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danicah

Do some people not like to cuddle?

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I am asking this question for a friend...

Some couples like to sit on the couch on a cuddle pose, and just talk about anything. Sometimes about their RL too...

And theres other couples where the guy asks to cuddle, and the girl is kinda "stalling" and then they never get to cuddle much.

Just an example: The girl is on her RP account, spends time there until late at night... and then her partner on her alt wants to spend a little time just cuddling before bed time... but she keeps stalling and then ends up being too tired. So they dont get to cuddle much.

Why is that? Why do some people not like to cuddle?

Or do they confuse cuddling with sex? Or are they allergic to cuddles?

I think theres nothing wrong with cuddling... or is it?

 

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She may simply have decided that the other person is not cuddly.

More likely, she has already encountered any of the numerous people who say "just cuddle", then turn around and try to force it into a sexual thing. It pushes people to be more circumspect around people they don't already know well.

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Could be I'm very wrong but isn't what you described the passive-aggressive way of saying "I don't want to be with you"?

Maybe I'm just wierd but I wouldn't want to date a girl who never wanted to be in touching range of me.

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danicah wrote:

I am asking this question for a friend...

Some couples like to sit on the couch on a cuddle pose, and just talk about anything. Sometimes about their RL too...

And theres other couples where the guy asks to cuddle, and the girl is kinda "stalling" and then they never get to cuddle much.

Just an example: The girl is on her RP account, spends time there until late at night... and then her partner on her alt wants to spend a little time just cuddling before bed time... but she keeps stalling and then ends up being too tired. So they dont get to cuddle much.

Why is that? Why do some people not like to cuddle?

Or do they confuse cuddling with sex? Or are they allergic to cuddles?

I think theres nothing wrong with cuddling... or is it?

 

Lets see... She is RPing on one account and her partner from an alt is IMing her to come cuddle before he has to go to bed?

1. Why does he know about her RP account?

2. If she is in RP mode why is he bugging her?

3. Does he turn every cuddle into a long drawn out sexual encounter, or try to? I know if I spent a while RPing I would be tired of typing and not want to spend the next hour or two typing out an "encounter".

4. Why can't he ask for himself? Are you his PR manager?

I have never had a "partner/playmate" stall about cuddling and chatting.  Perhaps he needs to back off a bit, it sounds like he is smothering her.

 

 

 

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I understand the girl who did not want to cuddle.

Cuddling in sl is boring. When my avatar sits in a static pose like that - without any emoting (role playing) going on  that describes things that happen - I get bored at staring at the pixel people. I usually begin to cam around, look at all kinds of stuff in the enviroment - while I might chat with the person at the same time.

If the person who did not want to cuddle was in role play - why did her partner not chat with her in IMs. There is plenty of time to chat when one waits for the next emote. I do that all the time....no need to have my avatar parked on a couch in a cuddling pose. Multitasking ftw!

For me it is safer not to cuddle too much, actually. This one time - I was talked into just sitting in pose and "cuddling." Of course I got bored and restless after about 5 minutes. I started clicking on everything in cam range - next thing you know, I had deleted half the house! True story.

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I dont want to be cuddled and i dont want to cuddle aswell... Im not in SL for this although i understand people like it and look for it.

I dont want to be the girlfriend of anyone, i like RL relationship, i dont see any interest in having a relationship with someone i cant touch in RL. This is not my trick. Although i understand pp like it and want it. 

Im ok for friendship. I have great ones in SL that i consider same than my RL friends. I have no need to touch friends. But i dont see things same for love relationships.

But one thing, id like to be explained is why people cant understand we dont have all the same purpose and use for sl ? i understand and respect the other pp purposes even if i dont share same but i dont stop being asked for cuddle, or being gf often despite the fact its writen in my first page profile that im not in sl for this. Respect and understanding are going in both way.... i respect others pp likes and purposes, id just like pp respect mines.

And i dont feel like im a weird bec i have no interest for cudling in SL ....

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Roleplay is a group activity and, if good, creates a thick atmosphere you don't want to leave. Normaly you can't just leave within a second, just because someone says "need you right know because I want it so". His girlfriend is busy and he doesn't seem to know that or would he ask her the same, if she would be working in SL?

