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Larryk Dagger

What options do you have if one person uses ALTs to harass you?

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I agre with Daria. Abuse Report again and again ... and cross your fingers, sometimes Governance Team is a bit erratic in their ways.

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Larryk.Dagger wrote:

He would join any free-to-join group we were in and tell all sorts of lies to everyone in group chat about her and I until finally we either quit the group so that the others in the groups would not have to put up with him, or he got kicked out by the owner or officers of the group. Now, the major problem we were having is that, when we would mute him or he got kicked out of a group, he would just create a new ALT and start in again.

I think the best option for the group harassment is to hide your groups from your profile, both you and your partner should do this. Go to each group your in and uncheck to show in profile. Your groups won't be seen by anyone. I'm sorry your going through this, it's not fair to you or your partner. Her ex needs to learn to move on.

Hope this helps

~Morri~

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  I figured that ARs would probably be the best thing to go, but I so rarely have any troubles with anyone, I thought I'd see if there was another way to deal with him, if he does start in on us again. So far he hasn't.

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  Thanks for reminding me about hiding the groups, I'd forgotten about doing that. But the problem is, if he plans on starting trouble again, he probably has already made a note of all the groups we are both in.

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Along with the other fine suggestions, the other thing you both need to do is DO NOT RESPOND to the harrassment.  Say nothing.  Mute them as they come.  Don't be tempted to engage in verbal arguments hoping to get "stuff" to send in the AR.  You will just prolong the problem.  99 out of 100 times the harrasser will get bored when they can't get a reply.  But you have to be absolutely firm on this.  One response and you will undo weeks of work.

--Cinn

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  That is one option neither me or my partner have decided we won't do. We each have invested too much time into making our avies what they are today and we also have many SL family members and friends. We'll just deal with him somehow if he starts in again.

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We tried that the first time we were partners, but the a**hole was, and still is, a control freak. Not responding to any of his ALTs didn't work, and of course his invading groups just to past crap in group chat about either/both of us always got responses from other group members, which just encouraged him. TBH, I got so pissed at him once, I seriously thought about going to his hometown (my partner knew the town he lived in) and telling him off in person. Fortunately, I was talking to my partner and told her what I was wanting to do. She managed to calm me down and reminded me that confronting him IRL would only make things worse and possibly get myself into some sort of legal trouble..See, I usually don't mind what most people thank or say about me, but doing something that upsets or hurts someone I love or care about...Well....I tend to get a tad upset...To put it mildly...

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..See, I usually don't mind what most people thank or say about me, but doing something that upsets or hurts someone I love or care about...Well....I tend to get a tad upset...To put it mildly...

Which is why you need to do this with full support of your partner.  If you both cannot agree to this approach then no sense in it.  But be prepared for a much longer battle. Keeping the "conversation" going just encourages the harrasser.  He harrasses to make your life miserable.  If you respond than he wins.  Your choice.

--Cinn

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You do have a point, Cinn. Thanks for mentioning it.

I'll have to remember to tell my partner that we both need to keep calm and not respond to any bs that he might say about one of us in order to make the other respond to him.

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well heres hopeing he does give up , and what cinn said is by far the best action to take, do not reply to a single word he says or action he tries, this after all is what he gets his kicks from, gettin your day off to a bad start and continuing it(i know, been the victim of it myself) it is really really hard not to i admit, but in the long run it pays off to keep quiet and let them think their winning....hang in there larr, the sad lil idiot will get bored and move on, with his said lil life himself

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I liken this to some wackjob standing on a streetcorner yelling obsenities at cars and passers-by.  Some people get embarressed or take the insults personally, most though blow it off as just, some idiot yelling obsentities on a streetcorner... its very clear who the idiot is - and it isn't 'us'.  Don't make other peoples issue your own, idiots should never ever win - period.  Don't allow it.

You reputation is already made, yes?  Buddy can't effect, who you are - unless you let them.  If this nutjob goes off, be calm, distance yourself from it, be above it - be you.  Here's the one with the problems, you're the one with love, family and a happy life... maybe he's jealous, maybe he's 12yrs old - who the heck knows.  Just don't buy into it, file your ARs and thank god thats not you.

Everyone knows who the idiots are, sometimes just by listening. 

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Well, the first/last time around he sure never got bored...Even when my partner and I just muted him without bothering with a reply. He'd just switch to another ALT he already had or he'd create new ALT and start in all over again. Due to other problems (which I'm not gonna go into) my partner was havin IRL, she finally gave in and broke up with me in RL and dissolved our partnership in SL to get him to leave her and I alone. I did plead with her not to give in to his harassment, but she had been wore down by both his harassment and her other RL problems.

