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Salt Caramel

Premature Ejaculation

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Oi...relationships in Second Life. Everyone has dealt with their own special brand of malarkey when dealing with romantic entanglements in world. So I thought why not discuss it.

Let us begin with what I like to call Premature Ejaculation syndrome.

You know what I am talking about...and if you don't here is the rub. Pre Ejaculation can be engaged with by both men and women. It is the act of knowing someone in SL but acting like you have built up the trust and respect that isn't possible in a week or two. For some of you people we are talking hours.

Is someone shady if they don't want to jump your pixel bones, partner with you, webcam with you, voice with you, send RL pictures to you, or have a prim baby with you, when you literally met two seconds ago. NO! Now I am not saying that people don't meet and there isn't instant chemistry, we have all heard the stories, but the likelihood that that is happening to you in this moment...is minimal.

STOP RUSHING

To be honest if someone is giving you their time, which is precious and they aren't leaving you hanging via im silence... they are worthwhile in my book at least as friend potential.  Don't cry because they are engaging in conversation with you but aren't racing alongside you to the altar. You should view this as someone who is making the effort to... GET TO KNOW YOU.  You know you, the fabulous person behind your av. Help them with building a foundation, don't just try to go at them with a backhoe, lay that cement.

When you take time and put the required energy in to getting to know someone, then you are more empowered and more informed to make a decision regarding if this is the right person for you to be in a relationship. Yes...people can have the hottest av's, everyone...well most people can be charismatic or charming for a few hours, but if you are really looking for a long term relationship be it platonic or romantic, take the time to figure out if this person and you have enough in common to make it happen.

In SL, it can be even more difficult than in life to make that assessment, because you don't really get a glimpse at the three dimensionality of the other person. You don't know what is going on in their life, what Second Life means to them; you don't see their facial expressions. So yes, people get hurt, but dating in life isn't fair so why should SL be any different. You are in this because you are a romantic, or because you believe that you can find someone who you can share your SL with.

Typically taking the time to get know someone, involves listening to them as well as seeing their actions. If someone is all, 'I love spending time with you', but often leaves you hanging whilst IM'ing, or backs out of "dates", and hasn't given you a rl reason for their behavior, then you have to question if their 'I love spending time with you' means the same as your 'I love spending time with you'.

When you walk around constantly talking about how you want to be in a relationship to every potential love interest you meet, you are literally placing a relationship wanted sign above your head...flashing glaringly and blinding people. Don't approach every person you meet with the expectation that THIS COULD BE THE ONE. Open your heart, but remove the pressure.

 There are an astronomical number of people logging into sl everyday...your special person will come, but don't squash potential suitors/mates because you have relationship ADD.

Which is better, cumming quickly on your leg, or having a whole night of passion?

I rest my case.

Does anyone else feel the same way I do?

 

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I hardly ever comment on the forums but I find it to be in very poor character to be so judgemental of people who don't want to spend 1 year getting to know someone.  SL time is faster than RL time, because I don't spend 2-4 hours a day talking to someone I meet in rl.  They call, set up dates, see them one to twice a week.  It's completely different.

 

And sometimes, I'd rather **bleep** on my leg than waste another night being in love.

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I hear you Irritums...and there are a lot of pre-ejaculator's out there both male and female so you should be set. I am not being judgemental...I am simply saying that you shouldn't rule taking time to get to know people, if you are looking for a long term relationship whether it is platonic or romantic. I agree with you, that you should know your limitations, which I am sure you are honest and forthright about. That is totally cool. However I have known people whom partner over and over again after knowing someone for a hot minute and wondering why it doesn't work out, why they can't find true love...why the can't find that someone special in SL.

Basically this post isn't targeted towards you.

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...interesting title.    There is that song... only fools rush in....   but ~ for something to be "love at first sight" - it pretty much has to be mutual.  If you have one person pushing/rushing ...   and the other one backing away all the time ... chances are, you do not have a *love* connection ~ now or later.

I try not to be judgemental, but I have to agree;  way too many people fall in love *forever* online...  these relationships often last a whole week! - before they break up, and go off to fall in love with someone new.  It does not seem real to me .. if it feels real to them,  what the heck - enjoy.  If no one gets hurt ok.

I know a few people who are very much like this ...  all I can do is wish them luck.  The one that has stalker tendancies can be bothersome,  seriously insinsere - and not the least bit picky....     a new "partner" every week?  Oh why not!  Life is so short.

confused-kitty.jpg

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This reminds me of some highschool teenage nonesense, besides second life the only other place where people get together, make out and end up crying on their bad, cause their true love left them.....and all that in a time of 2 weeks.

Let the teenageminded play their tiny lovegame. You can spot them right away when you look at their profile. They are those who contribute 70% of their profile to their loved ones and their perfect virtual family. It always confused me when adults call others their mommy and daddy in second life....but hmm, I guess thats another topic.

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I agree with the fact that so many people are quick to partner and then in a few days or weeks they have yet another true love. I don't judge them, nor do I care as they don't affect my sl. In all fairness there are people who are on here are in lasting relationships. I don't like the partner option becuase people have made such a mockary out the meaning, that's just my opinin though, that if I care for someone I know it in my heart <3

SL does move much faster than RL, so true. Some People fall hard for others in a minute while others need to build trust. I just love shopping! lol

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I think that by classifying people they way you did and putting a HUGE umbrella over the various relationship styles in sl may be quite insulting to some, though it is your opinion and we all should be allowed, but just to insult because it is not something you have a taste for. It kind of has that tone.

