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Malereh

Examples Of SL Meetings That Later Became RL Meetups

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Hello everyone. I would just like to ask you all of any stories that you might have of any Second Life meetings that you or someone you know have had that later went on to become a real life meetup. Specifically, I'm looking for any meetings in SL that later went on to be sexual meetings or relationships in RL.

I ask this because I have had a conversation just a few hours ago with my now ex Second Life girlfriend. We had been dating for a few weeks on SL and everything was going smooth as we exchanged images and used voice to communicate with each other. She then however told me that she is suddenly not very comfortable with meeting me, much less having sex with me. I have a policy for myself that I would not get into any Second Life relationships unless my partner was willing to meet me in real life, and I had told her this before, although she never gave a clear answer to me of how comfortable she was with it. I had ultimately decided not to continue with the relationship, but if that makes me a bad person, that's your opinion, it was my choice anyway.

Well anyway, that whole situation had got me thinking. Just how common is it for people on SL to later meet on in RL? I have seen it time and time again, especially with the female population of Second Life, that their real lives are strictly confidential. I can respect that, but of course I know that there have to have been at least a few examples of actual meetups that have happened in real life between partners.

Of the few meetups that I know of, I had once seen a video once on Youtube of this one guy that started playing on Second Life as a female avatar. He later meets another girl on here and the two because a sort of "lesbian" couple (they were using two female avatars even though one was a guy). The girl in the relationship apparently knew that her partner was a guy but they had decided to meet up in real life anyway. They later started a relationship and had two kids. Their story can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXMbBlZxo3k

While I was searching for the video above, I've also came across this story. This one happens to be more crazier (in my eyes) than the last one as it was truly the epitimy of a long distance relationship. This couple decided to meet in real life despite the long distance travel that the guy had to do in order to meet his love. Their story can also be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nIBcvC8jfo

Anyway, those are the stories that I know of. I should also state that I kind of also had a SL to RL experience back during the first few months that I first started. I had a sexual relationship with a lady I met on here that later moved on to Skype. She had told me that she would buy me plane tickets to meet her in California, but later seemed to have lost interest after she just simply stopped communicating with me. But, that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Let me know your stories.

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Is this 2003? Yes, some people have crazy expectations and some people lie. No-one is obliged to give you anything, especially a physical meeting (but more especially, sex).

I've done the pics thing twice, the RL meeting thing a dozen or so times (though only once with a relationship starting in SL, and it's nunya business how many were sexual). It goes as well as any other relationship. Some are fun, some are short (I'm single IRL at the moment, everything ends sooner or later). Pics and other nonsense is fairly risky to take part in - people only want this stuff to help them play with themselves (usually at a cost to me). I am glad people have started not playing ball, it's refreshing.

What strikes me as bizarre though, is that you say you won't get into a relationship unless they plan to meet (and bone) you. This is not a realistic expectation anywhere, but especially in SL. Relationships are slow (online relationships are slower), and they start with two people who know almost nothing about each other. Asking your potential-pillow-sharer to guarantee anything is a recipe for disappointment, and I'm pretty glad you've seen this close up - maybe it will eventually sink in. No-one gets any right to demand anything from someone they haven't met. Chemistry changes, reality is very different, and no-one is as they present themselves online (even with honest pics and Skype, people hide details). Limiting your relationship options only to people who don't understand the diffference is going to end in disaster every time - anyone who says they want to meet you before they enter into a relationship with you is either naive, misguided or lying.

You're free to do whatever you like, your decision process is your own. History repeats itself in relationships often.

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Well I've already learned the hard way that online/long distance relationships don't work, what with the threat of one of us cheating and whatnot. I hear that all the time; that no one is obliged to give me anything, although I'm always told by people on how to act, although I don't feel obliged to take anyones advice, but as you said on your post that I am free to do what I like.

The exchange of real life information sort of gives me a chance at a possiblity of a real life meet up. I should also say that I never actively pursue Second Life relationships, I only use Second Life for fun (and hopefully profit). To me, if the girl is willing to voice or Skype, that usually has a huge significance to me as it shows that she's comfortable with exchanging real life information. Perhaps I may be seeing these actions as having more significance than what meets the eye, but it doesn't help that it makes it seem like these people are comfortable doing this, thus filling my head with all these thoughts.

But anyway, I thank you for your response. I ask this because I'm curious about the possiblity, and like I said, I'm not and have never actively looked for relationships over Second Life. If I wanted a quick real life meet up, I have OKCupid or PlentyOfFish for that.

