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Mix Frequency

What if your RL and SL man is addicted of sexual fantasies in SL?

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The question is here. What if your man you met in SL and brought it to RL is a sex fantasies addict? I don't stalk him or anything, I also left SL since we met but I've seen his groups and I don't know what to think about it? He did have empry profile and before we met in RL those groups were there, visible.

Is that normal? Should I've be pissed off or he i'm overreacting?

I mean when we met in SL for the first time we had a nice convo, then we both became also got so sexually attracted to each other, then we started to do stuff people do when they are into each other. Then we've met and we did have sex, i thought it was just going to be that kind of stuff, but then he switched his game, he told me he is so much into me and that he wants to date me oficially. I agreed because I fell or all his kidness and how he treated me after we had sex.

He told me like he is addicted to SL sex before as a joke, I don't have problems with it. But since he is my bf in RL I am a bit lost. I know I have him in RL and that SL shouldn't matter at all. 

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Haha...you can't be addicted to sexual fantasies! Other way every straight man would be addicted of naked sexy women. As far as I know the DSMI and the ICD don't list sexual fantasies of this kind as a psychological case. Its human behavior.


Also I don't see whats your problem here. He lelft the groups for you, cleaned his profile...just for you. Most men wouldn't even put  their porn collection away for a woman. And still you can't live with the fact that he really had a turn on with Cybersex. But why? I guess he sleept with other real women in his life before you both met. Is that a problem for you too?

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Mix Frequency wrote:

The question is here. What if your man you met in SL and brought it to RL is a sex fantasies addict? I don't stalk him or anything, I also left SL since we met but I've seen his groups and I don't know what to think about it? He did have empry profile and before we met in RL those groups were there, visible.

Is that normal? Should I've be pissed off or he i'm overreacting?

I mean when we met in SL for the first time we had a nice convo, then we both became also got so sexually attracted to each other, then we started to do stuff people do when they are into each other. Then we've met and we did have sex, i thought it was just going to be that kind of stuff, but then he switched his game, he told me he is so much into me and that he wants to date me oficially. I agreed because I fell or all his kidness and how he treated me after we had sex.

He told me like he is addicted to SL sex before as a joke, I don't have problems with it. But since he is my bf in RL I am a bit lost. I know I have him in RL and that SL shouldn't matter at all. 

You have to decide what works for you.  If you won't enjoy kneeling between his legs while he plays in SL, then it's probably not a good match for you.  You need to ask him what his expectations are.  And make sure he know what yours  are.

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LOL, no no it was vice versa! When I've met him his profile was blank...Just before we've met in RL I've seen that those groups appeared!

No, nothing is problem for me, men can do whatever they want unless cheating with psychical contact, haha.

My problem is that those groups appeared jusr before we've met and I'm not some jelaous freak, but I've also notced he is being a lots of time online in SL. But also when we are apart we talk mostly on SL chat because sometimes all other ways of communications get stuck, SL is the most stable when we cant talk on phone, while we are both busy or something

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Oh that definately, I will talk to him soon about some stuff. We don't date for ages, its kind of all semi fresh so we don't know each other well. 

I will tell him what I want, this is not the only thing that bothers me at the moment. I need to clear some things out with him and let him know exactly how I feel and what do I want. If he is so nuts about me, he will understand me and not thinking I'm some of a controll freak. And we will work this out, if not then I guess he isn't the one.

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So he became more addicted to SL after he met you in real life? Maybe, since he met you first as an avatar and was able to have sex with you in real life, he is thinking that this is how SL works all the time. So when he is having a fantasy with a different woman in SL, he might be imagining that he will soon have another real life encounter with someone else.

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I'm curious why you left SL. Were you here only to find someone and once you did you have no more use for it? Did he ask you too? (RED FLAG) 

If he enjoys the living out his sexual  fantasies in SL why not join him and participate?  If he is still in SL to meet up with other women or into stuff that is not your thing or even repulsive to you, maybe you should rethink if you two are really compatible.

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Being "addicted to sexual fantasies" would fall under a broader category of  sexual addiction(s) , and may be a sign or symptom of another issue.  If really interested, do a little research on the subject  then contact a heathcare or mental healthcare  professional for more information on your specific situation.

 

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I'm seeing a variety of things here:

1] Yet another argument as to why SL should not be used as a dating game.

2] A demanding woman who demands that her man stop whatever he's doing in order to give her more attention.

3] Someone who lacks sufficient imagination to enter into their partners fantasy / RP world.