She and I did stay friends after she broke up with me in both RL and SL, though we did lose touch for a while when personal reasons caused me to have to leave SL. I finally was able to return to SL this past December. We reconnected and would chat now and then throughout December and thru most of January. A week or so ago, she told me that she had been a fool in leaving me twice before (the first time she broke up with me in SL had nothing to do with that idiot) and losing my trust (so she assumed). She asked if she could have a chance to regain that trust. She cried with joy when I told her she had never lost that trust. She admitted she had not committed herself to our past relationships before, but that she had decided that this time, she would give 100% and not let anyone or anything come between us. I told her that I felt the same when it came to no one and nothing coming between us this time. She already knew I had given our past relationships 100% and that I would do the same for this one. To get back to the idiot (I sidetracked myself...Again....), he has yet to say or do anything as yet. As I've stated elsewhere in this discussion, I personally hope he doesn't do anything. I am hoping that he's decided to just leave things alone this time around.

Time will tell.

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That's what I plan to do if he starts his sh*t this time..Just stay cool, file ARs and enjoy being with my lovely lady and our SL family and our friends.

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Technically this is also a criminal act on his part. Cyber stalking. The question then is whether your local police will take it seriously, or the San Francisco Police (who have juridisction as LL's is in SF). Because if they do, they will crack open his account like a hammer against an eggshell and somebody will be in jail...


Cyberstalking has led to RL stalking and violent acts in the past, so police have no excuse ignoring it; but that doesn't mean they will pay attention...

 

I managed to stop my own cyberstalker some years ago by outing him publicly on a forum in front of his employers who happened to all be in a discussion together. But that tactic rarely works. I got lucky.


Do realize that if you don't report it, your partner may end up on a police blotter someday under very unfortunate circumstances.

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It really has been a long journey for Larry and I when it comes to this guy that has bothered us both for so long.  I've actually submitted so many AR's on him to no avail.  I've also had some of the people that I know he's harrassed as well submit AR's including family and friends.  I'm a pretty nice gal, not really mean or anything but it's been hard.  If he ever goes off on me again, I'm just gonna mute him....after reporting him so many times it's just easier for me to mute him.  If he makes a new alt, it's easier to just mute him each time.  As far as my groups, I left all of them so that he wouldn't harrass me in them....and he has, but I learned about hiding groups.  As soon as I started joining groups again I immediately hid them, so hopefully what happened to me that one time in my groups won't happen again.  I think he's conceeded to the fact that I no longer want to be with him and that I am now with Larry.  Thanks for all the awesome advice. 

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Just mute them as they appear. It takes him far longer to create a bogus account than it takes you two to mute it forever. I mean, it's a fake virtual world.. how bad could it possibly be in the larger scheme of things?

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I wish you well with this.

I hate these people who see relationships in SL as a game to "WIN", and aren't above using alts to get what they want.   They ruin things for everyone else.  In fact, it's what's making me back off from the whole SL thing a lot.  I've contemplated leaving so many times, and in truth, it's made me quite cautious and cynical about the whole thing of including a romantic partner in SL -- whether that means bringing a RL partner in or initiating a relationship with someone I meet in SL -- because there are just too many opportunities for B.S. like this.

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Abuse reports are not your only option. Depending which state, or country you live in there are RL bullying laws that can be brought to bare. There is the problem of finding the RL person for authorities to take action against. But, you can a para-legal to help you get LL's attention and the user's information. Even if it is only an IP address that can get the legal process in motion. One then has to go after the ISP.

It is rather tedious and time consuming and requires lots of documentation.

Then there are extra legal processes for obtaining the IP address and user information. The trick is staying safe and going there. One can reach the dark side of SL via Google. What you are going to find here is heavely censored.

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Well Maybe you shoudnt have imd me in the first place after the relatonship with Larryboy ended Nicole.  and maybe i should have kept you muted.  NIce to see that the ONLY post you have is about me.  LL could care less. AR do nothing anymore and they no longer seem to ban avies or ip adddress

 

and maybe if you handt been such a pain in the ..you know what Nicole i woudnt have kept doing that. but it was my fault you sure as heck wernt worth the time, funny how you were on all the time for Gero and Larryboy here but the second we get back together and you were NEVER on.  Yeah.  Never again.

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