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Online and long distance relationships definitely do work. It is the attitudes of those involved in them that lead them towards failure. As above, I am not surprised you have found them not to suit you.

I'm glad you're persuing leads on OKCupid and others, these platforms seem far more suited to the types of relationship you seem to be expecting. SL is fun, sure, maybe you don't need to seek relationships here. It certainly doesn't seem that SL will add anything to your relationships when they occur, I assume it's just another possible vector for you to find people. There are a lot of people seeking their own definitions of love and companionship here, it's not surprising that such things are started.

I don't think I have willingness to add anything else, so good luck and stuff.

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Hi Malereh,

there are plenty of stories of SL relationships turning into RL relationships...some end happily (getting married and even having kids) and some end badly. I've been searching the forums and found a few..

http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Have-you-taken-the-step-from-SL-relationship-to-RL-relationship/m-p/1424117/highlight/true#M9814

http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Have-you-managed-to-form-a-RL-relationship-from-meeting-on-SL/m-p/1156771/highlight/true#M7174

this one is my favorite...a happy ending...

http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Come-see-the-baby/m-p/1761989#M14002

And yes...not getting into an SL relationship unless it turns in an RL sexual relationship makes you a bad person.

Good luck in your search and your research....

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Maybe online and LDR relationships "work", but not for me. They equal no RL sex, not a good deal for me.

Yeah. I know it's possibly better to actually use a dating site, but being that Second Life is about simulating a real world experience without the real world risks, it just makes SL feel far more appealing to the overall entertainment level of the internet. Even on OKCupid and the like, I meet some really crazy golddiggers. I got tired of that.

Thanks for the advice. ;)

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Malereh wrote:

They equal no RL sex, not a good deal for me.

Even on OKCupid and the like, I meet some really crazy golddiggers. I got tired of that.

How tired do you think SLers get of crazy RLsexdiggers?

I'm simplifying, but again: If this is a solid gold expectation of yours, skip on SL relationships. If you find someone in-world that you like, tell them it's Skype/Plane tickets or nothing. You'll weed out anyone who isn't your type, bypass the complexity of human-avatar psychology and people will appreciate being told straight up what you're looking for.

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I have dated in SL and found for myself that I can not let myself fall in love with a SL=SL and RL=RL man.

For me its impossible to keep that seperate. I clearly said that in my profile as well.

I met my SL partner in RL after getting to know and love him and didnt regret is one bit.

My advice is to clear this up when you meet someone you want a relationship with, make sure you think alike.

Also important is that the person doesnt live too far away..that makes it much more difficult and expensive to meet too.

Good luck...smile

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What Freya says is true though with respect to time, I am in a relationship that is currently going RL and we are planning on meeting in a few months. It takes longer here to develop trust, but it is possible. I know of 2 couples who are in the process currently of going RL, its not all that uncommon.

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Leia36 wrote:

What Freya says is true though with respect to time, I am in a relationship that is currently going RL and we are planning on meeting in a few months. It takes longer here to develop trust, but it is possible. I know of 2 couples who are in the process currently of going RL, its not all that uncommon.

I think the issue is that OP is going into this expecting sex IRL. I think the vast majority of people in SL aren't looking for that despite the high amount of sex in SL. It's entirely possible to get someone to let you into there real life world here through time and gaining trust like you say. But I think if you demand a sexual relationship at some point IRL or NOTHING you'll get nothing. I mean I've let my SL hubby (now someone I consider my best friend) into my real life world through skype and conversations and I do plan on meeting him someday when I'm financial stable but he never demanded a sexual relationship with me in real life when we first met. I would have never given him the time of day if he had and I'm pretty sure you would have done the same with your master if he demanded a RL meeting and RL sex the moment you met him.

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Madeline Blackbart wrote:


Leia36 wrote:

What Freya says is true though with respect to time, I am in a relationship that is currently going RL and we are planning on meeting in a few months. It takes longer here to develop trust, but it is possible. I know of 2 couples who are in the process currently of going RL, its not all that uncommon.

I think the issue is that OP is going into this expecting sex IRL. I think the vast majority of people in SL aren't looking for that despite the high amount of sex in SL. It's entirely possible to get someone to let you into there real life world here through time and gaining trust like you say. But I think if you demand a sexual relationship at some point IRL or NOTHING you'll get nothing. I mean I've let my SL hubby (now someone I consider my best friend) into my real life world through skype and conversations and I do plan on meeting him someday when I'm financial stable but he never demanded a sexual relationship with me in real life when we first met. I would have never given him the time of day if he had and I'm pretty sure you would have done the same with your master if he demanded a RL meeting and RL sex the moment you met him.

