How do you deal with Second Life?

[Jo Yardley]

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Storm Clarence wrote:

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JeanneAnne wrote:

>>In my sim I have no patience or interest in interacting with visitors who are not willing to follow the rules..<<

Which is why i have no interest in visiting your sim. :womanhappy:

 

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And that is your absolute right.  I have visited Jo's sim on several occasions; I have recommended to others; I will visit again. I will also donate to the sim accordingly, and within my means.  That is what SL is all about.

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Cheers!

It is not about ALL RULES always being wrong, it is about understanding that some rules make sense in some cases.

I think that most visitors to our sim understand why we have the rules, respect them and many even say that the rules are part of why our sim works so well.

[Keli Kyrie]

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Perrie Juran wrote:

I try to simply take things in stride and be respectful of others.

I do have my Martian avatar that I goof off with occasionally but I also recognize that there can be a point where enough is enough.

As far as your SL experience being a reflection on your RL I don't see a way to separate them.  It is still "you" sitting behind the keyboard.

But really what your questions make me think of is my best and oldest friend in SL.  We have stood by each other for over five years now.  She is a very warm and caring person.  She is a Second Life artist.  Her art work is stunning!  But it is also dark and moody.  So while I marvel at the emotion she can capture and evoke with her art work, it is also difficult for me to look at. Maybe the best way I can express it is that when I see here art I can also feel her pain.

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Thank you Perrie is it always good to see your thoughtful replies. While I can see that it is very hard for a lot of people to separate their SL from their RL I think it is worth reminding for others it is not. For them it is like going down to the arcade, putting a quarter in the slot, and using up their three lives. When the game is over they just start again sometimes with a new alt. For them it is hard to see why everyone is taking things so serious, to them it is just a game after all. btw thank you so much for sharing your story about your friend it has given me much to think about.

[JeanneAnne]

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Storm Clarence wrote:

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JeanneAnne wrote:

>>In my sim I have no patience or interest in interacting with visitors who are not willing to follow the rules..<<

Which is why i have no interest in visiting your sim. :womanhappy:

 

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And that is your absolute right.  I have visited Jo's sim on several occasions; I have recommended to others; I will visit again. I will also donate to the sim accordingly, and within my means.  That is what SL is all about.

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From what iv seen & heard in this forum I'm sure itsa nice sim. Berlin in the 1920s mustuv been interesting. Justa bout any more or less historically authentic sim would be interesting. & i can see the 'need' for rules in sucha sim, just so that the aura of authenticity is maintained .. its just that i ~personally~ dont like rules .. if i could bring my Utahraptor ostrommaysorum avvie in2 the sim & shred all the proto-nazis that surely mustuv been lurkina round Berlin in those days .. That would be cool !! :catlol:

Jeanne

[Jo Yardley]

You're more then welcome to come have a look during one of our upcoming Open Door days or join us for causing trouble during one of our Relaxed Rules days

[Venus Petrov]

I do not 'let' anyone tell me what my SL experience should be.  Been there.  Done that and no more.  If I feel that I need to block someone for whatever reason, I do.  I blocked someone just in the last week for IM'ing some nasty stuff to me while I worked.

People who have like views will tend to find each other and have an SL experience that suits them.  I have managed to survive over five years with few negative issues so I will continue doing what I am doing as it seems to work for me.

[JeanneAnne]

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Jo Yardley wrote:

You're more then welcome to come have a look during one of our upcoming Open Door days or join us for causing trouble during one of our Relaxed Rules days

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Thanks Jo! :catwink: May take ya up on it !!

Jeanne

[Hippie Bowman]

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JeanneAnne wrote:

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Jo Yardley wrote:

You're more then welcome to come have a look during one of our upcoming Open Door days or join us for causing trouble during one of our Relaxed Rules days

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Thanks Jo! :catwink: May take ya up on it !!

Jeanne

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Jo's sim is so cool and far out Jeanne!  You will love it!

 

Peace!

[Keli Kyrie]

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JeanneAnne wrote:

Personally, I dont want2 see any1 banned. I dont like the censorship in these fora, either, for instance. I've never banned any1 in SL or filed an AR on any1. (iv muted an ex- or 2 tho LoL) Then again, iv never encountered any serious griefers .. Some ppl ~like the guy who used the avatar magnet on me~ iv ended up making friends with .. Doofy dom guys i let put their collars on me then steal them LoL The way i look @ SL is ever1 should just do what they want .. if i dont like what some1 is doing i can go elsewhere .. imo SL suffers from 2 much control, not from not enuf ..