I know people that have 90% of their profile devoted to their special someone and they all have strong real relationships, some just sl and some sl and rl combined. I wonder what your age is. People can feel a connection online or in person instantly, friendships, co-workers included. Not everyone is a liar on here and hiding, people use sl for many reasons and the majority of the people I know in lasting relationships were not on sl to find love and romance and family, but they are creative people and own businesses. I DO agree the sl family thing is odd LOL and I don't have any sl or sl/rl friends that have a whole family on here, but hey, sometimes people are socially phobic and others it's a RP. If it is their main way of connecting with people or enjoting life, I see a huge problem that is more than likely not healty.

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If someone is looking for a long term stable relationship in SL your advice is very wise.

A few random thoughts on some replies:

@Syo - I'm with you on the 'family' thing here. I'm not anyone's 'mom' on here and if someone called me that other than as a joke, I'd have to kick some butt.   However, maybe that is just what some of the 'teenageluv' people need. A parent to pick up the pieces,offer some wisdom and then kick them in butt when they are foolish again lol.

@Izzabelha- As a relative newb keep in mind that after you comfort a friend who partners everyone they date for the thousandth time after they break up, you may find yourself agreeing with Syo more.As far as your opinion about profiles and luv, you are right. However, when the average relationship lasts less than 12 weeks on here, those examples are just the exceptions that prove the rule. Buy hey, live and let live.  As far as a name in the partner box, I agree. I personally don't need it so that I know how I feel or to keep me from cheating.  But there are people that may. There are also people that do it to share with the 'world' their happiness and pride in their relationship.

I've always found it amusing that it cost more to divorce in SL than to partner.  It is like RL except that LL gets the divorce settlement lol.

 

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@Amethyst, I am not a newb. I have been on sl since 2008. I RP with this av so I have been around the sl block quite a few times :)  I will never agree with Syo, in all these years my opnion still has not changed and I go by the people I do know in SL that are not playing teenaged (teen age) games. You can't cluster everyone that partners, cheats, etc with all the people that do devote their sl time to their business and sig other. I did mention I agreed with some of the comments here. Please don't assume someone's length of time in sl as People have alts such as myself that use for strictly role playing, etc as to not interfere with what else I do on a more serious side on sl. I have read many of your posts over time and I do enjoy your perspective. Thank you :)

I loved when forums where actual discussions, even in heated debate, but still had some level of respect for all involved. I am referring to forums and people in general and not you Amethyst (had to make sure that was clear)

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I know that love online is possible. I know a couple who just married and got to know each other in an online game. But it took time....and as some says "Rom wasn't build in one day". Good things need their time and when I read about some people celebrating eternal love after just one week and also those profiles, which are barly profiles, but more a sign on totaly losing the ability to say something about ones self, but about the most awsome relationship world has ever seen.....

well it reminds me in general of some cheesy teenage movies where nothing is more important who has a new boyfriend/girlfriend and the drama created around it. I would say, there would be less drama in SL without the "love of my life" thing some people celebrate. I wouldn't feel comfortable with knowing someone for one week and suddenly get into themes like wedding and babies.... :catsurprised:

Its not meant to be rude, I'm not mean to the people who tend to act like that or who build their profiles around their relationship....if they are happy its ok for me. They just shouldn't expect others to take their love serious. I can hand a tissue when its over, but I won't act like I'm suprised about the end.

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Irritums wrote:

I hardly ever comment on the forums but I find it to be in very poor character to be so judgemental of people who don't want to spend 1 year getting to know someone.  SL time is faster than RL time, because I don't spend 2-4 hours a day talking to someone I meet in rl.  They call, set up dates, see them one to twice a week.  It's completely different.

 

And sometimes, I'd rather **bleep** on my leg than waste another night being in love.

Exactly! 

I want to roleplay a family in sl, so in the 1st 5 mins of meeting someone I ask what they are looking for and explain what I am looking for in my sl.  No need to waste time. 

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I'm sorry if I didn't realize you had been in SL as long as you have. I meant no offense.

I know lots of people that have stable long term relationships in SL and even several couples that have taken it to RL and are very happy.  It is also true you can feel an immediate and strong attraction to someone, I've experienced it myself.  However even in those cases I know Rome wasn't built in a day and an adult is going to take the time to really get to know the person well, make sure their values are similiar, that both are on the same page and that they want the same things before giving away their heart completly. 

What i was referring to is the people that fall madly in love after a day or two and go all out with weddings and such after only a couple weeks then its over in a few  weeks and they are crying the blues.  A few days pass and they are once again madly in love with someone and making the same mistakes of rushing whole heartedly into things, again with the same result.  They never learn and continue this behavior over and over. To me that is teenage type drama and not the actions of an adult.  That is what I agree with Syo on.  As the average relationship in SL lasts 12 weeks or less, then there must be a lot of people that fall into this behavior.  I didn't pull this figure out of the air, I was told this by Linden's, who have the actual statistics, in a developers meeting a couple years ago.  If adult behaviour were the norm, then the overall average reltationship time would be higher. 

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Why was this moved because of the title? It's the clinical term for it, isn't it? By context, it belongs exactly where the poster put it. Put it back please. Thanks

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