Profile Advice

[MinkBlueleaf Fyrewik]

So, I  was thinking about profiles tonight and how I would compose this forum post.

I re-did my profile after much thought - put emphasis on certain words and added new information. I think I got it to where I am happy with it.

However, I wondered what information do people look for in profiles? What information makes you wanna even bother talking to in local chat or IM that person? 

What are some suggestions to making a friendly profile, yet, keeping it slanted to avoiding misunderstandings?

I saw in another profile "I clean my list of people every [insert] number of weeks here that don't Keep In Touch." Is that a turn-off that would keep someone from not even bothering to chat with or IM with in the first place?

Are Do's and Dont's lists a no-no/turn-off? (I would think people would appreciate Role-play information and limits, though?)

Would "you can only contact me *if*" be counterproductive? Or should there be boundaries set in the profiles? Or, should that be spoken out about over the course in real time? Is that why some people can't be bothered to read profiles, because they don't care about all that and only go after the avatar?

I tend to prefer it if there are criteria in profiles that would lean me toward wanting to contact and would lean me toward not wanting to contact. Some things simply do need to be spelled out - such as with what I experienced myself recently, which is why I updated my profile and added what I feel necessary information. I'm not trying to be a “cantankerous person,” I just need to basically protect myself, but I want people to still feel comfortable contacting me.

I had no trouble before with friend requests but I did add more information and fear it would taper off.

Am I shooting myself in the foot by warning people about my preferences for contact ahead of time before possible conflicts begin?

Apparently My profile has been labeled moderate, so only those that have those settings can see it, I think; is that how it works?

 

((I am rapidly losing focus, as exhaustion finally hits me so I won't be able to promptly respond to any suggestions and advise and such, but I will read them! and ponder responses when I am more Alert!))

 

 

[Phil Deakins]

I don't IM people out of the blue, even when they say to IM them because "they don't bite" , but I like humour in profiles.

[Syo Emerald]

Well, I don't look for specific informations but for the overall impression a profile gives. What people say about themselves, what groups they have, what font they use, what picks they add, what interests they have and so on. That can give me a feeling, if I would match with the person or if it would end in an argument.

I'm only having a couple of "turn offs" and a rare group of things that make me run.

Turn offs...

- using of odd writing

- just poems, wise words or songs

- 124585960 picks about their friends/ love

- nearly all groups about sex

Its still ok for me to chat with them, but I'm not starting the conversation or assume that we will be great friends.

What lets me run...

- lots of sexism and anti-women groups

- "ToS-picks"

- a general style that suggests that they are mean,dramaseeking , selfish or a spoild brat

[Marigold Devin]

I'd personally steer well clear of people who put things like "no drama", in their profile, and I've learned not to be keen on those who have 'deep, meaningful'(!) quotes from great literary minds, but they're just my turn-offs.

I like humour, and if the profile photo is fun, that makes me instantly warm to a person.

As Syo says, general overall impression, groups, picks, nothing too hardcore/extreme is what will urge me to IM someone, although I rarely do IM anyone first.

If you're involved or intending to be involved in roleplay, then I think it's useful to others to add your limits within a pick; might save time setting ground rules later. 

But if you are more than just the roleplay character you may occasionally play, then less is more (but too little is bot-like and a total turn-off).

 

[Bree Giffen]

If you're looking for people to engage you because they're interested in what they see in your profile perhaps you should structure it like an advertisement in which you are the product.

Your profile would begin with something that targets the people you would like meet. A little story at the beginning might work like, "So I was hanging out at the bondage ranch the other day and there were so many nice furry avatars I couldn't decide who to tie up first!"

Then you launch into information about yourself like, "I'm tall, green, and I like to ride rollercoasters in first person view."

Finally, you need a call to action, "So come on over and chat or send me a message! I promise not to lick you too much! Unless that's your thing."

I suppose you could add some disclaimers at the end "Cannot guarantee your heart will not be broken. No refunds or exchanges."

I also think that you should try to make your profile PG. You want as large a pool as possible.

