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LonnyEnglish

Remember SL heartbreak...it hurts for real

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OK yes, this is an alt accound created for the purposes of this thread, and for writing the blog below.

 

http://lonnyenglish.blog.com/2014/03/02/my-virtual-world-heartbreak-is-real/

 

Maybe some of you will laugh, maybe some people will think i'm stupid, maybe some will think i'm trying to create drama but maybe someone will also consider how they treat others in SL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I'm so sorry Lonny :(

If it helps at all, you are not alone...I met someone a while ago who became extremely special to me and it ended very recently. It feels just as bad as any RL heartbreak. And yes, people will say it is stupid to get so involved or just don't understand an online relationship at all but love just seems to happen sometimes, whether you intend it to or not...

 

We can cry together :(

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Writing under an alt name or not, I think you're very brave to bear your soul in your blog.

In real life I am known to have a stone for a heart (or thought to have), very much a realist, and as a happily and long-time-divorced woman in my late-40s three years ago, I allowed myself to develop feelings for someone, and when the relationship ended I became physically ill in real life. I lost a stone and a half in weight in three weeks, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and while I could afford to lose the weight, I berated myself for being so foolish as to believe I had fallen in love with someone online. 

Looking back to that point three years ago, I can see the situation more objectively from this distance.  I do not believe it was wrong or foolish to have such intense feelings, and it most certainly was outside of my control, I can see that clearly now, and while I would no longer want that person in my life, I don't regret a single moment I spent with him.

All of our friendships and relationships and life experiences make us the person we are ultimately meant to become. Even the most hard-hearted and cynical people can be surprised by a curve ball sometimes.

Yes, it does hurt for real, and even three years down the line, even if you do find someone else - real or in SL or elsewhere online - a part of your heart will always love a part of the person you believed you knew well, even if a part of your head might actually dislike them for upsetting you so. But you will move into a new phase in your life, and things will be good again. Today and for a while you just need to grieve - and be human - which is what you are.

 

 

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TwilaLee wrote:

I'm so sorry Lonny
:(

If it helps at all, you are not alone...I met someone a while ago who became extremely special to me and it ended very recently. It feels just as bad as any RL heartbreak. And yes, people will say it is stupid to get so involved or just don't understand an online relationship at all but love just seems to happen sometimes, whether you intend it to or not...

 

We can cry together
:(

Yes, people will say it is stupid to get so involved, etc., but it doesn't matter if they don't understand. There are plenty of people who are going through the exact same emotions day after day.

I see lots of photos of loved-up couples over on the Second Life feeds, and I know that a lot of these people may go onto have happy real lives together, but even more will go through the heartbreak.

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Ya gotta thank evolution for being wise enough to select those ancestors who could forget past pain while killing off most of those who can't let it go. That may be small consolation when you're in the middle of the mind rattling agony of heartbreak, but it does get better.

And, like Mari, I don't regret the time I spent with my sweetie in SL. And I won't regret probably telling people about her fifty years from now as I lay on my deathbed. I needn't worry that anyone will think I'm sane, for I'm sure I'll mention that we cuddled in the middle of an erupting volcano. And so I'll turn out the lights, fondly remembering a RL ex-husband, an SL ex-fantasy and a world of friends, real, imagined and everywhere in between.

I've felt your pain, LonnyEnglish. You took the risk, it's just a little too early to recognize the reward.

 

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Desperate girlies, predatory males and anonymity - what could possibly go wrong?