Jeanne

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I agree, I don't like to see censorship either. What is the 100% worst thing that can happen on the forum anyways, someone writes something you don't like? There are a lot of things in the world that we are not going to like. Hunger, War, Poverty, that are very upsetting but to act like it is the end of the world because someone says something you disagree with, come on. I want my Free Speech and if that means I have to listen to a jerk every once in a while so be it, some of them do have a point if you really listen.

[Keli Kyrie]

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Jo Yardley wrote:

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

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I mean do you really want your mom or your boss to know what you do in here?

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Yes, I even gladly and proudly give them a tour

I post what I do on facebook, share it with friends, family, employees, etc.

Everyone may know what I do here!

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Well you have a lot to be proud of Jo, you have worked hard and it is great what you have done. Just remember not everyone in SL is going to be as opening about their RL as you are. There is nothing wrong with them and nothing wrong with you we just have to learn to communicate across these differences.

[JeanneAnne]

>>What is the 100% worst thing that can happen on the forum anyways..<<

imo .. the 100% worst thing that can happen on the forum is that an interesting & intelligent poster gets censored by the 'moderator,' becomes disgusted & leaves the forum .. I've only been here since last august & iv already seen this happen several times .. its as if LL is bound & determined to run off the creamuv the crop in here .. til all thats left is us sheeple

Jeanne

[Tari Landar]

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:

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Tari, while I'm in general agreement with the idea that we can walk away from unpleasant people and their behavior, that doesn't always ensure happiness. I have watched some of my friends endure the aggravation of unpleasant characters here in the forums and feeds. They are, to varying degrees, able to weather the abuse by ignoring it. But, to the extent they cannot, my enjoyment of SL is diminished by their unhappiness.

So it's not quite true that no one can ruin your experience unless you let them. While we can try to make the best of a situation, as long as we have empathy and friends, our happiness will be affected by others. For this reason, I do not advocate inclusiveness to the point of amorality.

Sadly, it is sometimes necessary to walk away from people we like to avoid people we don't.

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I disagree entirely. Absolutely no other person can control your emotions, or your reactions, no matter what. It is entirely possible to have some of the worst things said, done, whatever, and still be able to walk away, head held high because you didn't allow that action or those words, get you down. Saying that's not possible is basically saying you have no free will. I don't believe people lack free will. It's a conscious choice to let what others say and do, affect you(negatively or positively). So you can always make the choice to allow things to only affect you in a positive way, and leave the rest behind, if you want to.Hard? Sure it is, at times. Impossible? Absolutely not.

Although I never did say ignoring that which you dislike will ensure happiness, I think there's much more to happiness than just that, lol. I can guarantee that making different choices when it comes to how you will deal will offer up a different outcome. If we let everything others say and do, affect us negatively all of the time, we'd be a very unhappy species-generally speaking. My opinion on that matter doesn't change simply because this is sl.

This is the same thing I tell others who have dealt with people who truly try their hardest to bring others down. Sometimes those people are successful, but it's only that way because their intended audience allows them to do that. I lost a friend a couple years ago to one such person. Her inability to realize that this person couldn't possibly ruin her life, if she didn't allow it, ended up being her literal demise in the end. I miss her terribly, and of course I don't support the way this man treated her, nor do I blame her or anything like that. But she could have walked away. She could have done a lot of things to change the outcome. It was her choice not to, and in the end it was her choice to deal with it in such a permanent way. Was I happy she was so miserable? Of course not. Did I let her unhappiness ruin my sl? Of course not. I can be sad, upset even, at what's happening to another and still not consider my sl ruined, lol. To say otherwise would mean she had complete control over me. That doesn't make a lick of sense.

I would like to think that had I, and others, not been there from the word go, trying to help her realize she could just walk away from it, things would have ended even sooner. Our positive attitudes, had just as much of an effect on her, as her negative one had on us. Positivity should always win out, in the end. I find it tragic when it doesn't, and unfortunately that happens way too often. You can counteract the negative with a positive, you just have to put forth the effort to do so. We're all human though and we are often lead by emotion, which can be both a positive and negative thing. I still see no reason to give up our free will simply because others are choosing to utilize theirs with bad intentions.

