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Cadeon Bayn

Polygamy & Polyandry - Taboo?

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As a happily polyamorous sort in SL I can say I have been in a relationship with the same two men for about five years. It is a happy life for me mostly since it means all my evenings are filled. 

This being virtual of course, no one pushed me into this life and gentleman number two was clearly advised of what he wd be getting into by entering into a relationship with me. We don't all live together mind you, timezones, schedules, etc., but they both know of the other and are fine with the situation. We have since mostly moved out of SL and into another world but it is still the same people.

Would it work in RL? I don't know  - although I admit, would proly not enjoy doing more laundry...

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There are other cultures and belief that practice polygamy as long as they can provide each family. Polygamy is not generally cheating, it depends on the agreement. But if you agree that no one else comes between you and you're a Christian that believes in monogamy, then polygamy is a form of cheating. 

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My point stands.

As does the comment, good luck with changing the world to your views.

Taqiyya much? ^^ and thats the nice interpretation of it.

Adds: Which is why I didn't watch the video. Wrong culture sorry.

 

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Cadeon Bayn wrote:


As does the comment, good luck with changing the world to your views.


No one's trying to change the world, Maryanne. People are just coming here to voice their personal opinions on the matter and their experiences. :matte-motes-big-grin-squint:

 

Sugar coat it as much as you like lol.
spoiler.gif

Nothing like being caught trying to raid the cookie jar is there?
ahehe.gif
 

You are the one quoting sources trying to convince people of your beliefs & justify them is that not correct?

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Tex Monday wrote:

I prefer the Master/Slaves relationships....all of the benefits and none of the headaches

You think? If that's your understanding of D/s then I pity your slaves. Ever wondered why they keep running away? Let me spell this out to you slowly.

When a woman places that leash in your hand she is granting you control, however that does not absolve you of your obligations or responsibilities. Quite the opposite because you now have double the obligations.

You are the master, so you are in control of everything not just the bedroom play. I see this often in SL, a dim-dom leading his slave by her leash and not watching what is happening to her as he leads her across a crowded dance floor. If you can't even do something as simple as walk your slave across the room in a virtual world without considering what is happening to her then perhaps its time to give up the false tag of "master". 

It would be better if such men kept away from the lifestyle and stayed vanilla, slaves are thinking living beings not toys with vaginas, All to often dim-doms think of their slaves in only one way really and then come crying that their slavegirl has run away.

I challenge you to go to a few munches and ask around, ask the real Masters and Mistresses how they treat and respect their girls, how the additional responsibly gives rise to frequent headaches, how owning a slave sometimes seems like burden but a worthwhile one.

D/s should not be viewed as an easy way to get a girl. If you cannot keep any girl happy in a vanilla relationship because of your own issues,  then using D/s as a way of fixing your own issues will ultimately end in failure over and over again.

RL or SL there is no difference, keep her happy and respect her or lose her forever, D/s or no D/s

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Leia36 wrote:


Tex Monday wrote:

I prefer the Master/Slaves relationships....all of the benefits and none of the headaches

You think? If that's your understanding of D/s then I pity your slaves. Ever wondered why they keep running away? Let me spell this out to you slowly.

When a woman places that leash in your hand she is granting you control, however that does not absolve you of your obligations or responsibilities. Quite the opposite because you now have double the obligations.

You are the master, so you are
in control of everything not just the bedroom play
. I see this often in SL, a dim-dom leading his slave by her leash and not watching what is happening to her as he leads her across a crowded dance floor. If you can't even do something as simple as walk your slave across the room in a virtual world without considering what is happening to her then perhaps its time to give up the false tag of "master". 

It would be better if such men kept away from the lifestyle and stayed vanilla, slaves are thinking living beings not toys with vaginas, All to often dim-doms think of their slaves in only one way really and then come crying that their slavegirl has run away.

I challenge you to go to a few munches and ask around, ask the real Masters and Mistresses how they treat and respect their girls, how the additional responsibly gives rise to frequent headaches, how owning a slave sometimes seems like burden but a worthwhile one.

D/s should not be viewed as an easy way to get a girl. If you cannot keep any girl happy in a vanilla relationship because of your own issues,  then using D/s as a way of fixing your own issues will ultimately end in failure over and over again.

