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NealCrz

Is True Love for Real?

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I know this is very subjective but could be fun to share on.   I'm finding more and more people are so synical about it being just a fairytale.  I did read all the wonderful love stories posted on this thread under SL to RL so I guess some success here and in RL is happening.  Seems everyone I know in RL has split up, about to split up,  or have had an affair and are recovering from the hurt.   As much as I want to believe, I wonder if it's a fleeting thing like the gold at the end of a rainbow, or a rainbow itself thats so beatufiul and wonderfuld but fades.  Perhaps the rainbow as new ones always appear which is why many like me continue to hope. :)

This is how I dream about it and a song that represents it to me.   Hope we can have a fun discussion on this sharing personal storires and expereinces inworld or out of world.

 

 

My view of it

Come to me

In my heart love is a miracle where we share everything, where she waits for me, desires my presence. I protect her and our love with my life, I crave her softness, she desires my strength. Showing that love is what we live for, sharing our passion is so natural in our closeness. She longs for my arms around her, i love the softness she brings in my life. In my heart I know it can be and will be......


A song that I think represents the dream

 

Latest Pic of Neal thinking about it lol

Cruz Moon.png

 

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Personally i'm a dreamer so i never lose the faith that some day i'll meet that special one... Love is real, that i know for sure, the problem is to find the perfect match... 

Atm i'm not the best to give you a awasome love story, since i'm just getting up on my feets again after a break up, but i know this couple that are in there 80's and they love eitch either so much and are so awasome together, that keeps me reminding me that is possible.

So here i just want to say never close you're heart, and thanks for sharing that music:)

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I believe it's real. I had become a regular cynic after ending a 10yr marriage. I was just in SL to talk with people from all walks of life, dressing up my avi in all the wacky things I could think of that I couldn't ever do in RL. Then, this guy just strolled right into my life one day. 2 years later we're living together RL and it's just as awesome as it is in SL. 

It sneaks up and cracks you in the back of the skull without even making a dent, strangest thing in the world, realizing you're in love with your best friend.

This is one of our songs. :3

And this one was really deep for me. So I made it our song too <3

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Being in SL for almost 6 years total, I've gotten pretty jaded by the hit and runs and the serial monogamists.. These songs reminds me most of Second Life love affairs.. :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:  Think about it as you listen.. and SMILE!

I've had 2 long term relationships (by SL standards).. I don't know how to role play love and for me, it's impossible to keep SL and RL separate when you give your heart to someone. I've always felt that love has it's own energy and  vibration. People CAN fall in love, sight unseen, and keep love alive even though they never touch. Words have a certain power that can be felt in a physical way. Words of love are a powerful thing.

Never give up on love..no matter how it comes to you :matte-motes-kiss:

 

 

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Ok, perhaps I am a BIT cynical these days.  Personally I do not think you will find True love in SL.. RL I am leaving out of this conversation.  I have met my share of liars here, I find that rarely, if at all, that anyone tells the truth.   I could go into oh so much more detail, but I won't. Suffice to say I am done with any relationships in SL. 

 

Call me what you will, but I think you are a dreamer Neal, I have read some of your other threads and I don't think you will find what you want here.

 

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Nimue Mistwalker wrote:

........"I don't know how to role play love and for me, it's impossible to keep SL and RL separate when you give your heart to someone."

...... 

That is me completely.  Thanks for the songs did make me smile and the Jefferson Starsihp one is  priceless. :)

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@Sara

Maybe its  like the fleeting rainbow I mentioned so beautiful and real, but one can never quite reach it;  Or, as rare as winning the lottery yet a lot of tickets are sold.

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I probably fit under the 'fairytale' umbrella. I'm still a fairly young adult, and this is an outlook that varies drastically by both generation and age (I'll only speak about my own generation). To add some more details, I've had dozens of relationships in both lives - of all lengths, complexities and partner types. Some last years, some last weeks, overall I am happy with how they play out, both historically and at present. I don't select or maintain my relationships based on their potential futures.