[Keli Kyrie]

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Ever Dreamscape wrote:

Haha Keli...you've nailed me here and I love the name. Scruff on the other hand, I think got a bad rap.  I believe you said that these “characters” in your example here are more a compilation of persons to illustrate a point and pose some questions. Scruff I cant imagine scaring anyone (we wont mention who put Bozo in my apt or another person that tried to frame a Linden for graffiti on my walls hehe etc etc), nosing....i wouldn’t think that regularly going afk and shopping while posing for our antics and pics would deserve a nose poking criticism...eating pets...well that one I don’t know.... there is now that I think on it.... a distinct lack of pets at the Plaza... hmmm.

but I will ask you to clarify that you use this pic to demonstrate the larger differences in SL than the pixels we portray here.

Okay yes I did. Poor Scuff was shopping on the Marketplace the whole time and didn't even know what was going on.

 

Now when it comes to muting, banning, wishing etc. I'd like to be clear on another point; while I have done many things deserving a mute, ban, bounce, blame etc. ... such as spamming feeds, being generally ridiculous at infohubs, wreaking “natural” disasters on friends properties, and “decorating” other friends homes, any muting of me that I’m aware of  involved a very mutual muting by two parties on a matter of great personal seriousness, and is not as most here may be likely to think; the result of pranking and such. I know of another person that doesn’t much talk to me anymore, he once asked me my opinion and apparently didn’t like what I had to say. Be careful what you ask for right?

 

That said... I always love it when this topic comes up as some are so opinionated about it. Let's see if I can address your questions.

/me gets a drink and gets comfy for a long story....



 

Diversity fuels evolution. I very much enjoy meeting people that are different from me, what a great way to learn about myself and others.  I don’t much appreciate people telling me how to “play” SL (unless I'm out of line of course) and try to respect their wishes as well. I know that in any life its entirely easy to make mistakes and let one's judgment lapse, it's also far too easy to misinterpret a persons words and even actions.

I find I need to check myself regularly (or try to), and hope others do the same.

I find I am really bad at this. I push too far which I have had the opportunity to demonstrate many times.

 

I do feel that SL is an extension of RL, as wherever I go I find myself being me. Also I am not secretive about my RL, and try to understand and respect those that are. I don’t even feel it's about being secretive; its a simple matter of personal choice. I'm a big fan of choice. However I don’t like being lied to; if I ask a personal question I prefer a yes, no, maybe, or none of your business... all of which are wholly acceptable. Generally I've been able to sort out rather early in my relationships where the boundaries are and try to respect them. All that being said I have as of late found myself being rather one-dimensional in SL; pranking, punking, joking, being a general dumbass; a caricature of myself in some ways. Sometimes that annoys me, sometimes I roll with it. It's generally fun and purposefully easy. Yet my whole person is a multidimensional one of many talents, weaknesses, and emotions. I'm gregarious, silly, a prankster, and fun loving, I’m also deeply passionate, sensitive, contemplative, and tender. I try to be supportive, honest, and sincere.

It's highly likely that the clownish self attempts to mask the more vulnerable one.

Maybe... but I am really beginning to believe you have a thing for clowns.



 

I love that SL gives me a place to express my inner child and also to ponder serious questions. I love letting loose any creativity I may have here, and exploring that of others. To me, SL offers a unique window into people's imaginations and dreams. I am often in awe. While I feel integrity is paramount in both worlds,

I don’t share my full spectrum of emotions with many people in either world, as time and whim constrain me.

mmmhmmm but I ♥ you anyways.

 

I do try to make rules for myself as to how long I want to be on, what sorts of things I am willing to do or not, etc. and who or where I choose to do them with, but doubt I’ve ever suggested anyone else do anything they don’t want to do. Perhaps some well meaning advice idk. I can tell you I don’t like feeling pressured to do things I’m not comfortable with, and greatly detest persons who in the past have  implied that I am some sort of tight ass for having declined offers of pixel intimacies with them. I am here to entertain only myself and any friends... should they want to come along for the ride. I'm generally quite willing to give advice, opinions, help with a project and even don a silly avatar has someone a need, or fun idea; but have better things to do than fuel the fantasies of married men who are bored with their wives... uggg... and highly resent even being asked. (The first time not so much, the second time...get over it already.) I am free to look like a Barbie doll all I want to; that is not implied consent to virtual sex!

