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two avatars but same person


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While my other thread was deleted for exposing two names of the people within second life that hurt me, needless to say I shall try again,,,,,without the names. More so because I really think people need to be more aware of the ones that they begin to really care about or have a relationship with. Dont judge them but do be more careful and do question things that dont seem quite right with that person, I found out the hard way and just found out that the person I cared so much about has an alt account and that ive been lied to for weeks now by the same person. Its hard lessons as such that make us more careful of who we interact with more personally in second life and I now will be more careful and not let a numpty like that cause me to walk away from what I do really enjoy in this virtual land. Again I just say its best to keep an eye out and when you feel its not right then get to the bottom of it. If this thread gets deleted then it should be violation on sl not me, ive mentioned no names this time in my thread nor have I violated any TOS rules.

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Its not a crime to have an alt account, I have one too. Also falling in love via the internet and especially in second life is always touched with the risk of loving a lie. Its just so easy here to pretend to be someone else. You will never know who is behind the avatar unless you meet them in the real world.

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Having an alt account is not the problem, the problem is being lied to and not over the alt account, its a matter of being more careful with the ones who say they love you, I havent a issue with the alt account, however finding out the hard way there was an alt account did hurt, its amazing what some people will go to just to have tons of partners online yet try to hide it.

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It sounds like to me that this is one more instance of someone getting hurt when two people who had different expectations got involved.  There are basically two kinds of people in SL:  the ones who view themselves and their avatar as one person, the avatar being just an extension of themselves, and the ones who think of their avatar as a fictional character and SL as roleplay.  I am one of the latter.  Always have been, always will be.  For some time, I didn't understand that there were people, like you, who were serious and for whom it was not roleplay.  Because of that, I inadvertently hurt some nice people.  I didn't want to; I just didn't understand that for them it was not a game until too late.

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Can there also be a third kind of person somewhere between the two kinds mentioned by Jennifer. I do partially see my avatar as an extension of myself but I also recognize the distinction that my avatar is a mask as well. This means that I don't do a lot of RP because I prefer to be honest and not fake BUT I recognize that no matter how honest I am no one really knows me because all they interact with is my avatar.

Case in point, I met someone while I was in one avatar and that person quickly fell in love with me while I was in that one avatar but when I showed up in a different avatar, that same person quickly reacted with disgust for me. Both the avatars are expressions of different sides of my personality so it was a little like the Peter Parker/Spiderman dilemna. How can you love one expression of who I am and hate the other expression of who I am? Both expressions are me.

I do agree that when a relationship starts to develop, we should present all our alts and avatars so that we can be clear about our expectations of where the relationship is going. Either that or we should stop assuming we know who we are in a relationship with so that we are not caught in a painful surprise when we learn the truth.

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Is it not always better to approach any relationship as you would in RL?  Become friends first and then very good friends and then close, dear friends as you share more and more aspects of yourself.  Admittedly, SL 'time' can condense things but it is possible to have long-lasting and deepening friendships here (as you can in RL).

If you had to do it all over again,  would you have prefered to maintain the friendship or not?  If the answer is 'yes', then you know next time to make that the priority.  If the answer is 'no' then you are better off without the relationship.

Take your time. 

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I have been in your shoes...

I fell in love with an avatar i met in a very romantic place called That's Amore..we got engaged and after all those wedding preparations he admitted to me that he was an alt and that his original AV is already married. I got hurt of course because i was not just being lied to, the entire relationship was built on lies..But you know what? we managed to become friends still after that...which would be not the norm in RL. 

The reason for this is even though we pour our emotions and feelings in SL..RL and SL still should not mix. Even if your SL is an extension of your RL you should be a lot smarter and know exactly the limitations and boundaries unless if you dont have one...

Most of the people here play to try to find the missing pieces in their RL and I believe that SL is already an ALT of our RL so in as much as we wanted to be true to ourselves we always end up lying. I am not an expert but I have been in SL since 2009.

