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How to Start Online Relationship: A Complete Idiot's guide to Other Complete Idiots.


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The author of this OP has never claimed to be an expert. Heed at your own mental risk. 

Hello Forumites, 

As most of you have not noticed (or even the slightest blinding care...) that I haven't been much in the forums lately. The thing is I have been scallywagging the Feed with my facepalm-ing photo spams (just like the rest of them). The latest one was of me rescuing a certain gent (with a supermodel arse) from the freezing chamber of a space ship called Doomed Ship ( I wonder why he went there in the first place?.. It says  'Doomed' .. duh!... MEN... *shakes head*.. )

So, I thought, maybe today.. I'd take a break from the Feed and to  trol...I mean.. contribute in the Forums instead. 

The first question you might ask me is: Why are you wasting your time posting this? (at least that's the first question my boss in RL would say if he finds out.. )

Well, WHY would anyone would actually indulge in becoming good at typing eromance (my word for Erotic Romance) thoughts to another complete strangers?.. My Answer is simple: Because! 

So here's my compherensive guide to Online Relationship:

1. You must have a real computer. Unless you get turned on by flicking vicariously on your iPad... Online relationship through a small screen does not work too well. Other than that... Linden Lab has given you enough information on how to survive the SL crashes without resulting in submitting a jira because you can't see your girlfriend/boyfriend on their gloriuosly naked new Curio skin. 

2. You must have an internet. Speed -not size-  matters. If you appear laggy in your conversation you won't be able to engage a person for long... I mean take me for example.. I dumped my 3rd SL-BF because he was laggy... eventhough I was desperate and horny at that time...

3. Your Screen name. '10InchBlk4Uladies' as your cybername is a tad tacky. A real woman looking for a romantic thrill will be smart enough to avoid you... If you did put that as your username and you got a respond... she must be a dude. Similarly, if you have a name of 'IgnorantSubmissiveSlave18F'... you wll not fool me... You are a dude... (nice try though). 

4. Your Profile. You can be as honest as you can.. or can be as dishonest as you can. Your World, Your Imagination. There are no rules.. except Don't NOT have a profile. But do remember that the other person you about to start a relationship with could be your neighbour, your cashier at walmart, your teacher, your dentist, wife, husband, brother, sister, father, mother or your religious leaders or your local politician. All I'm saying, becareful of how much information you want to put in. You don't know when the FBI will be knocking on your door. 

5. Your Avatar. I think this has been talked and discussed over and over and over... The thing is, one fugly looking avi is another person's adonis. We all have different taste.. you will never be able to satisfy everyone. My advice is, as long as you are not in your NOOB original form.. you are doing fine. Sometimes, it is not your avatar looks that counts... sometimes it is how you reflect your personality through your avatar. 

6. Have a box of tissues next to you. Why? Online relationships can be really intense when you are with the right person. Tissues are handy when you having your tears of imaginary happiness... tissues are handy when you are drying up a tear of sadness... or it can be used to wipe the screen after you spewed your coffee on the screen reading some of your online lover's joke... and it is especially handy to clean after yourself after an episode of erotic but mutual self-stimulation together .... 

7. Cybore begone. I understand that you are new but really dude... can you not at least read a little before you even consider registering yourself in a social media like SL? You cannot possibly have the nerve to ask me If I want to be your submissive girlfriend and how to rez your d1ck in the same sentence. You go to a gorean hub for that! 

I'd like to write a bit more but I don't want to be selling myself as the relationship expert.. which I'm not.. hence the Complete Idiot's title. Plus, it is almost my lunch break and I figured I would go and harass my partner's Feed page with some lovey dovey stuff that he would be too shy to reply, before I log out for lunch. 

So, have fun reading people... and remember my wise quote of the day... "Life's too short and then you Die". 

Have a good day.

 

(Lanas, are you happy now?)

 

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Guys, giving a woman "gifts" from the Freebie Dungeon, including TELLING her you got them from the Freebie Dungeon - especially when you've been in SL 3 years, is not only declase, it's insulting!

Similarly, somehow losing your prim hair in a SL glitch, not being able to find it in your inventory (not that it poofed, just has no idea where the hair is, what it's called, etc.), somehow managing to get system hair on and announcing, "I found it!" then getting mad when your date tries to help you figure out the name of your hair and keep you from walking around SL looking like a noob is also not cool.

 

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Lol, Czari. Sounds as though you're speaking from painful experience.  

I also knew a guy who lost his hair during a teleport and was unable to find it again.  His excuse?  It fell in the sea. 

Another had a great avie except for his system hair which he steadfastly refused to change.  It was a total deal-breaker.

And let's not forget the ex who, unable to access his main account, had his alt run around in a demo skin forever more. 

"No Payment Info on File" ?  More than 5 years old, and this practically screams "freeloader."  Oh, how i wish i'd taken my own advice and avoided!   :smileyfrustrated:

 

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Oh yes...painful experience and recently...lol.  Gah!

LOLing at your experiences, squashy. (I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time...just in retrospect at least we can laugh.)  What is it with guys and losing hair???  Edit to add:  It's not the losing of the hair - we all know how SL can be - it's that they have no earthly idea where to find it in inventory. 

A female friend says I need to get the "Weirdo Magnet" surgically removed. ;)

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  • 2 weeks later...

OMG you all are so funny! I learn so much here. It never occured to me that people with those sorts of names might be guys. I am so naive at times. But...my employee, she giggles...and I know she is a girl. So maybe giggling isn't so much a give away? I will have to pay more attention when I see/hear others do it. In fact, I think I need to pay closer attention in general.

Always the last to know....

Star

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hahaa! Love this post. I must admit that I tend to run from ugly avatars though. I see soooo many! Especially the beefed up male avatars with tiny heads or female avatars who are like 10 feet tall (my avi is 5 feet 6 inches). Scary stuff. There is really no excuse to have odd looking avatars anymore with all these fantastic creators and the beauty of Marketplace. Ruth is long dead! Hook up your avi! Also, utilize AOs. We don't walk like robotic avatars in RL so why would we be okay with it in SL? Have fun with your avatar.

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You mention the creators as a cure for ugly avatars. I say they are the main source of them together with the fashion blogs. Some start to use a certain type of shape of avatar for every single picture and advertisement. They are always seen together with the newest creation of clothing. Their followers start to think this is the "new thing" and adopt it as a sign of beauty to look like this.

In the past this allowed to pave the way for the teenage-emo-deformed-ponyrider-girls.

 

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I too see no reason to look `noob`after a year or more on SL but unfortunatley there are many guys like that around.

To me it shows how little they care about their looks and that they probably dont care about it in RL either..so i chose to stay away from  them.

Funny thing is that they have a high self esteem sometimes and think they are hot lol

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  • 2 weeks later...
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