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Carl Thibodeaux

Do you think people are crazy to get married a week after meeting or a few months?

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The key is not to rush..
But being SL.. People get married ASAP and then things happen and it's all bad.
I just don't know what to say. What do you think?
Time to put people into padded rooms till they slow their hormones down?

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My observation is that

  • For some it is just roleplay and once they get bored they move on.
  • For some it is the thrill is the chase which culminates in a wedding/partnership.  Once they get that they get bored and look for new challenges. 
  • For some it lasts as long as the hormonal rush does, which varies.
  • For some they are serious but it is SL only.  It may last a long while, maybe years, but it may not work out because they eventually want different things or RL intrudes.
  • For some they are serious and it does work out and they may eventually take it to RL where it fails because RL is RL not SL.
  • For some they are serious and it does work out and they are together for a long time, maybe years, and eventually take it to RL where it works and they end up together in RL happy and content.

The lower on this list that you want to go, the more time there should be between meeting and any commitment so that you learn to be friends first and really get to know each other well.   A serious adult conversation also needs to take place where values and expectations are honestly exchanged and agreed on.  Then just like RL, once you commit both have to work to keep it.

On the other hand sometimes people meet in SL and they just fit together so well that no matter how long it is between meeting and partnering, it is all good.  Love at first sight or soulmates finding each other, is one way of putting it  - or not.  Rare, but I've seen it happen.

 

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Little to add to Amethyst's excellent answer, except maybe this...


Carl Thibodeaux wrote: “Time to put people into padded rooms till they slow their hormones down?”

Unfortunately SL, just as the rest of the Internet, is where a lot of people choose to let out all of their lowest selves, not just their hormones. And the more they believe it's OK to do in here what they wouldn't dare doing outside, the less their actions are gonna make any sense.

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here is the tutorial on how to have a happy second life..it has to be followed exactly or things could go wrong..

 

hehehe

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I don't think any one person ought to judge what is perfect, or not, when it comes to relationships.

Let me re-phrase that a bit...

I don't think any one person ought to get to decide what is perfect, or not, when it comes to the relationships of others.

I am a strong believer that not everything needs to take years to fall into place. Sometimes it really does happen in the blink of an eye. And who am I to judge another on that?

I met hubby online, though we were friends for a very long while before ever daring to take a step further..The feelings, however, were there from nearly the first meeting. Call it fate, call it destiny..call it crazy if you really want to. I love every second of it. Well...WE love every second of it.

If going "faster" than some deem appropriate means I'm meant to be placed in a padded room, bring it on. Because I don't want to be anywhere else in life, to be honest. If my padded room comes with this amount of love, joy, warm tingly feelings, butterflies in my stomach, soft kisses whenever the mood strikes-even more when it doesn't, support, appreciation, complete and utter awe, cuddling for no apparent reason, movie nights in bed, tears of both joy and sadness with the added bonus of a shoulder to share them on, friendship, happiness impossible to measure.....and probably a million other things I can't possibly put into words(or will bore you all to death trying).....I will happily take my place in the padded room, with my hubby. Ecstacy doesn't even begin to describe it. I'll be the last person on this Earth to tell another they can't, they shouldn't, they ought not to seek that out in whatever way they deem appropriate for themselves. I wish everyone on this planet could find their one true love, soulmate..the one person they want to spend the rest of their living days...and then some, with. For some people it may take years, for some it may take months. Personally, I don't think the time allowed ought to be decided by outside parties ;)

If we all judged a wee bit less, the world might be a happier place. Or it might not..but it certainly wouldn't hurt to try.

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Often there is huge drama around those couples as soon as the "perfect" partner isn't that perfect and they break up. But don't worry, next week they might be partnered again.

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The key to second life is to know that you're just a part of an illusion and fantasy. So fantasy isn't real and you can do what ever you desire. Just like in RL, some people like new people in their life each week and some want them for lifetime.

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Carl Thibodeaux wrote:

The key is not to rush..

But being SL.. People get married ASAP and then things happen and it's all bad.

I just don't know what to say. What do you think?

Time to put people into padded rooms till they slow their hormones down?

 

In Second Life, I think it's more to do with loneliness than hormones. And as they're unlikely to physically self-harm and are already taking refuge in the basement/spare back bedroom, a padded room isn't necessary.

I've known people who have taken their time, in Second Life and in real life, who have grown apart. I've also known people who have just "known" the moment they've me someone that they're meant to be together forever.

Good luck to them, I say.

 

 

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Amethyst Jetaime wrote:

On the other hand sometimes people meet in SL and they just fit together so well that no matter how long it is between meeting and partnering, it is all good.  Love at first sight or soulmates finding each other, is one way of putting it  - or not.  Rare, but I've seen it happen.

 

Well I count my relationship in this category and I make no illusions about it, it's VERY rare and we were very lucky. My guy and I met online at a SL party, met in person almost 2 months to the day after that and 4 months after that meeting we moved to be together RL. We've been together RL now for 2 years and things are great. No relationship is perfect and we have our share of ups and downs, but for us it's worked out very well. Looking back it was that strong, instant connection that just wouldn't be denied or go away. Today we're just as strong on our connection, even through work, bills and the day to day junk that comes up.  Life is good :)

I definitely don't recommend moving that fast for most people. There are far too many lonely people and breakable hearts in SL but I do thank the gods daily that we were one of the rare lucky ones.

