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Love LittleBoots

Online Dating. What's your story?

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Hi everyone I've been wondering a lot about a specific topic recently, online dating. This is specifically starting as an E-dating/E-relationship situation (dating online for a bit of time before meeting), and how it worked out for you. Did you meet at all? Did you get married, have children with this person? I know of many people who have grown fond of someone in-game where sparks flew and wonderful relationships blossomed, but also told of E-dating horror stories. I created a survey for research paper purposes if people don't wish to share here. Hopefully i'll be able to collect a decent amounts of experiences here though! I'd be extremely happy if you could help me out. Thank you!

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/J66RMP6 

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Online dating? Don't be silly. There's no such thing. Why, we're just a bunch of anonymous pixel people. How could we date?

I don't know what you've been told but you've been misinformed. That sort of thing just doesn't happen.

Why do I keep thinking of shoes?

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@Malanya, I am working on a research paper for my psychology class trying to get an insight as to why people online date. I have played SL on and off since 2007 so I know what goes on, but want to get to the root of 'why'. 

Thank you all for your kind messages, as well as those who responded to the survey so far it's been a big help.

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Love LittleBoots wrote:

@Malanya, I am working on a research paper for my psychology class trying to get an insight as to why people online date. I have played SL on and off since 2007 so I know what goes on, but want to get to the root of 'why'. 

Thank you all for your kind messages, as well as those who responded to the survey so far it's been a big help.

Its pretty unprofessional what you are doing. If nobody would have asked who you are and what you want with this survey....would you have told your professor that all people participating in your survey had no idea what they were doing and where the results will be going to? :matte-motes-bored:

By the way: If your research paper is about online dating, why don't you go to a side offering online dating as its main content? Why to you go into a virtual world, which isn't made for online dating, instead of using more obvious sources? Also I don't see why SL would be a good first source for online dating. Its pretty different to search for love here than on a typical online datingside.

Be prepared to explain this stuff to your professor too.

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While Ill agree with you on this most times, this is not always the case. Some people live in areas that if you date someone they are most likely going to be your relative. Its a good way to connect with people who might not have met.

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Syo Emerald wrote:


Love LittleBoots wrote:

@Malanya, I am working on a research paper for my psychology class trying to get an insight as to why people online date. I have played SL on and off since 2007 so I know what goes on, but want to get to the root of 'why'. 

Thank you all for your kind messages, as well as those who responded to the survey so far it's been a big help.

Its pretty unprofessional what you are doing. If nobody would have asked who you are and what you want with this survey....would you have told your professor that all people participating in your survey had no idea what they were doing and where the results will be going to? :matte-motes-bored:

By the way: If your research paper is about online dating, why don't you go to a side offering online dating as its main content? Why to you go into a virtual world, which isn't made for online dating, instead of using more obvious sources? Also I don't see why SL would be a good first source for online dating. Its pretty different to search for love here than on a typical online datingside.

Be prepared to explain this stuff to your professor too.

Well said Syo. SL is not a dating game so if your reasearch is for that.. its not going to be accurate. Especially since so many people are jaded on sl love and not on dating sites.

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Dating in SL can be a horror or it can work.  It depends on the maturity of the people involved, how compatible their RL goals are, how seriously they take the relationship, and how much time they spend getting to know each other well first in SL then in RL.

If its one person roleplaying and the other not or it's "mad love" that goes too far too fast, it can be a disaster. But they meet in SL,  partner in here for at least a year, then do the visit back and forth a lot to really get to know the other person in RL it may work.. Some relationships fail at the point of RL meeting, but others go on to be very happy.  I personally know a surprising number of couples as friends that met in SL and are now married in RL, some even have kids.  I count 11 that I can think of off the top of my head.

Dating on an online site can be the same way.  I've never done it but know people who have.  My own RL sister is now married and happy with someone she met on an online dating site.  On the other hand, based on my observations of friends doing it, you mostly have to throw a lot of fish back into the sea before you find a keeper, if you ever do.

