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I know from experience that relationships can be hard in SL and many have had bad experiences here, myself included. Which is why i don't jump from one person to another.

But i recently met someone, there was a instant connection with, something that doesn't happen for me often in SL. We chatted for hours, but not everyday. He is not the 'player' type, at least he doesn't come across like that. Recently i  finally got the courage to tell him how i felt about him, and he admitted he was feeling the same, however.......

Because of mistakes made in his past he wanted to ' take things slow'. I can understand this, but despite the fact we enjoy many hours together talking and cuddling ( no sex) he never IMs me. Its always left for me to make the first move in contacting him, if i don't days go by with no contact at all. I don't know if i should continue to push things or just sit back and let him make the moves for a change. Im not really the sit back and do nothing type so its very hard to stay quiet. But im afraid if i say anything he will feel im pushing and I'll risk losing him anyway.

 

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RL or SL, in any relationship there must be give and take.  IMO, his not initiating contact is a huge red flag.  It screams indifference to me.  I could very well be off base, I don't know the person, but I can sense in you that you feel the same.  If this was a 'natural' progression, your hinkey meter wouldn't be going off.  Listen to it, it's your light in the dark & will keep you from harm.

I believe in SL, the phrase that actions speak louder than words, is never more true.  It is far too easy in the sl environment to misread others & their intentions.  I've met many a person here who can easily be unaware of their impact on others.  A lot of projection goes on & sometimes we may think a person is on the same page but it turns out they are actually reading a totally different book than we are. 

If you want to fly with your head in the clouds, try to make sure you keep your feet firmly planted on the ground.  Sometimes the landing can be rough.


Edited to Add:  I had one encounter with a person, a long time ago who told me a story.  They would have various meetings with different love interests and get to know them a little.  Then they would use another avatar to sweep them off their feet.  Instant connection, a 'where have you been all my life' moment.  I'm sure this is far from the norm in sl but I found it rather intriguing that someone would go to such measures in sl.  But it really is the perfect environment for such behaviour.  Very sad & very sick IMO.

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Thank you for your reply,

It has occurred to me he really isn't interested at all and just another SL player. But when i have contacted him  we then spend many many hours into the dark hours chatting, if he wasn't interested im sure he would make some lame excuse why he has to leave and not spend that time with me. So its all very confusing for me right now.

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Sounds to me like you know what you want here.  Maybe let him know you are open and very welcoming to him initiating contact.  For me, I like a guy to take charge, pursue me, show interest.  Maybe he is letting you take the initiative because he is afraid of rejection.  Or perhaps you both have differing ideas of time spent - in that he is quite happy to speak every other day whereas you like daily contact.  Any number of reasons really but again, I think you started this thread because your hinkey meter went off.

Take your time & enjoy.  I hope things go well for you & he :)  Just remember in sl, not all is as it appears.  You may be having awesome convo into the wee hours with him while he is having the same with you and maybe 2 or 3 others.  Conversely, perhaps he thinks you are doing the same.  SL is so very condusive to the breeding of suspicious nature.  I know mine has grown immensely :P

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I was almost thinking the same thing, Rival. Sweetie, you might just be something for him to do in the wee hours of the night when there's no one else around. It is a give and take relationship...you have to see if he's willing to give. I'm not saying dump him, but don't let your world revolve around him.

SL is supposed to be fun..if it's not fun, it's not worth logging in.

Good luck

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Me..i would be very annoyed if i had to start conversation all the time..i told my partner when we first met that i clean my friendslist regularly of people who done say hello to me when they are online..hint.hint :-) so he made sure he always did.

Maybe if you chat you can get on the subject of friendslist and say someting to this ;-) he should get to thinking.

I know its hard to stay quiet and not start but its not good you always take the first step

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sweetie Jigsaw wrote:

I know from experience that relationships can be hard in SL and many have had bad experiences here, myself included. Which is why i don't jump from one person to another.

