Jump to content

RL Male becoming SL female looking for TL female mentor


You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 2529 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Recommended Posts

I am a straight male in R and a Middle East veteran.  I'm not transgendered or a crossdresser, but am fascinated by the idea of what my life would be like if I were female.  I know that being female would be extremely difficult and probably somewhat terrifying for a male.  I want to know what it's like to be female from the tiniest physical detail to the larger psychological, emotional, societal and physical complexities of being a woman.  

I need an RL female mentor/teacher/friend to help me become as complete a virtual woman as possible.  It seems to me that being a man is relatively easy and simple compared to being a woman.  I'd like to see if I can handle being a woman, even a virtual one.  

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 100
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic


Mysteriann wrote:

I am a straight male in R and a Middle East veteran.  I'm not transgendered or a crossdresser, but am fascinated by the idea of what my life would be like if I were female.  I know that being female would be extremely difficult and probably somewhat terrifying for a male.  I want to know what it's like to be female from the tiniest physical detail to the larger psychological, emotional, societal and physical complexities of being a woman.  

I need an RL female mentor/teacher/friend to help me become as complete a virtual woman as possible.  It seems to me that being a man is relatively easy and simple compared to being a woman.  I'd like to see if I can handle being a woman, even a virtual one.  

Though I applaud whole-heartedly your intention to use SL for a purpose a bit more complex and meaningful than making digital t-shirts and selling them, I'm not sure you're being entirely realistic in your expectations. I don't believe you'll get the full package of tiny and enormous physical, psychological, emotional and societal details of being a RL woman. You'll get a sense of these things, but not the full impact. For example - you can't recreate in SL many of the societal pressures of RL because much more is tolerated in-world than in your RL town or city and there are no consequences to your personal and professional life whatever you do, however you behave, however you dress. Nor can you recreate the fear of being assaulted as you hurry along a dark street - in SL you just TP away. Get my drift? However, don't think I'm discouraging you - quite the opposite - go for it - if I was still in SL I'd be happy to help out however I could. I love that you're going to attempt it.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I just want to add to the IM I sent you.

If you are interested  you can pick a time to meet at a store where there are free or inexpensive female items.  We can use voice initially so you will know I am female and then text thereafter if you prefer.  We can use this shopping trip as a test run to see if we will feel comfortable being friends. 

I know I have posted in the past that I found shopping tedious and I do when I am operating from my male, goal-oriented side and I have something definite in mind. It seems to take *forever* to find it, if I ever do.  But the other day when I went shopping in SL with my sister it was actually fun cause I treated it like a social encounter.  I had nothing in particualr that I was looking for.  I was just showing her some stores I had found so we had an adventure discovering stuff all over the place.

If you are interested just IM me with a range of possible times and a place where we can meet but if not no problem.  Good luck and have fun.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

While I agree with what the post after the OP said, I think that this is a great idea for the OP.

While it won't be the full package of how it would be in RL, you will see a big difference in how people treat you.  A large increase in IM's, especially if you really make yourself look good and realistic.  You'll pretty much be seeing the social impact of what it's like, if nothing else.

I also find it interesting that a veteran wants to see if he could handle being female.  I would have thought that you have probably seen such horrible things over there that you could handle anything at this point in your life!  I can only imagine what you went through over there, thanks for your service!

Link to post
Share on other sites

One does not even need to change gender to experiance how different avatars experiance SL and the social interactions. I can tell you it makes a difference (a huge!) if you are an elf, a demon or a toaster.

I hope we can hear about his experiances.

Link to post
Share on other sites


Syo Emerald wrote:

One does not even need to change gender to experiance how different avatars experiance SL and the social interactions. I can tell you it makes a difference (a huge!) if you are an elf, a demon or a toaster.

I hope we can hear about his experiances.

I like to try to treat everyone the same, though I am not so sure I could treat a toaster the same.  :P

I also hope that he will report back if he finds someone and does it, I'd even love to see a blog made about the experience.  The whole veteran part is just so fascinating.

