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notabadboy
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i made this profile for securty (lol) reasons. I am a male. Ive been on SL for a while with another AVI. Ive met a lot of really nice people. I have one thing I can not figure out and need some help understanding. Most of my friends are females,,,well, ok, they all are. A couple of them I have come to know pretty close. Both have had bad experiences in thier previous relationships. One had her BF cheat and lie to her constantly. The other was in a relationship where she was verbally and mentally abused. Now, they both are going back with these guys. What is it? Is it the bad boy image? Do they think they can change these guys?  Can someone help me understand this?

Ive been in one relationship in SL. It ended when she cheated and lied to me. The guy she cheated on me with was a "bad boy". I have no intention of going back with her. I am not a bad boy, never pretened to be one. Is there room for good guys in SL?

Sidebar: I have no romatic interest in the above mentioned friends. Just trying to understand.

 

 

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Perrie Juran wrote:

ass study.jpg


Marigold Devin wrote:

I really have no clue why the nice girls love a bad boy either.  Maybe its simply that when they are good they are very very good, and that, to the girls, outweighs all the downsides of the person.

 

 

 

 

I don't think it's a matter of them being fat or skinny, more about the size of their ............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WALLET.jpg

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Marigold Devin wrote:


Perrie Juran wrote:

ass study.jpg


Marigold Devin wrote:

I really have no clue why the nice girls love a bad boy either.  Maybe its simply that when they are good they are very very good, and that, to the girls, outweighs all the downsides of the person.

 

 

 

 

I don't think it's a matter of them being fat or skinny, more about the size of their ............

 

 

 

 

 

 

WALLET.jpg


Do you mean to say that I've been stuffing my socks in the wrong pocket?

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For me only one thing has always explain this, we always want what we cant have, and it applies to anything in life, the moment the bad boy want us, we dont want him anymore, that is for sure, and the same applies to guys, they will always want what they cant have, no one wants someone that is too clingy or agrees with everything you said, some maybe, but not most

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Hiii,

It's more like they've gotten so use to the way the men have treated them that they always end up going back. There is room for someone else someone much better then the one treating them bad but its a cycle. It's like theyve been manipulated into thinking that if they arent with that person then they can't be happy which is obviously false. I iwsh that women would think a little harder and break that cycle because those girls and so many others deserve so much better. Good guys like yourself :)

I hope that cycle will be broken and they find TRUE happiness. You don't have to be a bad boy its more so a never ending cycle. And emotionally they are connected even when it's them being treated badly. 

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Once an Ahole always an ahole. I can never understand battered women going back to be with their batterers time and time again. Some of it I think has to do with they like the abuse they get off on being humiliated and talken down to. I can never understand that. The best you can do is treat them like the ladies they are and hope they see the error of their ways. They certainly arnt going to chainge their men. But maybe just maybe someone can change them.

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Christin73 wrote:

I can never understand battered women going back to be with their batterers time and time again. Some of it I think has to do with they like the abuse they get off on being humiliated and talken down to.

Of all the possible theories I've heard, this one is new to me.

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Not sure about real abuse, I think there is a tendency amongst all people to publicly proclaim the worst traits that their exs have following a painful split.

Speaking personally I like a man who is a man and not a boy, a man who is reserved yet very driven and loving. A man who takes charge and controls certain aspects of the relationship. Men make mistakes, hell everyone does, and in relationships where the man "wears the pants" (how quaint) when he goes to far it can look bad.

The clue is to why is in the quotes, some women love a dominating man and that could have many different expectations and connotations. But it is a slippery slope...


P.S. When they have desexed the last straight alpha male maybe some people will celebrate but a lot of women will be disappointed to say the least

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Marigold Devin wrote:

I really have no clue why the nice girls love a bad boy either.  Maybe its simply that when they are good they are very very good, and that, to the girls, outweighs all the downsides of the person.

 

I don't know either as I am NEVER a 'bad' boy, but I have to beat the nice ladies (and some nice men) off with a stick... they throw themselves at me!  I need help managing all the lasses that hit on me.   