But i recently met someone, there was a instant connection with, something that doesn't happen for me often in SL. We chatted for hours, but not everyday. He is not the 'player' type, at least he doesn't come across like that. Recently i  finally got the courage to tell him how i felt about him, and he admitted he was feeling the same, however.......

Because of mistakes made in his past he wanted to ' take things slow'. I can understand this, but despite the fact we enjoy many hours together talking and cuddling ( no sex) he never IMs me. Its always left for me to make the first move in contacting him, if i don't days go by with no contact at all. I don't know if i should continue to push things or just sit back and let him make the moves for a change. Im not really the sit back and do nothing type so its very hard to stay quiet. But im afraid if i say anything he will feel im pushing and I'll risk losing him anyway.

 

i think that its smart to take things slow .. & i think you should be thankful that your new friend leaves it up to you to make the 1st move in contacting him .. when im in a new relationship i may initially like being IMed immediately when i login but it soon grows old .. no matter how much i may like someone i still need space for getting dressed & doing stuff w/out the distraction of anwering constant IMs & TP requests .. so consider yourself lucky in this regard!

personally .. i tend to jump in2 relationships w/ both feet .. i dont necessarily go slow myself .. but for me relationships tend to end as quickly as they begin & when they do .. i just let them go .. no resentment & no broken-heartedness .. maybe this is a bit cold but it isnt cold when the relationship is in its prime .. its pretty hot actually LoL .. i just dont believe in attachment .. not to stuff & not to ppl .. but thats just me .. for most ppl taking things slow is good advice .. but anyway .. have fun & best wishes !!

Jeanne

 

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I agree with the majority of what has already been stated.  From my experience, RL & SL, if a man is deeply interested in a woman he won't be "leaving it up to you."  I may take some flak for this (dons flame resistent uniform) but we are "hard wired" from ancestors dating back to hunter/gatherer tribes that men are the pursuers, protectors, providers and women want the best, strongest mate for her and her offspring, thus chooses among those vying for her attention.

For those of us living in industrialized nations in contemporary culture, these primal roles are obviously not needed for survival; however, they are still imbedded in our psyches.  Watch what happens when an alpha male is present and another man tries to hit on his wife/gf.  Males are wired to be territorial - if they see something they want...they pursue it.

Bringing this into SL - a comment has been made about a man perhaps being shy.  My former partner of three years told me that he is incredibly shy in RL.  This totally surprised me because I met him at the club where we both worked and he was an outrageous flirt.  When discussing this disparity one time, he said that SL was where he could come out of his shell and be the man he wished he could be RL because a woman wasn't looking him in his RL face and being blown off in an IM was not nearly as painful as having a woman "laugh in my face" RL (his words).  So for the shy supposition, the opposite is actually true in many cases.  Witness the griefers and obnoxious types in SL who probably wouldn't dare to do/say the same stuff in RL since RL consequences would likely follow.

*Zips up my flame retardant suit a little tighter*  I personally will not initiate the first move with a man, romantically speaking.  This means I do not ask men to dance in clubs.  I have been told by dear friends that if I don't change that attitude I won't ever dance.  The exact opposite has happened.  I have been in crowded clubs with the ratio of men:women avatars at something like 5:20.  With rare exception, each time I venture into a club or dance venue, I am always asked to dance while a gaggle of women are standing around, some saying in public chat "Does anyone want to dance with me?"  That reeks of desperation.

By the same token, when I start dating a man - until and unless more of a "relationship status" occurs (and when that is can be different for each person), I never IM the man first.  After first meeting my former partner, I really wasn't that interested in him - I didn't like his "flirting persona."  However, he persistently IM'd me on a daily basis, asked me to join him to do xyz (that's another thing - he always had something planned) and gradually I got to see a different side of him. (Sidenote - I did not always accept when he invited me someplace.  I was involved in a number of things at the time in SL and was often quite busy.)