Link to post
Share on other sites


Mysteriann wrote:

I am a straight male in R and a Middle East veteran.  I'm not transgendered or a crossdresser, but am fascinated by the idea of what my life would be like if I were female.  I know that being female would be extremely difficult and probably somewhat terrifying for a male.  I want to know what it's like to be female from the tiniest physical detail to the larger psychological, emotional, societal and physical complexities of being a woman.  

I need an RL female mentor/teacher/friend to help me become as complete a virtual woman as possible.  It seems to me that being a man is relatively easy and simple compared to being a woman.  I'd like to see if I can handle being a woman, even a virtual one.  

While as a women I appricaite the thought and I do not discourage you from doing this as i think it's a good thing to experience I will say that I don't think it's more difficult to be a women. It's just diffrent. Men have an equal amount of social pressures put on them to what women have. While women have the "you must be pretty you must be lady like" men get the "don't show emotions be a man, You must make lots of cash" and so on. The experience is diffrent but the end result is that both have it hard.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Good intentions but I don't think you will capture most of what being a woman is about. However I would like to add that it is awesome that you are attempting it. I applaud you for the effort. Being a female on sl is not the same as being a female in RL. I often wonder if I made a male avi what it would be like. I would love to read your observations so please keep us posted. Good luck with your adventure. Btw I hope I am not the only one when I say this but I would love to see your avi. What you choose to wear and look like. Its always neat seeing a female avi through a males perspective. 

Link to post
Share on other sites


Madeline Blackbart wrote:


Mysteriann wrote:

I am a straight male in R and a Middle East veteran.  I'm not transgendered or a crossdresser, but am fascinated by the idea of what my life would be like if I were female.  I know that being female would be extremely difficult and probably somewhat terrifying for a male.  I want to know what it's like to be female from the tiniest physical detail to the larger psychological, emotional, societal and physical complexities of being a woman.  

I need an RL female mentor/teacher/friend to help me become as complete a virtual woman as possible.  It seems to me that being a man is relatively easy and simple compared to being a woman.  I'd like to see if I can handle being a woman, even a virtual one.  

While as a women I appricaite the thought and I do not discourage you from doing this as i think it's a good thing to experience I will say that I don't think it's more difficult to be a women. It's just diffrent. Men have an equal amount of social pressures put on them to what women have. While women have the "you must be pretty you must be lady like" men get the "don't show emotions be a man, You must make lots of cash" and so on. The experience is diffrent but the end result is that both have it hard.

Some people have it easy (me). Some people have it hard. The circumstances of that are tremendously varied. Mysteriann's experience being female in SL will be, I think, quite unlike being female in Wisconsin, USA, where I live. Similarly, my experience in Wisconsin is probably quite unlike that of a woman in Saudi Arabia. But, as one who constantly wonders "what happens if I do this?", I encourage experimentation.

Link to post
Share on other sites


Serra Nightfire wrote:

While I agree with what the post after the OP said, I think that this is a great idea for the OP.

While it won't be the full package of how it would be in RL, you will see a big difference in how people treat you.  A large increase in IM's, especially if you really make yourself look good and realistic.  You'll pretty much be seeing the social impact of what it's like, if nothing else.

I also find it interesting that a veteran wants to see if he could handle being female.  I would have thought that you have probably seen such horrible things over there that you could handle anything at this point in your life!  I can only imagine what you went through over there, thanks for your service!

I've held off posting for a while, but I think I have my thoughts together..

A big part of playing a female in SL is not just LOOKING the part, but acting the part. You have to be more feminine in your speech and emote more (IMO). You can easily look like a girl in SL, but behaving like one is a much more difficult thing.

I am actually playing an ALT female in SL...been on about a month. I think I act the part very well as no one who I've been in contact with (even in slexual situations) has any idea I'm not a GG (genetic girl, for those who don't know). I've been having a lot of fun with it..and making a bit of money as well.

