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Sahyel Cristole

Friends with Benefits in SL?

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The worst part about breaking up is when either the guy or female just wants to have sex with you but there's no commitment what so ever. That means they will sleep with you but talk to whoever they want whenever they want not caring about what you want because to them the relationship is OVER and there are NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Don't do it! It's a trap. Some may like the fact that they've gotten their old flame back but it's not reality. He or she doesn't want to be back in a relationship especially if their the one who initiated the breakup in the first place. Be cautious because as soon as they meet someone else whose gotten their interest they will leave you high and dry and you'll be sitting there wondering why they left yet again. Sex doesn't solve the problem so, why put yourself through another emotional roller coaster? You are better off alone, far from that person until all emotional feelings have gone. Just realize that it may actually take some time depending on how long your relationship was but you'll get through it. 

 

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true that, I have done this, break up with someone then keep them around, but not strings attach, we put men through hell too

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You're going to promote this "group" in as many threads as you possibly can, aren't you?

You'll find that continuing to do what basically amounts to spam, is less likely to intrigue and more likely to annoy.

Might want to slow down a bit on that.

Or just put the link into your signature and stop trying to force it into as many posts as you can.

Just some friendly advice. People are, of course, free to do as they wish.

 

But yes, I agree, men do very much suffer from the same thing. There are just as many women who want all the benefits of the sex, or even just a "relationship", with none of the actual commitment. In other words, keeping their options open. Men don't hold the gold medal on that one. But some women can't see that, or choose not to believe it anyway. Your post may be ambiguous as far as the gender you're appealing to, but your group is not. Your group is for women, it's likely people may interpret your post as being directed towards women alone. When this isn't a one-sided problem.

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This seems like a good group but maybe don't make it exclusively for women? Just an opinion because I think they are right that guys get dumped as well and go through this stage and also you can get some male insight on this that way.

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ImaTest wrote:

You're going to promote this "group" in as many threads as you possibly can, aren't you?

You'll find that continuing to do what basically amounts to spam, is less likely to intrigue and more likely to annoy.


I agree with this.  It begins to sound like someone with an agenda.

The post does not for one moment come across as something she wants to discuss in the Forum but that it is there for the sole purpose of promoting her group.

And while you may really just being altruistic, your posts Sahyel are beginning to sound like you have issues you are still trying to deal with.

There are proper channels in SL for promoting groups.

Just my opinion.

 

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Well, not discounting Griffin's quip, which is quite true (Hi Sexy! ;) ), I do tend to agree for the most part that it is very difficult to go from something you considered a meaningful monogomous relationship to just casual fun stuff. I have tried. I have even succeded to a certain extent with one person for a while. After a fashion, I realized that wasn't what I wanted.

It is very hard though when you really do feel strongly for someone and want to be with them to just have them for a short while and then have to deal with maybe seeing them out with someone else and things like that.

I think it really depends on the person and what they really want. I am much more okay with a friends + benifits arrangement if it starts out that way and stays that way. Not so much when it starts as exclusive and then they want to change. That's like a demotion and I usually wind up quite upset,.

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Having an exclusive relationship and then your partner changes it to just sex once in a while with no commitment is not friends with benefits.  That's called having your cake and eating it too and you shouldn't put up with being used like that.  Kick him or her to the curb and free yourself up to find the kind of relationship you want.

Friends with benefits is a mutually agreeable relationship where BOTH parties benefit and are happy with the arrangement.

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Amethyst Jetaime wrote:

Having an exclusive relationship and then your partner changes it to just sex once in a while with no commitment is
not
friends with benefits.  That's called having your cake and eating it too and you shouldn't put up with being used like that.  Kick him or her to the curb and free yourself up to find the kind of relationship you want.

Friends with benefits is a mutually agreeable relationship where BOTH parties benefit and are
happy
with the arrangement.

very well said!

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OK..

There are two sides to this situation, IMO.

1) People come on SL and think it's just a game, not caring at all for the feelings or concerns for those who they're playing with. They treat people like s**t and then move on.

2) People come on SL and form an emotional attachment with the person they're with. They want the affection and the feelings they have are as real as an RL relationship.

The point? Well, SL is what you make it, I guess. I've been on both sides..been in a relationship where I had deep attachments to the person, only to realize that she may not have felt that way about me...been in a casual relationship where it was just fun and we went our seperate ways not realizing she cared.

Am I making sense? Am I rambling? Am I totally off topic? Should I go check to see if I actually took all my medications this morning?? Probably yes to all four....

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Honestly, I don't understand why people feel they can control others on who they can hang out with. Honestly i don't mind putting time in with people and coming to a conncetion, however its rediculous to assume that everyones just gonna drop everything right then and there for you and you alone. People have soical lives, some can commit like that and most cant. If you can find someone like that, great but its not something you should expect in sl as theres 15 to 20 girls to every guy and many of them can be very tempting if the right connection is made. If a guy your dating lies about something like that, then thats something you should consider, but if he tells the truth, then i don't see why people make such a big deal. Second life is there to explore fantasies, and feelings. Just becarefull who you do that with. If you are into controll that much, might i suggest you becoming a slave master? I don't do that sort of stuff but you might get off on it. Also look at other peoples perspectives before coming to a commited relationships. everyone has different prerseptions and paradoxes in values. Open your mind and don't trap your self with a person who lies and like don't tell you stuff.

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Theres been hundreds of discussions on this, and basically this is a game. People do however forget that there is a person behind the avatar and people use real money to get what they need to do done. Its very easy to blur the lines of reality and game. People just need to not be so serius with it unless they actually invest enough to keep a sim running and stuff. yes relationships happen, people have met people in rl from this place, and ive heard successes, and failurses both. Its what you want to make it, maybe you should develop a filter or something before going head strung into a relationship.

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