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Online Dating =/= meeting someone in an Onlineworld by accident.

Two totally different things from my point of view. One is planed and has a motivational background + includes active seeking and the other is just the same as meeting someone in a supermarket. I guess many of the couples you know weren't joining SL with the goal of finially finding that special someone. At the time when they start dating, they probably already became friends and did things together.

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@ Syo Sorry if I didn't clarify better, the survey is for non traditional places of meeting as well as those meeting through dating websites. Examples: World of Warcraft, Starcraft, Chatrooms, Forums, MySpace, Facebook ect.. The process of e-dating is similar to that of regular online dating websites, except with games and other MMO's you can sometimes virtually interact with them prior to meeting. I've been posting the survey on different websites including other games I play, dating sites, and forums to get more well rounded feedback.

So many great stories from SL so far and a few sad ones as well, I really do appreciate the feedback you all give. Thanks again.

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Syo Emerald wrote:

Online Dating =/= meeting someone in an Onlineworld by accident.

Two totally different things from my point of view. One is planed and has a motivational background + includes active seeking and the other is just the same as meeting someone in a supermarket. I guess many of the couples you know weren't joining SL with the goal of finially finding that special someone. At the time when they start dating, they probably already became friends and did things together.

I agree and disagree. A few of those SL couples actually gave SL a shot thinking they may meet someone.  I also know plenty of people that do the online dating sites who are just looking for a casual date, not a lifetime commitment.  My own sister did it on a dare from a friend never expecting to find an acceptable date let alone a husband, and look what happened to her, LOL.  However overall I do agree with what you said. 

In the end though dating on line whether on a dating site or in a virtual world or game is about the same as meeting people the normal way.  Sometimes you are looking and sometimes not when you find the one that is for you.  The internet has just expanded the available pool of candidates and opportunities, especially for meeting people that are not local. 

I strongly agree about the friendship first.  In my own case, as well as most long term relationships I've observed, being friends first is the key.  Any long term relationship goes through hot and cold periods.  If you are best friends first the chances of you riding through the cold periods intact are much greater.  I think that applies no matter how you get together to start.  Its also the mistake a lot of people make in SL and why they end up with a broken heart.  When the passion is in the cold period you better have something in common to talk about and things you both like to do or you'll look at your partner, sometimes in horror,  wondering what you ever saw in them.

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I personally know quite a few people who met on sl and are now married with children in rl. I myself met my rl fiance on a dating site and we have a son :) it can work but you have to be willing to go the distance!

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Love LittleBoots wrote:

@ Syo 
Sorry if I didn't clarify better, the survey is for non traditional places of meeting as well as those meeting through dating websites. Examples: World of Warcraft, Starcraft, Chatrooms, Forums, MySpace, Facebook ect.. The process of e-dating is similar to that of regular online dating websites, except with games and other MMO's you can sometimes virtually interact with them prior to meeting. I've been posting the survey on different websites including other games I play, dating sites, and forums to get more well rounded feedback.

So many great stories from SL so far and a few sad ones as well, I really do appreciate the feedback you all give. Thanks again.

I wouldn't necessary say its the same. On a normal dating site you know that everyone you will come across at least wants some sort of relationship or at least a good one night stand. You see their profile, filled with personal informations and often a picture. The same amount of information is only gatherable from social networks such as facebook.

In games such as World of Warcraft you meet at first just the elf, dwarf or orc you see inworld. You know nothing about the person behind the character. Maybe the cute little gnome is in RL a 40 year old truck driver with a tiny drinking problem? You never know. If you get in contact you can't be sure how it turns out, which kind of makes online games not more special than other real life places, where people could get to know each other. Does that make those places dating places as well?

I'm just wondering, because you ask for motivation for online dating....and if you start to flirt or want to date someone from the game you are playing, you are often already feeling something for them.

 

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