Will also agree that playing a girl in SL is much different than playing a girl in RL. I can say that because I have a great many friends who are transgendered (mostly crossdressers or transvestites, but a few M to F transsexuals) and I can tell you first hand that a lot of what you would experience in RL won't even come into play. Not that that's a bad thing, of course, this is just an experiment and I wish you well in your exploration of discovery....

If you need a little practice with your learning...look me up inworld.

 Edited because my grammer, spelling and word choices suck.....:matte-motes-sunglasses-3:

Link to post
Share on other sites


Serra Nightfire wrote:


Syo Emerald wrote:

One does not even need to change gender to experiance how different avatars experiance SL and the social interactions. I can tell you it makes a difference (a huge!) if you are an elf, a demon or a toaster.

I hope we can hear about his experiances.

I like to try to treat everyone the same, though I am not so sure I could treat a toaster the same.  
:P

I also hope that he will report back if he finds someone and does it, I'd even love to see a blog made about the experience.  The whole veteran part is just so fascinating.

I noticed people behave differently depending on my avatars apperance. The toaster got the most confused looks of course :catvery-happy:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Syo Emerald wrote:


I noticed people behave differently depending on my avatars apperance. The toaster got the most confused looks of course :catvery-happy:

did anyone walk up to you menacingly with a slide of bread or a pop tart???/:matte-motes-sunglasses-3:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I find this is very true. 

When I am in my typical avi for RP (a young faced white male) he is often overlooked. 

When I'm in my hipster guy avi (black, taller, tatts, fun hair) I get ims from ladies that seem pleasant, if not flirty. 

When I'm in my girl (hispanic, curvy, dressed cute), I get people being a little more friendly, a little more open. 

When I'm in one of my furs, in a non-fur typical place (out shopping, for example) people will avoid my avi like he's got rabies. Sometimes I get a girl saying (aww, your avi is so cute!) but most of the time I get people making it a point to walk far around me or leave the area whenever I wander over. 

However, when I'm wearing a tiny little cat avatar, everyone comes up and compliments me for being adorable. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello,

I am the OP and I want to thank all of you for your thoughtful replies.  I have found a mentor.  I strongly agree that I can never even come close to experiencing what a woman does in RL through SL.  It's a matter of spending a lifetime in a gender, socialization and other factors.  I do have a female avie in SL, but she's my original avie.  She's not really a woman though, she's more of a ventriloquist's dummy than a complete character.  I read an article about SL that suggested you try out the other gender, that it was the closest the writer had gotten to walking in the other gender's shoes.  As soon as I found out you could have alts, I made a male alt.  There is definitely a difference in the way they are treated, by both male and female avies.  The female version of me seemed to be much more approachable to everyone.  But the female alt is and was not developed as a female, she just happens to be one, which is how we all are with our genders in RL, or most people.

I am thinking about blogging this to people who are in on it, so IM and friend me, if you're interested in following. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites


Madelaine McMasters wrote:


Madeline Blackbart wrote:


Mysteriann wrote:

I am a straight male in R and a Middle East veteran.  I'm not transgendered or a crossdresser, but am fascinated by the idea of what my life would be like if I were female.  I know that being female would be extremely difficult and probably somewhat terrifying for a male.  I want to know what it's like to be female from the tiniest physical detail to the larger psychological, emotional, societal and physical complexities of being a woman.  

I need an RL female mentor/teacher/friend to help me become as complete a virtual woman as possible.  It seems to me that being a man is relatively easy and simple compared to being a woman.  I'd like to see if I can handle being a woman, even a virtual one.  

While as a women I appricaite the thought and I do not discourage you from doing this as i think it's a good thing to experience I will say that I don't think it's more difficult to be a women. It's just diffrent. Men have an equal amount of social pressures put on them to what women have. While women have the "you must be pretty you must be lady like" men get the "don't show emotions be a man, You must make lots of cash" and so on. The experience is diffrent but the end result is that both have it hard.

