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Studio09 wrote:

Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

Studio09 wrote:

How old is their baby?  If it is pretty new then your friend is probably exhausted, her hormones are all wonky (probably has no sex drive), can't get enough sleep, because she has taken on full responsibility for a tiny baby she worries.  Her emotions are at the surface.  Men don't usually have as much of an issue and don't understand what women are going through.  Even if they start doing more to help out around the house they don't necessarily have the same commitment, the same worries, the same weight of responsibility.  But they have their own problems.

I take offence at this whole paragraph. Speaking as a father I am an equal partner in my childrens raising. I fed them, bathed them, washed the dishes, cooked the food, shared in the housework, and all of the other things that come with a relationship. ... 

If you are going to take offence I would think it would be with the next to last sentence of the paragraph, not the whole thing. 

You may be the perfect example of a caring, modern father and husband that you claim but your body did not get taken over for nine months, your hormones did not take you on a rollercoaster ride, you did not develope a 24/7 relationship with the unborn baby like the mother did.  She was committed from the get-go.  Near the end of term you probably got more sleep because you didn't have problems finding a position that was comfortable enough. And even if you were present during the birth you where there for support but not really experiencing what she went through.  Your body was not effected.  After the birth, even if she did not breast-feed her hormones were still all skrewed up, she was sore and exhausted and sleep deprived and her emotions were all over the place.  You did not have to go through that personally.  Because of your love for your wife and child you probably chose to give much support before, during and after the birth.  But that is because you chose to.  Most women don't have a choice because they are invested from the beginning.

I was committed from the get go as well.

She slept with her belly pressed against my back for the whole pregnancy. So i got kicked in the kidneys near the end of her term. She slept better than i did the whole time.

I spent the 39 hours of her labor by her side without sleep or food. She slept and ate. I couldn't, i was sick with worry, rightfully so as she never dilated past 4 cm. She was rushed for an emergency C-section. My daughter had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and was slowly dying. SO DON'T TELL ME MY BODY WAS NOT AFFECTED! You know nothing about anyone’s personal life. Stop with assumptions, it makes you look like an A$$.

Men can go through just as much as women during pregnancy. Just because you aren't male don't assume you know what we go through.

After the birth of our daughter i spent more time feeding and taking care of her than she did, she pumped and rested while i did the lion’s share of the work.

There are plenty of women who have children and barely lift a finger to care for them. Get off your feminist soap box.


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Ardvinna wrote:

I have toagrre with Drake [did I say it really?
] Men are affected by the birth of their children, if they have only one healthy brain cell left in their mind. My husband took care of our child as well as I did, no difference.

So this can't be the argument.

I never said men weren't affected by the birth of their child, just that what they go through is not the same.  And that they have more of a choice how committed they are.  The boyfriend mentioned in the OP seems to be one who chooses not to give that  much support.  And yes there are bad mothers as well as bad fathers.  After the birth the mother can abandon her baby completely but I bet that happens less often than for fathers.

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