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MitchieMorgan

How to help my friend with her broken relationship?

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Let me just say in lament's terms that my friend does not know that I am doing this but I have to ask anyway. My friend who I am not going to name for her privacy reasons has just gone through hell in her sl relationship. First, to start off, she was in a relationship with her boyfriend for several weeks, so their relationship was fresh and new. So they would often hook up in different places in the adult worlds in sl. Well, they were at one place and they were near a brothel. One of the moderator's realized that she was not an employee and booted her out without my friend's knowledge even though they were no where near the brothel at all. My friend freaked out and teleported herself to her home. While my friend was gone, this moderator or whatever this witch was, informed her boyfriend that she was not a female and a male in disguise because she does not mic chat with him. Now mind you we are friends in real life and i know for a fact that she is female but she cant afford a mic right now. Well, after getting what she thought was resolved, turns out that it wasnt and they haven't spoken in days. My friend cried and now feels bad. I have tried to comfort her but I was wondering if anyone else has had this problem with outsiders and a lack of trust in the relationship?

Signed, 

Mitchie Morgan-Wallace or as I am know in Second Life MitchieMorgan

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If this guy wants to take the word of a stranger with the ulterior motive of gaining a customer, over hers, than she is really better off without him IMO.  She is lucky she found out what kind of person he is now when the relationship is still young than 7 months from now. 

As far as the ex bf, he must be a pretty dim bulb.  Doesn't he realize he was played by the person in the sex club who booted his gf and told him she was a man in the hopes he'd spend money on one of the clubs escorts?  Also, voice proves nothing. People can morph their voices to sound like the opposite sex.  Cam proves nothing either, if she really were a man he could just get a female friend to cam  him.  The only way he'll know for sure, other than what his gut instinct tells him, is to meet her in RL.

I'm sure she is hurt, and maybe even disgusted, but it will pass with time.  As her friend you can just be there for her when she needs to talk and otherwise try to distract her by getting her out and about again.  There are plenty of fish in the sea and she should just toss this one back.  After all, 7 weeks, which may seem like a long time in SL, is not really that long.  She should try to chalk it up as an experience to learn from and move on.

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Sure, guys use this as an excuse to get free Skype or voice sex all the time. "Prove that you are female irl or I will not be with you anymore". Emotional blackmail. I say the same, good that she is rid of him. Just hang around with your friend, go shopping and clubbing and she will get over it.

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It is nice of you, as a friend, to be helping her out this way. I do feel sorry for her, as this wasn't her fault at all.

that being said...if he is willing to take the word of a total stranger that this girl isn't really a girl, he's an A**HOLE!!

She needs to talk to him (her BF) about this. If he isn't able to get over the fact that she MIGHT NOT be a real woman, she needs to move on. As someone else said, it's an old excuse to make people think that the person they're with isn't really a girl...(oh, she won't cam...oh, she won't voice...oh, she only like women...she must be a guy). What does she have to do?? PROVE IT? Not her responsibility! She shouldn't have to...and he shouldn't care. Tell her BF that there are a TON of guys who play girls in SL..some dance, some escort, some have Boyfriends..look around a bit.

HE NEEDS TO GET OVER IT!

*takes a deep breath*

Now that I've completely vented....

The logical thing to do is decide if she really wants to fix this relationship. He may not ever be able to look at her again the same way unless she proves who she is. Does she really want that? Does she really want to have to build his trust again...especially after only a few weeks.

She might be best to move on. There are lots of people out there. He's probably (maybe) her first love. It's hard...it hurts. Only she can decide what is best for her.

Please forgive me, my friends, for this rant. Things like this tend to get on my nerves. :matte-motes-sunglasses-3:

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Smack the ex on the head and thank him for being an arse this early instead of later on

Reminds me of an idiot once that refused to believe i was male, long story short, move on, the ex won`t believe untill proven.

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Marianne Little wrote:

Sure, guys use this as an excuse to get free Skype or voice sex all the time. "Prove that you are female irl or I will not be with you anymore". Emotional blackmail. I say the same, good that she is rid of him. Just hang around with your friend, go shopping and clubbing and she will get over it.

