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GiabiconiAstor

Playing opposite sex

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 So I am writing this about opposite sex because Ive seen this a lot lately about some people judging others very easily.  

  But anyways I hear a lot about others playing the opposite gender but..the problem is others start asking too much about our Real life information, such as our gender in the outside world. Yes some will keep that private and not voice, and others are willing to give that information. But end up lying to those close to them causes much more problems to friends or lovers. Some will accept or not accept since most are so interested in finding out your RL gender  then become easily offended or not.  I mean come on it is Second Life after all.  Since it is sometimes no ones business who you are in RL. 

 I did thought about this and realized that some people are Lesbians, gays etc who either are friends and who are lovers on here.  So I can't make sense about why being an opposite gender makes others uncomfortable.

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I personally have no problem with people having opposite gender avatars as long as they are honest about it.   I am not saying you have to bare all in a casual relationship or even a strictly RP only one, but otherwise they should with anyone that they form an intimate non RP relationship with. 

I think it is the dishonest ones that have led people to have a negative opinion about it and I think more are dishonest about it than are honest.   I've seen the devastation when a straight person falls for someone who wasn't honest and they then they find out months into the relationship after they have developed RL feelings for them.  Probably finding out about the lying hurts as badly as finding out about someone's RL sex.

 

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I never understood the problem of "Oh I can't have feelings for you because genitals."

 

I don't understand the big issue here, especially on a place as open ended as SL.

Personally I have avatars of both sexes, one agender, and a lot of animals that can go whichever way.

IRL I am very fluid in my gender expression and it shows on SL and most of the people who know me for more than a day or two find this out very quickly when they tp to my house and suddenly I have breasts or vice versa.

 

I've had a few friends who told me they were one gender (or sex) and later on I found out they were not and did it bother me?

No. Maybe they prefer, for example, using male pronouns and referring them themselves as a male and introducing themselves as a male because to them, they ARE male. So introducing themselves as 'Hey I'm actually a female irl' wouldn't be strictly correct because that's not what they identify as.

 

Not a lot of people are lucky enough to have the funds for surgery, for those who are transitioning, and SL is a great way to get the body you've seen yourself as.

 

Personally, I don't want to turn into a small cat any time soon, but I like having the choice of flipping around shapes when I feel a certain way and not being judged for it. I DO like honesty, however, and prefer to know if they are willing to tell me, but if they aren't' or if it's not a huge issue to them, what's it matter?

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There'll always be judgmental people, in fact the vast majority of the population of this planet is just that (and my suspicion is it's not just the humans).

Personally, I've no problem with what you play as an avatar. And neither do any of my friends in SL. Then again, more than a few of them are transgender people RL so know all about the discrimination that goes with your mind having a different gender from your body.

I call on all those who refuse to deal with female avatars "unless you're voice verified girls" or whatever to demand the same level of verification for vampires, lycans, nekos, furries, robots, and every other non-human avatar type out there. And demanding everyone you interact with verify that their avatar looks exactly the same as their RL persona, after all you don't want to have SL sex with someone who's a smexy looking avatar but RL is a 300lb couch potatoe, do you?

Let's see how many people you can still interact with :)

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I know some are transgender and who also feel that they do not belong to their body, if its a male or female.  I for once know others make a male avatar just to know how it is being in a guys world.  But I have no problem with anyone choosing what they want to be.  Second life is full of experiences.

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I honestly don't see the issue either. I can see where on might have an issue when it comes to slex. Some people might not feel comfortable with it. If there is not intimacy going on I really don't see any issue.. And even if there were I still don't see an issue as long as honesty is always involved. 

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I agree that some people might not be comfortable with it. On the other hand I know some females actually like the idea of dating a male avatar"if they fall in love with that person"  because they have a softer side to them.

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Why would anybody need to require information about my gender?

If someone doesn't want to get to know me because my gender matters so much to him/her, the whole thing wasn't going to be about character anyway, right? And no, people should be friends with me, not with my genes or breasts or any other gender specific bodypart.

You'll probably never meet me outside of the Internet...so why bother? Why is it a problem for someone to notice that they "love" someone with the wrong RL gender? Shouldn't they be aware that anything of an avatar may not be equal to the rl user? I never heard about someone complaining why people create supermodels instead of recreating their own apperance.