(whew, glad I got that off my chest ...those guys burn me up!) -no pun intended.

I am glad we could help you with that.



 

Again I like discussing this subject, I very much like serious discussions in general, although have not been at liberty or much inclined to participate in many lately. I respect greatly that SL means many things to different people, and how people “play” in “it” in so many ways. The one thing I find highly distasteful is any person trying to dictate how another should act here (TOS aside). If I should get carried away, then I expect a talking to, a mute, or to simply be ignored. If someone should try to tell me how to behave in SL or anywhere, they can expect the same from me. It's pretty simple really, and I guess that’s the key, life can be very complicated sometimes,

lately I find I am just looking for a good chuckle.

It really helps with so many things I think it is highly underrated.



 

Anyhow...there's my 3L.

I think those $L might be mine... did I get my %20 discount this month?



 

BTW... I had fun yesterday...I hope you did too!

 I had a blast.. oops poor choice of words, yes it was fun.

...now...where did I put those matches

(sighs) here we go again... SYL BE CAREFUL SHE IS COMING YOUR WAY!

 

 

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[Perrie Juran]

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Jo Yardley wrote:

---

Storm Clarence wrote:

---

JeanneAnne wrote:

>>In my sim I have no patience or interest in interacting with visitors who are not willing to follow the rules..<<

Which is why i have no interest in visiting your sim. :womanhappy:

 

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And that is your absolute right.  I have visited Jo's sim on several occasions; I have recommended to others; I will visit again. I will also donate to the sim accordingly, and within my means.  That is what SL is all about.

---

Cheers!

It is not about ALL RULES always being wrong, it is about understanding that some rules make sense in some cases.

I think that most visitors to our sim understand why we have the rules, respect them and many even say that the rules are part of why our sim works so well.

---

I have been to Berlin once also and will agree it is very impressive.

[Madelaine McMasters]

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Tari Landar wrote:

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:

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Tari, while I'm in general agreement with the idea that we can walk away from unpleasant people and their behavior, that doesn't always ensure happiness. I have watched some of my friends endure the aggravation of unpleasant characters here in the forums and feeds. They are, to varying degrees, able to weather the abuse by ignoring it. But, to the extent they cannot, my enjoyment of SL is diminished by their unhappiness.

So it's not quite true that no one can ruin your experience unless you let them. While we can try to make the best of a situation, as long as we have empathy and friends, our happiness will be affected by others. For this reason, I do not advocate inclusiveness to the point of amorality.

Sadly, it is sometimes necessary to walk away from people we like to avoid people we don't.

---

I disagree entirely. Absolutely no other person can control your emotions, or your reactions, no matter what. It is entirely possible to have some of the worst things said, done, whatever, and still be able to walk away, head held high because you didn't allow that action or those words, get you down. Saying that's not possible is basically saying you have no free will. I don't believe people lack free will. It's a conscious choice to

let

what others say and do, affect you(negatively or positively). So you can always make the choice to allow things to only affect you in a positive way, and leave the rest behind, if you want to.Hard? Sure it is, at times. Impossible? Absolutely not.

Although I never did say ignoring that which you dislike will ensure happiness, I think there's much more to happiness than just that, lol. I can guarantee that making different choices when it comes to how you will

deal

will offer up a different outcome. If we let everything others say and do, affect us negatively all of the time, we'd be a very unhappy species-generally speaking. My opinion on that matter doesn't change simply because this is sl.

This is the same thing I tell others who have dealt with people who truly try their hardest to bring others down. Sometimes those people are successful, but it's only that way because their intended audience allows them to do that. I lost a friend a couple years ago to one such person. Her inability to realize that this person couldn't possibly ruin her life, if she didn't allow it, ended up being her literal demise in the end. I miss her terribly, and of course I don't support the way this man treated her, nor do I blame her or anything like that. But she

could

have walked away. She

could

have done a lot of things to change the outcome. It was her choice not to, and in the end it was her choice to deal with it in such a permanent way. Was I happy she was so miserable? Of course not. Did I let her unhappiness ruin my sl?