Wooja...believeitsallachemicalconspiracybynature

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i don't know how much time you spent together but..i guess not that much..and i guess that's the problem..we meet in one day and the next day we fall in love and the very next day we got partnered..i was acting like this..lots of pple on SL wo still new is doing the same..then we don't recognize the danger matters until they happen to us..then we learn..it's even in the true life..but the weird thing with SL is we get partnered as soon as possible and faster than RL for sure..why?..we don't take things seriously at the first time..i did not take it seriously..you can see my post about fake pple in the same section here..everyone learn from his/her experience and that depends where he/she lives in the world and what he/she learned from her/his past..i learned to never fall in love in SL..at least not so fast..and learned to let that love come naturally and never seek it..i learned also to not trust anyone easily and within short time..cuz trust is not a gift you can give..i trust x cuz x deserve my trust..i can see the only thing that no one can fake it in SL is "feelings"..none ever..when that girl **bleep**ed me up i was having that feeling before she did that she will..if not tomorrow then after tomorrow..because she loved me so fast..normal love won't come that fast ever..you know in my community they say if you didn't live with someone for 40 days..you don't know him/her..if someone lived with some pple for 40 days either he/she becomes one of them..or she/he will leave them..i took long time to come back to SL after what happened with me..actually i just came back the last friday..don't feel bad..it will happen and bad minds exist everywhere..specially in SL cuz you don't see whom you are talking with..you are not sure of his/her real age..of her/his real face, tall , honesty, or even his/her name..it depends on the 40 days i mentioned..and in SL..actually it takes years not 40 days..i remember once someone said to me: pple behind the avatar are real pple...don't forget this..(he meant it the good way. -that they still have feeling all-)and i said to myself yeah i won't..cuz the human mind is more dangerous than the Atomic Bomb :smileyfrustrated:..cuz it's created by it..it should learn you to trust pple wisely..not leaving SL..and remember..who put the SEX thing on the top of the "list to do" in the relation..then the end won't be happy in that relation..i'm sure that there are good pple in SL but we should be patient and count to 100 before we take the choice of being with them..i feel sorry for what happened with you but that things should make us stronger than we were..and should make the cheaters' heads more down to hell..it's not him who is free of you..it's really you..who is free now..and you should feel happy cuz finally that mask had taken off..good pple still exist and waiting for someone honset the same as they are..so come back for them

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"Desperate girlies"

I'd have said the same thing myself until I got hit by cupid's SLarrow.

You sometimes make me smile - I think you always did, W - in all your previous incarnations.

Probably if a relationship has a foundation of friendship and sharing mutual interests it is harder to let it go entirely.

I have no regrets. How many people can truly say that?

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i don't know how much time you spent together but..i guess not that much..and i guess that's the problem..we meet in one day and the next day we fall in love and the very next day we got partnered

C4dWorld.....my ex partner and Ia whole month before we actually became partners. During that time we got to know each other and each of us fell in love with the other without telling.....we were afraid to. I don't feel we rushed into things but I know what you say is true for many people on SL. I think we were the exception to the rule.

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Ardvinna wrote:

I know, it is just a saying, but

Time is a great healer.


Another relevant saying is

"In the long run you're dead"

Wooja...takemuchsolacefromthat

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Ardvinna wrote:

 

Time is a great healer.

 

You're so right, it does hurt for real. SL is not a game. We're all human beings before the screen. Unfortunatey some poeple are sometimes ignoring this fact.
Or they are not telling, that they are only in *playing mood*
.

 

 
This is a pity.
... So chin up. 

 

 

Perhaps you will find succor in these words .....

 

 

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I actually feel a bit better today. I think just posting the blog and writing my feelings down has helped. And also, of course, so has seeing all your replies.

Thanks for your kind words ladies and gentleman

Lonny

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Hey bro....buck up...the only thing I learned that might help is the heart doesn't understand virtuality....it falls in love and breaks no matter RL or SL....I have been there and wish you the best in your healing

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Storm Clarence wrote:

Impossible.  I am an island. 

 

Is your real life name Norman?

Wooja...seewhatihavedonne

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Wooja wrote:


Storm Clarence wrote:

Impossible.  I am an island. 

 

Is your real life name Norman?

Wooja...seewhatihavedonne

Would you believe you donne good, real good.

 

 

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Well what i'm liking about this thread now is that it's got all you people talking to each other. Maybe you all knew each other before....i don't know but it's good to see you all interecting. Cheers me up a bit to see it.

As for me.....i still have my down moments, but at least they are moments now and not days. Generally i'm on an upward trend I think.

I'm sure i'll be back to SL eventually, I just need a bit more time and to be honest i'm enjoying trash TV and reading and walking and swimming a lot more than SL right now lol.

