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help for submissives

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Studio09 wrote:


Carole Franizzi wrote:

...

If you have a need to feel you're involved in something 'special', that's great - apparently, the secret for all long-lasting relationships is the shared belief they have something magical and unique - however, I think you'll find that people who don't do bdsm feel just as strongly about their relationships as you do about yours.

...

 

I see you are reading much more into what I have written than what I intented.  Sorry if I have mislead you.

I am not involved in BDSM in RL or in SL.  My first time encountering anything about it was my very first day on the forums here when I responded to Specer's post looking for a submissive (you know the thread you were quite active in it).  I did't even know that submissive refered to BDSM or any of the other key words he used in his post such as aftercare.  My initial reaction was to run the other way.  But instead I researched as much as I could using the internet.

I now know that I will probably never adopt a BDSM lifestyle in RL but I am interested in exploring the polarizing effects D/s can have on a play session or a short term RP situation.  My theory is that the more polorized the energies the more explosive the fusion of those energies will be. :matte-motes-bashful-cute:

Anyway to clear things up I am not involved in anything and not feeling any more special than normal.

 

Ahhhhhhhhhh! Studio! From Spence's thread! How are you? How's your SL going?

Poor lamb - I was all miffy with you because in these forums (and in-world) there's a bit of a tradition for some BDSMers to - how to put it? - look down on boring old 'vanillas'. Take no notice of me. I can be a grumpy old b**** at times.

 

 

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Well in this day and age, communications being what they are, I consider what we have now to be as near as damit to RL interaction, I am not going into detail here but the closer we get to touching the broader and fuller what we have becomes, if this isn't love then I'm a monkey's uncle.

I still don't see how I held us up as some kind of example to the world, what I wrote was a simple background piece to my comment, which was a valid one. I certainly don't think my comment warrants the attention you are lavishing it with, in fact I am starting to think the forums are nothing but a platform for flaming people. I would delete my comment if you had not quoted it, and I think this will be the last thread I will comment on for some time.

I know what we have and I don't need people questioning the veracity of my private life by reading into a single sentence. I know I put it out there but the thrust of my original comment was not myself but the scope of relationships in SL where there is no RL interaction whatsoever.

Flame away, I am not motivated to comment any further

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Syo Emerald wrote:

Finally someone understands me!

yes, trolls and other griefers tend to have an understanding. It's the only people they tend to relate to at whatever level their braincell can manage.

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Leia36 wrote:

Well in this day and age, communications being what they are, I consider what we have now to be as near as damit to RL interaction, I am not going into detail here but the closer we get to touching the broader and fuller what we have becomes, if this isn't love then I'm a monkey's uncle.

I still don't see how I held us up as some kind of example to the world, what I wrote was a simple background piece to my comment, which was a valid one. I certainly don't think my comment warrants the attention you are lavishing it with, in fact I am starting to think the forums are nothing but a platform for flaming people. I would delete my comment if you had not quoted it, and I think this will be the last thread I will comment on for some time.

I know what we have and I don't need people questioning the veracity of my private life by reading into a single sentence. I know I put it out there but the thrust of my original comment was not myself but the scope of relationships in SL where there is no RL interaction whatsoever.

Flame away, I am not motivated to comment any further

Nobody's flaming. You made a post, I made an observation about that post (that perhaps your thing isn't quite real-lifey enough yet for it to be useful to draw any conclusions). Simply because my post wasnt what you expected/wanted to read, does not make it flaming. This is a discussion board. If you don't wish to discuss, you can choose not to use it. If you don't wish your private life to be object of discussion, then don't post about it. Dead simple.

Feel free to post or not post. It's totally your choice. But don't blame your self-imposed exile from the forums on another poster for not realising that, although you voluntarily included details of your private life, these details were to be considered untouchable.

I'll delete my previous comment, so you can erase or keep whatever you like.

 

 

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jwenting wrote:


Syo Emerald wrote:

Finally someone understands me!

yes, trolls and other griefers tend to have an understanding. It's the only people they tend to relate to at whatever level their braincell can manage.

I'm a troll AND a griefer???? Really??? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!

And they said that I didn't have it in me! They said I was too old, spelled too well, wrote too many walls of text. Hope you're watching me now, you doubters - I MADE IT!

 

 

 

 

 

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Sorry. Excuse me. I have a question. You see, I'm a bit of a newbie to this trolling malarky. Only just qualified, you see. I get the impression you might be a bit of an expert, and I thought you'd be able to help me out over definitions.