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Okay, I'm far from saying that women are better people than men but I know one lesbian couple who are partnered in SL since the dawn of time, are on SL and happy together every day. And they still have fun! Doing everything as a couple. They didn't cocoon themselves in but enjoy a rich social life too.

That's strong and committed. I can't even begin to decribe how much I admire them.

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A week is a bit quick I think, lol. Several months (depends what you mean by 'several',several to some is 3 or 4, to me more like  7 or 8-sh or more) may be longer than a just here relationship will even last. Time burns faster here in SL. I personally believe that it's because we are forced to communicate and be interactive more. In RL you can just be chilling together and a smile is sometimes all the affirmation you need from your partner that the connection is still alive and kicking. Through this increased communication, we get to know each other better. Myself, I have had partners here that I felt a stronger bond with than some real life ones, without ever meeting the real life physical indiviual.

This makes me remember a guy I met my 1st week. He was getting married and invited me to his wedding. As it happened, I couldn't go but sent a gift. After this, the guy got married to a different girl once a month almost like clockwork. I had a big stack of invitations in my inventory. I think the girls were his alts lol and it was a scam for money, lmao

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Well I don't think people are crazy if they chose to do that. It's their choice but  u must be careful if the two are on two different planes of how they want the relationship. I met someone who was very nice and married in sl. I was more into the role play but my prtner wanted to take it to rl. I didn't and broke it off because the person was a bit obsessed. I'm still dealing with this same person. I had to change my house because he would not leave, when I blocked him he would stay right outside the house. He would IM me constantly till I muted him. He made other avi's just to contact me . This is still going on, and I totally regret being involved with him. I was ony thinking of sl and keeping things seperate, he wasn't. I also realised that some people in sl are looking for a way to get a better life. A way to get out of their country where economic situations are not good. I sensed this is what my partner wanted and i didn't want to be used as an escape route.

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Relationships in SL move along at a faster pace than those of the typical teenager today.I've known people who got together and moved in the next week and are together years later. I think Amethyst put it very well. It all depends on the expectations. I know people who have been together for years here who are very happy in SL, and maybe they do wish it would lead to RL but for whatever reason, that is never going to happen, so they have their happy SL marriages. It all depends on what each person expects out of the relationship and if their expectations match up well.  SL relationships work best (regardless of how short an acquaintance before the wedding bells) if both parties are in the same chapter of the same book, if not on the same page. Anyone who's been around SL long enough knows people who were involved with someone for whom the relationship was meant to be a RP only didn't bother to tell their SL spouse. "OMG HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME YOU CHEATING SLIME?" "Huh?? What are you talking about?" As long as both parties know what the other expects, knowing someone a few hours or a few days before tying the knot doesn't have much to do with the longevity of the relationship or feelings involved.

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SL marriages mean nothing. Even as a noob years ago, there was married guy who try to hit on me while his wife is is right there next to him and when I said you have a wife he just responded who cares. Let them get married after 1 second if they want. It's not a real commitment.

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Charli Infinity wrote:

SL marriages mean nothing. Even as a noob years ago, there was married guy who try to hit on me while his wife is is right there next to him and when I said you have a wife he just responded who cares. Let them get married after 1 second if they want. It's not a real commitment.

I think your reply is more about how you feel about SL partnerships that what others may.  I think every one in SL has been hit on by someone who is partnered already.  It also works the other way.  I've been out in public with my partner and even though it is obvious we are together, we both get hit on.  Obviously it means nothing to the people that act this way.  I will grant that statistically most partnerships don't last but a few months,

On the other hand, I know many committed couples in SL  that have been together for a long time, as in years.  I also know a surprising number of people who started off as SL partners and eventually it became a RL marriage who are very happy and who have been together in RL now for several years.  Some of them have RL kids now. 

Just among my personal friends I can count 11 couples now that are married in RL now.  In fact it happened to one of my closest SL friends very recently.  She and her now RL husband had been together in SL for years,  He lived in a country that rarely allows its citizens to immigrate anywhere.  Her country rarely will grant a visa to people from his country for more than just a brief stay.  Yet despite those odds and several years of fighting the system to be together, they are now blissfully married in RL.

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kristin34 wrote:

Well I don't think people are crazy if they chose to do that. It's their choice but  u
must be careful if the two are on two different planes of how they want the relationship
. I met someone who was very nice and married in sl. I was more into the role play but my prtner wanted to take it to rl. I didn't and broke it off because the person was a bit obsessed. I'm still dealing with this same person. I had to change my house because he would not leave, when I blocked him he would stay right outside the house. He would IM me constantly till I muted him. He made other avi's just to contact me . This is still going on, and I totally regret being involved with him. I was ony thinking of sl and keeping things seperate, he wasn't. I also realised that some people in sl are looking for a way to get a better life. A way to get out of their country where economic situations are not good. I sensed this is what my partner wanted and i didn't want to be used as an escape route.

