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Polygamy?


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I just wanted to see if there are people in SL that are interested in a long-term, polygamous relationship, in which all of the pariticipants are at least aware of each other (I don't mean they all need to be in love with each other equally, but understand there are several people involved in the relationship).
I've found some groups in-world, but those are mainly for one night orgies... I have also found some bdsm type solutions, in which one Master/Mistress has several subs, but that's not quite what I mean either...
Anyway, if there are like-minded people, drop me a line in-world. I won't bite, unless asked to. Oh and just to make it clear: I'm fantasizing about having a MFM relatioship but am open to all sorts of ideas.

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We have many hippie members of Commune Utopia who enjoy a polyamorous lifestyle with openness and honesty. Come meet our unique community with over 14500 members and a thriving and lively sim ... much more to do than a typical adult sim with creative opportunities encouraged in arts and music (over 70 live musicians play regularly). Search Commune Utopia and be welcomed into a new and exciting family!

Hugs, Sedi x

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Heya Nancy,

It's cool that you're expanding your capacity to love, and am glad you've been doing your research. I've been a participant in non-monogamy for the large majority of my life, and found it extremely fulfilling. My own path keeps me away from polygamy (multiple marriage, for the uninitiated) but I'm currently part of a flexible tribe dynamic (of some 10-20 people). Some kink gets involved due mostly to our variety and background, but I wouldn't call it a requirement. I'm not nuts about labels or specifics, but experience and understanding are things that I have.

I don't give out invitations, typically all the connections that occur in our group are organic. I'm doubtful that I can help you directly with what you're seeking, but I wanted to let you know that some of us exist. Other groups may be too busy enjoying themselves to be participating on this forum - as are most Second Life users.

Some questions, entirely out of curiosity...

  • Would you be seeking a free-form relationship, or are you expecting it to close once you've found your group?
  • Are you expanding this exploration to your First Life? Are you remaining ethical across this boundary also?
  • Would you expect to be a 'hinge', with all partners joined through you, or are you happy with the other members of the group sharing love between themselves?
  • Do you believe yourself to be 'post-jealousy'? Would you expect your other partners to be post-jealousy? Have you experience in managing this?

Have fun. :)

ETA: I can also recommend Commune Utopia. I've been a few times and they're good people, though I'm in no way affiliated. :D

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Thank you for your reply, Freya. I'm glad to hear that there really are people in a plygamous (or polyamorous) relationships in SL. And yes, I agree that the best way to find the right people is to let it just happen naturally rather than forcing some people in to roles they might not even feel comfortable in. That's one of the reasons I started this thread, to map out if there are like-minded people, and to simply just let things evolve from there.

To answer your questions:

  • I think whichever feels best for everyone involved. I guess a free-forming solution would be easier, and a more realistic option, and I have no objections to that. But on the other hand, if "the perfect" group was to form, a group in which everyone is on the same page and satisfied with the arrangement, and wanting to "close" the relationship, then I'd be happy to do so.
  • I'm not sure what you mean by this question, but I am not mixing SL and RL. If someone in the group wants my acceptance of them being married or something in RL, then they shall have it.
  • I would be happy if everyone involved were happily in love with each other, but since I am primarily looking for a relationship, in which I would be the only female, I suppose that scenario is not the most realistic one (unless all the men were bi, which would be fine by me - or they could also love each other in that friend/brother sort of way). That being said, I have nothing against an arrangement where I am the central person (but if I had to choose, I guess I'd prefer the equally shared love option).
  • I don't think jealousy belongs in polyamory. Of course, people feel what they feel, but I would try my best to make everyone feel good in the relationship. The main thing is that everyone is on the same page, and that they love, understand and trust each other. That alone would probably weed out most of the jealousy.
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Thanks for your insightful answers, they definitely add character to your aspirations. I think it's a good idea to talk as much about the perspectives that you have (and would look for in others) as you can, as partner selection can be very difficult in an online environment, and variation is very wide within the polysphere.

A lot of the trouble with non-monogamy is that there's a wide range of possibilities, and not everyone knows what they're letting themselves in for. My interpretation of your answers is that you're fairly well equipped to handle any problems and that you're quite flexible to follow things as they evolve. Jealousy is something you will find in many, many others in Second Life (it's cultural), and it can be hard to detect online before it becomes a problem - you are very correct that it should have no place within poly relationships.

My question relating to RL and SL was basically querying whether you plan to be consistant. It's my own opinion that someone who takes part in non-monogamy in Second Life while persuing monogamy in First Life is playing pretend, and omitting this difference when meeting new potential partners is unethical. It's fine if everyone knows they're on that page, but it can be dangerous if someone believes you're being consistant and you're not. You can still divide SL and RL and feel good about it, so long as you're honest with regard to your relationships to others.

I'm not accusing you of doing this, and you're welcome to run your relationships in whichever way you like. I just wanted to expand because you seemed curious about my reasons for asking. :)

Wishing you luck!

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Well my view is this: If you're not drawing a line betwee RL and SL (and even if you were) and you're having a partner or several in SL whilst partnered to only one person in RL, you're already living in polyamour. Anyway, as long as you're not hurting anyone with your actions and as long as everyone's on the same page, it should be all good.

 

On a more general note, I have received some pretty interesting IMs due to this posting and for just being a member of certain in-world groups. It seems people view the idea of "sharing" or polygamy very differently. Nothing wrong with that, but it sure is interesting.

 

Oh and I'm still looking to meet more like-minded people :matte-motes-kiss:

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