Some people have it easy (me). Some people have it hard. The circumstances of that are tremendously varied. Mysteriann's experience being female in SL will be, I think, quite unlike being female in Wisconsin, USA, where I live. Similarly, my experience in Wisconsin is probably quite unlike that of a woman in Saudi Arabia. But, as one who constantly wonders "what happens if I do this?", I encourage experimentation.

Ah very true. I was thinking in terms of typical european (read usually caucasin) experience. Especially since usually in SL women are generally cuacasin. In general it's difficult for both genders but diffrent. Of course circumstances very thus is life. I'm not trying to discourage the OP from trying out being a female at all. Like I said I think it's a good thing and will help him see the world from new eyes. I was only pointing out the fact that gender (especially in european countries or places following european societal norms which sl generally does) doesn't nessicarily mean things are harder just diffrent.

Link to post
Share on other sites

"It seems to me that being a man is relatively easy and simple compared to being a woman."

Very true! Of course, in SL you won't get everything about being female (childbirths, periods, motherhood, etc.) but you should learn quite a bit. Good luck, I am glad you have found a mentor. I assume that your mentor will be able to answer any questions, but if you want any other opinions (about womanhood, fashions, or otherthings) from RL (I don't know that much about SL) don't hesitate to IM me.

Fortunately, some things are changing. My profession, law, used to be a male profession; now there are very many women in it, both as attorneys and as judges. There was a time that women attorneys had to pretend to be male at work, and a law firm was a "boys club". Now, in the office and in court the boys have to get used to us girls. But there is still a difference. I am glad to see men interested in what it is like to be female.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I`ll go with that quote you quoted pretty much nonsense

6.5 years of just being myself and there isnt much of a difference besides the obvious physical things
You don`t need a mentor, role playing won`t teach you much and will only add drama when trying to pretend to be a women and get busted with mistakes

Being your self with telling specific people that your male so they don`t feel manipulated/used is the right way, rest of the idiots, let them guess, but no one will be able to call you a liar/manipulator/cheater/a........

Just avoid trying to get attached to"her" or you won`t be able to get rid of "her" wich makes it kind of awkward at some moments, lol

Link to post
Share on other sites


Mysteriann wrote:

But the female alt is and was not developed as a female, she just happens to be one, which is how we all are with our genders in RL, or most people. 

That's an interesting statement, Mysteriann. I was brought up with the idea that I "just happened to be" female. Mom and Dad were (especially for their time, both born in the 1920's) remarkably gender agnostic. They both wanted kids, and after 19 years of marriage, were only able to produce me. They knew I'd be an only, so they'd have to shovel everything into me. I learned to do girl things and boy things, both of which I was taught were important, and hardly just for girls or boys. I wear sundresses and workboots (at the same time), jeans and heels (at the same time). I embroider and weld (not at the same time... yet). I worked in a male dominated field (engineering) and bake cookies (often with a pinch of cayenne) for the neighbor kids.

Many years ago, I bet friends in an IRC chat room that I could play a male and they'd never catch me. For a few weeks, I was a 28 year old Maddy and a 65 year old retired bricklayer. We both flirted with everybody in the room. Outside of background differences (I knew about engineering, "he" knew about bricks), I didn't really do anything to differentiate the two characters. But the reactions to the two were different. And, just as happens here with my alt Snugs (who's gender is approximately indeterminate), people had more sympathy for my alter-ego than for me.

You've already found your female alt to be seen as more approachable. My male IRC alt seemed more approachable than me, perhaps because "leaning in" (which I was taught is what you do to reach what you want) is seen as masculine, but also probably because Maddy started teasing him from the start. I guess I polluted my own experiment.

When I finally outed myself, people were surprised, nobody was mad (or I've conveniently forgot about those who were), and they were sad to see "him" go. I've always wanted to be pleasant company. It's nice to believe (which is not knowing) my gender doesn't get in the way of that.