[Syo Emerald]

I think its not a big problem anyway...someone who can't view M rated content (such as this profile) maybe isn't the target at all. Everyone who does not include M in their search results might either be overprude or underage :catwink:

[Czari Zenovka]

Hi Raimi :matte-motes-smile:  You will receive as many different responses to this post are there are posters.  I compose my profile in a manner that works for me and if others don't like it/parts of it, they are likely people with whom I wouldn't have that much in common to begin with. :matte-motes-wink:  That being said, I am a prolific profile perver reader.  When I am in a populated area of SL, reading profiles is one of my favorite activities. I used to belong to several "I Read Profiles" groups.  Some of my thoughts in no particular order:

*Blank profiles of someone more than 1 month old in SL is a major turn-off to me.  If someone can't take the little effort to create a profile, not my kind of person.

*I know I'm going to take heat for this one.  *Dons flame retardant suit and mask*  I personally just chuckle and shake my head when I see "Hi! I love to have fun in SL and  I'm a friendly person who likes to meet new people."

Ok, nothing particularly "wrong" with that line, it's just, imo, unimaginative.  To me it's a given people are in SL for some type of fun, whether that means socializing, role playing, or owning a business.  I've have yet to see a profile that says, "I don't like SL but I'm here anyway."

*"Do's and Don'ts" - This is another controversial profile topic.  Some people hate them, others use them, and some appreciate them.  It's all a matter of how the list is presented, imo.  Back during my more social time in SL, ie. going dancing & hoping to enjoy some interesting conversation, I had such a list.  After experiences of being IM'd by guys who began their interactions with such lovely lines as, "Hi, how r u?" (l33t speech makes me grind my teeth); "Hi, how old r u? I'm 22." (In addition to the l33t speech now we have someone who is inquiring into a private part of my life plus, since I could, mathematically speaking, be this person's mother aunt, pretty sure the conversation wouldn't get much better), etc.

Thus I stated on my profile that I would accept a dance from anyone, at least the first time, provided that...(and gave my "list.")  This was years ago but iirc some of them were:

*I mute IM's that only say "Hi" - unimaginative.

*Similarly muted are IM's that use letters for words.

*I enjoy scintillating conversation.  If you don't know the meaning of the word "scintillating" we most likely would not get along.

*Enjoy gentlemen with wit and flaire, preferably over the RL age of 40."

I never once had anyone IM to tell me they didn't like my list.  Some may have thought that and didn't IM, in which case the list served my weeding-out purpose.  I *did* get many IM's complimenting my profile (the entire profile - I had a lot more info in the Picks section).  I had more than one man say "You're a woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to say it."  One man said, "I've read down the list and I think I meet all criteria.  Would you care to dance?"

At this point in my SL I am more reclusive and spend most of my online time in my home up in the sky or going to one or two of my "regular" locales, or IMing with friends, thus my current profile is likely not that interesting.  I change it depending on what I am doing in SL in a given "era." (I feel like I've lived many "Second Lives" over the last 6 years.)  Once I became a SL merchant, a lot of my profile was dedicated to the business.

My best advice is to be yourself and be imaginative.  If you want to meet people in SL, use your profile to stand out from the crowd.

*My name is Czari Zenovka and I approve this post.

Edit: Typo/Clarification

 

 

[Abigail Merlin]

First thing I usualy look for in a profile is RP info, some background on their character, maybe family or history.

things like RL pictures or bashing the moto rl=rl sl=sl usualy makes me close the profile right away.

[Syo Emerald]

Yes, some people don't do themselves a favor with the rl picture they put into their profiles.

[Perrie Juran]

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Syo Emerald wrote:

Yes, some people don't do themselves a favor with the rl picture they put into their profiles.

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or they are getting the results that they want

 

 

[squashy Beeswing]

My profile turn-offs from a couple of years ago (perhaps i should compose a 'Part Two' as i've collected a few more since then) :   

http://talltales-epicfails.blogspot.co.uk/2010/09/whats-deal-with-sl-profiles.html?zx=97790859e8c70639

My own profile isn't perfect by any means but it's received many comments and even a few compliments, too.  :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

[MinkBlueleaf Fyrewik]

Aye, I feel my profile works for me in some ways. I hadn't really thought about it before as a way to weed out the 'wrong' sorts of people; it makes total sense, though. I learned my lesson recently that near-total compatibility is preferred to some-what compatibility. 

Many years ago, I simply had "Technical Difficulties" in my profile and got a few friends requests, regardless. I thought that was weird.    So yeah, it does depend on the person reading the profile as to how they respond or not.