Also it seems she simply doesn't like cuddling as much as he does. I understand that, because I often feel the same. Cuddling bores be easily.

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Randall Ahren wrote:

Real men don't cuddle.

are you saying you're not real or you're not a man?

even Martians like to cuddle  :)

 

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Randall Ahren wrote:

Real men don't cuddle.

My experience with "real men" is different. Years ago, I watched my Father (then 77, now timeless) sitting Indian style on the lawn, with the little neighbor boy (then three, now eighteen) sitting Indian style in his lap, with a teddy bear sitting Indian style in his lap. The two of them were reading a book to the bear. Years before that, it was me in his lap. Mom had her time there as well.

In 1943, that same caring, nurturing man sat in the cockpit of a Corsair, pointed himself at the enemy and pulled the trigger.

I don't understand your claim, Randall. Perhaps you have neither experienced nor expressed the fullness of a man, but that does not mean it doesn't exist.

ETA: I've been told by a friend that my response is too harsh, as you've likely intended the comment as a joke. My apology if I read it the wrong way.

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there are some unwritten restrictions about growing up as a male, an "ideal" man dont wear pink, dont watch soap operas, dont play with dolls, dont like poetry,  dont like flowers, dont like showing affection, that includes cuddling. being emotional is seen as weakness, and men are expected to be strong, strong enough to stand for himself and to protect the female and his children.

i know they are unwritten social rules, but they are very enforced by society, if you break them, you are risking yourself to humilliation.

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it depends of the person you want to cuddle with, in rl i dont cuddle with my friends, the max is giving them a hug if i havent seen them in a long time, a handshake or a pat on the shoulder, everything else is crossing personal space too much, for some, touching each other to exchange pleasure is seen as a mild form of sexual invitation, even if the intention is not sexual, but just for the fact that both are exchanging physical pleasure. some require a level of knowing each other in an intimate way to allow cuddling.

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yes they do. they do all these things

just not where is other nearly men like them can see them. dunno why

+

bc like men men,as compare to nearly men, dont really seems to care what other men or anyone else really think of them. like they not much into image. just do whatever they have to and do it

if a man not openly show love for his wife and family then he a image of a man. same like some wifes are images from a fashion/home magazine

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Canoro Philipp wrote:

there are some unwritten restrictions about growing up as a male, an "ideal" man dont wear pink, dont watch soap operas, dont play with dolls, dont like poetry,  dont like flowers, dont like showing affection, that includes cuddling. being emotional is seen as weakness, and men are expected to be strong, strong enough to stand for himself and to protect the female and his children.

i know they are unwritten social rules, but they are very enforced by society, if you break them, you are risking yourself to humilliation.

I've heard this, and I'm sure it happens, but I've seen plenty of men across generations and locales who've escaped the stereotype, or at least large parts of it.

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I can verify that in RL, some women do not like to cuddle at all;  let's assume it can translate inworld.

 

Then there is the..."just because someone does not want to cuddle with you does not mean they do not like to cuddle." Lots of men can't seem to grasp this.


Then again, some people do not like to cuddle in public, as it sort of excludes others from the social activities. It's sorta rude unless you are in a nook or dark corner.

 

Me? Heck, after about 19 hours of cuddling, I have had enough for the day. I mean, you can have too much of a good thing.

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*laughter* 19 hours of cuddling does seem a bit much ;-)

I think this thread has gone from being based upon SL cuddle poseballs to the whole idea of cuddling. I recently told someone that just using a certain form of address was a cuddle (the someone denied any intent to cuddle, tho, so I might've been mistaken). That discussion had nothing whatever to do with poseballs, although it did have a lot to do with cuddles. I've seen examples in Real Life, too. I know a couple whose 14 year-old son, listening to and watching them interact in the kitchen, said, "Will you guys please stop flirting with each other? You're embarrassing me!" There was no physical cuddling going on there either.

Even so, the cuddle poseballs I've seen in SL really are, in many cases, quite well suited to putting avatars in touch with each other much in the same way they'd be in Real Life.