Of course not. I can be sad, upset even, at what's happening to another and still not consider my sl ruined, lol. To say otherwise would mean she had complete control over me. That doesn't make a lick of sense.

I would like to think that had I, and others, not been there from the word go, trying to help her realize she could just walk away from it, things would have ended even sooner. Our positive attitudes, had just as much of an effect on her, as her negative one had on us. Positivity should always win out, in the end. I find it tragic when it doesn't, and unfortunately that happens way too often. You

can

counteract the negative with a positive, you just have to put forth the effort to do so. We're all human though and we are often lead by emotion, which can be both a positive and negative thing. I still see no reason to give up our free will simply because others are choosing to utilize theirs with bad intentions.

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You disagree entirely? I covered a bit of ground Tari, and I see you extrapolating beyond what I wrote.

I think I operate pretty much as you describe yourself. I offer encouragement to friends, including attempts to show that they can choose to walk away from strife. In the end, I do believe we are often our own worst enemies.

Your

"Was I happy she was so miserable? Of course not."

does not sound so very different from my 

"my enjoyment of SL is diminished by their unhappiness."

The unhappiness of a friend hardly ruins my SL, but it does decrease my enjoyment of it and so I do expend the effort to improve things. I think you are misreading what I wrote... diminish is hardly obliterate. My use of "ruin" was in response to your use of it, where I said that it was "not quite true" that any aspect of one's SL experience can't be ruined by another. I'll chalk this up to a poor recapitulation on my part.

I also said that I don't avocate inclusiveness to the point of amorality, by which I mean that I don't value the presence of those with bad intentions as much as I value the presence of those with good ones. My perception of those intentions can be inaccurate and they are measured against my personal morality. So this is not an error free selection process, but I do select. I don't expect others to abide by my personal morality, but I have one.

[Cali Souther]

 

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

 

I respect Real Lifers for their courage in mixing their Real Lifes with there Second Lives, that is a really hard thing to do, but it is not for everyone. I mean do you really want your mom or your boss to know what you do in here? Some people are in SL to have fun, to game, maybe even to test social limits and push buttons. If we can look at things from the right angle I think we can learn how to react to each other without blowing a gasket.

 

And later…

The point of this post is how you react to people that are different then you. There are people in this world of ours that like to test limits, push buttons, play games, even create their own little social experiments to see how people will react. Should all of Second Life look like Disneyland? Where is the sense of adventure, seeking out new worlds, new people, new ideas? If we can not learn how to react to each other in the safety of this virtual world how will we ever be able to in RL?

 

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I may have missed,  or chose to glaze over some of the intent of this post – which may or may not include things that are none of my business.  However,  I must say that your example of having your mom or boss know what you do here is a bit extreme.  My mother is passed,  and my boss could care less.  That does not mean, I do not mix my SL and RL. 

Treating people with respect vs. going out of your way to taunt and irritate (or simply be rude) are two very different things.  I do not condone trolls or bullies of any kind, nor do I feel that such behavior falls into “freedom of expression”.  I think it’s mean, and it hurts people.  If someone wants to push buttons,  they should find a willing participant,  not someone who is vulnerable, and often unable to defend themselves.

I left this forum for a while, because there was way too much trolling going on – and it gets old fast, boring, irritating, not fun!  I came back, in hopes of finding some improvement in that area. 

I cannot leave my feelings aside when I sign into SL,  and pretend that I am something that does not feels.  So,  if I am a furry character or a human character, or a cat, or a mouse, or a horse, or a dragon …. I still want to be treated with dignity and respect.  :-)

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[Madelaine McMasters]

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

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Jo Yardley wrote:

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

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I mean do you really want your mom or your boss to know what you do in here?

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Yes, I even gladly and proudly give them a tour

I post what I do on facebook, share it with friends, family, employees, etc.

Everyone may know what I do here!

---

 

Well you have a lot to be proud of Jo, you have worked hard and it is great what you have done. Just remember not everyone in SL is going to be as opening about their RL as you are. There is nothing wrong with them and nothing wrong with you we just have to learn to communicate across these differences.

---

Keli, Jo did not give me the impression that she'd forgotten that others are not as open about their RL as she is, nor that she thought there was anything wrong with that. Why do you think she needs a reminder?