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My personal opinion as to why this disturbs a lot of people is that A) they may have hopes of turning a SL relationship into a RL relationship and do not want to fall in love with someone of the same  RL gender because they are not sexually attracted to their own gender in RL or B) homosexuality makes them uncomfortable and a straight man dating a woman only to find out its another man in RL calls his own sexuality into question.

Lots of people say it shouldn't matter, that what someone is in RL makes no difference in SL. With the exception of teens playing as adults, I agree with that. In SL, people can be what they can't in RL. Playing the opposite gender seems little different than playing a different species or a fantasy creature as far as I'm concerned. However, to others, it is of great importance. I don't condemn people who are freaked out about it, I just don't grasp it. It doesn't really matter why it's important to them, it just is. When I was new to SL, it was common for guys to not even talk to a girl unless she'd agree to voice right then and there, even though voice was a relatively new thing and not every place had it.  Talk about flattering themselves LOL .. no, I don't want you for my BF, I just wanted to talk, but sure, I'll voice, if you insist. Nowadays I don't bother with that, I just tell them there are enough people who know me, who have heard my voice over the years, I'll give you a list of references.

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Syo Emerald wrote:

Why would anybody need to require information about my gender?

If someone doesn't want to get to know me because my gender matters so much to him/her, the whole thing wasn't going to be about character anyway, right? And no, people should be friends with me, not with my genes or breasts or any other gender specific bodypart.

You'll probably never meet me outside of the Internet...so why bother? Why is it a problem for someone to notice that they "love" someone with the wrong RL gender? Shouldn't they be aware that anything of an avatar may not be equal to the rl user? I never heard about someone complaining why people create supermodels instead of recreating their own apperance.

If there was a 'like' button, I would have hit it so hard my mouse would have broken. I'd chime in on this topic with my own opinion, but it's easy to say I agree 110% instead of just parroting you.

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My other avatar is male. I basically wanted to create a cute everyday looking guy that didn't look like the ones I've seen here so far. But I feel even more awkward with him than my female avatar. I don't know much about guys. I think I mainly wanted to dress one like in The Sims (2/3). Because of that game I'm used to handling virtual people of different genders. But Second Life is a very different story. Your moves/interactions are'nt as fixed. As him I got a 'girlfriend' of sorts, mostly her idea pushing it. At first I figured she was a guy, then I wasn't sure, then I felt more certain she wasn't. One day she asked if I was a girl. She was not pleased. I know I seem like a total creep/jerk combo but it was not my intention it was like I was trying to doing things in keeping with how I envisioned that male avatar to be and things just snowballed I guess. Oddly enough I wonder what I did or said that made her think I was female.

 

I'm not sure how I would feel if the same had happened to me as my main girl avatar. But I'm not the type to push someone into something. It was nice to have someone to hang out with for awhile but easier being female, for me. I don't know if I'd do so well in a role play either. I like the look of my male avatar and it sucks that he's going to waste. I wish he could exist on his own. That probably sounds nuts.

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Actually it sounds like you'd do fine in a roleplay. As long as you roleplayed with people who know what playing means. It disappoints me every time someone tacks that tacky "it means someone with 20,000 sex partners" type definition to the word.

-Gotta love kids, they know how to play.

My opinion equals nyanyanman and Syo Emerald then. Some are alone and lonely in rl and this how they look for rl counterparts. Perhaps because of sickness or circumstance it is the one viable option. I appreciate that and respect that. HOWEVER, some of us just came to play :/  To get outside of rl. Perhaps again due to sickness or circumstance, but with a different mental destination. Like Inverted Sunlight, I dug the Sims. Only recently (due in large part to being disgusted with sl interactions) I considered whether or not to do "exactly" like the sims and create an entire family, all to be played by me with me and no one else. (scratches head) Could be thats what we came for Inverted, to share our sl-esque sims :P (how's THAT for nuts)

Anyway, I "get" the last several posters.

