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Elizabeth Wandin

Why do we want what we can't have?

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Here I sit in someone else's home since I recently moved to a new state which of course means no Internet access... Oh the joy of a simple life! Or the agony of a life without the levels of social contact I am used to :/. I have been in secondlife for years and never have I used the forums or reached out in the way that my soul craves... I miss the old days of spending time with my best friend, shopping, putting together outfits and finding new amazing events to attend... I am bored! I need companionship, I need a kindred spirit, I need something more than meandering from sim to sim in the hopes that some amazing man or woman will see me and think "that is a girl that I need to talk to!" Regardless though, there is something that drags me back time and time again just when I think I have shaken the addiction...

Liz

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Elizabeth Wandin wrote:

Here I sit in someone else's home since I recently moved to a new state which of course means no Internet access... Oh the joy of a simple life! Or the agony of a life without the levels of social contact I am used to
:/
. I have been in secondlife for years and never have I used the forums or reached out in the way that my soul craves... I miss the old days of spending time with my best friend, shopping, putting together outfits and finding new amazing events to attend... I am bored! I need companionship, I need a kindred spirit, I need something more than meandering from sim to sim in the hopes that some amazing man or woman will see me and think "that is a girl that I need to talk to!" Regardless though, there is something that drags me back time and time again just when I think I have shaken the addiction...

 

Liz

I'm not sure I follow what you're trying to say.  Are you without access to SL?  Is that what you "want" but can't have?

Because, you clearly have Internet access, as you have posted here, while on the Internet.

As to hopes that some amazing man or woman will see your avatar, and be compelled to speak to you, hmm...I can't relate to that.  I generally hope that I can go a day without people seeing me and trying to speak.  Just yesterday morning, I was using an almost blank alt avatar account, to try on outfits and mess around with clothing.  Up on a building platform at 3500 meters in a sandbox sim.  What happens?  A random stranger sees me, and starts talking.   But, the good news is that we hit it off!   And have now friended each other.   Such is how my friends list has grown,quite by accident.   So, if I, (a hermit type) and get strangers to talk to me, and grow a friends list...I'll bet you can too! 

 

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Celestiall Nightfire wrote:

As to hopes that some amazing man or woman will see your avatar, and be compelled to speak to you, hmm...I can't relate to that.  I generally hope that I can go a day without people seeing me and trying to speak.  Just yesterday morning, I was using an almost blank alt avatar account, to try on outfits and mess around with clothing.  Up on a building platform at 3500 meters in a sandbox sim.  What happens?  A random stranger sees me, and starts talking. 

 

You sound so much like me, Celestiall.  I wish that I'd had the foresight to create a "building alt" a long time ago and have that be the avatar with all the building tools, textures, scripts, etc. needed to build.  I am a solo-tasking type person; I give complete and concentrated attention to whatever I am doing whether it be building or chatting to a friend.  Doing both at the same time makes me feel scattered. 

@OP - I like your comment "Oh the joy of a simple life!"  That is the direction I am going in my RL, to the point of reading books/blogs about minimalist living.  I do find that weeding out "things" I don't need in my home gives an increasing sense of peace.

What I got from your post is that you keep being drawn back to SL even though you are bored when in world.  Having just moved to a new state where you likely know few people yet may have triggered the need for companionship.  I don't know how to answer your question but I do think you will feel less alone once you begin building your life in your new location.

 

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I apologize that my post was so vague! I suppose it's difficult to fully explain my thoughts and emotions when typing on my phone and rambling on and on... You did get my meaning though. I believe you are right about the move stirring up my need for companionship... Being a therapist I should have recognized that! Thank you! So here is another question... What do you ladies do to keep from feeling isolated while in world? Where do you go?

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Elizabeth Wandin wrote:

 What do you ladies do to keep from feeling isolated while in world? Where do you go?

 

I IM my 2 BFFs and we go shopping, that's what I did this weekend when my man was away, works in RL, works in SL to :smileytongue:

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Elizabeth Wandin wrote:

So here is another question... What do you ladies do to keep from feeling isolated while in world? Where do you go?

It's hard for me to answer that question because I never feel isolated.  I mentioned this in another thread but I am an only child RL and from an early age could always entertain myself.  I adore reading and as long as I have a book RL, I never feel alone.

As for SL - I spent the first three years of it partnered and spent 99.9% of my in world time with him.  During that time I took a lot of SL classes, learned to build, and began a fledgling business but never had much time to devote to it due to being with my partner most of the time.  When we parted I did feel lost initially, but threw myself into my business.  Even though it is small there is always something to do - thinking of new ideas, building, photo shooting new build, preparing the ad copy in Gimp (I took a 10-week Gimp course three times to learn how to use Gimp!), boxing up the new build, placing it for sell on the MP, creating in world vendors, notifying the designer groups I'm in etc., etc. 

It is now two years since my former partner and I split.  I now spend most of my time in world  doing something connected to my SL business.  Sometimes I spend hours weeding through inventory. (I'm weird...I love doing that and it relaxes me...lol.)  I do chat with a few good friends mainly via IM because they are either also builders and usually working on something or they are involved in different interests in SL.

If you are the type person who prefers to be with other people most of the time, my best suggestion is to think of something you love to do RL - a hobby, an interest, a sport....literally anything you can think of will exist in SL.  Then look for a group associated with that interest, join it and participate in group chat.  Go to the areas in SL where you can participate in your interest, be it a discussion group, a rp area, a place to sail, ride horses, ice skate, etc. and hang out in those areas.  Over time you will meet others who enjoy the same interests.

If you enjoy shopping, there are hunts going on all the time in SL.  This is an excellent way to discover new stores you may never have heard of.  If you're primarily a shopper, you can easily spend a lot of time within each store.  If you love a challenge, finding the hunt item is a lot of fun.  As a side benefit, you will run into other hunters.  I've run into people at a hunt site and teamed up with them to continue hunting (two sets of eyes are better than one) and some of these people have become friends.  For a great list of hunts, check out this site.

 

 

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I recently picked up on SL photography and wander around searching for SIMs that are cool to take pictures in. Other than that I sometimes hang with the friends I have... and its not really one steady place I go to but where the wind takes me. I know it is not very helpful but I found out I need to be creative and focus less on whether or not someone speaks to me. Now I am partnered that happens rarely so I rely more on myself to have a good time inworld, although I still struggle to meet same sex friends I have a click with....

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the only real way to find someone like that would probably to make a spot in SL your home.  If you have a lot of experience with the many features in sl you could try volunteering or working at a sim that helps noobs, you could meet a lot of interesting people that way.  Roaming doesn't always get you noticed unless you visit more than once.  People tend to stick with the older members of a group and within that group new peeps don't always fit in so you have to do what you have to do.  Find a sim with lots of nice people and start becoming a regular.  Once people know you better, then you might find that special connection you seek.

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