[JoJo Aurelia]

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

Some people think whatever is true in Real Life should be true in SL. It is true you can see SL as an extension of RL but I think you will take all the fun out of it. For example my two friends below, let's call them Puff and Scuff. Puff likes to warm things up a bit, setting fires where ever she pleases and just causing general mayhem. Scuff on the other hand likes to poke his nose into what ever he can, scare people, and tries to eat their pets. We have all kinds of wild and crazy things, even Vampires in SL that would be more than happy to suck all the happiness out of you. Do you let them? Do you mute them? Do you make friends with them?  Do you wish they were banned?

And for you Hard Core SLers how do you deal with the Real Lifers that want to set rules for how you are to live your Second Life that want to tell you your SL experience is a reflection on your RL? Do you let them? Do you mute them? Do you make friends with them?  Do you wish they were banned?

We all see things from different points of view. I am not to saying one is right and the other is wrong, but they are different. When we are inworld there are ways to keep these different groups of people apart but here in the forums we all come together and there is no way to separate us. So how do you react to people that are very different from yourself?

 

All characters appearing in this post are fictitious. Any resemblance to real or virtual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

---

So how do you react to people that are very different from yourself?

This should be the title of the post.

[Brenda Connolly]

I take all avatars I meet in SL at face value. However you present yourself is how I see you. Any possible differences between the avatar and it's driver are not important to me. I never ask questions about someone's RL, if they wish to offer information, fine. Different levels of friendship/acquaintance have different dynamics. "Need to know" is a good rule of thumb, at least for me. I play SL strictly for entertainment. I try to keep things light and stressfree.

[Solaria Goldshark]

How do you deal with Second Life?

........with a nice pinot noir, and a healthy sense of humor.

[Storm Clarence]

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Solaria Goldshark wrote:

How do you deal with Second Life?

........

with a nice pinot noir, and a healthy sense of humor.

---

Seems like a healthy way to approach life.  It is kind of how I approach/deal with things in SL. 

I think some of the opinions made in this tread speak to people wanting others to always deal with 'their' RL issues; the terms of the friendships that are built--and the only terms.   Friendship/relationships and just plain being different in SL or RL is NOT about me always dumping my problems e.g., health, finance, family, social issues on the the people I meet.  Frankly, I come here to get away from that.  Others seem to troll SL (in-world, forum, feeds) spreading their RL wretchedness to anyone that will listen.  I offer them a joke or a nice pinot noir.  That's how I deal with others; you get what you give.    

[Keli Kyrie]

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Venus Petrov wrote:

I do not 'let' anyone tell me what my SL experience should be.  Been there.  Done that and no more.  If I feel that I need to block someone for whatever reason, I do.  I blocked someone just in the last week for IM'ing some nasty stuff to me while I worked.

People who have like views will tend to find each other and have an SL experience that suits them.  I have managed to survive over five years with few negative issues so I will continue doing what I am doing as it seems to work for me.

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It is like a good frined told me "Keli, it is all about what feels best for YOU." You are not going to be able to cahnge the world, or even one person for that matter, but you can choose how you react and how it makes you feel.

[Keli Kyrie]

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JeanneAnne wrote:

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Jo Yardley wrote:

You're more then welcome to come have a look during one of our upcoming Open Door days or join us for causing trouble during one of our Relaxed Rules days

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Thanks Jo! :catwink: May take ya up on it !!

Jeanne

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YAY! (whispers) Can I bring my Dragon friend too?

[Keli Kyrie]

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JeanneAnne wrote:

>>What is the 100% worst thing that can happen on the forum anyways..<<

imo .. the 100% worst thing that can happen on the forum is that an interesting & intelligent poster gets censored by the 'moderator,' becomes disgusted & leaves the forum .. I've only been here since last august & iv already seen this happen several times .. its as if LL is bound & determined to run off the creamuv the crop in here .. til all thats left is us sheeple

Jeanne

---

 

ikr

[Keli Kyrie]

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Tari Landar wrote:

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:

---

Tari, while I'm in general agreement with the idea that we can walk away from unpleasant people and their behavior, that doesn't always ensure happiness. I have watched some of my friends endure the aggravation of unpleasant characters here in the forums and feeds. They are, to varying degrees, able to weather the abuse by ignoring it. But, to the extent they cannot, my enjoyment of SL is diminished by their unhappiness.