Couldn't have said it better myself.   I usually don't even waste my time with men that behave that way.   But I do hope that your friend feels better soon.  There are plenty of fish in the sea, after all.  ;)

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She shouldn't use SL as a serious dating platform. Its probably the worst thing to do and the easiest way to attract drama. A lot guys here are extremly weird, idiotic and strange. She can be happy that she found that out early.

The best thing now is to tell him why he is a dumb nut and then mute and forget about him. He isn't worth any tears. Also this place where the drama begun is good to be avoided in the future. (sadly you can't name us the place...)

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Syo Emerald wrote:

She shouldn't use SL as a serious dating platform. Its probably the worst thing to do and the easiest way to attract drama. A lot guys here are extremly weird, idiotic and strange. She can be happy that she found that out early.

The best thing now is to tell him why he is a dumb nut and then mute and forget about him. He isn't worth any tears. Also this place where the drama begun is good to be avoided in the future. (sadly you can't name us the place...)

Like you womens are much better, just more drama :matte-motes-wink-tongue:

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MitchieMorgan wrote:

Let me just say in lament's terms that my friend does not know that I am doing this but I have to ask anyway. My friend who I am not going to name for her privacy reasons has just gone through hell in her sl relationship. First, to start off, she was in a relationship with her boyfriend for several weeks, so their relationship was fresh and new. So they would often hook up in different places in the adult worlds in sl. Well, they were at one place and they were near a brothel. One of the moderator's realized that she was not an employee and booted her out without my friend's knowledge even though they were no where near the brothel at all. My friend freaked out and teleported herself to her home. While my friend was gone, this moderator or whatever this witch was, informed her boyfriend that she was not a female and a male in disguise because she does not mic chat with him. Now mind you we are friends in real life and i know for a fact that she is female but she cant afford a mic right now. Well, after getting what she thought was resolved, turns out that it wasnt and they haven't spoken in days. My friend cried and now feels bad. I have tried to comfort her but I was wondering if anyone else has had this problem with outsiders and a lack of trust in the relationship?

Signed, 

Mitchie Morgan-Wallace or as I am know in Second Life MitchieMorgan

On another note, I don't know what part of the world you two are from, but cheap headsets with a mic are only around $10 or a little more at Walmart. (and probably around the same at similar places)

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a guy like that isn't worth getting choked up about. pretty obvious he was only in it for the SL sex.. (ugh).

 

help her move on and find a genuinely decent guy. I'd make sure she's careful with who she trusts in SL as its no dating site and a lot of guys are probably here for less than genuine reasons. (ahem.. brothels?). honestly the guy was probably butthurt he wasn't getting voice sex.

 

~oh and help her pick out a decent mic in case she meets someone who actually deserves a conversation over voice.

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She shouldn't use SL as a serious dating platform. Its probably the worst thing to do and the easiest way to attract drama. A lot guys here are extremly weird, idiotic and strange. She can be happy that she found that out early.

The best thing now is to tell him why he is a dumb nut and then mute and forget about him. He isn't worth any tears. Also this place where the drama begun is good to be avoided in the future. (sadly you can't name us the place...)

Well said. 

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Serra Nightfire wrote:


MitchieMorgan wrote:

Let me just say in lament's terms that my friend does not know that I am doing this but I have to ask anyway. My friend who I am not going to name for her privacy reasons has just gone through hell in her sl relationship. First, to start off, she was in a relationship with her boyfriend for several weeks, so their relationship was fresh and new. So they would often hook up in different places in the adult worlds in sl. Well, they were at one place and they were near a brothel. One of the moderator's realized that she was not an employee and booted her out without my friend's knowledge even though they were no where near the brothel at all. My friend freaked out and teleported herself to her home. While my friend was gone, this moderator or whatever this witch was, informed her boyfriend that she was not a female and a male in disguise because she does not mic chat with him. Now mind you we are friends in real life and i know for a fact that she is female but she cant afford a mic right now. Well, after getting what she thought was resolved, turns out that it wasnt and they haven't spoken in days. My friend cried and now feels bad. I have tried to comfort her but I was wondering if anyone else has had this problem with outsiders and a lack of trust in the relationship?

