My avi comes in as a female shape when I chose a male

[Herb69]

Appearance is not lit up will not let me click on it

[Rolig Loon]

Right click on your av, select Appearance >> Edit Shape, and then look in the extreme upper right corner of the editing window.  There are two buttons.  Click the one that's the MALE button instead of the female one.

[Ceera Murakami]

Are you wearing a no-mod female shape? You may need to wear a different shape to make the gender choice work again.

[Lindal Kidd]

This is one type of "bake fail".  When your avatar information isn't getting downloaded, you get a default female shape.  In general the problem results from a poor internet connection. 

1.  If you are using wireless internet or satellite internet...don't.

2.  If you are using a wifi connection...don't.

3.  Reset your modem and router.  What the heck, reboot your computer while you are at it.