Yes agreed, it took him 6 months to get my skype address, and I have no qualms saying that it was not his requirement when we first met. I was very reserved and here is an important point, so was he. We built trust slowly, over a year before we shared phone numbers. But many people are impatient and people get hurt. I count my lucky stars we met and have had this, but I know of others who have been searching for years and have not found anyone worthy of their trust, and that's both male and female.

 

 

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...To clarify, I'm not suggesting the OP approach random women and say "IRL sex plz, right now."

All I'm suggesting is that if they want a relationship that moves to RL sex eventually, that they make this known and obvious, and they make the move toward real life immediately - without emotionally investing in each others avatars. Other approaches work (I don't know much of Leia's relationship, but in my own relationships the move to RL has mostly been incidental, not the 'purpose' of the relationship) but will not suit someone who defines their relationship on the premise that RL sex must be made available in the future. The odds of someone in SL agreeing to this condition is low (this is why I suggested RL dating sites, where such a condition is more implicit), but it isn't up to me to question the OP's requirements - and it definitely isn't fair to keep investing in SL relationships when the OP has no interest in persuing them.

Remember that in each SL relationship that the OP lacked interest in sustaining, there was probably a broken-hearted partner who was enjoying letting the relationship move organically. The OP does not appear interested in a long distance relationship, or an online relationship. The long term (more organic) approach will not pay off in terms of time investment; the liklihood of success and mutual alignment is too low and there are too many secondary possibilities for failure and/or heart-break.

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Just addressing the title of your post and not all the various elements in your relationship:

I have only had one long-term relationship (3 years) in SL that was agreed on from the outset that we would never meet RL.  However, prior to SL people were having relationships, falling in love, having virtual sex, etc. in many, many other online venues.  I spent approximately 20 years on IRC (text only chat) and met many people over the years RL who I had initially met there.  Some were groups of people from the same channel which then turned into having get-togethers monthly, others were men with whom I had a relationship online and we then took it to RL.  I had four of those over the years.  Of the four RL meetings, two went no farther after that, one became a long-distance RL relationship over several years and several visits RL traveling cross-country to see each other, and one was a six-year RL dating relationship with a man that just happened to live in the same town I did.

 

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SL to RL relationships are more common that a lot of people think,  I personally know a suspiring number of couples that have made the transition and are very happy.  However all these people were partnered for years in SL plus are in it for the long haul, as in they are now married.  I can't tell from your post if you are looking for a long term RL relationship or just a casual sexual relationship and I think it makes a difference.

Women in SL keep their RL information confidential for good reason.  They don't want some crazy person showing up at their door.  Some of them will tell you their RL information once they get to know you and you have earned their trust.  Some never will.  In either case, that is their choice and it is then your choice to decide how much time you are willing to invest in the relationship, if any.

Which brings me to your situation.  Your ex GF may not have wanted to meet you in RL because she's just not into you enough, she isn't trusting enough of you or wants more than just a meet up for sex.  Perhaps you just haven't given her enough time or she knows it will just be for sex and she wants more out of life..

As far as women in general in SL, there is nothing wrong with saying that you want to eventually meet them in RL and have sex at the start if you don't mind having your face virtually slapped once in a while; at least you are honest.  But no sane well adjusted woman can promise you that she is going to want to do that after just meeting, or even until the relationship has lasted long enough for her to trust you and decide it is what she wants too.  If you told that to me the first time,or even early on, I'd TP out so fast you head would spin. 

Personally if I were you I'd be wary of any woman that agrees right off the bat or early in the relationship.  I'd have to question if the reason she agreed is because she is real desperate for any man, or she has something in store for you that you won't like, for example a big BF or pimp ready to roll you.

 

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I see the only problem here in demanding things before the relationship has even started. Meeting in RL is a big deal, first because of the costs tied to traveling and second because of the trust put into a total stranger from the internet. This trust and will to spend money doesn't come over night (at least when speaking about a mental stable person).

Its often impossible to tell right away if someone is "the right one" for meeting or even more. Demanding both puts pressure on the other person and lets them shy away. Sometimes they just don't know it at the moment you ask them. Thats not about dislike...its just not an easy thing for most people.

Do you know what I strongly suggest? Go dating in RL.