True love (as a life-long, unconditional, monogamous love - or worse, a 'pairing' of someones 'soul') doesn't exist to me, but naiveite does. Since you're asking a question (is it/isn't it?) I think it's reasonable for me to post despite not agreeing with the premise of your question. If not I'll remove my post.

By any metric that's been measured, long-lasting 'til death' relationships are in decline. People are living longer and are less dependant upon each other - good things. Marriage is in a massive decline, with ~50% of my generation choosing to have kids while unmarried. Many more than ever before are choosing not to have kids at all. Regarding the spiritual aspect, religous faith is also in decline (especially in my generation), and belief in a mystical 'soul' is, too. These are all indicators that 'true love' is not real for my generation.

People only invest in things that they have faith in. Fewer people are investing in marriage and life-long commitment than ever before. The relationship marketplace (as it's commonly referred) is complicated and difficult to traverse. I think it's quite obvious that true love fails the faith test very quickly when it encounters any type of partner selection process. Romantic love (some would say 'all love') is never unconditional, people just haven't found the conditions yet. Life-long was sustainable at the beginning of the 20th century, when the average US adult lived to 43. These are all commonly-felt statements amongst people my age and slightly older.

There's still plenty of people buying into the Hallmark dream of true love - the number of people who've found themselves homeless due to an ending relationship is massive (the numbers are hard to find. Estimate I have is ~40% of people within a marriage in the US). Valentine's Day and other such commercial holidays typically bring in billions of dollars. Approximately 65-75% of men* believe that marriage is an institution to which they want to contribute. Clearly, many people still believe that the fairytales are true.

Some 75-80% of men* believe that men get "screwed" (original wording of the survey) in divorce cases - only ~30%* believe that weddings should be preceeded by a prenuptual agreement. This to me highlights a massive congnitive disconnect - people are watching relationships explode all around, and still believing that they will be exempt from the reality that most marriages fail, and that everyone dies alone. To be clear, I don't expect that this naiveite will go away any time soon - but it's not 'real'.

I'm a little more relieved to see that serial monogamy is on the increase in my generation - the idea that love shifts as they mature - and that people should select a 'part-life' partner for each phase in their life. Serial monogamy is a little bit more plausible in my eyes, but still subscribing to the same faulty paradigm.

Amongst myself and those around me in my agegroup: we're not interested in opening our lives to share, we don't wait around and don't need protecting. To us, whole-life dependency serves no purpose other than to weaken our support structures and spread litter across the planet. Posessive behaviour is bad, codependency is okay within consent and constraint.

People are welcome to enjoy whatever hunt for purpose makes them happy, again I speak only of my own opinion and those I meet regularly. I don't pretend that 'my way' is likely to be the best way for any individual other than myself. :)

*I only have data for men on these statistics. I would love to have more, including same-sex answers to these questions. I'd also love to have data for more countries, my US dataset is the most complete.

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Ardvinna wrote....

....And Love is worth, to search a whole life for it. This is not time waisting.

                               Let's dream on.."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I like this thought about not waisting time.  Even all the failures ive seen of friends in RL and in SL,  seems so much joy was mixed into the search with hurt when it fails.   But hey, least we know were alive :).   Probably why I like spicy hot food lol.

Thanks for sharing

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Freya Said: "...the idea that love shifts as they mature - and that people should select a 'part-life' partner for each phase in their life."

 

@Freya-  A lot to think about in your well written note and the idea of a 'part-life' partner is interesting in the context of no children.  With children I'm sure it's more difficult.

Still with all the dreaming and promises and devotion, even in my own life,  I see a lot of people starting over.  Actually most, as I said, of everyone I know in RL and SL is or has done so.   Even the most stable relationships I've ever known.  Of course theres that one that lasted 50+ years but for sure a different generation.

With all the data you mentioned, which I've seen quantitavely in my circle,  I've come to at least the awareness, that monagomy is not the norm anymore.   However the belief of it hasnt changed much.   I know many people believe in it with all their heart and I think I do too in my core, but it doesnt fit reality.