RL or SL there is no difference, keep her happy and respect her or lose her forever, D/s or no D/s

Thank you Leia for this wonderful summation of what it truly means to own a slave. I have refrained from posting in this thread simply because I knew someone would come in and say the exact thing the DIM-Dom did. :matte-motes-grin:

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My absolute pleasure :cathappy:

ETA

The term "dim-dom" is not mine, it was invented by Forceme Silverspar and it is a rather apt description of some Dom/mes.

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Cadeon Bayn wrote:


Maryanne Solo wrote:

Sugar coat it as much as you like lol.
spoiler.gif
Nothing like being caught trying to raid the cookie jar is there?
ahehe.gif
 

You are the one quoting sources trying to convince people of your beliefs & justify them is that not correct?

 

Quoting, citing sources or giving material to back up your opinion is not the same as trying to
"convert"
someone. That's just a result of any type of decent conversation exchange. If I didn't have any basis for my opinions or beliefs, wouldn't that make me just another idiot spouting off at the mouth? :matte-motes-sunglasses-1:

 

I didn't come here to argue or force my beliefs or opinions on someone. I simply came here to have a conversation, see what other people are thinking, listen and talk. Isn't that why you came to this thread? lol. Or did you come to criticize and put words into my mouth?

No, the addition of the word "convert" is yours alone. Which makes your intended jibe/s stand out somewhat. The scenarios you describe above, along with your inclusion of a word not spoken by myself, align you with the very traits you suggest I am guilty of. *blinx twice This unfortunate tendency cannot, of course, be simply hidden behind smiley sunglasses, or any other method invoked to disguise true character traits or intentions.

You can certainly resort to childish name calling if you wish, but it relegates your supposed Innocent & well meaning conversation to far less than second rate status.

You posted the material when you were called on it, you did not offer the source until then. Just a minor unfortunate slipup there I imagine?

This fact combined with Immature insults & additions still leaves one wondering as to the true validity and purpose of your.... *survey.

Which is precisely what I have said since my first comment.

Free speech but only if it aligns with your goals, is a conversation worthy of no further participation in any civilised society. Even virtual ones.

Once again, nice try :matte-motes-bashful-cute:

Ps: Convert to what precisely?

 

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Leia...

As the others said, thank you for that wonderful description of the D/s relationship.

I am not, as you might think, the kind of Master who throws my girls in bed every time I see them. I listen to them..figure out what it is that they want and try to make the experience pleasureable for both or all of us.

I should, however, take this opportunity to clarify what I meant by my statement. We were stating, unless I'm incorrect, that the Polygamy/Polandry relationship was somehow cheating. With a D/s relationship, that's not a factor. As long as you pay attention to each slave and give them the respect and care they deserve, hopefully everyone is happy.

I apologize if my statement was misunderstood.

Thanks

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Leia36 wrote:

My absolute pleasure :cathappy:

ETA

The term "dim-dom" is not mine, it was invented by Forceme Silverspar and it is a rather apt description of
some
Dom/mes.

I like the phrase and I do agree that it is a VERY apt description. :-)

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Fair enough Tex, I have had my share of SL drama because of the way some Doms carry on. I wish you luck.

Just to clarify my position I have nothing against multiple partners, I know of a few families in D/s here that are immensely happy and full of love. Some all women some as you describe. I also have had to pick up the pieces recently of a failed Gor relationship that ended with a OOC killing of the Master's first girl and it still upsets me. Its a fine line.

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Oh yes! Well I stand corrected it was Mr Taqiyya #2 who conveniently only posted half of the facts relative to the viedo and both of your intentions. No matter really as the end result is the same in painting only half a true picture to attain one's agenda which is the norm when claiming free speech -> but not as we know it,  as we witness time & again in this day & age. 

Changing the world to your beliefs is completely different to converting, as is obvious in the context of its use.  It's intended use was singular and the other applies to more than one, or a group relative to this topic, but then it was not me who used the word. A deliberate & convenient distortion of fact but that's ok it is pretty transparent.

Seeing as your interpretation of the written word is somewhat convenient for you by way of accidental? distortion & addition, (perhaps), I still don't see what your inclusion and confusion of using the word "convert" means.

Again, convert to what? You do refer to religion but of course the cultures who practice these activites have alternative political systems, which are definately not religions. You have bolded "opinion" which may make sense if you are not confused regarding these issues. If that is not the case therefore you may well mean convert to an alternative political system perhaps? I do claim a similar confusion as you display here, but mine stems from the omisssion of clarity in what you write.