I hated the guy once but managed to be friends with him because I thank him for a lot of things,

1. I was forced to learn Italian because he speaks very little english and which I now can use in my current work

2. I learned to adjust and managed time  difference

3. He made me fall in love again.(which is the nicest feeling...being loved and being in love again)

4. He made my RL happy during the times that I was with him

5. He showered me with words of love and encouragements which i always look forward to each day.

You see it is not at all bad. I also had an alt but i use her as storage since I am a designer/publisher and my inventory cannot hold too many items anymore..but never did I use her to deceive another AV. 

Look at things positively, im sure you have moved on already. In SL we should be free, enjoy here what you dont enjoy RL and if you dont have limitations RL then who knows you might end up making SL your RL. You just have to learn to play smarter..

I stopped playing SL online for almost a year and a half...its because I am now very much fulfilled RL..its true that when you dont feel anything missing in your life you wont need virtual games anymore because you will seldom have time for it....but i never closed my account because SL will always be a part of me..all the experiences I have here taught me a lesson..and i know i might come back again one day.

 

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i know a woman who was married to a man in sl for two years madly in love with him then one day he sent her a rl pic and she was discusted.... he was 15 years older than her.... she kept trying to picture him as his avatar but it didnt work, she kept seeing the rl pic in her mind so she dumped him

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MelissaOsoYummy Rodex wrote:

While my other thread was deleted for exposing two names of the people within second life that hurt me, needless to say I shall try again,,,,,without the names. More so because I really think people need to be more aware of the ones that they begin to really care about or have a relationship with. Dont judge them but do be more careful and do question things that dont seem quite right with that person, I found out the hard way and just found out that the person I cared so much about has an alt account and that ive been lied to for weeks now by the same person. Its hard lessons as such that make us more careful of who we interact with more personally in second life and I now will be more careful and not let a numpty like that cause me to walk away from what I do really enjoy in this virtual land. Again I just say its best to keep an eye out and when you feel its not right then get to the bottom of it. If this thread gets deleted then it should be violation on sl not me, ive mentioned no names this time in my thread nor have I violated any TOS rules.

 

I know that it isn't the fact the person has an alt account that you feel so hurt, but by the interaction, the words, the deception.  Unfortunately, this happens all too often, and not only in Second Life, but in real life too, where people lead double lives and get away with it for many years.

What you say is very true, that having these experiences, although they are hard lessons, do make us more careful of who we interact with.  Some people become quite bitter and twisted about it, I know that you will not, you are just currently very hurt as it is so raw right now. 

Its also good to hear that in spite of how you feel, you are not intending to walk away from Second Life. Most of us become SL residents as single people, not as a couple, and should not feel that the whole experience is marred because someone you thought had as deep feelings as you was just playing a game, or by the selfish attitudes of others.

In twelve months time, look back at this period of your Second Life, and see how much it has changed, and how insignificant this idiot that you happened to develop feelings for will have become.  You might be inclined to try and warn other people of what these people who hurt you have done, but it really is better to try not to even look in their direction from this moment on. 

Enjoy your future in Second Life. It will get much better. Your eyes have been opened, and now you will see so many things/places/people of beauty, that you were not aware of before. 



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Merigold, I loved your response as well as the others, Ive not let this take me down, and it defanantly was nothing to do with him having that alt account, it was the way he went about it, I probably wouldnt even had minded him having it, however he came in as that other person, he told me that the guy i was having feelings for was in the hospital in rl of course and that he had gotten hurt from a fall and his blood preasure was up,, hmm ok, i sat worried to death for over a week wondering what happened to him and if he was ok, when this guy told me this i checked out his profile, realized alot of characteristics were the same in the wording that was written in the profile itself, locations of fav places were the same and age in rl was there as well basically written the same way, I approached this guy about it and for days went on like that listening to him tell me that the other was stil in the hospital, finally i told him id had enough that i knew it was him and of course it gets admitted and so yes thats why i was so hurt and upset, it was the lies. I dont sit in sl 24 hours a day and I have a rl that i attend to as we all do, I do use sl as just that,,, second life, however each person behind these avatars has feelings and no matter in rl or a virtual world, when you are lied to and hurt by someone you feel hurt and become untrusting. As I said, your message stood out to me and I thank you for that as well as all the others who responded. I have learned to open my eyes more and I will carry on in sl, its a lesson lived in sl and very much LEARNED.

