Cadeon Bayn, September 22, 2012 in Lifestyles and Relationships
Everything goes if everyone involved is consenting and happy. Or more broadly: Live and let live as long as you don't harm anyone.
It's just not for me, although I can see why it would suit other people.
Well I guess it is a culture thing .. not living on the right continent for that ;p
I can only comment on the whole cheating thing .. if .. noone gets pregnant, catches anything or falls in love while doing so .. and well never tells, I guess it's alright
I have no problems with polygamy in second life because in the virtual world polygamy is closer to the idealized idea of polygamy where the marriage is equal among all members. In the real word, polygamy is more about the subjugation of women by a single man where abuse and child brides are normal. In the virtual world, there are no real children and you can't subjugate anyone because people can just mute and go play in another region. If polygamy does exist in SL, it would be made up entirely of consenting adults.
It's not my personal cup of tea but if someone said they were a polygamist in SL I wouldn't think any less of them.
First, there are very few taboos in SL, given that by definition a taboo is something that is against the basic rules of a society. The 'society' that is Second Life is possibly the single most tolerant society in history, but that's a topic for another place. In any case, no: neither polygamy nor polyandry are taboo.
Second, you vastly understimate the intelligence and sophistication of that society if you really believe more than a handful of us don't know the difference between polyandrous/polygamous connections and someone cheating in a presumed monogamous relationship.
Are you conducting a survey to find out how many of us our polygamists?
Nothing Kinky? Sounds like you are imposing your moral definitions on the terms. By kinky are you meaning group sex never occurs? Or that all sex is vanilla, behind closed doors, with the lights out and only the missionary position is allowed? And what if everyone in the 'group' is bisexual?
Try asking Pollyanna.
She might approve of such things.
*smells a survery of some description....
and you were wrong. A polygamous relation can include groupsex or other group activities involving 3 or more of those involved in the relation.
It also doesn't (as a lot of people seem to believe) have to be 1 man and a lot of women, with the man abusing them all and/or the women fighting each other to become "favourite wife".
That's the bigomous Christian/western social "mores" speaking again. Not saying it can't happen, but if it does the relation is not entered and maintained with consent by all those involved (which is typical in societies having arranged marriages, which rl is often the case in places with polygamous systems but doesn't have to, just in some societies women are often seen as chattel, property, and their wishes and needs are not taken into account when it comes to putting them in a harem or having 10 wives in 10 cities just so you can have sex everywhere without needing to pay a prostitute).
I don't think true polygamists subjugate women. In my opinion if an adult female has willingly consented to marrying that person, in that form, it's not subjection. While there are underage brides out there (of all marriage types), I think the media puts that in the face of millions to put that stigma on polygamy. That's a huge problem, I agree. But that doesn't make it more important than an underage bride in a monogamous relationship or abuse in a monogamous relationship. What I'm saying is, abuse and underage marriage happens all over the world, not just or more so in polygamist relationships. It's just more publicized.
I support Polygyny in RL and practice it in SL.
Why don't I also practice it in RL? Only because I dont wish ANY marriage in RL at this time.
I don't think its "taboo" at all in sl. I think you will find a lot of ladies who will speak against it -particularly in the company of other ladies not wanting to be singled out and criticized. But I certainly wouldn't call it "taboo".
And I would not just think twice but 9times before having 10 wives just for the sake of having someone to have sex with. Thats a lot of headache to take on just for a travel convenience. Entirely too many loose women to make that rational.
"some societies women are often seen as chattel, property, and their wishes and needs are not taken into account"
I couldn't help plucking that line out of jwenting's's post.
I'm one who does often view women as chattel, property, and their wishes and needs are not taken into account. BUT **grins** it goes back to that original phrase by Cadeon:
I don't think true polygamists subjugate women. In my opinion if an adult female has willingly consented to marrying that person, in that form, it's not subjection.
...at least not nonconsensual subjugation.
The practise of polygamy are really an old practise designed for
- breeding, keep the lineage because the were a lot of males died due to war and diseases
- welfare of untended women and children
Today it was more of :
- selfish reasons
- cultural brainwashing
- for showing off. Most men in SL who practised this are often love to announced it to everyone else
If the women are ok with these reasons.. yeah, go ahead.