 

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Storm Clarence wrote:


Marigold Devin wrote:

I really have no clue why the nice girls love a bad boy either.  Maybe its simply that when they are good they are very very good, and that, to the girls, outweighs all the downsides of the person.

 

I don't know either as I am NEVER a 'bad' boy, but I have to beat the nice ladies (and some nice men) off with a stick... they throw themselves at me!  I need help managing all the lasses that hit on me.   

 

I will happily act as a buffer for you, Sir. Where should i report? Please pay no attention to the van... there really aren't cuffs welded to the walls.. those are... new soda holders, yeah thats it. new style of cup holder.

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Or maybe, deep down, their lives aren't satisfying without stirring up drama.

OMG my bf here, he said THIS and THAT to me, he made me feel SOOOOO awful about myself, the blah blah blah ... fill in the blanks ... then he did THIS and THAT and then THIS happened ... OMG OMG 

Versus

Oh, it was so sweet, my honey bunch put in a white picket fence in front of our charming wee cottage and planted pansies and then went out and bought some pet food so our fwuffy widdle bunny will not get hungry. OHHH we have a new sofa, and we've been thinking about having a baby, I wonder what brand of tummy talker I should get?

Or maybe nice guys aren't "manly" enough for them ...

From my experience, we tend to mentally "neuter" our "nice" male friends and sort of turn them into part of the bunch, a nice guy will become an honorary woman, "one of the girls" and if someone wants a real man, a neutered honorary woman is not going to fit the bill.

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i had a person very close to me that was in an abusive relationship, this may add a little insight about why good girls stay in an abusive relationship and go back to them:

in many abusive relationships the abuser blames everything that is wrong on her, its her fault things are going bad, because she doesnt make an enough good effort, of course, the abuser knows that he always have to claim that she is not doing good enough, so she strives to save the relationship because it may be humilliating for her that is her fault the relationships is not good, and she tries to provide more love and caring and obedience for as long as it takes to get some approval from her partner, and maybe, deserve to be treated better, when the woman finally give up after the long time of her "deserved" abuse, and accepts the shame of failure to earn the love of a man and leaves him, the man starts to moarn and tell her that he cant be without her and that he will change and the relationship is gonna be perfect from now on, of course, in his mind knowing that its a lie and he is very comfortable having her slave do everything for him.

its a psychological and emotional abuse. probably the abusive partners your friends are going back to, are convinced that is their fault that he is mean, and is their fault that he doesnt get enough love, and are the only ones that can provide him with love because nobody likes him, hiding the fact that nobody likes him because he is mean, and he probably would say that he is mean because nobody offered him as much love as she does, grabbing her back making her feel like a heroine feeling compassion for the abuser.

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Abuse is about power and control, whether its physical, sexual, verbal, psychological, financial, or emotional. For whatever reason an abuser feels powerless, he or she will seek to change that feeling by exerting power and control over someone else. A great many women in RL stay in abusive relationships because to leave the abuser would be to be homeless and without any resources, and there are often children involved. Many others stay because they fear for their lives if they leave the abuser.

To equate a SL boyfriend or partner who treats his SL girlfriend badly to RL women in abusive relationships is, I believe, quite insulting to those who suffer broken bones, burns, having their throats slit, being shot, and God knows what else. A woman in SL who stays in a virtual abusive relationship chooses to be in that relationship for whatever reason; it is more self abuse than abuse by another. I am a women and children's advocate at a domestic violence shelter and hotline in RL. Not an expert on the subject by any means but I have met and spoken to many abused women and read up a great deal on the subject of why abusers do what they do and why women stay with them, and what it takes for a woman to leave an abuser.

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SL abuse is psychological and there are plenty of woman that suffer from it in SL. For you to say that SL abuse isn't real abuse is insulting. As an abuse hotline worker i would think you would understand that. I would hope that you understand that psychological abuse is sometimes worse than physical abuse. Unless it's death, physical abuse heals. Psychological  abuse sometimes never heals.

On a side note, it is not just women that are abused. Everyone focuses on men abusing women.. There are some men that have been abused by other men and even women. Abuse is abuse, and it is all wrong.

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