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I have a challenge to all of those that say they can keep SL and RL 100% separate.

Picture your best SL friend, the one you have known forever in SL. The person that lights up you day when you see them log in.

Now picture yourself logging in one day to a notecard from that person stating that

"I am sending you this notecard to inform you that my {mother/father/uncle/whatever (your bestie)} has passed away in RL. They wished me to inform all of their SL friends of their passing"

tell me you would have no feelings.

 

 

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The people that I call   friend   in SL are not so many. It certainly is not the list we accumulate by clicking “accept” to those requests programmed through LL. Those, to me,  are more accurately called “the listing of people I want to be  able to find again”.  So then yes, if a friend was not alright I would feel something.

And I could be very off on this next speculation applying to anyone else, but it feels true for myself so I’ll put it forth. I think that the phrase “keep it separate” is about as accurate as “friend” in how it often is used.  For me, “separate” really means don’t invest in what happens here in the same ways that you would  in its RL equivalent.  Do I anticipated that the newly SL  bride is very happy and feeling a high level of affection and care for the new hubby? Yep. Do I think it’s the same love that a RL bride who has decided to risk  her future, well being, life plans and dreams , and lets not forget the big one, FINANCES, has? No. The risk she is taking is far bigger. “Permanent” (even if its only the scars….).  And can’t just be logged out of until next they speak.

Can I hurt your feelings in SL? Yes. Should you react  OFFSCREEN the same way as you might react ONSCREEN? No.  If I hurt  you in SL be pissed here. But be able to log off and not need a shrink.

For me , I feel like people who can’t, don’t know where reality begins and ends. I understand there are people who rl marry so and so (I’m not a fan of internet marriage but….) but for the greater number of people I think it’s a lot of being enamored or turned on  by the idea of the type of person being acted out through the avatar. The personae. 

And it sounds evolved and romantic to say that people should just love the personality, but REALITY is just that and people evaluate looks and genetics when they talk about creating real live kids, they evaluate RL financial situations (or should…)  when they consider tying their own to someone else’s,  they are going to be asked to have sex with that body of the other person , it would be nice to want to have sex with it.   Their background, family, all of these things MATTER in rl.  A personality is NOT enough.

So, to me, there’s a little bit of being unrealistic, and not understanding there’s a reason second  life is called exactly that.

Hopefully I haven't offened the OP in any way. If anything I guess my hope is to give you a heads up on how somebody else might be coming into SL?

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A lot of people have alts. Some have many. Not all use them for cheating, trickery or mischief. A quick scan over the comments, some don't even feel it's mischief to have many SL lives in progress at once, more than one with supposedly meaningful relationships.

I'm with you OP in that that don't work for me. There's a thing called intuation, and after a while, the time (or lack there-of) just doesn't add up, nor do flimsy alibies.

 

When I'm with a person, they get my alts too. I make sure alts and how they effect the relationship is one of the 1st things that is discussed

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

I have a challenge to all of those that say they can keep SL and RL 100% separate.

Picture your best SL friend, the one you have known forever in SL. The person that lights up you day when you see them log in.

Now picture yourself logging in one day to a notecard from that person stating that

"I am sending you this notecard to inform you that my {mother/father/uncle/whatever (your bestie)} has passed away in RL. They wished me to inform all of their SL friends of their passing"

tell me you would have no feelings.