I hope your experience is as pleasant, and more illuminating, than mine. I don't think I learned a thing about being a fella that I didn't already know from living with you nuts in RL.

;-)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agreed with the quote about being a female harder than being a male mostly in jest. Along the lines of the old "women are important because we cook, take care of the kids, ....[on and on for many lines], men are important because they can lift heavy things".

However, I enjoy being female in RL. But, I think that it would be easier for a woman to be a man than vice-versa. I plan to remain what I am (female) in both RL and SL. But if a man plays a woman in SL maybe he will get some idea of what it is like and how we think.

But there is so much else in RL that can't be duplicated in SL.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello,

I was interested in your experiment with a male identity in IRC and that when you ended it they were sad to see him go.  A lot of people, well not a lot, but at least a dozen people in SL know me in RL and my female SL alt.  They're very protective of her identity, more so than I am.  Like one time three guys, who are RL friends, and I were all out sailing in SL  They were all using voice but I was typing.  One of them called me by my RL first name and one of the other guys very casually said, "Who's that? I don't know any ____."   And the other guy recovered and said, "Just some guy I know.  I'm stoned."

 

Getting back to my original comment about in RL we all just happen to be the gender we are is so true.  A close RL/SL female friend of mine said she didn't think I could be male in SL any more than I could be female in RL.  I had to think about that for a bit and she was right.  I came into SL as a female and have always been female in SL and really don't know how to be male in SL  As soon as I realized you could make alts, I made a male alt, but that was about a year into SL.  He was socially awkward and it just felt weird trying to be male in SL, almost as weird and awkward as it would be if I were suddenly to find myself female in RL.  My friend says it's like she knows two of me, one distinctly male and the other distinctly female, but that both are me.

 

If you're curious about why I want to start this new project, after what has been a fairly successful experience with being a female in SL, it's because she's gotten stereo-typed and boxed-in.  She's immensely popular, but very innocent.  She's an adult avie, but she's kind of treated like everybody's favorite kid sisterl.   She's the good girl.  People apologize to her for language.  I'm responsible for setting up that social dynamic.  I did it as soon as I realized people were having SL relationships and sex and since I'm not a woman that's why I did it.  I read a magazine article about SL and the writer recommended that you try out the other gender, that it was the closest the writer had ever gotten to walking in the other gender's shoes, so I created a female avie.  I expected to be in SL no more than about 15 minutes once and have no interactions with anyone. So although I had a female shaped avie, it was genderless.  But the way it was perceived and the way others interacted with it made her become female.  She evolved into who she is.  Anyway, the whole thing's fascinating to me.

Thank you for replying to the post.  There have been some interesting and thoughtful replies to my OP.

Link to post
Share on other sites


Mysteriann wrote:

Hello,

I was interested in your experiment with a male identity in IRC and that when you ended it they were sad to see him go.  A lot of people, well not a lot, but at least a dozen people in SL know me in RL and my female SL alt.  They're very protective of her identity, more so than I am.  Like one time three guys, who are RL friends, and I were all out sailing in SL  They were all using voice but I was typing.  One of them called me by my RL first name and one of the other guys very casually said, "Who's that? I don't know any ____."   And the other guy recovered and said, "Just some guy I know.  I'm stoned."

 

Getting back to my original comment about in RL we all just happen to be the gender we are is so true.  A close RL/SL female friend of mine said she didn't think I could be male in SL any more than I could be female in RL.  I had to think about that for a bit and she was right.  I came into SL as a female and have always been female in SL and really don't know how to be male in SL  As soon as I realized you could make alts, I made a male alt, but that was about a year into SL.  He was socially awkward and it just felt weird trying to be male in SL, almost as weird and awkward as it would be if I were suddenly to find myself female in RL.  My friend says it's like she knows two of me, one distinctly male and the other distinctly female, but that both are me.