Another "Czari tale" that illustrates my main point:

Two years ago (after my partnership ended) I was at one of my favorite dance venues and was asked to dance by a very charming man.  Unlike most men with whom I dance, he did not ask to friend me.  Dang!!!  He was one I really liked and felt "drawn to" from our first conversation.  That "spark" you mention was there.  About a week later I returned to that dance venue and there he was.  He immediately IM'd me, asked me to dance, and said he had come there every day hoping to see me again.  I said that I had enjoyed him as well and was a bit surprised he had not offered friendship.  He responded that he felt that would be too forward on a first meeting.

Over the next month and a half, he IM'd whenever we were both on SL (our time zones were upside down from each other), we moved to voice chat, and he went on cam.  (I don't have a webcam.)  Next he took me shopping to buy -quote- The most expensive gown we can find for you. -unquote-  Next he wanted to "show me off."  Everything was progressing very well.

Out of the blue - the IMs stopped.  Nothing had transpired; our last time together had been one of our most memorable.  We would both be online...but he did not IM as he always had.  This puzzled me, but I continued on about my SL.  Yes it was tempting to IM him, but it is something I just won't do.  Four weeks went  by.  I will say that, although I was finding this puzzling, after not hearing from him for that long PLUS continuing to go about my business, his "hold" on me was lessening.  I finally receive an inworld IM from him that went to my email, saying "I'm sorry we haven't spoken in awhile.  I hope we can still be friends."  That last part seemed odd.  I did respond to the IM and said all was fine and of course we're friends.  Another couple of weeks went by.  One day while we were both online he IM'd, again apologized for not having kept in contact but hoped we could still be friends.  This was the second time he'd said that.  I said it was fine and I figured he'd found someone else which was cool.  He said no he had not, just felt things were moving too quickly and he wanted to slow it down.  (Sound familiar?)  I agreed - he was actually the one who had moved things along quickly.

After we spoke, a thought came to me.  This guy had a very sparse profile.  A couple of groups (all dance venues) and one photo of his RL daughter.  That was it.  I hadn't looked at his profile for quite awhile and for some reason decided to open it.  Lo and behold he now had a partner and a new profile pick with her SL photo and the words "My baby."  I surfed on over to the partner's profile.  Women are often more descriptive in profiles about their loves and she was no different.  In fact, she had the log of their first meeting, including date stamp, in her profile.  He had asked her to dance shortly after purchasing the dress for me and several days before the IMs stopped.  Fortunately by this time my heart had unconnected from him but the deliberate lying to my face is something I will not tolerate.  He could very easily have said, "I've had a lot of fun with you, but I've met someone else, I hope we can still be friends" which was basically what he was trying to say in his two odd IMs, but left out a crucial element and lied to my face when given the chance to say so.

The gown he had purchased for me was no trans but the speed with which I sent the money for the gown back to him and muted as soon as I'd sent it would make your head spin.  (Sidenote: He and his partner were together for about 6 months with the most sugary sweet, lovey-dovey profiles that would give one cavities - then he apparently reverted to true form, maybe cheated on her, who knows, but it appears, from what she wrote in her profile that they had a VERY nasty breakup.  He left SL and she continued having a hard time getting over him and, last I looked - over a year ago - she left SL as well.  Yes, if a situation intrigues me for some reason, I periodically read profiles - they can be like an ongoing soap opera.  I had a gut feeling their relationship wasn't going to end well, based on how he poofed and lied to me; I felt really badly for her, actually.)

So the moral to this long-winded response is - I agree with the other posters.  I think it was Jeanne who said him not IMing you is a blessing.  IF he is truly interested in you other than just times when he's bored, you'll hear from him again.  If not, you have been spared heartache.  I wish you the best!!

 

 

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Hermione Lefevre wrote:

Me..i would be very annoyed if i had to start conversation all the time..i told my partner when we first met that i clean my friendslist regularly of people who done say hello to me when they are online..hint.hint :-) so he made sure he always did.