 

My recommendation:


Neither of you will be happy in your current relationship. Break up with the man and marry someone from your local church. You will find their matching lack of imagination reassuring. Make sure that you sever all connection with the internet on your journey.

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IMO, this is not going to end well…not at all, because no matter what you try to convince yourself of or what he does or doesn’t. You aren’t feeling at ease with his behaviour...and right or wrong, it’s your prerogative. No one can judge it.

My advice? Don’t go further with him. Put an end to the relationship. And never ever again use SL as a dating site. Keep whatever happens in SL solely in SL, or otherwise, stay away from SL romances entirely

Yes; I know, quite a few people will disagree with my  radical opinion, but well, I cannot think otherwise… situations like the one you are experiencing do nothing but reassure me about my way of thinking.

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Question: Why did you even talk to a guy with a blank profile in the first place? Empty profile is almost always a sure sign of unimaginative peeps who are not really digging the concept of SL but use it solely as a tool to reach their goal. In his case it's to score as much pixel sex as possible ... and maybe go further and take it to RL.

Stupid peeps are those, not worthy of being spoken too.

 

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Shes not asking him to stop. Just curious as to why things changed. As for woman asking a man to stop what he is doing? That's what happens when you commit to someone. They become your focus. And just because she doesn't agree with his certain group choices doesn't mean her sex life is vanilla. You sound bitter and angry.

 

Anyway to the OP. Doesn't sound like he was straight forward. Sounds like he likes meet sl woman and then uses them. Don't fall for it. Move on hun because it wreaks of game all over it. Besides sl shouldn't be used as a dating seriously site. If it happens it happens but don't use it as such. You'll only get hurt.

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Instead of repeating the mantra over and over, here is what I have found. Of my good friends in SL, I will take 15 couples, some are in M/s some are vanilla, some are into bloodlines.

3 couples are RL full time, met in SL and are now RL use SL for socialising and other activities.

1 couple is in the process of moving in RL, should be settled in a few weeks

2 couples hope to transition to RL in the future, take there SL time together seriously, not a game, I am in this group

4 couples are SL partnered, thinking of going RL or discussing it.

5 couples are SL only and no RL is on the cards.

I feel for the people who have stated that SL shouldn't be used as a dating service, you have probably had you fingers burnt in the past. SL is used extensively as a dating service and successfully to. Real love has been born in SL and I think always will. Well as long as LL keep paying the bills.

To the O.P. why dont you join him, you might actualy find yourself enjoying it and him

 

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Bree Giffen wrote:

So he became
more
addicted to SL after he met you in real life? Maybe, since he met you first as an avatar and was able to have sex with you in real life, he is thinking that this is how SL works all the time. So when he is having a fantasy with a different woman in SL, he might be imagining that he will soon have another real life encounter with someone else.

(directed at OP, not Bree)  OR  maybe now that he has had rl he realizes the value of not real life; a sexual exeperience and female so "perfected" (isnt that why people fantasize?) how can real life give the same gratification?  That real life, its own merit duely recognized, can never be flawless.

Yep, real life gives us real relationships and 2.2 kids  and all that other stuff that makes the human experience wonderful but if nobody ever wanted the woman with barbies proportions and Angelina's face who is into the secret filthy kink we were, and never argued, forgot to get the oil changed, or got stretch marks , prostitution, television, porn, the sports illustrated calendar, and fantasizing while yanking it in general, would all have gone out of existence a long time ago.

There's a reason men do it.

(There's a reason everybody does it , we just do it unashamedly :P)

And when you turned into a real life woman (and one who doesn't want him to have it) you ended your run as "imagined perfect" girl.

 

Just something to consider.

 


Sephina Frostbite wrote: ..... As for woman asking a man to stop what he is doing? That's what happens when you commit to someone. They become your focus.

o.O

No, what happens at least for me (unless she is a crackpot thinking my life is supposed to revolve around her) is our lives compliment one another. And while we're important to each other, my "focus" is balanced over several things and people ALL of whom have an importance and commitments of their own from me.

This is rl we're talking about; in rl I don't come to babysit little-Mary-spotlight.

Everybody has a value system.

And its not supposed to change for who you date or even who you marry.

INSTEAD you/she/all of us are wiser to find other halves who have the  same one.

 

(back at the OP) And finally, if the topic is fantasizing, and fantasizing happens in his mind , does it not sound to you that what you're asking is to be able to control his thoughts??? That all of them are subject to your approval or disdain? His actions and behaviors even sound like you want to be able to "yay" or "nay" them.