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Wowzers...a family would be a major undertaking. But you could be the person to take that on. It's a bit of a jump to only have one avatar to direct. I don't know, I've made my male avatar visit my female avatar so I could take some photos here and there. It's just so different here. I felt like I was playing by myself. With The Sims, for me, it doesn't feel like that...even though I am technically. Maybe because I know each pixel person here is supposed to have an actual human directing it for the most part. It's cool to know someone understood what I was trying to express.

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I don't think it's a crime to play a gender you are not in reality, however where most tend to over look, there are  people that come into second life that do nothing but lie for personal gain playing a gender they are not. I personally was seeing a male for quite a long time 3 years, he constantly would remind me of how our real relationship was perfect and something to enjoy our futures together. I later learned he had been living 2 lives, one with me as a male and his other as a female lying to both of us. You cannot claim monogamy with someone and then expect them to be ok with the lies, and deception. So if people run away when you tell them your true gender in reality of your own free will which is refreshing to know someone still practices honesty, I do not believe it is because of this, I believe it to be more about past experiences of being lied to. And your right about the human being behind the avi having feelings, and when one ends up hurt from deception they learn to trust no one ever again in either life.

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I don't see any problem playing an opposite gender so long as you are honest and up front about it.

I think one of the great pluses (and minuses) with SL is that it attracts a lot of different people for a lot of different reasons.  It's great that it's a huge melting pot where everyone can be and do what they want, but the other side of that coin is it can be hard to find like-minded people if you are searching for something in particular.  Some want RL romance, some don't. Some want NO romance.  Some want to RP, some don't.  Some want to voice and swap rl pics, some want to keep it just SL. Some want to be everything they're not in RL on here, others just sort of continue their RL here.  So many opposite interests.

I'm a gay guy and it's really hard to find other gay guys who aren't into just hooking up or otherwise into some sort of hardcore roleplay - where are the 'average normal' guys? lol   All groups are stereotyped here, I think - and if you don't fit into your specific group and stereotype, SL can be difficult without simply broadcasting clearly what you are or what you're looking for.

When you were honest with people and they just disappeared, they were probably just looking for something romantic, would be my guess.  I'm not sure it's bias against gender switchers, per se (some of it might have been)  But it's sort of like real life at a club - a guy might come up and flirt with you but when you say 'oh hi, i'm happy to chat but btw I'm happily married" - he'll likely take off.  My girlfriends on here have complained a lot that guys are cool to be friends with them, until they start dating - then suddenly their guy 'friends' aren't interested anymore.  They were likely hoping for more...

Personally, I'm here for friends as well as more, and welcome chat with any cool people.  No issue being friends or even dating a RL woman playing a man.  Again, as long as it's honest.  My personal line would be anything romantic.  I'm RL not into women and just couldn't get romantic with a RL woman, even if her avi was a guy.  I just couldn't, not sure why.  The human mind has some weird lines as far as what is ok fantasy wise and what isn't, and I think everyone's is different.  But I'd dare argue that the VAST majority of people do not want to be romantic in SL with an avi that's run RL by a gender they aren't attracted to.  Weird psychology stuff!

Just my crazy 2 cents, I wish you the best of luck!  Who knows maybe we'll run into each other sometime, I promise not to run away :)

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GiabiconiAstor wrote:

  So I am writing this blog about opposite sex because Ive seen this a lot lately about some people judging others very easily.    I do play opposite gender as a male avatar since it is my free choice.  Ive made a few friends by being honest with them that I do not play the same gender in both worlds.  I find it a bit boring if I played the same gender so I switched it up..But anyways I hear a lot about others playing the opposite gender but end up lying to those close to them, afraid of being judged or pushed away from friends or lovers.  Others just welcome you for whoever you are since they love honesty.  I mean come on it is Second Life after all, but the people behind the avatar still have feelings as a person.  I'm sure I am not the only person who does this.  Yeah Ive had an experience where someone was talking to me and before they even got started I warned them that im opposite sex, so they quickly left.  So be it if others cannot accept who you are or wish to be as.  If they don't like honest people then they can keep moving.  I did thought about this and realized that some people are Lesbians, gays etc who either are friends and who are lovers on here.  So I can't make sense about why being an opposite gender makes others uncomfortable....  I feel that being honest at the very first moment is better then actually hiding who you really are.   I do hope this somewhat makes sense to whom ever reads my blog.  I was just thinking about it today so here I am posting this haha.  From Gia:matte-motes-asleep-2:

Sorry, but the epic sized text was killing my eyes.