Troll - someone who makes a comment or asks questions you don't like - right?

Griefer - someone who...makes a comment or asks questions you don't like? - same thing?

Flamer - someone who...??? - can't be the same yet again, surely?

You see my confusion? Plus, I'm not clear about the correct label for a person who posts insults.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Carole Franizzi wrote:


Ahhhhhhhhhh! Studio! From Spence's thread! How are you? How's your SL going?

Poor lamb - I was all miffy with you because in these forums (and in-world) there's a bit of a tradition for some BDSMers to - how to put it? - look down on boring old 'vanillas'. Take no notice of me. I can be a grumpy old b**** at times.

No problem. 

 

SL has been rather interesting this morning.  While I was typing my response to you earlier I was in world in my SL viewer in the background when I noticed the arm of another person beside me in my house.  I stopped typing to investigate and met a very friendly, very helpful, and very good looking male.  Not sure how he got in, he said a glitch.  I can see now I need to spend less time on the forums and playing GW2 and more time in world.
;)

 

The OP didn't seem condescending to me.   I think you and Syo are being defensive.  No need to justify to anyone for what you prefer, being vanilla or being more "flavorful".  I can see being referred to as vanilla would be derogatory.  I'd rather be thought of as strawberry or peach or mint chocolate chip.

 

 

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jwenting wrote:


Syo Emerald wrote:

Finally someone understands me!

yes, trolls and other griefers tend to have an understanding. It's the only people they tend to relate to at whatever level their braincell can manage.

Thats idiotic. Or can you back up that insult with facts? No you can't. (I would have been curious about those faked screenshots showing me as a griefer, since griefing in SL is descriped as a mean action inworld. Or that theory, which provides an answer as to how I reached my forum rank trough trolling or how all the hundreds of posts I made are actually mean troll-posts.

I agree with Carol, because it IS my opinion that there are strong traits of arrogance in the BDSM community towards everyone else, who is not deep within their "world". Thats it, nothing else.

But if you want a fight, just say so.

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Syo Emerald wrote:I agree with Carol, because it IS my opinion that there are strong traits of arrogance in the BDSM community towards everyone else, who is not deep within their "world". Thats it, nothing else.

Only in SL though. That's what I don't get. I only know a couple of people in RL who've 'fessed up to me about being into it, so I don't want to over-generalise, but there was no hint of this strange SL attitude which I came across all the time when I was a proper SLer. There was more blushing and giggling going on than 'Oh, you poor vanillas'.

Part of the enigma (for me) is the willingness to post about something private (have you any idea what I'm really into? you can't have - I've never said) then the fury if anyone comments in any way aside from 'Well done you'. If I posted about my forced eyebrow plucking fetish, I'd kinda expect to be commented on.

Oops.

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Studio09 wrote:


Carole Franizzi wrote:


Ahhhhhhhhhh! Studio! From Spence's thread! How are you? How's your SL going?

Poor lamb - I was all miffy with you because in these forums (and in-world) there's a bit of a tradition for some BDSMers to - how to put it? - look down on boring old 'vanillas'. Take no notice of me. I can be a grumpy old b**** at times.

No problem. 

 

SL has been rather interesting this morning.  While I was typing my response to you earlier I was in world in my SL viewer in the background when I noticed the arm of another person beside me in my house.  I stopped typing to investigate and met a very friendly, very helpful, and very good looking male.  Not sure how he got in, he said a glitch.  I can see now I need to spend less time on the forums and playing GW2 and more time in world.
;)

 

The OP didn't seem condescending to me.   I think you and Syo are being defensive.  No need to justify to anyone for what you prefer, being vanilla or being more "flavorful".  I can see being referred to as vanilla would be derogatory.  I'd rather be thought of as strawberry or peach or mint chocolate chip.

I'm sure you would, however, if you're not into Bdsm, you're vanilla apparently. Like it or lump it.
I was like you - it wasn't till I came into SL that I discovered the existence of a whole load of things, including the fact that I'm ... vanilla... Oh, lordy, you can complete your education in SL!

A glitch in SL is the RL equivalent of  'sorry my car broke down outside your house and I need to use a phone' in RL. Such opportunities should not be wasted. Have fun.

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I agree with what you posted. She just offered her hand to help those in need. People accussed her acting like she better when I see here that it seems to be the other way around. Whether you agree with her or not she did not come in here saying she was better then everyone else. People need to remember HER sl is as she wants it. Funny people only remember it when its them. GL to OP. I hope many come to find comfort in you friendliness.