Signed, 

Mitchie Morgan-Wallace or as I am know in Second Life MitchieMorgan

On another note, I don't know what part of the world you two are from, but cheap headsets with a mic are only around $10 or a little more at Walmart. (and probably around the same at similar places)

I wouldn't pass judgement without knowing the situation. For people like me (who are looking for better jobs after graduating but on minimum wage for now. Job economy is tough. :/) 10$ is actually a lot of money. Like the diffrence between a few days food or not. And yes I live in the states....GAH

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Relationships of any sort require maturity and experience to navigate successfully. Sadly the only way to gain those things is to have relationships. 

It's silly advice (from my perspective) to suggest to someone that their chosen style of relationship is good or bad. It is what it is and if they are willing to deal with the consiquences and limitations of that relationship, it is completely normal to want. I'm personally sick of the non-reductive bashing of SL relationships (or any on-line relationship for that matter). It's not for anyone else to decide what our individual needs are or should be. If it's not harming others, then it's good in my books.

My family IRL was violently abusive. Sure, here in SL, relationships must navigate a mine-field of dishonesty but I would take even the most dishonest relationship over some of the ones that I have whitnessed IRL. 

Commetary aside, the OP was interested in where to go from here. My advice is to do what you do IRL... move on and learn. Learn what was in that failed relationship that YOU can change. Its a hard lesson to learn and sometimes it's not readily available to you to know what those things are but she owes it to herself to do that painful-self-searching. Every relationship that she has in her life afterwards will benifit because she will understand that she doesn't NEED someone for happiness but rather the person in your relationship should be there to enjoy the happiness already present. Some of us take years of pain to arrive at that realization. Hopefully she's luckier than them.

Give her a hug and help her cheer up. Have her focus on being the best her that she can be. It's when that happens that you are able to see the strength of character in a potential lover. And the better SHE is the longer those relationships will last.

 

Good luck!

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"I can't afford a microphone" is not just an excuse for not wanting people to know your real gender.

It can also mean "I am female with a very deep voice and sound like a bloke, but you wouldn't believe me"

or "I have a voice like a crazed chipmunk, and it would destroy my image as a sultry siren"

or "I really scream when I come, and I don't want to wake the kids and husband up".

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I been thru all that prove it stuff. There loss.

@ who ever. As for others relationships, keep well out of it. Been there too.

ADDED: Oil and water do not mix, neither do SL and RL. But there always an exception. If people come to SL to find an RL partner they going to be very disappointed.

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Pie Serendipity wrote:

"I can't afford a microphone" is not just an excuse for not wanting people to know your real gender.

It can also mean "I am female with a very deep voice and sound like a bloke, but you wouldn't believe me"

or "I have a voice like a crazed chipmunk, and it would destroy my image as a sultry siren"

or
"I really scream when I come, and I don't want to wake the kids and husband up".

This made me laugh 

 

To the OP... SL isn't really the best place for romance, sure there's a few success stories, but it has so much more to offer too...take your friend and get out there and have some fun, hit the stores, hit the dancefloors and try something totally new like building or photography, there's a big wide world in there.

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Lament's terms? I guess they would be, seeing as she is heart broken over a guy she barely knew.  Is it Drama Thursday? Possibly a Friday post?

People are so full of themselves and think SL is the place to find their "One true love!!" Seriously people, stop using SL as a dating site. The very rare few that make it work are not the norm. They are the exception.

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silent meow.jpg

 


Summer Tison wrote:


Pie Serendipity wrote:

"I can't afford a microphone" is not just an excuse for not wanting people to know your real gender.

It can also mean "I am female with a very deep voice and sound like a bloke, but you wouldn't believe me"

or "I have a voice like a crazed chipmunk, and it would destroy my image as a sultry siren"

or
"I really scream when I come, and I don't want to wake the kids and husband up".

This made me laugh 

 

To the OP... SL isn't really the best place for romance, sure there's a few success stories, but it has so much more to offer too...take your friend and get out there and have some fun, hit the stores, hit the dancefloors and try something totally new like building or photography, there's a big wide world in there.

That did remind me of this.

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Forget about him. If he believes a stranger over you it isnt worth is. I actually had a friend admit he was a guy after talking and knowing him for 2 years. He has a gf talk when he needed to "prove" He was a female. I dont mind voice chatting but I do it on my own comfort. Not on someone elses. I hope she realizes he is a jerk and move on.

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