Hope you all are good

Lonny

 

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Ah, well, Lonny, you see, with me certainly, I actually fell into these forums several years ago, around the time I was pursuing a particular hobby, in order to try and forget my big heartbreak.

Some of us have 'known' each other for quite a while now.

Stick around and join us?  There is some good distracting and absorbing fun to be had here on the forums. (Although the walking and the swimming in RL sounds good too.)

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Well Lonny, you’re not the only one who gets caught in the pain of losing a SL special friend.  It is not the SL AV that we are emotionally attracted to; it is the RL person that shows us their caring, trust, and concern for us that we are attached to.  I just lost my relationship with a very special friend that confessed her love to me and acted as though she did. It was a heady feeling and I tried to respond but LOL could not handle the distractions of SL (other females) the beast of chatting and missing the special friend logged on and the difference of time zones and other rl demands. The loss is my fault not hers that this is no longer working. Just starting the grieving process but will never have her out of a special place in my heart.  I am very glad for the exhilarating feelings of SL love and even the pain of loss because it reminds me that I am still alive and can still feel such strong feelings.  Will I let this happen to me again? I think I will avoid this from happening again for some time to come.  Not fun at this point and find at this time, I am too sad when I think of just going back to SL and "enjoying" myself. I will be back tomorrow, likely, but with a lot more caution in how I let my feelings get touched.

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I can totally understand how you are feeling. I am so upset right now I can't eat or sleep., I have been with the same person on here for 5 years. This is someone I was/am still totally in love with. I spoke to him every day almost without exception and he e mailed me ever day sometimes twice but always to say goodnight and that he loved me. Last Tuesday he sent me a message saying he suggested not paying the tier as he had to go to hospital for tests and didn't know when he would be back., Since then I have heard absolutely nothing from him. He doesn't answer my e mails and quite honestly it is making me physically sick. He always told me if it was going to end he would tell me and that he would never just disappear. To say I am devastated is an understatement. I can't stop crying. This all sounds very melodramatic maybe but I am lost without him. He saw me through some difficult times in my RL, he was my rock. I can't bear to take him off my profile and I know that is stupid.

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Lady.....I totally relate to what you're going through, as i'm sure many others can. I've been there and cried and felt sick and generally miserable. You need the tears to help you heal, as well as to feel the misery, It's all part of the healing process. My relationship was only a few months, yours was 5 years. I can only imagine your loss. Please know there are people out there who will send you good wishes and support you.

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So anyway, yesterday I did log into SL and sent my ex-boyfriend and his new partner both individual notecards stating how I felt about what they had done.I stated my thoughts and feelings clearly and cooly. I know they received the notecards, i received the confirmation. Then I deleted them both from my friends list and blocked them. I found it a very cleansing experience.

Yes i'm still down at times.I expect i will be for some time. But i'm throwing myself into my RL.

Wishing all of you a pleasant weekend.

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Laika Ravikumar wrote:

I can totally understand how you are feeling. I am so upset right now I can't eat or sleep., I have been with the same person on here for 5 years. This is someone I was/am still totally in love with. I spoke to him every day almost without exception and he e mailed me ever day sometimes twice but always to say goodnight and that he loved me. Last Tuesday he sent me a message saying he suggested not paying the tier as he had to go to hospital for tests and didn't know when he would be back., Since then I have heard absolutely nothing from him. He doesn't answer my e mails and quite honestly it is making me physically sick. He always told me if it was going to end he would tell me and that he would never just disappear. To say I am devastated is an understatement. I can't stop crying. This all sounds very melodramatic maybe but I am lost without him. He saw me through some difficult times in my RL, he was my rock. I can't bear to take him off my profile and I know that is stupid.

Last Tuesday did you say?

Please don't be writing him off just yet.  Although one day can feel like a month under (think of those poor souls currently waiting for news about their loved ones who were on board that plane in Malaysia - time must be dragging for them too) - anything can be happening.

As hard as I know it must be, please stay strong.  Once he is out of hospital after his tests, and more comfortable, I am sure he will be back in contact with you.

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