Even many of those that do believe are divorced and remarried so is that monogomy?  In some cases yes, yet  my opinion, it is a fresh start.  These do-overs are more inline with the reality you share in your data set.

Perhaps and just perhaps,  there is a friend out there for each of us that will become so speical that love can blossom form it and be a rest of life partnership.   

I still hope so :).................................. 

 

 

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I did try to condense it, but these things are difficult. I got rid of a lot of my opening stats, because they refer mostly to marriage rather than love (which is harder to survey against).

I've had some wonderful and fulfilling relationships within my life so far - the potential for great times still exists without the false investment in 'true' love. Relationships can still last huge lengths of time, and this can be much longer than is possible by adding the pressure of being the 'one and only'.

I'd say monogamy is still the norm - it's just that people see it differently these days. There's less of a stigma attached to divorce and remarriage (good) and most people accept that getting married without any personal partner selection (i.e., arranged marriages, shotgun weddings, sex before marriage) is a bad idea.

Divorce followed by remarriage is still monogamy, even the Catholics hand-wave this now. I use the term serial or cyclical monogamy - people don't want to be alone and so fall into repeating loops of monogamy. Either way they typically leave behind them a trail of broken dreams and damaged psyches, due to the heavy pressure and expectations piled on people who are expected to be 'the one'. The imagined invincibility of the monogamous couple is definitely not real.

It's often claimed that many of my generation have seen the devestation wrought by unhappy couples who once believed in true love (in their own parents) and are choosing to abstain from something that see to be flawed.

No harm in hoping. :)

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I got married at 22, ignoring a chorus of little voices singing a medley of songs:

  • "What do you care what other people think?"
  • "What are you thinking?"
  • "What the hell are you thinking?!"
  • "
    ."(Or this way.)

They really knew only the last song, the others sounded like throat clearing. I said "I do".

Ten years later, we had lunch after court, hugged, and went our separate ways. We keep in touch, I love to see his family playing in the park or racing through the market parking lot on shopping carts, in clear defiance of the warning signs.

These days, I ride the tandem with Mom, while we sing "

." She does Louis, I do Ella. The trips are shorter and less frequent, she is nearly 86 after all.

Mom and Dad were married for 57 years, after which he parted the only way the vows would allow. His promises were bankable, even in the extreme.

But I am not them, this is not 1951. I was raised to work hard for my independence and to find joy in the smiles of others. Those goals seem contradictory, but I'm managing to achieve both. Rather than hold out hope for a dream come true, I try to enjoy what I've got, including my ability to dream.

My chorus is still an eclectic mess, but now and then I hear them sing...

I'm still the queen of me.

;-)

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Thanks. :)

My thoughts organise poorly, and I rarely justify my opinions to others. It just accidentally happens that I had a long talk about 'getting used to being alone' - finding an equilibrium  prior to building dependency.

I'm still cautious of derailing Neil's thread with all my negativity, but I'm happy to give any sources or information that I use if asked in PM.

The important thing is that people aren't seduced by marketing speak and normalised lies in the media - they should be basing their personal hunt for social and/or romantic involvement within reality and their own chosen destination.

@ Maddie: I'm sincerely glad that you're happy. As someone who is 'at that age' where I'm being told that it's time to marry-up or die alone - it's good to hear your story.

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Freya Mokusei wrote:

No harm in hoping.
:)

I think "hope" may be one of our best evolutionary adaptations. Just another of those things that happens by accident, and appears planned.

;-)

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It depends on what you mean by "true love".  The problem is we use the word love to mean many diffent kinds of feelings.  I disagree with Freya.  I think the only "true love" is unconditional, so I'm not talking romantic love like you probably meant originally, Neal.  To find true love you have to find it inside and "soak up some sun" as Maddy suggested.  Then it can be shared with others who have also found that love and acceptance of themselves and are ready to share.  So my musical suggestion is

 

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Consolidating thanks as I dont want to dominate this thread :).