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Now now take a deep breath. I've read the same thing. I think the general Idea she was trying to impart previousaly was that relationships can move to real life or involve real life emotions. Which is inline with comments you made earlier. I didn't read anything in there implying that "vanilla" relationships are bad or not as special. I think you are getting a little attack at this point tbh. At least toward her. While I do agree that previous posters have implied that bdsm relationships are super special, which they really are not more special then any other relationship, this poster never really said such a thing. TBH I've read her posts in a few places and she's generally a supportive person. I don't think I've ever read her imply that bdsm is "Better" then any other relationship in any post.

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Are there really any "vanilla" relationships anymore?

"Vanilla sex (or conventional sex) is what a culture regards as standard or conventional sexual behaviour. Different cultures, subcultures and individuals have different ideas about what constitutes this type of sex. Often, it is interpreted as sex which does not involve such elements as BDSM, kink, or fetish activities."

"Among heterosexual couples in the Western world, vanilla sex often refers to the missionary position."

Are there really couples that have nothing but missionary position sex?  Hell, even my parents at 70 years old have more fun than that.. please don't ask, i am scarred for life.

If I decide to tye my wife up one night, does that make me a BD/SMer? Am I now allowed to apply for my badge and ID? Whats that? there aren't badges and IDs for lifestylers? How will we ever be able to tell who is and who isn't in the lifestyle!!!

Didnt mean to reply to you Maddy.. just needed to rant a bit. BTW.. WB Carole you sexy cougar.

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Although I can not speak for same-sex partnerships. there is no such thing as a heterosexual relationship where power is shared equally; the male always effectively has the upper hand - even if the couple may wish to fantasise otherwise - which by most BDSM definitions, means there is a dom and a sub, thereby rendering the pairing non-vanilla.

Awe . . . hopes his wife doesn't see this post, or he'll be cleaning the toilets all next weekend.

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It's cool I know what you mean. I can garuntee there are some people who only do missionary and lie back and think of england when they do. You have to consider that there are still people who believe sex is for reproduction only. Still I see your point.

 

To the poster above me. The man doesn't always have the upper hand. While men tend to be stronger true there are still cases of spousal abuse where the husband is the abused. I think this tends to happen more when the male is psychologically weaker and thus easer controlled but still

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Madeline Blackbart wrote:

the male is psychologically weaker


Impossible!

Awe . . . without brain trauma.

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I think it a nice and generous offer you have made to others.

I am really sorry your generosity and what you believe in is being criticized. You seem to think outside of the box and can see old realities are slipping away and how we are redefining what   "relationships"  are...how we interact with virtual relationships.  I hope you ignore the game players and trolls.  Truly, the only thing that matters if you have been the best you believe you can be. 

At the end of the day, if you can ask youself, have I done my very best today?  Have I been kind and shown respect to others regardless if it  in virtual  or the physical world?   Am I satisfied with my actions and reactions to/with others? If you have answered yes, then you should be able to sleep soundly at night.


May your generosity bring you threefold in return.

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Unauthorized opinions and fun will be heavily, passive aggressively, flamed until all conform. THAT WILL BE ALL!!!!!!!!

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Awe Thor wrote:


Madeline Blackbart wrote:

the male is psychologically weaker


Impossible!

Awe . . . without brain trauma.

It doesn't take brain truama. In fact all it takes is the right settings growing up or the right mental desease and BAM psychologically weaker male (aka male who doesn't not realize he is physically straonger). Plus women and men psychologically have the same strength to began with (this is outside of physical strength of course) so all it takes is for one to be damaged in some way for the other to claim dominance over them in a negative way.

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Sephina Frostbite wrote:


Charly Muggins wrote:


Madeline Blackbart wrote: brain truama.

That's amusingly self-referential.

 

No need to be rude. 

There is no necessity for most of the amusing things in life.

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Charly Muggins wrote:


Sephina Frostbite wrote:


Charly Muggins wrote:


Madeline Blackbart wrote: brain truama.

That's amusingly self-referential.

 

No need to be rude. 

There is no necessity for most of the amusing things in life.

Still doesn't excuse your child like behavior. Please we already have one troll on the forums we don't need two.

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Sephina Frostbite wrote:

 

Still doesn't excuse your child like behavior. Please we already have one troll on the forums we don't need two.

Most of the children I know don't know what trauma is, much less how to spell it correctly. Come to think of it, most of the adults here seem to have similar problems.

ETA That's "trauma" not "drama".

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