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Paul Hexem

Why the lies?

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This is something I can't figure out about SL. Why is there such adversity towards honesty?

Even the simple things, people use the option to show offline to their friends instead of saying "Not now".

You regularly hear stories about people's significant others using alts to "cheat", and other such stories.

I mean, sure. People lie, and sure, SL makes it easy... But why does it seem like SL increases it as an overal activity?

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MIstahMoose wrote:

Because they can't get away with it in their first life?

Says who?

Wooja...besonaive

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People lie because they are cowards and weak. They think they are powerful to make decisions, but too weak to support their choices and of course do not have the guts to face the truth and the consequences whatever they might be.

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Gadget Portal wrote: [...] 
Even the simple things, people use the option to show offline to their friends instead of saying "Not now"

Because many will take that worse than they need to, unless you sugar-coat it with about 15 minutes of detailed, gentle explanation about why you can't at the moment... tiresome, not to mention it kinda defeats the whole point of 'not now'.

And yes, I know the counter-argument: any friend so thin-skinned as to take umbrage at a simple 'not now' is likely not a good enough friend, at least not one you can feel comfortable enough with to be your honest self... then again, it could also be argued that any friend resenting your showing offline is also one of the 'too sensitive' kind. In several SL years I've only managed a few that, when they see me offline or in any other of several 'hidden' modes, they know me enough not to trouble me, nor to resent my hiding; they know me, they know that I have the occasional need, and that it doesn't mean I've turned less of a friend to them. Still, ask most people what they think of friends hiding their online status, and they'll tell you it upsets them... even though, in theory, they shouldn't be any more peevish about it than they should about a 'not now'; the cause is likely to be the same (you're too busy, moody or whatever to answer anyone) and, objectively, the former is a slightly more efficient option to signal unwillingness to chat.

 

But yeah, overall I agree with you; honestly in SL seems puzzlingly hard to come by, and maybe it's true that, as others have mentioned, the mild anonimity makes many people more willing to compromise whatever honesty they have; but I also think that, as I mentioned before, oversensitivity plays a part in it... in RL, in your example it would be much easier to fend off an untimely visit by a friend with a simple gesture -and the friend, upon approaching you, would actually be able to see that you're busy, and why. In SL, on the other hand, the very limitations of this world makes it almost inevitable to over-interpret a bit, so that a simple 'not now' that you didn't meant with any curtness, might be taken as such.

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Sierra Oskar wrote:

People lie because they are cowards and weak. They think they are powerful to make decisions, but too weak to support their choices and of course do not have the guts to face the truth and the consequences whatever they might be.

Or because they are novelists, scriptwriters etc.

Wooja...distinguishbetweenfictionandnonfiction

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Ren Toxx said:

Because many will take that worse than they need to, unless you sugar-coat it with about 15 minutes of detailed, gentle explanation about why you can't at the moment... tiresome, not to mention it kinda defeats the whole point of 'not now'.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I agree with you here. I find that in RL and in SL people whine and complain about wanting the truth but when they get it they say you are mean. They can't have their cake and eat it too. I say deal with people however you like and if you end up with no friends, lucky you. Friends tend to be liabilities anyway.

When I don't want to be bothered I have a do not desturb message that goes something like this (it varies upon my mood)

"I am not in the mood to deal with people at the moment. Chances are that you are a person. Your avatar may be a furry, a robot, or some other non human form but behind the screen you are some spoon fed emotion driven heap of a mess, also known as a person. And I just cannot be bother to pretend to care about some digital representation of a stranger that I have no interest in ever meeting/knowing in real life. Not that knowing you in RL would have me feeling any more affectionate toward you."

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Gadget Portal wrote:

This is something I can't figure out about SL. Why is there such adversity towards honesty?

Even the simple things, people use the option to show offline to their friends instead of saying "Not now".

You regularly hear stories about people's significant others using alts to "cheat", and other such stories.

I mean, sure. People lie, and sure, SL makes it easy... But why does it seem like SL increases it as an overal activity?

Because some people like playing games and don't care who they hurt in SL to get their kicks.

They can't get away with it in RL, but SL they can flit from sim to sim, alt to alt and keep getting their thrill....but Gadget, you know there are people there not like that too, true friends who will always talk to you (providing they don't fall asleep at their keyboard) ;)

Talk to you later, my friend.

 

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Trying to tell the handful of people all trying to IM and talk to you at once that you don't feel like talking ends up with you spending hours to try and get them to understand and by the time your done several get pissed, some unfriend you or yell at you and you are even more emotionally drained or tired than you were before you had started trying to explain and who the heck wants to go through all that?

Now I just click the autoresponse feature in Firestorm saying I am "away" and sit back and try to find the relaxing peace I often log into SL for and respond later before I log off or notecard any messages and respond the next day.  If anyone gets pissy over that, well feel free to unfriend me because everyone needs time to themselves sometimes, even in SL and spending hours trying to explain it kind of kills all that.

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True, by the time you've let them know, you might as well give up the idea of having some peaceful time to yourself.

What a great idea....I'll have to find that button when I log in. Need to explore Firestorm more :matte-motes-smile:

 

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Gadget Portal wrote:

This is something I can't figure out about SL. Why is there such adversity towards honesty?

Even the simple things, people use the option to show offline to their friends instead of saying "Not now".

You regularly hear stories about people's significant others using alts to "cheat", and other such stories.

I mean, sure. People lie, and sure, SL makes it easy... But why does it seem like SL increases it as an overal activity?

You ask a lot of good questions.  I can only answer for myself.  Please do nto expect me to be 100% honest with you. I have to withhold some things for my own safety.

I dont get offended when people put themselves offline, I don't own anyone and since no one talks to me anyhow.. idk.

 

Not all significant others cheat. But I always laugh when a rl married woman who is partnered to a rl married man makes an alt to cheat on their sl partner. It is comical.

 Sl isn't the cause, human nature is.

 

 

 

 

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