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Senobia Xenga

Why are BDSM/fetish groups so dead?

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I've group hopped from just about every BDSM-related group in existence and have encountered the same thing in all of them - silence.

Isn't the purpose of any group to connect with likeminded people?

How can you do that if nobody SAYS anything?

Initiate conversation, you say - sure. Fine. I've done that, too. "Hello, hi - how ya doin'?" and most of the time one or two people send back a hi and then go silent again - but aside from that, nothing ever goes on.

So if you're in some of these or other fetish type groups and you're not a chatter - why are you there? Do you just creep the profiles in the group list and IM people away from the group?

I'm trying to understand the reasons why a great resource (like these groups) for connecting hundreds - sometimes thousands - of people isn't utilized more often.

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I've group hopped from just about every BDSM-related group in existence and have encountered the same thing in all of them - silence.

Isn't the purpose of any group to connect with likeminded people?

How can you do that if nobody SAYS anything?

Initiate conversation, you say - sure. Fine. I've done that, too. "Hello, hi - how ya doin'?" and most of the time one or two people send back a hi and then go silent again - but aside from that, nothing ever goes on.

So if you're in some of these or other fetish type groups and you're not a chatter - why are you there? Do you just creep the profiles in the group list and IM people away from the group?

I'm trying to understand the reasons why a great resource (like these groups) for connecting hundreds - sometimes thousands - of people isn't utilized more often.

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Hey Senobia,


This is not and BDSM exclusive phenomenom. Many social groups struggle with igniting the flame of active conversation. From my personal experiances with groups I got a mix of everything, groups that are death, groups that are somewhat active and groups where I wished they were death or active.

Speaking of adult groups, the most active ones where those who where connected to a place. I think its easier for people to just get in contact via a place rather than a groupconversation. Groupchat also tends to be lagging often and is less easier to follow than a personal conversation.

I only can say that I was in one group where I noticed that people had the dendancy to IM other members, who where online as well and start a conversation. I had this happen to me multiple times. Because I'm a rather shy person, I never did this myself, I must admit. The interesting thing is, I'm now in a different group with a theme that is nearly the same (but specialized on bondage), which is completely death, as far as I can tell.

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Well.. I find 'group chat' being used primarily for announcements... for the group. If there is any 'chatter' at all it's hardly worth participation effort. (just ppl say "Hi"... "I'm here".. or asking to have a TP sent to them).

Am with you.. would like to see more chatting.. just doesn't happen. Most just go on out in-world to "see what's there".

Other than that.. inworld... I'm finding ALOT are using the "lite-chat-clients" on their phones and tablets. This makes them 'appear' inworld although are just 'standing there' and they can't see anytime around them (can still chat if you IM or are close enough for local chat). Actually, I find this more irritating... but hey if it's convienent for them, who am I to say... and they will respond if spoken to, generally. I do not use these 'chat-clients'.. tried one for a short time... so I'm not sure if they can even 'group chat' via a lite connection.

As far as these BDSM/fetish groups.. I'd firgure MOST are more involved in their individual relationships... rather than just  blinding chatting to whom-ever happens to be on-line and receiving group chat (ya know it can be disabled on the JOIN screen).

On a final note..... I am just amazed how (in SL as in RL)... it's the GUY that has to SPEAK First to the lady!!! I figure I could stand around in-world.. and DIE... before any lady would IM me FIRST!

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AndieMan wrote:

On a final note..... I am just amazed how (in SL as in RL)... it's the GUY that has to SPEAK First to the lady!!! I figure I could stand around in-world.. and DIE... before any lady would IM me FIRST!

Why does this amaze? Second Life is filled only with people who exist also in real life. To me it makes sense that this conditioning travels over.

The same basis for it still exists in Second Life - both from men and women - who perpetuate the tired nonsense that a woman who solicits a man with certain intentions has fewer morals or less value. Good luck trying to persue casual relations as a woman without getting called all kinds of names. I find it dumb and predictable, but not surprising. Anyone who does manage to break out of this trap should be congratulated, but they're still a minority.