I just took a guy off my friend's list this week that I've known for about 6 months and was quasi-dating; "quasi" because if I was online he always asked me to dance but we didn't have any "exclusivity agreement.  After our first meeting he always IM'd me when I came online - and always with the same greeting: Hi :)   I'd get offline IMs with this greeting if I wasn't online when he was.  After awhile his lack of creativity in greeting became boring but, what was worse - he *did* IM me, *did* ask to meet to dance, and from then on expected me to carry on the conversation, which I can well do...lol...but I do enjoy "dialogues" rather than "soliloquys" on a date.  If I didn't say anything for a few seconds, say if I was reading a group notice, he would say, "You're quiet?  Anything wrong?"   Arrrgggggghhh!!!

I would ask him open-ended questions to try to get him talking.  I finally told him I was tiring of carrying the entire conversation.  Nothing changed.  I began to dread signing on to go through this deal yet again.  Since we were not partnered and I had let him know this non-talking on his part was wearing on me and he did not heed this...unfriended.

 

 

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I have a couple of male friends like that too, i hear the bling bling from there IM while i still see the log in screen. There keenness puts me off, so i guess men can't win maybe. I will take all the advice given here and in PM and TRY not to IM him. I will sit on my hands so i can't type if need be : ) But this is going to be a tough one for me.

And no we dont have any agreement about who IMs who, thats one reason i did want to talk to him about it.......to let him no im not keen on the lack of IMs from him.

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Czari Zenovka wrote:


Hermione Lefevre wrote:

Me..i would be very annoyed if i had to start conversation all the time..i told my partner when we first met that i clean my friendslist regularly of people who done say hello to me when they are online..hint.hint :-) so he made sure he always did.


I just took a guy off my friend's list this week that I've known for about 6 months and was quasi-dating; "quasi" because if I was online he always asked me to dance but we didn't have any "exclusivity agreement.  After our first meeting he always IM'd me when I came online - and always with the same greeting: Hi
:)
   I'd get offline IMs with this greeting if I wasn't online when he was.  After awhile his lack of creativity in greeting became boring but, what was worse - he *did* IM me, *did* ask to meet to dance, and from then on expected me to carry on the conversation, which I can well do...lol...but I do enjoy "dialogues" rather than "soliloquys" on a date.  If I didn't say anything for a few seconds, say if I was reading a group notice, he would say, "You're quiet?  Anything wrong?"   Arrrgggggghhh!!!

I would ask him open-ended questions to try to get him talking.  I finally told him I was tiring of carrying the entire conversation. 
Nothing changed.  I began to dread signing on to go through this deal yet again.  Since we were not partnered and I had let him know this non-talking on his part was wearing on me and he did not heed this...unfriended.

 

 

This has become one of my pet peeves in sl.  As a matter of fact, I'm really quite b1tchey about it.  I have a name for them - Serial IM'ers.  Not very inventive but the guy that has god knows how many convos going at one time.  I find it hilarious that some even believe that nobody knows they are doing this.

They always have an excuse for taking 4 or 5 minutes to reply - lag, or sorry rl, or my dog was eating my home work.  Or, when they do reply, it's more than obvious they aren't reading what you're putting down.  And the real sad one is when they try to twist it around by saying, gee you're quiet, all ok???

I don't get out much in sl these days to places where you can meet new people but I'm quite sure not much has changed.  I think the funniest reply I received once was a guy who IM'd me at a dance venue, started a conversation then asked me to hang on for a minute, he had to finish something.  Two or three minutes later he comes back and say's, ok ... I got rid of her, we can talk now!  He was talking to some other lady & figured I'd be impressed that he chose me to speak with over her.  I said say what?? How rude lol.

 

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Actually in my experience it is best to take a relationship slow at first,even if there is instant chemistry.  Relationships last longer when they are built on a strong foundation.  However, people aren't mind readers and if this is the start of a relationship, or even if it only remains a friendship, it is best to be adults and not play games. You should be able to talk about things that bother you and he should be able to do the same.  If this is to turn into more than just a friendship it is best to establish open and honest communication now if you want he relationship to last.  .