 

/me grins.  "Thanks for sharing your advice. I enjoyed reading that."

[Ren Toxx]

I've often been complimented for my profile (don't bother checking it, it's another account), yet I'm sure it 'turns off' just as many people as it attracts, if not more, and for a whole lot of reasons. It's very, very detailed (some parts of it are literally at their fields' max. allowed length), and for that reason alone I reckon some people wouldn't bother reading it all; I also exercise a measure of blunt self-effacing honesty that will probably deter more than a few; and then I proceed to express my dim views on a number of other topics, further decreasing my chances of being universally liked. Some would deem that a bad thing, but I rather think it's a good one, because I'm no more interested in meeting people who'd dislike me, than they'd be in meeting me.

Another thing conspicuously absent from my profile is quotes. Not a single one. It's not that I dislike them... on the contrary, I'm fond of many quotes, even a few I don't agree with; it's just that I don't like using other people's words to express my views... I want to think I don't need that, and if sometimes I can't find the right words to do it all by myself, I just think more, or leave it for another time, since no one's hurrying me.

In fact, my profile has been evolving for over four years and will continue doing so, just as my avatar and many other aspects of my SL. Sometimes a small change / improvement strikes me as a good idea, so I apply it; what I don't do is massive overhauls, because with those would come the temptation to resort to other's ideas... and with that, in turn, would come depersonalization. Whatever my profile is at any given moment, it expresses how I am and what I believe at that point in my (S)life, and if there are mistakes, holes, lack of development or sophistication or whatever... then so be it: those represent me, too.

 

 

My point is, Raimi: don't try making your profile a 'one-size-fits-all' or a 'bestseller'. No matter what you put in it... smart or dumb, a lot or very little, funny or serious... let it be a full expression of what you are: the good and the bad. In the end, I think that's the best kind of profile you can have :smileywink:

[Syo Emerald]

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squashy Beeswing wrote:

My profile turn-offs from a couple of years ago (perhaps i should compose a 'Part Two' as i've collected a few more since then) :   

http://talltales-epicfails.blogspot.co.uk/2010/09/whats-deal-with-sl-profiles.html?zx=97790859e8c70639

My own profile isn't perfect by any means but it's received many comments and even a few compliments, too.  :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

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Nothing says it better than this link..omg! I was looking for something like this.

[MinkBlueleaf Fyrewik]

That's an awesome blog post and got giggles out of me.  I had to show my RL boyfriend and he giggled, too. I read your profile, too. I really like it.

[Czari Zenovka]

You're most welcome.  As I said...I really enjoy profiles. :matte-motes-big-grin:

One of my profile-related anecdotes:

Again, this was back in my "younger" more socially-oriented days in SL.  While using a profile similar to the one I previously posted I received quite a few invitations to dance.  Some were with nice gentlemen with whom I had a lovely conversation, and that was that.  A few, however, gradually turned into "dating" situations.  On the one hand, I don't want to pry into someone's personal life but, on the other, having "been there and done that" I also don't want to begin forming an attachment to a man who is married RL.  I fall into the group of people on SL for whom SL is an extension of my RL and my personal mores are such I don't date married men.

Moving on...

After having a couple of experiences where I didn't find out the men were married RL until I had become rather fond of them since it was still early enough in the relationships that I didn't think it was good manners to ask if they were married, I included info in one of my profile Picks to address this issue.  It had the word "MARRIED" with the international symbol for "No" or "Don't do this" over the word.  I explained in the text part that even an innocent dance can lead to a greater attraction, etc., etc. and stated my reasons for not wishing to dance with married men. 

The first time I went to a dance venue with that in my profile, I began receiving multiple IMs almost immediately.  Several applauded my stance, a few tried to tell me SL is "just a game" (ok I had addressed that in the pick info), but one fellow was outraged.  He IM'd with the opener of, "So because I'm married in RL you won't dance with me?  What kind of discrimination is this?"  I engaged him in conversation and tried to explain my reasoning (which again is ONLY my reasoning for ME) in a different manner than I had stated it in my pick.  I'd have to go back into logs for the entire convo but, in a nutshell, he thought this was the stupidest thing he'd ever seen in a profile and expressed other "choice" comments.  I tried to relate what brought me to this decision in the first place, but he seemed intent on raging about how "discriminatory" I was so I eventually muted him.