I did not use the word "convert" so it is most encouraging that you are able to make use of a dictionary. Dictionaries do not help us however in ensuring our words are truthful and relate our precise intent of course:smileyhappy:   

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*Reads. Shakes his head. Laughs. Walks away seeing that this poor **bleep** of a thread has fallen to single note singers. Loses interest in reading the same stuff.

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SinfulPrince wrote:

Wow,

Willow Danube wrote:
 The only reason because I do not think it is fair for men to speak on behalf of us women thinking that WE think it is OK to share. 

I
dont
see the relevance between "I appreciate your input" and this? One person appreciates the other , and the individual blasts back about not wanting to be spoken for. But ok.

You must remain calm samurai.

If you read my post as a blatant personal attack on you then you must take a step back and wonder why? Could I have hit you square in between the eyes? Calling me "Honey, I appreciate your input" could have easily misinterpreted as condescending but I try not to see it as that. My opinion though, stand as it is. A man posted in the forums asking if having multiple spouses are ok? A few men came in and supported him that it is OK for men and therefore, it must be OK for women too... I came in to say on behalf of myself, as a woman, that it is NOT OK to share my husband and in return, I gave my piece of thoughts on why men in a society at large are into multiple spouses. Of course, I was quickly 'corrected' on that. 

I am not arguing here on how valid your feelings, needs, thoughts, opinions, belief, etc... as to why one woman cannot satisfy you. I will also not going to agree with you. Fact is, I'm not a man. I do not know how a man's brain works. I can only guess, that is all. But, when someone comes in and explaining in very long post telling how good it is for women to share their man ... and he is a man? That's just wrong...I call that brainwashing. I've been living in a culture where men having more than one wife is heavily practised and I know their MOs in getting women to fall in a polygamous relationship.  I can tell you this much, that they are not generally content and happy but feeling helpless about it. They just *had to accept* that it was their fate given by their gods. 

 I'm amazed that you get that she thinks she'll lose her husband out of that. 

She is not afraid of losing her husband.. She is afraid of being alone. If she was given a better choice, losing her husband is the least of her concerns. She is already taking a risk by sending her husband off to another woman... She is entitled to her opinion of course, but as a woman myself, I think it is my privilege to say that, Woman to Woman, she is wrong. Another thing, I am not trying to convince the woman in that tube... No, I'm trying to tell you what the woman thinks and does has got nothing to do with me and how I felt. It won't fool me into believing you even if you shoved a woman in front of me proclaiming how wonderful her life is...

 

People choose all kinds of things.

Catholics who choose to have abortions. 

Women who choose to also be misogynists and verbally call it that themselves.

And All of the above, I have opinions on them too, but I'll wait for another thread for that... 

And that they have a right to have their choice seen as their own when it is

We also ought to be willing to admit that they count too when tallying up who's here in this world.

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Let me rephrase that, What you say will apply to MOST. But will not apply to few. 

Smh. For a person who's first paragraph in this very post, says she would appreciate somoene else not speaking for HER you sure don't have any problem doing it for someone else do you? But lets go there:

Most and a few are only relative when voting, and no one needs other people to vote their choice in life into being valid.

And I'll translate that myself so you don't have to.

The personal choices of any majority does not eliminate the freedom of choosing something different for an individual.


Oh, agreed on this... as much as I agree that people have every right to make a choice to disagree with these people as they see fit. I, sometimes, got tired of certain groups of people who always thinks they're perpetually victimised because historically, they've been tortured and discriminated from the majority. They failed to see that life has gotten easier for them and so much so the table has been turned over and the majority becomes the minority and these are the ones who are feeling oppressed just because they wanted to retain their own beliefs.

Now, from the way you posted, it almost sounds like I'm victimising you with my opinions and I should have been politically correct in you wanting your freedom of choice and should just agree with you. Doesn't work. Sorry. The thing is I have every right to disagree with you on your opinion about us. I've never told you to stop doing what you think it is right... but I'm not going to sugarcoat my words into letting you know that what I think of that... My choice.. 

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Cadeon Bayn wrote:


and you were wrong. A polygamous relation can include groupsex or other group activities involving 3 or more of those involved in the relation.

It also doesn't (as a lot of people seem to believe) have to be 1 man and a lot of women, with the man abusing them all and/or the women fighting each other to become "favourite wife".

