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Exploringstephanie

I need your experience and advice.

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I use this account, because I am quite a representative figure in a community, .. so I am not as new as I seem. Nonetheless, I have questions on which I hopefully can get an answer on this forum but at the same time I feel I cannot ask as my regular self.

I recently, or well, a few months ago, partnered someone I love very much. I have never been intimate with a man on Second Life. I spend my time building, dressing up, organizing and selling. In fact, the thought of any sexual activities alone had my disapproval. Over SL? Insane! Anyway, .. then came Mr. Right! He had never been intimate like me, so we take it very slow. I know he really likes it, and therefore - the fact that it makes him happy - I enjoy it too. Or so he says. See, that is the issue! I never quite know if he really does like it, especially because I am so inexperienced.

What can I do to really turn him on? And then I do mean to really turn him on, if that is possible. I do think it slightly arouses him but I really am not sure about that. Gentlemen, does it happen, and what usually is the 'trigger', so to speak? You have to understand I really do love this man, and I want to please him, if possible, over Second Life. What is the best way to go?

I do roleplay sometimes, so I take my experience from that, in terms of being descriptive in one's actions and emotions. Not para-roleplay, however.

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Exploringstephanie wrote:

What can I do to really turn him on? 

Hmm... well, cooking is out of the question so I guess...show up naked!

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Humans are visuals, espeically men ;-)

 

Wearing nice lingery using naughty poses ... let him feel its happening really. Some little hints the girl like what happens and that she get aroused too.

 

If you don't feel comfy doing it or embarassed say naughty things and talk about real stuff you might enjoy right then, its time to clear stuff between you 2.

 

I cannot RP love and emotions. If the girl would iron wash while av sl xxx I call that a fake and rather have nothing.

Actually thats the reason for me to do the latter - stay romantic cuddle dance and fine.

 

But that's all a definition thing berween you 2!!!

 

Monti

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What Monti Messmer said is true but not only visual. Men usually are more sensory using all there sense. Some need more then just text and sight. Sounds can help to. If you are not comfotable with voice or do not want to go that way you can play sound files that turn him on also. Ask him what he likes and get him to be honest with you. If you really want to turn him on you won't be able to if you don't know what turns him on. So let him know that you need to know so it is good for him too. 

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Exploringstephanie wrote:

 I know he really likes it, and therefore - the fact that it makes him happy - I enjoy it too. Or so he says. See, that is the issue! I never quite know if he really does like it, especially because I am so inexperienced.


First off, accept it that he is being honest when he says he is enjoying it.  The man you are describing does not sound like an emotionless person.

 

As someone else stated men can be very visually oriented.  Descriptive imagery can be very erotic.

Don't worry about being 'inexperienced.'  If you have pleased a man in RL, taken the time to explore a man's body with your fingertips and with your lips and tongue, you have more than the necesary experience.

Asking him what he likes can help you a lot.  But use your own words then in carrying it out.  Be descriptive.  You don't have to be a long winded para-roleplayer do this.  Just simple additions.  Instead of saying, "I touch your male part (word redacted) with my fingers," say "I feel (or see) your male part jump as I brush my fingers over it."  So say what is it your minds eye.   If you get goosebumps when he kisses your neck in SL, tell him.  Just don't say, "I feel your lips on my neck."  Tell him how the goosebumps rise on your body as you feel his warm breath on your neck.

Visual Imagery can be a very powerful thing.

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I don't usually visit the adult forum, but it may become my new habit! so here goes ...

For me, and I expect for many men, the visual side is very important, so make your self look fantastic, with a good-looking skin, hair and clothes, and to keep it fresh, try to put on a new outfit/hair every day or so. You may need recommnedations from other people about what's new and hot, or look at blogs etc. I don't know how you look, but it may mean updating/changing your present skin. Having said all that, the way you look needs to be pleasing to you too, and also, changing everything just to please him may be going a little too far, you need to keep your dignity and not be an ass-licker lol.

Second thing, find some furniture or animations that you think are hot and get him to use them with you. There is a lot out there, so you may need to test and test until you find something, but a system like Tenderlove is wonderful (although compared to others, the animations can seem a little slower), or check out some of the big names in furniture, like Digs, or Dutchie, who both include a lot of good quality animations in their furniture.

Lastly, and maybe most importantly, you two need to talk, and in a way you might not talk about in RL ever. About things your needs and desires and what turns you both on, because in SL, you cant really tell from a reaction if what you have just done is having any effect, like you yourself said in your OP. Connected with this is being very honest about how you feel and how you are reacting, and also, about telling him or asking him to do things which in RL would come out of the situation, like pushing someone down on the bed to kiss them (hey, get on that pose ball please?) or starting to make love to them (jump on that ball on the left, please) lol. Try to be honest yourself, and try to encourage him to be open too.

If you are both inexperienced it can be a nervous experience to be intimate like this, because there may be that nagging doubt whether the other person really likes it or not, but ... if they come back for more, then that's a good sign. Also, try not to waste countless hours, like my partners and I have done, in finding 'interesting' things to do such as play Greedy, go to a club to dance, listen to live music, when all both of you want to do is get naked and bleep the hell out of each other, and you are both a little too shy to openly say it and get down to it! Most of all, have fun with it, laugh and don't worry if something you say comes out not quite right and something you try to do doesn't quite come off (lol), it's all about learning about the other person and about yourself too, and it's not just about concluding with a wet tissue, but about exploring each other's minds.

I hope that helps a little!

 

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Fufill his fantasies, and do so in as realistic a way as possible.

This means paying attention to everything.  Your appearance, the animations you use, and most importantly, what you say.

The avatars and animations in SL can do a lot, but as Perrie said, the end result is in the mind of your partner.  So give him all the cues you can to fire up his imagination and make the experience real for him.

Go slow at first.  Maybe the two of you go dancing, with you in a glamorous gown.  As you dance, you flirt with him.  Later, go home with him, or take him to your place.  Cuddle.  Kiss.

Now you have to move faster.  Most guys don't have as much staying power as women.  Undress, piece by piece, and undress HIM too, via chat emotes.

Chat emotes are what we use to express feelings or actions that the animations and toys can't.  For more on how to emote, see my blog post, The How and Why of Emotes

If you are new to this aspect of SL, you may also want to read The Mechanics of Cyber-Sex

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