I don't know why he doesn't IM you, there could be a whole list of possible reasons.  However if you are friends enough to spend hours talking, you should be friends enough to discuss this and tell him that he should IM you once in a while. Even if he is interested in only being a friend there is nothing wrong with expecting that from him and he should'nt take offense. You can tell him not to when he see's you come on, but to wait a bit so you can go through your messages and spam, dress etc.  If he reacts negatively or doesn't start IM'ing you once in a while, then you know where you stand , a good thing IMO.

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/me puts on fireman gear and grabs a couple of extinguishers to stand next to Czari. I agree with you, that men do tend to be at their best 'in pursuit'.  And I think that a lot of guys enjoy getting the opportunity to 'be the man' in sl, given how confusing that role has become for them in rl.


Good for you sweetie in deciding to hold off IM'ing first. We've all been there. It's the wait that kills us, 'he loves me, he loves me not.' We're here for you!.

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Musetta Fieschi wrote:

/me puts on fireman gear and grabs a couple of extinguishers to stand next to Czari. I agree with you, that men do tend to be at their best 'in pursuit'.  And I think that a lot of guys enjoy getting the opportunity to 'be the man' in sl, given how confusing that role has become for them in rl.

 

Good for you sweetie in deciding to hold off IM'ing first. We've all been there. It's the wait that kills us, 'he loves me, he loves me not.' We're here for you!.

Awwww, thanks Musetta - you made my day!!!

 

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Hi Czari, I have had this happen with not one but two men in SL. For weeks and weeks they (not at the same time, LOL) would IM me, ask me to go dancing, go shopping, go exploring and we had fun, we were exclusive but enjoyed just hanging out with each other and then, came the time when there was no more IM's, but I would see them online, usually I don't IM men at all but after a week or so of not hearing from them, I finally IM'd and ask how they were doing, and they said fine, just really busy, so I got curious and looked at their profiles, both had partnered and had never said one word to me about it. Why do men feel the need to keep this quiet? It's all there in their profile but it would be nice if they had IM'd me with "we had a great time, but I've found someone else and we've partnered" how hard is that?? I finally ended up defriending both of them, because the one thing you do NOT want to do is lie to me. 

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sweetie Jigsaw wrote:

Because of mistakes made in his past he wanted to ' take things slow'. I can understand this, but despite the fact we enjoy many hours together talking and cuddling ( no sex) he never IMs me. Its always left for me to make the first move in contacting him, if i don't days go by with no contact at all

If he was a friend of mine - I would simply ask him. Not in a whiny, complaining manner - but just straight up, "Hey, I wanted to ask you something. I always IM you first - you never initiate contact. Is there a reason for it?"

If he wants to continue the friendship you will get a straight up answer. If not - he might just not be as interested in hanging out with you as you are in hanging our with him.

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Heart Brimmer wrote:

Hi Czari, I have had this happen with not one but two men in SL. For weeks and weeks they (not at the same time, LOL) would IM me, ask me to go dancing, go shopping, go exploring and we had fun, we were exclusive but enjoyed just hanging out with each other and then, came the time when there was no more IM's, but I would see them online, usually I don't IM men at all but after a week or so of not hearing from them, I finally IM'd and ask how they were doing, and they said fine, just really busy, so I got curious and looked at their profiles, both had partnered and had never said one word to me about it. Why do men feel the need to keep this quiet? It's all there in their profile but it would be nice if they had IM'd me with "we had a great time, but I've found someone else and we've partnered" how hard is that?? I finally ended up defriending both of them, because the one thing you do NOT want to do is lie to me. 

Wow!  I thought maybe I had encountered an isolated case.  You're so right - the profile info is right there...not a big secret!!!! *Rolls eyes*  One of them wasn't from Australia was he? 

