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lizbeth2u

Seeking someone special but how do I find him?

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Hi everyone,

 

    well. After being alone most of the time I've decided I need to find someone special to spend my time with while in SL

 

 It could be as part of a role play family  or as a partner. After the only close friend has said he will be off more than on

 

now I am left alone.. Not fun! I am a very caring person ( lady) and have many interests.  When I go to a club it seems 

 

no one asks me to dance or starts a chat. I know my avi is not ugly. So, why am I ignored?

 

 I have to add this note: I do not wish to extend my SL into my RL, like what stays in Vegas for me it is the same 

 

here in SL, I want to keep the two worlds separate. No real life committeemen desired. Having said this I want 

to care for someone in SL, not a mere friend,, but a caring relationship while in world.  Am I making any sense?

 

I find myself for a lack of words to express my feelings on this topic but do desire to meet someone special 

 

 

thank you

 

Elizabeth

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This is not to be said to criticize or put you down hun but start talking to people. Don't let them come to you. I notice that there a lot of of shy people on sl. LOTS. So they might not say hi but want to. I can't count how many times I have been told, "I think you are so beautiful I wanted to say hi but I was too shy, thank you for saying hello first." 

Second your thread sounds a little desperate. Maybe that comes off when you talk to people. Again not attacking just my perspective. 

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Thank you for your insights, perhaps being brought up to believe a man should speak first I have kept myself

 

from speaking (first)to men in SL. I do speak to ladies. Usually I just go visit a place and if no one speaks I leave

 

I do not wish to sound desperate, this is not who I am. 

 

 

Just a lady that wants to find some nice friends to hang out with, and make a connection that will hopefully turn into 

 

something special. From what you have said, I gather I should speak first. 

 

Will try that out tonight. Of course I never speak to men in SL that are with ladies. As, I assume they are taken.

 

 

Am I correct in this assumption?

 

Elizabeth

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Adding to what Sephina just said...I would suggest checking out the various groups on SL. Go into search and put in your interests...then see what comes up. I'm sure there's a group for people looking for partners (I think they call them dating services in RL..:matte-motes-sunglasses-3:)

 

Anyway...put your information in, join a group, start an group message or IM someone in the group. Don't just jump into something..finding someone in SL is very much like finding someone in RL...you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince charming. :matte-motes-sunglasses-3:

 

Ok..enough smiley emoticons. Go out and find that guy!!

Good Luck!!1

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Hi

Thanks for the smiley faces and the advice. Both of you gave me some much needed suggestions.

 

Will do my best to not show any desperation. While in SL,, :matte-motes-dead:

 

Elizabeth

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lizbeth2u wrote:

Hi

Thanks for the smiley faces and the advice. Both of you gave me some much needed suggestions.

 

Will do my best to not show any desperation. While in SL,, :matte-motes-dead:

 

Elizabeth

You'll be fine. Go out and don't be shy..there are lots of nice people out there inworld. I know you can do it.:matte-motes-sunglasses-3:

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lizbeth2u wrote:

Of course I never speak to men in SL that are with ladies. As, I assume they are taken.

Am I correct in this assumption?

 Elizabeth

Elizabeth, if the man is with me, he's likely trying to escape having his butt pinched. Feel free to rescue him.

;-)

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Thanks Tex,

 

    will keep on trying to be myself. a fun loving lady that just wants to enjoy my time in SL, hopefully one day

with someone with a good sense of humor.:matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

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Hello Lizabeth.  The best advice i can give is to stop looking.  Just find things that you like to do, participate and be friendly.  Someone special will come along when you least expect it.   Alternatively, you can type 'dating agency' in Search but be prepared to meet a lot of duds!    :matte-motes-grin:

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Your original post made a lot of sense, so no worries there. I don't think you sounded desperate as much as just not knowing the ins and out of sl dating. I don't think its that unusual for certain ladies not to have a throng of males in their chat boxes, esp if you are not one to come off like "I slex with anybody". I think a lot of guys probably avoid gals that they fear rejection from OR( if they're looking for someone easy) who looks like they are not easy.

Definately don't be shy to say something first. It could be any one of 9000 reasons that guy across the room hasn't spoken to you first. -From making a sandwich in rl, (and not really paying so much attention), to attempting to read YOUR profile and decide if you're with anyone in sl.

Certainly don't rush things. It sounds so pattented when people say it, but finding something you think in fun of your very own plays directly into finding someone to spend that time with. I'm one who  prefers the conversation of ladies who share my sl interests. If you're the type that likes hanging out with a pack of friends playing Greedy, and he's the type who likes going to book readings (yes they have them in sl) you may find thats not the best match :/  Easier to work it out if you met over the common interest.

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Hi

 

 and thank you for your reply, I'll give the search "dating" a try. I do think I need to find someone that enjoys

some of the same things I do. Not into just sex, but wants to enjoy similar activities. I love to read poetry, 

and explore lovely sites, attend inspirational meetings. Etc. Am not into clubs, even though I have attended  a

few in the past. It seems the upscale formal ones I love have only couples dancing. 

 

 

Thanks for your good advice, I do appreciate all help

 

Elizabeth

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Hi

 

Thank you for your reply, it could be  that my profile has scared away some in the past.(I have modified it to a degree)

 

Once I put "no sex " and that may have run away many:matte-motes-sunglasses-1: Have changed it lately to be more open

Yet keeping my standards. I love reading poetry, attending groups that discuss subjects of substance.  Of course if I am with someone I care for I love to dance under the moon at sunset. You see I am a romantic soul. This being said, I love to 

dress up and be in lovely settings preferably with only one special person. I had one but he is off for the summer and I do not know if he will be back in the fall. We were not partners but I really enjoyed his company. A true gentleman

 

So,having said all this I suppose I seek someone similar to spend time with. It seems one can care deeply about 

 

someone here in SL even though  it is a fantasy world.  I am trying to not allow myself to care that deeply again.

