitting afk waiting for me to come online.

 

And if feelings develop all the better...I find it hard to extend myself in here without actually feeling anything. But the crazy feelings can be left at the door.

 

Is this too much criteria? Do women like this even exist??

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Hi Sion,

 

i was grinning reading your postings as it is exactly what i would be searching for also, always did. Lucky me .. i found her. It was some work though (and still is) to make it understandable that i am having an own life in sl also, my own interests, my own way of life with things a man wants to do, that i need time for myself and i do not mean having time for random sex with some random girls. I too want only that ONE Lady and i too am faithfull.


Such women do exist, though they are a bit rare. They are mature, have self esteem and are because of that much more able to trust the relationship and the man who is with them.


I can only suggest to be absolutly honest when you meet a woman in sl. It is possible to make relatively quickly your mind up about the girl you are dancing with and if you have been wrong, don't compromise and tell her, remind her what you both agreed at. Write into your profile your likes and dislikes (maybe you did, i didnt looked into it) and then go and have fun. Your Lady will hit you by surprise :)

Nothing is worser and more displeasing as to have a clingy girl at your heels and i know about what i am talking.

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Wow! You are giving me some hope here!

I will take your advice and hope that a lady like this comes my way.

Most in here seem to want to smother a guy - like their need for affection is very overwhelming. As soon as you log in they are all over you - which is ok most of the time, but I find it hard ot be around a woman who exists only for me. I love independence and confidence in a woman!

I will try to find the right one for me. Let's hope I have your luck! :)

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Most in here seem to want to smother a guy - like their need for affection is very overwhelming. As soon as you log in they are all over you - which is ok most of the time, but I find it hard ot be around a woman who exists only for me. I love independence and confidence in a woman!

Most are not smothering creatures (I am not.)

Women are a full spectrum, from one end to the other end. Unless you have experienced thousands of smothering women (SL has millions of accounts now), you have only experienced a small percentage in the SL universe.

We are out there, reason that you may not have attracted what you seek could be due to a number of things: your hangouts, your profile, your approach, we had a bad day when you approached us, and so on.

If your game doesn't work, re-do your game plan and try again.

 

 

 

 

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Such women do exist, though they are a bit rare.

------------------

 

Yes. I do belive they are a bit rare.

I often met people, that thinks SL is a dating game. I have never looked at SL like that, I enjoy my work in here and to met my friends.

I would love to have a male friend to hang out with from time to time.

It would be nice to have someone who would take me dancing, exploring and the usual things.

A friend I dont have to rapport to if I am busy or AFK.

:)

 For some reason, my letters insist on being kursive.. I dont know how to make them stand upright. hehe. I am very new in posting anything in here.

 

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Second Life attaches the word Mistress pretty firmly to BDSM but in in RL and in various parts of the world it can mean many things; ranging from "the woman of the house" to a woman who is "kept on the side" as a part-time romantic partner.

Sion, maybe you're looking for "friends with benefits"?

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What you say you want from a SL relationship sounds much like what I think I want.

I have my own home in SL & plenty of things to do without a Partner, but some things can only be done with a partner or are more fun with one. I get bored with dance clubs by myself, but with a partner who enjoys virtual romance, dancing can be nice, & sort of like foreplay. I like to explore, build, do hunts & some role-play. I like to be able to talk about RL a little, but then leave it & play in SL. I have a bunch of holodecks for private role-play & love exploring the grid, especially when sims are beautiful or unusual.

One of the best SL friendships I had was with a guy who was a platonic friend with occasional pixel-sex benefits. He had a RL girlfriend, & I honestly can't feel much intimacy with someone I only know in SL, so when we did role-play sexual encounters, it was without any emotional strings attached. I had fun & he got off, a win for both of us. He's since left SL for the most part.

A time zone within a few hours of SLT & a native English speaker works best for me. (I've dated a few foreigners in SL, & communications is usually just too difficult.)  I'm not looking for monogamy, but I expect honesty & politeness. I've been polyamorous in RL & I don't usually get jealous. I won't care who else you play with, as long as you're not rude about it.

My only SL Partner was my RL boyfriend. (He's now an ex who's still a friend).

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