And lying - that is my HUGE "I will not tolerate under any circumstances" and I tell guys that up front if I start seeing them regularly. My motto is "Don't mess with the redhead."  Most guys have to learn that the hard way. ;)

 

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Czari Zenovka wrote:


Heart Brimmer wrote:

Hi Czari, I have had this happen with not one but two men in SL. For weeks and weeks they (not at the same time, LOL) would IM me, ask me to go dancing, go shopping, go exploring and we had fun, we were exclusive but enjoyed just hanging out with each other and then, came the time when there was no more IM's, but I would see them online, usually I don't IM men at all but after a week or so of not hearing from them, I finally IM'd and ask how they were doing, and they said fine, just really busy, so I got curious and looked at their profiles, both had partnered and had never said one word to me about it. Why do men feel the need to keep this quiet? It's all there in their profile but it would be nice if they had IM'd me with "we had a great time, but I've found someone else and we've partnered" how hard is that?? I finally ended up defriending both of them, because the one thing you do NOT want to do is lie to me. 

Wow!  I thought maybe I had encountered an isolated case.  You're so right - the profile info is right there...not a big secret!!!! *Rolls eyes*  One of them wasn't from Australia was he? 

And lying - that is my HUGE "I will not tolerate under any circumstances" and I tell guys that up front if I start seeing them regularly. My motto is "Don't mess with the redhead."  Most guys have to learn that the hard way.
;)

 

I think it happens a lot in SL, Czari, most NOT all men I've encountered in SL are either wannabe DOM's or players, and think of SL as only a game and forget that there are real humans behind the keyboard. I have only met one man who was honest, and upfront about who and what he was, but now he's gone from SL and I'm beginning to think there aren't anymore honest men lol. As a result, I guard my heart because I refuse to be hurt again. No, sorry neither one of them was from there, BUT, I did encounter another man from Australia who was also like that lol. 

 

Right! It's not like they can hide their profile and don't they realize that sooner or later, you ARE going to look to see if there is anything new on it. MEN! *grins*

I also tell men upfront that I will NOT tolerate lying and you don't get a second chance if it happens. Oh! and I'm a redhead too! lol 

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Alicia Sautereau wrote:

That`s what i tell them aswell!

 

...oh wait!

 

btw Czari, If you don`t IM men and men don`t IM you for the exact same reasons as you don`t IM them, who should IM first then? :-)

Refer to my dissertation on how males and females were wired dating back to the hunter/gatherer cultures.  *Grins*  My opinion, if a male isn't "man enough" to make the first move, he's not "man enough" for me. ;)

ETA:  I want to make it clear that my not IMing men first refers to not asking men to dance at social venues and/or not IMing men with whom I am in a possibly budding romantic relationship.  My male friends I treat the same as female friends - either IMs if they wish to chat.

 

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Heart Brimmer wrote:

I think it happens a lot in SL, Czari, most NOT all men I've encountered in SL are either wannabe DOM's or players, and think of SL as only a game and forget that there are real humans behind the keyboard. I have only met one man who was honest, and upfront about who and what he was, but now he's gone from SL and I'm beginning to think there aren't anymore honest men lol. As a result, I guard my heart because I refuse to be hurt again. No, sorry neither one of them was from there, BUT, I did encounter another man from Australia who was also like that lol. 

 

Right! It's not like they can hide their profile and don't they realize that sooner or later, you ARE going to look to see if there is anything new on it. MEN! *grins*

I also tell men upfront that I will NOT tolerate lying and you don't get a second chance if it happens. Oh! and I'm a redhead too! lol 

Ohhhh, too true on the "wannabe Doms." GAH!!!!    Maybe these guys who poof then show up partnered have some subconscious desire to be found out.  Only logical reason I can come up with.  Other than sheer cowardice to tell the prior woman.