Here's hoping we can hear from more people without them feeling like they must be "showing off" before they can reply to someone having asked to hear from them.
Not that this was your intention but I surely can see where it could be the result.
Scenarios like that are often what makes people not come forward and perpetuates enough of an illusion that nobody could "possibly" be serious about such a thing to the point that a dialog or thread like this one dies before it really even moves forward.
It is in keeping with the sentiment and philosophy of "the many" today to decry anything but feminism and male sublimation. I get that. But where is the allowance for those who do NOT agree with that to voice their stand and not be negated or accused of "showing off" or in some other way invalidated in order to silence that stand?
You can. But its still there.
And honestly, looking at that first list :
- breeding, keep the lineage because the were a lot of males died due to war and diseases- welfare of untended women and children- money
With the ratio of males to females what it is in SL, I can see where it easily is then adaptable. Who knows, could just be my convos but I hear from a lot of females who are NOT looking to be in poly marriages however they ARE looking for male influence , care, presence and input in their created sl families. Families with excruciatingly low numbers of males, and the females (often single) becoming accutely aware at lack of male presence ,influence, even male control, specifically, over her children.
And even in a world of prim genitals , where everyone can have any that they like, the feeling is reported by some as "hollow" or unfulfilling to them to not have a male sire and father for even their cyber children.
So where is even the "valid list" not applicable?
One persons "cultuaral brainwashing" may be another person's acceptance of the fact that there is a natural reason for both the presence and demeanor of a man.
Depending on where you are from, it could still be about money tbh.
For a mere man who boasted that he alone could provide the needs for more than woman is just that, boastful. That or you are looking at an SL relationship with high turn over rate. It become meaningless and your entire point become moot. Yours and Sinful's long explanantions are exactly the most subtle way to brainwash a woman's mind. I've known the religion and the culture that shall not be named on a personal level and at one time, close to intimate... Although it was allowed, it was not encouraged by their original leaders. This concept of polygamy were exploited down the course of history for be it political power or economic reasons. Today, the reasons why a woman willing to share her husband to another woman basically comes down to this:
1. She was made to believe that didn't have any other choice
2. SHe didn't know any better
THat is what these women considered as Acceptance.
Speaking about SL polygamy and polyandry....well, I see it as a endless spring of more drama for everyone around. People getting jealous on each other. Fighting for their part of the love-pie. Starting to feel uncomfortable, because things turn out the wrong way. Boundaries get hurt.....and at the end everyone is sad about the drama and moves away.
Thats how I see it. Good thing is: No real children get hurt in a virtual world drama.
Polygamy is a marriage consisting of more than two partners. There are two subsets:
- Polygyny is a marriage with one husband and multiple wives. SinfulPrince used the correct term.
- Polyandry is a marrage with one wife and multiple husbands.
I wouldn't say polygamy is a taboo to me, but I would not enter into a polygamous relationship. I think a polygamous relationship would be very difficult to manage. There are barely enough hours in the day for two people to properly care for one another and their family. How could anyone manage to do the same for multiple partners?
Willow honey I've read enough of your post in forum to honestly appreciate your input. However I gotta say that while it is valid for you as an indivual to feel as you do , particularly if (it sounds like) you had some negative personal experiences, it just isn't true that those are the only reasons or the only women who participate in and indeed sometimes seek polygamous marriages.
Matter of fact it wasn't a week or so ago that I listened to woman youtube to the fact that it was HER who brought the idea to her previously monogamous husband , and that was the result of her INITIALLY feeling it was all just a sexual rouse to the benefit of the sexual appetities of men but subsequently changing her mind. And it was a mind she changed alone while solo looking into that concept.
What you say will apply to some. But will not apply to all.
You are confused about which culture you are talking to unfortunately.
The woman gave up her career for this?
Post the link ^^
Where is the word "career" in my post? And I don't care, nor am I confused, about anybody's culture.
Topic is nothing about cultures.
I said the woman initiated the interest in the couple and thats exactly what I mean.-Since it is the popular conception that all of this invariably stems from a male.
However the tube in reference is this one:
You can agree with her you can disagree , but she didn't get led by someone else . -THAT is what my post said.
Willow Danube wrote:
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