You sound like  a control freak honey. And his "unvieling" his groups sounds like passive-aggression; that he wants to shake you off.

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Leia36 wrote:

Instead of repeating the mantra over and over, here is what I have found. Of my good friends in SL, I will take 15 couples, some are in M/s some are vanilla, some are into bloodlines.

3 couples are RL full time, met in SL and are now RL use SL for socialising and other activities.

1 couple is in the process of moving in RL, should be settled in a few weeks

2 couples hope to transition to RL in the future, take there SL time together seriously, not a game, I am in this group

4 couples are SL partnered, thinking of going RL or discussing it.

5 couples are SL only and no RL is on the cards.

I feel for the people who have stated that SL shouldn't be used as a dating service, you have probably had you fingers burnt in the past. SL is used extensively as a dating service and successfully to. Real love has been born in SL and I think always will. Well as long as LL keep paying the bills.

To the O.P. why dont you join him, you might actualy find yourself enjoying it and him

 

Those are very interesting numbers.  I'd suspect that for the majority of us, very few know more than one or two couples who have taken it to RL.  But I am aware of circles of friends who have a lot of RL contact and have met up in RL.

But it also brings up something that I've been saying a long time.

I don't think the success/failure rate for couples who meet on the Internet is any higher than the success/failure rate for couples who just meet up in RL.  But what has happened is that the Media (news services) have made it in to something it's not.

If and when something goes wrong, they will always emphasize that "they met on the Internet."  They sensationalized it and now capitalize on that sensationalism.

I'm not saying that bad things never happen.  And I'm not saying that the RL meet ups don't always work out.  What I am saying is that I don't believe the risk factor is any higher for those who meet via the Internet than what it is for those who meet via RL.  Actually, I have seen some interesting statistics that suggest it could be quite lower.

 

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his behaviour is enough to make you come on here and ask about it

when people do this i find that they are starting to worry about if they done whats good for them

is not his behaviour that my concern really. is how is affecting you

is upto you. but if was me i would gas him

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Hmmm.... I haven't read the other responses, so if I'm repeating something already said, apologies in advance.

I can't speak for every guy out there, but males are visual creatures most of the time. lol. Nothing wrong with fantasies. A good imagination can be used to spice things up. Why not join him in some of those fantasies and heat things up in the bedroom? Granted, if he's having fantasies about other women.... I don't really know how to respond to that. lol. It's inevitable sometimes that another woman might slip into a mans fantasies, outside of his girlfriend/spouse. I personally prefer to fantasize about the woman I'm with. That's me though and like I said, I can't speak for every guy out there.


On the other hand, if he's in those groups in SL, maybe he uses them as a conversational escape, but doesn't actually engage in sexual activity with other avatars? You should probably confront him about it and talk it out. Great relationships are built on honesty. As much fun as it would be, the majority of us earthling men don't have the capability to read minds. Haha

Best of luck!

Cade

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Ok, here's my perspective on SL/RL relationships. I met someone on sl, we later took it to RL and started living together, we still shared sl as a couple...fast forward 18 months, I left after we found we couldn't live together in RL and thought it was over.

I moved back to my home town 200 miles away, we stayed together in sl, then met every month for a week in RL...seems the bond couldn't be broken. Next month after a year of living apart, I am moving back in with him. We have sorted out our RL issues and now feel we are in a better, more stable relationship, we both realised we took it way too fast 1st time around.

In all this time we have shared our SL, there has never been anyone else for either of us, even in our darkest moments we couldn't move on and I have to say I wouldn't be able to deal with your situation...I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm saying it's wrong for me, if you can live with things as they are then enjoy your RL, but think about the future and what you want from it.

I wish you every luck with your life no matter what you decide. Relaxing.jpg

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The funny thing about people you spend a lot of time with online...

They spend a lot of time online! hehe

It's normal for people who meet here and then in RL to focus on each other in RL more for a while, but realistically, I think both have to expect the other person to remain who they are, which does include their hobbies and interests, including internet ones.

I was with a partner I met online for several years. It wasn't SL where we met but an online chatroom. We were quite happy for a long time sharing one computer but I don't think either of us stopped doing what we liked doing online very much at all. We loved each other very much though and still managed to share time together and do family things with both of our children.

I didn't mind their adult playtime in SL as it wasn't  taking away from ours in RL at all. In fact there were times it may have actually enhanced it,, lol

While we did split evendualy, it was not because of SL, though we later found one another here and renewed our friendship in both worlds and still care very much about one another.

All I can really suggest is be honest with one another about what you want and what is ok in the relationship. Good luck!

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