This type of thing only changes when people change how they think. Brains don't change between worlds, but you can improve your own independently. As one of the worst, most egregious trespassers into the realm of female sexual agency wisely remarked, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

There are no positive examples, that's why it's called progress.

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My personal take on groups? I don't use group chat. SL group chat is too darn annoying. As soon as it pops up, I close it.

If I want to chat I go to a place to chat in local. Sometimes it's dead, often it's not. Depends on the people who are there.

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For groups in general, I think one of the big problems is the only way for a dead group to get removed is for every one to leave the group.  This makes finding an active group harder, and after joining lots of dead groups some people give up on groups. 

One of the best ways to see if groups members are active, is to see if they even log in to SL any more.  To see this in a group you belong to, open the group profile then click on "Status"  This will sort the list of members from currently logged in to last date logged in.  If no one is currently logged in, then chatting is pointless at that time.  All so look to see the dates people last logged in, if most are dated last year or longer then it's likely a dead group.

You might want to look for active communities inworld and then see how they communicate, some large groups have their own web pages and forums for group communication, large inworld groups can get really laggy.

 

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I am new here but i discovered the same. The BDSM or adult groups are very quiet. It is hard to find some other interested people. Maybe someone here would like to talk.

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If your looking to meet people I think it would be better to look for places then groups, just get to anywhere in Zindura and open the world map and look for large groups of green dots, or try going to adult hub BDSM sim.  If you want to talk in the forums just start a post and come up with some topic or question to talk about.

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Most of the time SL groups are not used for a means of open-chat communication. They are more of a way to conglomerate and find others of similar interests. This involves you being a member of said group and the other party looking through 'current online members' until they find one they like. 

99% of the messages i get from people that are not currently in the sim i'm in are from this way. So 'group hopping' is not the best idea if your looking to meet people. Just join a bunch of groups in which your interested and start looking through profiles.

Sure this is not the original intention of how groups should work, but its how its become. The people that say 'Hi or Hello' and never respond to anything in chat are just looking for the first person to respond then IM that person.

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Remamian Takashi wrote:

Most of the time SL groups are not used for a means of open-chat communication. They are more of a way to conglomerate and find others of similar interests. This involves you being a member of said group and the other party looking through 'current online members' until they find one they like. 

99% of the messages i get from people that are not currently in the sim i'm in are from this way. So 'group hopping' is not the best idea if your looking to meet people. Just join a bunch of groups in which your interested and start looking through profiles.

Sure this is not the original intention of how groups should work, but its how its become. The people that say 'Hi or Hello' and never respond to anything in chat are just looking for the first person to respond then IM that person.

I can't believe it took over two months for someone to provide the correct answer.  These types of groups are primarily used to advertise people's interest in whichever particular activities to which the groups cater.  I seriously doubt that most people join a fetish group looking for small talk.

...Dres

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Open the group to see who's online, when you see that there are maybe a couple of hundred, the LAST thing that a group needs is "hi" with nothing else in the opening message.

 

I cringe when this happens and just hope that 200 people don't launch into nothing more than "hi" in response.

 

If you want dialog in groups, perhaps opening with an articulate and coherent message that conveys a subject for discussion might solicit better interaction.

 

If you already do this, fine but "hi" alone should be ignored simply because the ensuing potential storm of meaningless "hi" is even less useful and just noise.

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Sassy Romano wrote:

Open the group to see who's online, when you see that there are maybe a couple of hundred, the LAST thing that a group needs is "hi" with nothing else in the opening message.

 

I cringe when this happens and just hope that 200 people don't launch into nothing more than "hi" in response.

 

If you want dialog in groups, perhaps opening with an articulate and coherent message that conveys a subject for discussion might solicit better interaction.

 

If you already do this, fine but "hi" alone should be ignored simply because the ensuing potential storm of meaningless "hi" is even less useful.

^^^^^^This this this this this!!!!

I despise the hundred line "hi" chat..

Open the group, see who is online and say "Moring/afternoon/ evening, Is anything planned for today?"

Or, find a group that has land and a meeting place. I go to a few like that. Always a few people, sometimes a group at the lounge area to talk to. If you just want to chat in a group, go back to aol chat.

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