1. It's not a blog.

2. Do you feel the need to tell everyone that you are a girl in RL? It's called SecondLife for a reason. Keep it seperate and you wont have any issues.

3. Most of the older users dont give a rats butt what you are in RL, we are interacting with you on SL.

4. and again... it's not a blog.

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Just writing what came to my mind.  And I know it is not a blog so I fixed it so it won't be.  No I prefer not to have to tell my RL gender to all but it seems now these days too many want to know about RL since to me its silly.

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GiabiconiAstor wrote:

Just writing what came to my mind.  And I know it is not a blog so I fixed it so it won't be.  No I prefure not to have to tell my RL gender to all but it seems now these days too many want to know about RL since to me its silly.

Tell them its none of their business, unless you intend to move to RL at some point.

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:


GiabiconiAstor wrote:

  So I am writing this blog about opposite sex because Ive seen this a lot lately about some people judging others very easily.    I do play opposite gender as a male avatar since it is my free choice.  Ive made a few friends by being honest with them that I do not play the same gender in both worlds.  I find it a bit boring if I played the same gender so I switched it up..But anyways I hear a lot about others playing the opposite gender but end up lying to those close to them, afraid of being judged or pushed away from friends or lovers.  Others just welcome you for whoever you are since they love honesty.  I mean come on it is Second Life after all, but the people behind the avatar still have feelings as a person.  I'm sure I am not the only person who does this.  Yeah Ive had an experience where someone was talking to me and before they even got started I warned them that im opposite sex, so they quickly left.  So be it if others cannot accept who you are or wish to be as.  If they don't like honest people then they can keep moving.  I did thought about this and realized that some people are Lesbians, gays etc who either are friends and who are lovers on here.  So I can't make sense about why being an opposite gender makes others uncomfortable....  I feel that being honest at the very first moment is better then actually hiding who you really are.   I do hope this somewhat makes sense to whom ever reads my blog.  I was just thinking about it today so here I am posting this haha.  From Gia:matte-motes-asleep-2:

Sorry, but the epic sized text was killing my eyes.


You do know that ctrl/mouse scroll wheel can adjust that for YOU?

 


Drake1 Nightfire wrote:



2. Do you feel the need to tell everyone that you are a girl in RL? It's called SecondLife for a reason. Keep it seperate and you wont have any issues.


Issues with what?  If you have an issue with knowing some one's RL gender in SL, I'd consider that your problem, not hers.  Since when do you get to decide what Second Life is for another person?

 


Drake1 Nightfire wrote:



3. Most of the older users dont give a rats butt what you are in RL, we are interacting with you on SL.

 

I'm an "Older User" and I sure don't remember giving you permission to speak for me.  In fact, I can't remember anyone in this Forum, much less "Older Users" giving you permission to speak for them.

 

 

 


Drake1 Nightfire wrote:



1. It's not a blog.

4. and again... it's not a blog.

While technically correct I can allow for some poetic license.  :)

 

Oh, and P.s.,  it's "separate" not "seperate,"  Second Life is two words not one (in point 2),  and "dont" (in point 3) has an apostrophe in it, i.e, "don't."

 

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I am one of those who is Transgendered. I use a female AVI because that is who I am inside. One thing about SL you can be anything you want to be and do anything you want to be. THere are quite a few Trans people on SL who use their soul and mind gender VS their birth gender. I have found for the most part possitive reactions when I inform someone I am Trans. Like every place else I am sure there are the Aholes out there. I just havnt ran into them yet.

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Yes, your RL info is yours do not let anyone pressure you to give anything, if you do not want. Not everyone should be trusted with your precious information, not everyone deserves it either. Otherwise, it would be called Real Life.

 

 

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1. No I didn't, thanks.

2. I didn't say I had an issue with anyones RL gender, she said she was with someone that left when she told them. I would guess that person had an issue with it.

3. You seem to have no problem generalizing what most of the forumites feel. What makes you better than anyone else?

4. You missed "won't" in #2.. :matte-motes-silly:

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