 

If you're curious about why I want to start this new project, after what has been a fairly successful experience with being a female in SL, it's because she's gotten stereo-typed and boxed-in.  She's immensely popular, but very innocent.  She's an adult avie, but she's kind of treated like everybody's favorite kid sisterl.   She's the good girl.  People apologize to her for language.  I'm responsible for setting up that social dynamic.  I did it as soon as I realized people were having SL relationships and sex and since I'm not a woman that's why I did it.  I read a magazine article about SL and the writer recommended that you try out the other gender, that it was the closest the writer had ever gotten to walking in the other gender's shoes, so I created a female avie.  I expected to be in SL no more than about 15 minutes once and have no interactions with anyone. So although I had a female shaped avie, it was genderless.  But the way it was perceived and the way others interacted with it made her become female.  She evolved into who she is.  Anyway, the whole thing's fascinating to me.

Thank you for replying to the post.  There have been some interesting and thoughtful replies to my OP.

I'm sure I could play a male in SL, just as I did in that IRC chatroom. I'd do nothing other than pick a male avatar and go right on being myself. I really have no clue whether people I meet in SL are male or female, other than by the look of their avatar, or if they tell me. I've heard people say "Oh, I can tell whether the person in the chair is a man or a woman in just minutes." Well, I sure can't.

Many years ago I participated in several science oriented Usenet news group, under a pseudonym. Years later, I had occasion to run across a thread about the speed of light in materials. There was a poster who gave what I thought was an exceptionally lucid explanation. I looked for other examples of his writing, and enjoyed them too. The pseudonym was ambiguous, but I got the impression the author was male. After reading a few more of his posts, I had an "aha" moment. The author had been me.

;-)

Link to post
Share on other sites


Madelaine McMasters wrote:

 After reading a few more of his posts, I had an "aha" moment. The author had been me.


Lolled 

Same here, i wouldn`t have a clue and neither some others, even people who bump their heads into my bad jokes or snarky comments never could lay their finger on it as i`m just my charming self in all these years

With some people it is pretty obvious, but there are so many that you just can`t tell and to be honest, wouldn`t give a damn :)

There is just one thing i did notice from my own perspective, it`s usually the males that can understand most of my humor without getting stepped on their toes when making a really bad one, but then again, some women can laugh harder then a guy over it as they are worse then me ^^

Judge people on their personality and not their gender :)

Going further then friendship can get awkward when there isn`t a 100% truth in the relationship, but that isn`t much different then real life

 

Just avoid the red heads if you aren`t one, specially on this subject :matte-motes-evil-invert:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm glad you found the mentor you were looking for.  And as to switching gender in sl, that's been a heated topic on the forums before.  I guess as long as you are honest from the get-go, then people you form relationships with won't feel that you deceived them once they find out what gender you are in rl.

I just have a comment on actually experiencing being female.  As a male, it can't be done.  You can imitate being the opposite sex, but unless you have a brain transplant from male to female, your experience will always just be experiencing from a male perspective.  Men's brains have been proven to operate differently from female brains.  The brain pathways are formed differently due to upbringing specific to your sex.  A woman's hormones effect females to such a degree that their female personalities will reflect less agression, more submissiveness, a need for emotional support from other females, a feeling of group cooperation rather than competition.  So your outside may inspire other reactions from people in sl, but your experience of it will never be the same as a female experience due to the way your brain is formed.  Women have different expectations than men, and will react accordingly as per their brain pathways formed from years of being female.

I'm sure some women will insist that they can be just as competitive as men, however, I know some women in high powered positions, and the way they go about problem solving is still inately female.  Can a woman have success in male dominated field?  Yes, of course.  And some women are more left brained than right brained.  I am one of those women in rl.  Often, even though I appear as female in sl as I am in rl, I am mistaken for male, just by my tendency to be analytical rather than emotional.  But I would never presume to think that I could experience the world as a male.  It wouldn't be possible.  I simply don't have the brain chemistry nor the right brain wiring to do so.

Link to post
Share on other sites
You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 2529 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...