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Amethyst Jetaime wrote:

 

As far as women in general in SL, there is nothing wrong with saying that you want to eventually meet them in RL and have sex at the start if you don't mind having your face virtually slapped once in a while...

 

Does anyone know of a "face slap" animation where the "slapee" doesn't have to agree to it?  I've had times this would have come in very handy. ;)

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You only need their permission if the animation works on them too.  If you are doing the slapping and there is not corresponding action to it for them, then no permission is needed. 

Ages ago I know I had a gesture for it.  I'll look and see if I can still dig it out of my trunk and send it to you if its transferable.

 

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I dont know why this meeting someone is such a problem because of course you will only meet someone after having the trust needed and real feelings.

And if you do love that person then wanting to be close and intimate comes naturally, no need to say I expect sex.

There shouldnt be a difference to RL, you dont jump in bed with someone you just like as a friend and its silly to expect sex as a favour.

And really..who will travel maybe 1000 miles for a cup of coffee :)

If you dont trust your partner and dont love him..dont meet in RL

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Right, but from the OP it sounds like he only goes into a SL relationship, if the women "promises" to meet him in RL and have sex with him. Thats kind of a huge promise...which I think nobody can foresee.

A SL relationship can be wonderful, but its something different if you meet that person in RL. Some of these relationships simply do not work as good as they did in the virtual space. I remember seeing a documentation about SL couples. One of the women traveled on the other side of the atlantic, risked her existing relationship....just to find out she doesn't really match to the man she thought she would love like nobody else.

As I said before, trust needs to be build to even come to the step of visiting each other. It doesn't work that way, that you agree at the beginning of a SL relationship that both will meet and have sex (speaking of the "normal" SL relationship, which form quite quickly compared to RL relationships).

 

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I agree with you, its wrong to want a promise, thats impossible to give.

I was saying to my partner,its an option after time and didnt rule it out.

To the guy who started this thread I must say I have a new opinion after reading his profile..:P show me your groups and I know who you are ..and he does seem to be  someone who is only after one thing.

So no surprise a normal woman doesnt want to meet and get used, even less without a HIV test lol and whats this about having a plane ticket bought for him..that tops it... lol

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Syo Emerald wrote:

Right, but from the OP it sounds like he only goes into a SL relationship, if the women "promises" to meet him in RL and have sex with him. Thats kind of a huge promise...which I think nobody can foresee.

A SL relationship can be wonderful, but its something different if you meet that person in RL. Some of these relationships simply do not work as good as they did in the virtual space. I remember seeing a documentation about SL couples. One of the women traveled on the other side of the atlantic, risked her existing relationship....just to find out she doesn't really match to the man she thought she would love like nobody else.

As I said before, trust needs to be build to even come to the step of visiting each other. It doesn't work that way, that you agree at the beginning of a SL relationship that both will meet and have sex (speaking of the "normal" SL relationship, which form quite quickly compared to RL relationships).

 

Really if OP is looking for that kind of relationship there are webpages for it. I personally can't imagine getting into and SL relationship knowing that sex IRL is expected of me and I think most (if not all) other players in SL feel the same from what I can tell. It's not just like that's what it sounds like he want's I'm pretty sure that IS what he wants. Just read his profile it gives that impression as well.

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Heh...thank you and Amethyst. ;)  The only place I ever saw a slapping animation (not that I ever looked) was a set of poseballs in 1920s Berlin back in 2008.  They were the standard blue/pink poses so, not knowing what they did, my then-partner and I hopped on.  I LOVED it; he wasn't quite as amused. *Grins*

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People can spawn relationships anywhere. You can meet someone at the grocery store while buying milk, you can meet someone at your place of employment, and/or you can meet someone in SL and take the relationship to real life. It's all possible and it's not surprising that it happens. I even heard once about a couple who met at a gas station while pumping gas. But (in my opinion) you aren't any more likely to find real life hook-ups in SL, much less sexual ones, than you are a grocery store, place of employment or gas station. SL is not match.com. And I would really question your sanity if you said you preferred not to get to know a  co-worker, a person in a gas station or a grocery clerk unless they promised a relationship and/or sex.

Any smart lady is going to be careful with their real life identity on the internet. And any self-respecting one is going to wait to decide if they want to meet someone they met online until they trust them enough to do so.

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Thanks for the links. It's good to read a few stories, although it kinda makes me feel bad for only repeating a question that's already been asked with this topic.

And maybe I am a bad person. Least I'm honest. :matte-motes-big-grin-squint:

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