Yeeaaaaa, redheads unite!!! Actually there are a lot of "Redhead" groups in SL.  I was amazed at how many.  I knew there was a reason we were like-minded, Heart. ;)

 

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Ohhhh, too true on the "wannabe Doms." GAH!!!!    Maybe these guys who poof then show up partnered have some subconscious desire to be found out.  Only logical reason I can come up with.  Other than sheer cowardice to tell the prior woman.

Yeeaaaaa, redheads unite!!! Actually there are a lot of "Redhead" groups in SL.  I was amazed at how many.  I knew there was a reason we were like-minded, Heart.
;)

 

Maybe you're right, Czari, maybe they DO want to get caught. I had long ago, given up on trying to unravel the mind of a male. lol. But, cowardice would be more accurate, I think. Maybe, I should look up the two guys that did this to me and ask them, "Why on earth, did you NOT just tell me you were partnered???" Do you think they would be honest, or tell me what they THINK I want to hear? Would be interesting to find out. 

There are Redhead groups in SL?? I did not know that, I am going to have to go inworld and check that out. And yep, like minded, that we are! :-)

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One can't help but wonder why don't women try to unravel their own minds first a little, before going for the male - for example, what is it in the woman's mind that makes her *entitled* to being told about someone else's partnerings or unpartnerings?  You're not this guy's mother, wife, or legal guardian just because you had some fun and went dancing before. Isn't it quite misguided to expect field reports from him? 

Then you go so far as to call everyone who doesn't report to you, a coward. Wonderful, loving attitude! If you had the guts to confront a decent guy with this, you should expect to be gently but firmly told as much, and know that you're risking all of the man's favour you may have earned over time, just by ever implying he's accountable to you. It could all be gone in the blink of an eye if he suspects you're already treating him as chattel in your mind.

 

A couple of very possible possibilities for the original poster:


- It could be that you just overestimated a bit how interesting you are to your guy-friends. Could happen to any woman.

- It could be that you've actually found an incredible man, the exceptional exception, who has the potential to make you happier than people could even dream.

The entire confusion comes from your intuitive mind which knows very well that his seeming "lack of interest" is exactly the characteristic behaviour of the best guy you could hope to meet. It's simple but maybe difficult to admit to yourself at first. The most interesting guy is not going to be obsessed with you 24/7 or rush desperately to say hello every time you happen to be online. Being interesting, he'll just have too many other things to do. That's the nature of such guys. You have to win them. They aren't going to break down and slobber all over you no matter how charming you think you are. Even later when you know each other better, they'll still be this way, and every day with him is a day spent excitingly with peak involvement. Isn't that wonderful to realize? Hold on to the possibility!

Congrats on possibly finding someone exciting, finally!  Lots of women never do and have to settle for "boring-needy" or for "macho", both of which are predictable, and in the long term, super annoying.

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Vegro Solari wrote:

One can't help but wonder why don't women try to unravel their own minds first a little, before going for the male - for example, what is it in the woman's mind that makes her *entitled* to being told about someone else's partnerings or unpartnerings?  You're not this guy's mother, wife, or legal guardian just because you had some fun and went dancing before. Isn't it quite misguided to expect field reports from him? 

 

I NEVER said "I" was entitled to know anything. YOU only know half of the scenario, these WERE men who professed to have feelings for me (again NOT at the same time) and yet, here they are, partnering with someone else WITHOUT telling me and leaving ME to wonder what was going on. 

Then you go so far as to call everyone who doesn't report to you, a coward. Wonderful, loving attitude! If you had the guts to confront a decent guy with this, you should expect to be gently but firmly told as much, and know that you're risking all of the man's favour you may have earned over time, just by ever implying he's accountable to you. It could all be gone in the blink of an eye if he suspects you're already treating him as chattel in your mind.

AGAIN, I NEVER called EVERYONE a coward, only the ones who feel the need to lie to someone about how they feel about someone. and where in the hell do you get off thinking that YOU know my mind??? END OF DISCUSSION.

 

 EDIT TO CORRECT A WORD

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