@Freya  thanks and I agree a lot to the subject and you provoke thought. Actually referred a friend to this forum who doesnt read them to see your post.

@Syo  a litle more?  weigh in :)

@Madeline  Love the wit in your note and the song!  Grew up surfing and thanks.  Glad your finding joy.

@Studio 09  I defanately have seen one part of unconditional love,  my puppies.  lol.  

Studio wrote: "To find true love you have to find it inside and "soak up some sun" as Maddy suggested.  Then it can be shared with others who have also found that love and acceptance of themselves and are ready to share"

A lot to this having some sense of worth and ability to find joy seems to be important before more complexity is enjoyed :)

 

 

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@Storm:  Loved this very funny and a lot in there with the subtitles lol.  Re posting your video for you. :)

 

This bed is on fire
With passionate love
The neighbours complain about the noises above
But she only comes when she’s on top

My therapist said not to see you no more
She said you’re like a disease without any cure
She said I’m so obsessed that I’m becoming a bore, oh no
Ah, you think you’re so pretty

Caught your hand inside the till
Slammed your fingers in the door
Fought with kitchen knives and skewers
Dressed me up in womens clothes
Messed around with gender roles
Dye my eyes and call me pretty
 so you moved next door
I locked you out, you cut a hole in the wall
I found you sleeping next to me, I thought I was alone

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I used to believe in true love, now I don't know anymore. I haven't given up hope entirely, but I'm not actively searching for 'true love' either. When and if it ever happens, I'll just go with the flow..

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MichelleWynn wrote:

I used to believe in true love, now I don't know anymore. I haven't given up hope entirely, but I'm not actively searching for 'true love' either. When and if it ever happens, I'll just go with the flow..

Thanks Michelle.  Don't think your alone.  Probably why I wanted to share and hear others thoughts lol.  

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"The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrafice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed." - Ernest Hemingway

I think it's natural to seek for the best qalities in an individual, and sometimes it's to look for one that can co-ordinate for the lack of ours [like a puzzle piece] But you know, I believe that you cannot go and search for love, but rather you stumble into it, and I feel it is best like that. I think I expectations is what usually holds us down, and many times society has told us that it is expectations and limitations that define us. Which is why, even if it means getting hurt and loving someone a little more than they love you it's essential to partways knowing that your heart isn't hurt beyond healing. 

"Is it a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out? Ah, but what if it does." - Peter McWilliams

Sure I may be a dreamer and maybe even too much of an optimist, but is it really too hard to give someone a chance? I am going beyond the limitations of SL when i say this. Sometimes it isn't the chance because love isn't charity. However knowing that one smile can elevate someone's bleak day should be enough no? I think True love goes beyond the borders of just an intimate relationship. True love is knowing that even though you see your reflection of flaws is that there's someone out there who can look at you and see only perfection. Sure perfection can not be materialized, but think of it as Art. It doesn't have to look pretty but it's able to convey feeling and emotion.

"And in the end, We were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, only love could heal our brokenness." -Christopher Poindexter

Besides, how do you define true love or prove it? You can't. It's one of the miracles of it. I think true love is real, I don't think their are limitations nor aspirations. Just contentment, even if that means having a shoulder to lean on at the end of the day.

"How long is Forever? Sometimes just one second." - Lewis Carroll


Sorry, i may have gone off topic! >.< I usually don't coment on the forums, but this post really intrigued me and made me think. So thanks Neal for giving my brain a little excercise :)

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Lunasmirage said, "....Besides, how do you define true love or prove it? You can't. It's one of the miracles of it. I think true love is real, I don't think their are limitations nor aspirations. Just contentment, even if that means having a shoulder to lean on at the end of the day."

 

@Lunasmirage So cool to see peoples thoughts and feelings on something that touches everyone. 

I love that point in your thoughts and the quotes are cool.   It is a miracle to me.

 

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