 

 

Right on the money Drake. Big hugs for pointing that out

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Hermione Lefevre wrote:

Being a liar in SL is as bad as in RL..my opinion.

Letting someone get close emotionally without getting clear about intentions is bad character..period!!

IF a man or a woman in SL views this as a game only...Say so!! because not everbody can draw the line.

Totally agree!  Well said.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yeah I agree with everybody here.. and it's sad you been lied too.. I have a friend in sl that I know for 2 and half years has 9 alts possibilty of more.. Once he gets mated he Switches to an alt and causes Drama. and than his mate leaves him and I have to console his now ex mate.. and I always Tell him to treat people with Respect but After 2 and Half years of doing that I gave up.. So yeah I'm sorry you been lied too.. Hope you find Happiness in sl again :D

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I imagine most of us are no where near the sex-machine looking avatar that we all create. Even an avatar with extra weight or whatever is going to look really nice, Well for being a cartoon image anyways.

Pretty shallow of her to do that though. Don't people realize that if they had much prospects for love in RL that they would not be in SL seeking love?

 

I had a relationship in SL once but we kind of drifted apart. I saw a photo of the RL person and of course it wasn't the ideal of the avatar but then neither am I. I didn't let it ruin anything.

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Hermione Lefevre wrote:

Being a liar in SL is as bad as in RL..my opinion.

Letting someone get close emotionally without getting clear about intentions is bad character..period!!

IF a man or a woman in SL views this as a game only...Say so!! because not everbody can draw the line.

Agree 100%.  And even then a party in the relationship may still lie but at least make sure both parties are on the same page, so to speak, at the outset.  Someone who views SL as a "game" pairing up with someone for whom SL is an extension of their RL never ends well.

 

Edit to Add:  Opppsss...I already replied to this.  I guess it was so good I needed to say it again.  Yes, that's it. :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

I have a challenge to all of those that say they can keep SL and RL 100% separate.

Picture your best SL friend, the one you have known forever in SL. The person that lights up you day when you see them log in.

Now picture yourself logging in one day to a notecard from that person stating that

"I am sending you this notecard to inform you that my {mother/father/uncle/whatever (your bestie)} has passed away in RL. They wished me to inform all of their SL friends of their passing"

tell me you would have no feelings.

 

 

This actually happened to me.  A woman I met over 15 years ago on IRC, became friends with via IRC and then phone calls; we both ended up in SL and as of 4 years ago were speaking on the phone at least once a week if not more often.

I knew she was very ill; she became ill shortly after I first met her, but I honestly didn't think she was near death.  Until I got a call from her on my answering machine last November with her voice not sounding "normal" and saying "She wasn't doing too good and would call me later."  Due to not knowing when she slept, etc. I didn't want to call back and risk waking her and she ALWAYS called back when she said she would.  I now regret I didn't as the next call I got was from her husband to notify me of her death. :( 

I have a pick about her on my profile.  Yes, feelings are VERY real.

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  • 4 weeks later...

U also have tone careful bout the crazies my sissy and I had a friend who lied to us. He basically made up an Asian chick that had cancer that was his best friend in rl he claimed anI on his Facebook made up that same chick along with other people and people connected to that Asian chick. He basically took pictures from someone's Facebook for her fb and her friends fb and his fb picture etc it was insanely crazy.  People are crazy -.-

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  • 2 weeks later...


Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

I have a challenge to all of those that say they can keep SL and RL 100% separate.

Picture your best SL friend, the one you have known forever in SL. The person that lights up you day when you see them log in.

Now picture yourself logging in one day to a notecard from that person stating that

"I am sending you this notecard to inform you that my {mother/father/uncle/whatever (your bestie)} has passed away in RL. They wished me to inform all of their SL friends of their passing"

tell me you would have no feelings.

 

 

When people, at least when I, say "keep SL/RL apart" it does not mean they care nothing for other people. It just means they have personal boundaries, usually about talking about RL too much in SL. 

Not sure why those two issues get confused.

 

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