That's the bigomous Christian/western social "mores" speaking again. Not saying it can't happen, but if it does the relation is not entered and maintained with consent by all those involved (which is typical in societies having arranged marriages, which rl is often the case in places with polygamous systems but doesn't have to, just in some societies women are often seen as chattel, property, and their wishes and needs are not taken into account when it comes to putting them in a harem or having 10 wives in 10 cities just so you can have sex everywhere without needing to pay a prostitute).

As I said, I never voiced that such things
couldn't
happen, just that it isn't what I was focusing on in my original post. Furthermore, what a man and woman willingly consent to doing, (in regards to your cattle statement) how is that polygamist marriage any different than say a Master and slave or Dominant and submissive in BDSM? What one person thinks is "wrong" another may enjoy immensely and willingly put themselves in that situation. Keywords here are
willingly
and
consent
. As a side note, why on earth would I want to have 10 wives simply to get sex? Lol, do you realize how exhausting that would be? I mean, I feel I've got stamina, but I'm not Hercules. Besides, it's not just about the intimacy. If a man can't be there mentally, emotionally and monetarily for the women he's caring for... That man is simply "collecting" and not being true to the polygamist lifestyle.

 

 

 

 

I was referring only to your statement that groupsex doesn't happen in polyamous relations, overall I mostly agree with you :)

Though 10 wives just for sex might be too much of a good thing (or 10 husbands, not being sexist here) that's of course not the only kind of polyamorous grouping that can exist. A group could be made up of any mix of men and women, as is common in many of Heinlein's writings.

As to D/s relations, most of those aren't live-in, full time relations, and many that are are one Dom(me) with a single submissive, which may or may not have to do with keeping up the appearance of a "normal marriage" as considered "appropriate" by society.

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My problem with polygamy in the realm of SL is that an 'open relationship' is not a relationship at all. It's a sure F'k on a slow night - read: when the rest of the harem/stable isn't online. Why don't they call it what it is - F'k buddies - and be done with it? Why try to make a 'relationship' out of it when it clearly isn't?

 

That said, it's obviously not a lifestyle I'd choose in either life, but hey - whatever works for ya. To each his own. 

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you're extrapolating your own limited experience to the entire population, and imposing your own limited morals on that population.

If a group can be happy if their members aren't chaste outside the group, do sometimes go to a party without the group present, who are you to say they're not supposed to live as a group?
And that extends into both sl AND rl. Many live the life in sl that they'd like to live in rl if the societies they're a part of didn't force them to live otherwise, through pressure and lifelong indoctrination, even laws (remember that polyandry is illegal in many countries, especially countries where the law is based on Christian, French, and/or Anglosaxon historical legal context, but this extends way beyond polyandry. Even one on one D/s relations are at best misunderstood and frowned upon rl, partners having to hide their true nature when in public, if found out the Dominant might end up in prison for unlawful imprisonment, the submissive in a mental institution for forced rehabilitation and "reprogramming" as a "normal citizen").

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jwenting wrote:

you're extrapolating your own limited experience to the entire population, and imposing your own limited morals on that population.

If a group can be happy if their members aren't chaste outside the group, do sometimes go to a party without the group present, who are you to say they're not supposed to live as a group?

And that extends into both sl AND rl. Many live the life in sl that they'd like to live in rl if the societies they're a part of didn't force them to live otherwise, through pressure and lifelong indoctrination, even laws (remember that polyandry is illegal in many countries, especially countries where the law is based on Christian, French, and/or Anglosaxon historical legal context, but this extends way beyond polyandry. Even one on one D/s relations are at best misunderstood and frowned upon rl, partners having to hide their true nature when in public, if found out the Dominant might end up in prison for unlawful imprisonment, the submissive in a mental institution for forced rehabilitation and "reprogramming" as a "normal citizen").

^^This^^ Thank you, jwenting. 

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Syo Emerald wrote:

Speaking about SL polygamy and polyandry....well, I see it as a endless spring of more drama for everyone around. People getting jealous on each other. Fighting for their part of the love-pie. Starting to feel uncomfortable, because things turn out the wrong way. Boundaries get hurt.....and at the end everyone is sad about the drama and moves away.

 

Thats how I see it. Good thing is: No real children get hurt in a virtual world drama.

That is indeed the outcome of many multiple marriages in SL.  But it's not universal -- I am one third of a triad marriage; we've been together for well over three years and our union is stronger than ever.

 

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