Looking back, that is one of my "Weird SL Experiences."

[squashy Beeswing]

:smileyvery-happy:Ty, Syo, though i definitely need to add "TOS picks" to the list.

Also, those profiles containing instructions on how one should behave in SL (i.e., how the profile owner thinks we should all behave).  It's so patronising! 

And not forgetting the "i'm sooooo crazyyyyyy !!!!!!!!!" brigade.  Read "mind-numbingly dull" and you'll likely be nearer the mark.

I'm sure there are more but can't think of them off the top of my head. :smileyvery-happy:

[Perrie Juran]

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squashy Beeswing wrote:

My profile turn-offs from a couple of years ago (perhaps i should compose a 'Part Two' as i've collected a few more since then) :   

http://talltales-epicfails.blogspot.co.uk/2010/09/whats-deal-with-sl-profiles.html?zx=97790859e8c70639

My own profile isn't perfect by any means but it's received many comments and even a few compliments, too.  :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

---

That is awesome!  Kudos.

 

My profile is a bit of a mix of things.  Some personal thoughts about SL, a mention of a couple of friends.

I list several of my favorite authors.  That has been actually the most 'profitable' thing I did having led to a number of excellent conversations and friendships.  The choice of authors also give some insight to how I think.

[squashy Beeswing]

Thanks, Raimi, i'm glad you enjoyed it.  I need to remove the my profile pick about my ex-partner though.  He dumped me.  :smileymad:

[Randall Ahren]

That was a well written blogpost and a really nice blog. Too bad it died. Squashy is funny.

 

[Tari Landar]

I haven't read through the whole thread yet, I'll get there.  I tend to not IM people first unless it's to inquire about something specifc. That said, I profile perv a LOT. All the time even, just for fun. I've found some very interesting people that way, and some very disturbing people too, lol.

My profile, as I see it, is what I want it to be. I don't much give a fig what anyone else thinks about it. It's not just there for their eye candy, lol. It says the things I want it to say, and doesn't say the things I don't want it to say. But a lot of what my profile says is related to the circles I am a part of. So what seems tacky, cheesey or whatever else to someone, is meaningful to us. It's meaningful to me, and mine and really that's all that matters. What others think, won't change my sl day

I try not to judge others' profiles harshly, because I hate having mine judged. Some people can be extremely cruel in their words, though they typically say it's not intentional. I know they're lying when they say that. I've had people make harsh comments about having soooooooo many picks dedicated to my love and my life. I've had harsh comments about not having RP info, despite the fact that I'm not into RP in sl, lol. I've had nasty things said about having a rl pic under my 1st life tab.(those people tend to be the most arrogant I've ever seen in sl, as their comments tend to be "you're runing sl immersion with your rl stuff" in nature, except not nearly as nice). I've heard everything from the nastiest of the nasty comments to compliments and praise, plus everythign in between. While I don't always mind getting comments, even when not nice, I do often wonder why people think they ought to be judge and jury of others' sl, including their profiles, lol.

I don't look at people's profiles as a gift to me. I do look at them, at times, as information for potential profile readers, but not as something that ought to fit my ideals. I honestly don't care what people put in their profiles and I really don't understand why anyone would. In the case of RP I DO understand the desire to have something to go off of, when needed. Or if someone is in sl, seeking something, or someone, having that information can be helpful. But I don't understand, often, the way people word the desire or why people act like they are owed something. As if the profile ought to always fit what they want it to fit.

Maybe I'm weird, ok, not maybe, I am, but maybe I have a different idea of what profiles are. I know what they are to me, I can't possibly know what they are to everyone else though. So I don't presume to, I don't assume, and I don't judge, ok I try really, really really hard not to judge. Those times I do judge, I'd never vocalize that to them, unless there is an issue with someone's profile that could potentially land them in serious hot water. In which case, it's not just my opinion, but rather something important they need to know(which has only happened once-and it was a poor translation of something). I try to keep my opinions to myself, unless asked.

I do get a laugh when I see things that strike me as funny, which could be any number of things from drama to jokes, strange pictures, groups that make me chuckle, those "TOS" statements, etc.. I also cringe when I see things that I don't particularly care for, like groups, picks, judgmental comments about others, demeaning treatment of people, etc... But, again, that's not their fault or their problem, it's mine. If they like it, and they want it there, who am I to tell them they can't?