 

Thanks again,

 

Elizabeth

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lizbeth2u wrote:

Hi everyone,  After being alone most of the time I've decided I need to find someone special to spend my time with while in SL

thank you    Elizabeth

Hello Elizabeth!  Lovely name you have...btw.  : )

Here's what I recommend:   Get out there and do stuff!  Learn to create, or participate in activities in SL.  

Take a building class, or join a community that has activities.   What do you like to do?   Do you like to act?  Then join a theater group.   Are you artistic?  Then express yourself with art, and link to your Flickr page which will have snapshots of your art.   Have you created your own body shape or unique avatar?  If so, put that into your profile.  What types of music do you like?  If jazz or blues, go join clubs with that music focus, and start attending.  Do you like to listen to live music in SL?  If so, start going to live music shows, and check out the other people that also attend.

You love books and literature?  Join a writing club or book club inworld. 

 

Basically, try to make yourself interesting by "doing" and being active. People are attracted to those who look interesting, and are pursuing their own brand of happiness.  Think about what you find attractive in others, and reflect that back to the SL world.  You don't have to go around starting conversations, other people will start them for you.

One of the keys to finding like-minded people is to be doing the things that like-minded people are doing.  This is the way to find someone with which you're likely to "click".  Be active and interesting, and you'll be so surprised to find that other people want to get to know you. 

The more you're out there doing, and being active, the more interesting you'll look to other people.  Then they will send you IMs.

Also, have an avatar and profile that looks friendly.  By this I mean a profile that doesn't have threats, warnings, "rules" for engagment, etc in your profile.  Post a warm happy looking picture of your avatar.   You can even write something like this on your profile:   "I like meeting people in SL.  Send me an IM, I'm happy to talk to people!  : )" 

Good luck!  : )

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Hello there!

 

  what a kind and thoughtful response to my request for help. Thank you!

 

I will go now and change some of my profile to be more friendly. And, become active in things

I enjoy. I do admit to keeping myself alone too often. Or when my one friend was on being with him.

 

I have spent so much time exploring by myself that when I have gone out I don't stay long enough to get to know people

 

 

What a kind and helpful person you are, thank you!!

 

Elizabeth

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Hello t

 

  thank you for this dating site, will try tomorrow as its late my time ( Eastern time zone)

 

I really appreciate all the advice I've been given, many thanks !

 

Elizabeth

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My suggestion is to fill out your profile a bit more. If you were on a traditional dating site and came across someone with one picture and a tiny few lines about  themselves, would you ask them on a date? Put a pick about YOU. Your wants needs and expectations in SL. Let people know you are looking for a SL relationship and not wanting it to go RL at all.

Also realize that the men you meet may be just as nervous about talking to you, for an entirely different reason. A lot of women in SL assume when a man says "hello, how are you? That is a beautiful dress you are wearing. I couldn't stop glancing over at you. or whatever" that they want sex.. This is not always true and has made those of us that want an SL relationship wary of talking to women in SL. We are tired of being snapped at.

Just keep looking, dont be afraid to say "hi" and above all else, have fun.

 

ETA... your first group will drive away any decent man you meet. Just my opinion.

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Hello there!

 

    Now you have me worried about what group you are talking about. I will go back and remove my first one for sure 

 

Will also add more pictures, which I did last night to my profile. I am very concerned a decent man would be turned off

by a group my profile says I'm in.  Often while searching in sl I sign up but never stay so will need to delete most of the groups I have on my profile. I assure you I am a classy lady in RL with high moral values. 

 

I will once again modify my profile, as I do want a sincere, caring man to be friends with that might turn into a SL

only relationship. I do wish to keep my sl separate from my RL. 

 

 

Thank you for your help, I do appreciate it 

 

Elizabeth

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i am referring to the one that says you are out to drain men of their money...

Some guys may like that.. To me it says you are willing to trade sexual favors for gifts..IMO

 

ETA, adding pictures to your feed  is not what i mean by picks.. i mean add a few PICKS.. say something about YOU. Your wants, needs and desires. I would  not tell men who IM you that you're not interested in sex unless they ask for it.. and if they ask for it when just chatting you up for the frst time, kick them to the curb.

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Hi again!

 

  Just went into my profile and deleted many of my groups, I assure you that I did not realize that group

was that type! I do not ask anyone for money, never have in real life nor in SL.  

 

  Now I think I understand what you are talking about, adding interests., Will you be so kind as to look over

my profile again in an hour or so when I have time to add some interests. I did remove most of the groups

Will be more careful about what I sign up for from now one......... This lady had no idea what that meant!

 

I am a rather shy person both here in SL and in RL. Again many thanks for your advice. 

 

Elizabeth

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You have me smiling now, as I read again your comments....... Concerning kicking to the curb men that ask for sex up front................. Believe me I have done that a few times. 

 

 

:matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

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Hello Elizabeth...

As other people has adviced you, don't be shy, don't be afraid to be the first one to say hello. Many times,  it will lead to just a while of chitchat and that's all. But for sure it may lead to much more than that.  I did it 13 months ago, I just  sent a IM to a guy,  and I have been in a very close relationship with him ever since...And as I told you; it all began with me IMing him a greeting.

 

Wishing you the best luck

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