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Dillon Levenque wrote:

*laughter*
19 hours of cuddling does seem a bit much ;-)

I think this thread has gone from being based upon SL cuddle poseballs to the whole idea of cuddling. I recently told someone that just using a certain form of address was a cuddle (the someone denied any intent to cuddle, tho, so I might've been mistaken). That discussion had nothing whatever to do with poseballs, although it did have a lot to do with cuddles. I've seen examples in Real Life, too. I know a couple whose 14 year-old son, listening to and watching them interact in the kitchen, said, "Will you guys please stop flirting with each other? You're embarrassing me!" There was no physical cuddling going on there either.

Even so, the cuddle poseballs I've seen in SL really are, in many cases, quite well suited to putting avatars in touch with each other much in the same way they'd be in Real Life.

Isn't denial of intent often proof of it?

I come from what might be described as a "no public displays of affection" family. We are not huggers. But friends who've seen enough of our family to learn the language discover that we are a warmer than we first appear. The example I mentioned earlier was obvious because it needed to be. Little children don't grasp the affectionate payloads we deliver inside teasing torpedoes.

My ex-husband was a pretty good cuddler as well as a pretty good sport who's weakness for a stockinged knee is now family lore. I saw him at the market recently, swooshing his 2 year old daughter across the parking lot in a shopping cart with a kiddie seat decorated like the cockpit of a space shuttle. Not only can real men cuddle, they can bring out their inner child to play.

My favorite pose balls in all of SL are a couple's cuddle pose from Bits N' Bobs. I spent many pleasant hours discussing the day with my SL ex while we cuddled on a crescent moon hanging in the sky over our island.

That said, when one is not in the mood for quiet, comtemplative talk, cuddling might not feel like the thing to do. Although cuddling needn't be at all sexual, it does connote an intimacy that might be wrong for the situation.

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Maybe some ppl have bad expirences with cuddles, maybe some have had to much.. to much of something good isnt always good in the end...

I understand that girl.. she was doing something else, she was busy... I wonder, would he text her in real life while she was... lets say.. out with the girls, and msg her to come home cause now he wanted to cuddle? 

anyways.. not trying to do RL vs SL... Im just drawing lines between em... (yeah same thing I know LOL whoopsi me)

My partner of 5 yrs isnt much into cuddles... I used to be, but then we found out we actually talk as much, if not.. even better, feeling closer when we talk while we both design... Sounds silly but we both do what we both want to do insted of sitting still 'having' to talk.. This way we feel more that we dont 'have' to talk, but it comes more natual, we are usually standing next to each other, I make clothes, he makes helicopters... So had you asked me 2 yrs ago, I wouldnt ever thought anything would beat a cuddle, but today, I rather work with him..

(Im not english speaking so if it sounds like nonsens, then thats my excuse *winks)

Blessings

Lis

PS: Yeps true, Martians do loves to cuddle..

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Cuddling might not be for everyone, but for us its just about our favorite thing in SL, that or dancing. We share and we really feel one another, time ...flies when we are snuggling, I feel him so close, just there, my thoughts he reads, we often say the same thing at the same time, the glass fades,

I feel him...so close, so right. Sex has little to do with it, it's a meeting of our minds where we share each other and it gets better every day.  It is a gentle place where after a long day of dealing with everything life can throw at us we can share with no distraction or stress. It's become our happy place.

I see the joke, but seriously, do real men hug?..Yes overwhelmingly yes, Its all around you every day, open your eyes and see.

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I do not like to cuddle, I find it uncomfortable.  Maybe I have ADD but I don't enjoy sitting still in SL.  I like to keep moving, either exploring, shopping or dancing. 

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Instead of asking your man to cuddle, why don't you ask him to make, wild, passionate, love? Cuddling is so boring.

 
 

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Randall Ahren wrote:

Instead of asking your man to cuddle, why don't you ask him to make, wild, passionate, love? Cuddling is so boring.
 
 

*grins and declines to answer

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In sl cuddling is like standing at a spot for hours while doing other stuff, only you sit with some one else
In rl, it`s a nice moment to catch up or doze off infront of the tv

Never seen the point of it in sl, but that would be obvious in my case
In rl, uhm, been a few years to many to remember if i hated it or liked it lol

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