Just like there are some things in sl I absolutely loathe with every fiber of my being. Others love those things. Who am I to say they can't, or shouldn't? Not my place, imo. I see profiles as something along those lines. Not my place to say you can't, or you shouldn't.

[sparkles Britton]

Like many of the posters I rarely IM someone first but I do love a good profile reading session. I love the ones that make me laugh, smile and think. I love to see quotes because I can see a little way into a person, not always in a good way! :matte-motes-bored: It's all about choice and as another poster quite rightly pointed out, its a good way to weed out the people you don't want to speak too.

My profile is, well, its actually all for me. The things I have put in there are reminders of times in SL. Times with friends that have made me laugh till I cry, times that are so sad they have made me cry. Places I have visited that I have loved. There are no do's and don'ts, no instructions on how to speak to me or what I will or won't do. I guess in many ways its a diary about my time here in this mad, crazy, fun, beautiful world. I gets updated..not very often and currently needs some TLC. I have become a hermit at my beach, just me, my cats and some prims to play with. I love it when someone comments on something in my profile, but if they don't it doesn't bother me at all because it is mine. Selfish Sparky! :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

From reading all the posts I see people look at their profiles as very different things. Advertising, personal, business, RP etc. So, I guess the answer is, decide what yours is and do what makes you happy!

[Czari Zenovka]

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Ren Toxx wrote:

I've often been complimented for my profile (don't bother checking it, it's another account), yet I'm sure it 'turns off' just as many people as it attracts, if not more, and for a whole lot of reasons. It's very, very detailed (some parts of it are literally at their fields' max. allowed length), and for that reason alone I reckon some people wouldn't bother reading it all; I also exercise a measure of blunt self-effacing honesty that will probably deter more than a few; and then I proceed to express my dim views on a number of other topics, further decreasing my chances of being universally liked. Some would deem that a bad thing, but I rather think it's a good one, because I'm no more interested in meeting people who'd dislike me, than they'd be in meeting me.

Another thing conspicuously absent from my profile is quotes. Not a single one. It's not that I dislike them... on the contrary, I'm fond of many quotes, even a few I don't agree with; it's just that I don't like using other people's words to express my views... I want to think I don't need that, and if sometimes I can't find the right words to do it all by myself, I just think more, or leave it for another time, since no one's hurrying me.

In fact, my profile has been evolving for over four years and will continue doing so, just as my avatar and many other aspects of my SL. Sometimes a small change / improvement strikes me as a good idea, so I apply it; what I don't do is massive overhauls, because with those would come the temptation to resort to other's ideas... and with that, in turn, would come depersonalization. Whatever my profile is at any given moment, it expresses how I am and what I believe at that point in my (S)life, and if there are mistakes, holes, lack of development or sophistication or whatever... then so be it: those represent me, too.

 

 

My point is, Raimi: don't try making your profile a 'one-size-fits-all' or a 'bestseller'. No matter what you put in it... smart or dumb, a lot or very little, funny or serious... let it be a full expression of what you are: the good and the bad. In the end, I think that's the best kind of profile you can have :smileywink:

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QFT!  My kind of profiler. :matte-motes-smile:

[Sephina Frostbite]

I love the profiles that make you laugh and that are relaxed. Depressing poetry, ugh but it doesn't mean I wont talk to the person. I also found that profiles aren't always a tell all. I've read awesome profiles but the person was rather opposite. So I use the profile general but do take it much to heart.

EDIT:Spelling

[Sephina Frostbite]

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Abigail Merlin wrote:

First thing I usually look for in a profile is RP info, some background on their character, maybe family or history.

Things like RL pictures or bashing the moto rl=rl sl=sl usually makes me close the profile right away.

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I don't it when people bash RL/RL SL/SL either. Its my choice. I am still a good person, down to earth sweet and fun to be around..Most days lol. I hate it when people who say hi can I see you picture? Um you just said hi so no. I personally like to get to know a person. Nothing to hide its just the way I was built, Im young but Im old fashioned when it comes to that I guess. Ive gotten attacked when I told a person, "You want to know me then put the time in and I will show you but just saying hi sexy avi doesn't cut it". Also have you noticed that if they have their RL photo they demand you to show yours?