Spot on IMO the part I emboldened in the quote. The 2 people must understand what each expects for it to work well.

 

BTW what you described is stalking. I can understand you may still care for that person on some level but I'd consider a call to a RL authority if they keep it up. AR in SL wouldn't be amiss also.

 

As an aside, more to the original poster I guess or people that responded after, I really dislike that relationships that are SL only or internet only get lumped under the banner of 'RP'. Also that some think they are meaningless, though I understand that can be because of their own experience with people. To me, an RP relationship would be like if I got involved with say ...a pirate sim of some sort and played the role of a wench and was held captive then rescued by some dashing fellow brandishing a rapier while his footwork rivaled the coreography in a broadway pruduction. Oh happy sunsets!

But an actual relationship within SL to me contains all the elements a RL one does, including feelings, so I don't consider that RP.

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Carl Thibodeaux wrote:

The key is not to rush..

But being SL.. People get married ASAP and then things happen and it's all bad.

I just don't know what to say. What do you think?

Time to put people into padded rooms till they slow their hormones down?

on a more serious note..unlike my other post was..

i see this a lot with newer residents..

i probably have around 200 wedding invitations still in my inventory from newer people to SL that i have met or helped in some way and became friends with..

a couple of weeks later i would get an invitation from some of them because they met someone that is into the same things they are..or one is acting like they are..or is just clicking perfectly with this other person.

maybe 40 of those made it to the alter..

the odds are not great or in their favor of finding  love..

 

but too early to take a chance ?

you just never know..

online or in the real world the rules don't change much..

it's all a risk..

anytime anywhere you meet someone and decide to take a chance..

it's a risk we take at getting hurt or meeting the love of our life or part of it..

 

i think if you set a time limit on opportunity..a lot of chances will pass you by..

i've known a lot of people that have broken up in sl that have met and partnered right away..

but i also know a lot that met right away and are still together today..

these are people that met in like 2005 and 2006 and 07 and so on..

 

there might not be a huge success rate in meeting and getting married right away..

but there isn't a huge success rate in marriage anyways..

most couples in rl end up getting married be it right away or taking their time..then have a good year and spend the next two trying to keep things together until they finally divorce..

if you ask me..getting married right away for those that feel it is right..

that's less of a risk of invested time than waiting it out and doing it only to end it a couple of years after the wedding..

me and my RL husband have been together since the day we met..

the only reason we got married..which happened 7 years after we met..it's because he wanted to give me something special for our anniversary..we were already married..it just wasn't put on paper yet is all..

 

 if someone is looking for love..you just never know when or where it's gonna hit..

there is no plan for it..all the waiting and setting dates? that is just some traditional stuff that someone made up a long time ago that got instilled into people..

i think a person should invest as much of themselves as they want..as soon as they want..

not follow some agenda because people might think this is how we are supossed to do this..

it's not about anyone but those involved..

and if it doesn't work out for them..

nobody will be hurting when it's over but those two involved..it's their risk not anyone else's..

they will either fall in love or live and learn..

 

in my opinion..i think people should not get in the way of someone who feels like taking that chance..

because it's really none of our business..i feel we should let people fail or succeed on their own without our involvement..

worry about our own hearts and not someone else's..

if aa good friend fails..then just be a good freind and help pick them back up..so they can give it another try..

 

it's one thing to be a concerned friend..

it's another to get involved and be an influence or factor in helping things fail ..just because we don't think things are right for them..

and that's just not right or fair to them..

 

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It all depends on the person's perception. If they're okay with it and they don't harm others in the process then let them be :)

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Carl Thibodeaux wrote:

The key is not to rush..

But being SL.. People get married ASAP and then things happen and it's all bad.

I just don't know what to say. What do you think?

Time to put people into padded rooms till they slow their hormones down?

I've never been in an SL relationship and never will be. Slow enough for you? :matte-motes-wink-tongue:

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Carl Thibodeaux wrote:

The key is not to rush..

But being SL.. People get married ASAP and then things happen and it's all bad.

I just don't know what to say. What do you think?

Time to put people into padded rooms till they slow their hormones down?

This may be how YOU think or feel or whatever. So who are you exactly to tell ppl to be put in a padded room for what they do online? Who are next to be told off, by the moral police? Neko's? Furries? Dragons? Vampires? Samurai?

 

Live and let live and stop bothering about what other people choose to do in SL.

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Caitlin Tobias wrote:


Carl Thibodeaux wrote:

The key is not to rush..

But being SL.. People get married ASAP and then things happen and it's all bad.

I just don't know what to say. What do you think?

Time to put people into padded rooms till they slow their hormones down?

This may be how YOU think or feel or whatever. So who are you exactly to tell ppl to be put in a padded room for what they do online? Who are next to be told off, by the moral police? Neko's? Furries? Dragons? Vampires? Samurai?

 

Live and let live and stop bothering about what other people choose to do in SL.

They got an itch, they needed to scratch it. Just sometimes people don't know its inappropriate to scratch one's hairy arse in a public place.

But Topless Tuesdays rule ! How the heck did I only just become of aware of them today?  Going to go and find my outfit for next week already. :matte-motes-big-grin-wink:

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