So it's not quite true that no one can ruin your experience unless you let them. While we can try to make the best of a situation, as long as we have empathy and friends, our happiness will be affected by others. For this reason, I do not advocate inclusiveness to the point of amorality.

Sadly, it is sometimes necessary to walk away from people we like to avoid people we don't.

---

I disagree entirely. Absolutely no other person can control your emotions, or your reactions, no matter what. It is entirely possible to have some of the worst things said, done, whatever, and still be able to walk away, head held high because you didn't allow that action or those words, get you down. Saying that's not possible is basically saying you have no free will. I don't believe people lack free will. It's a conscious choice to

let

what others say and do, affect you(negatively or positively). So you can always make the choice to allow things to only affect you in a positive way, and leave the rest behind, if you want to.Hard? Sure it is, at times. Impossible? Absolutely not.

Although I never did say ignoring that which you dislike will ensure happiness, I think there's much more to happiness than just that, lol. I can guarantee that making different choices when it comes to how you will

deal

will offer up a different outcome. If we let everything others say and do, affect us negatively all of the time, we'd be a very unhappy species-generally speaking. My opinion on that matter doesn't change simply because this is sl.

This is the same thing I tell others who have dealt with people who truly try their hardest to bring others down. Sometimes those people are successful, but it's only that way because their intended audience allows them to do that. I lost a friend a couple years ago to one such person. Her inability to realize that this person couldn't possibly ruin her life, if she didn't allow it, ended up being her literal demise in the end. I miss her terribly, and of course I don't support the way this man treated her, nor do I blame her or anything like that. But she

could

have walked away. She

could

have done a lot of things to change the outcome. It was her choice not to, and in the end it was her choice to deal with it in such a permanent way. Was I happy she was so miserable? Of course not. Did I let her unhappiness ruin my sl? Of course not. I can be sad, upset even, at what's happening to another and still not consider my sl ruined, lol. To say otherwise would mean she had complete control over me. That doesn't make a lick of sense.

I would like to think that had I, and others, not been there from the word go, trying to help her realize she could just walk away from it, things would have ended even sooner. Our positive attitudes, had just as much of an effect on her, as her negative one had on us. Positivity should always win out, in the end. I find it tragic when it doesn't, and unfortunately that happens way too often. You

can

counteract the negative with a positive, you just have to put forth the effort to do so. We're all human though and we are often lead by emotion, which can be both a positive and negative thing. I still see no reason to give up our free will simply because others are choosing to utilize theirs with bad intentions.

---

I like what you said here very much I wish I could have been able to explain these concepts as well as you have laid them out. It reminds me of lessons I learned reading this book: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/power-vs-force-david-r-hawkins/1103564277?cm_mmc=google+product+search-_-q000000630-_-power+vs+force-_-9781561709335&ean=9781561709335&r=1

[Dillon Levenque]

 "Do you let them? Do you mute them? Do you make friends with them?  Do you wish they were banned?"

 

You've asked four questions with two different sets of circumstances but I think my answers are the same for both.

As for Sl versus RL, I see no reason to react to/interact with people here any differently than I do in RL, and to the best of my knowledge, I don't. The one exception is that my temper does not show in SL as much as it does in RL for the simple reasons that 1: There is always a time delay involved with responding in SL (remember that 'count-to-ten' thing your Mom taught you?) and 2: It is so much easier to walk away from or otherwise ignore people in SL than it is in RL. My answers, even though I am a full-on immersionist, work for both my RL and my SL.

I respond differently to your questions depending on my feeling about the person. I'll use four classifications, only the last of which needs any definition: Neutral, Like, Dislike, Actively Dislike.

That last term was something I used, possibly coined, in an email once; "so-and-so is the only person here I actively dislike." What I meant was that so-and-so was the only person who could actually darken my day just by being there. Just seeing so-and-so walking the halls was enough to take the light out of the morning.

Neutral: No, No, Might, Might

Like:They don't do that, No, Am, Far from it

Dislike: No, No, Could happen, No

Actively Dislike: No, Might, No, Yes (I was gonna say 'I wouldn't mind' but I have to be honest and the honest answer is 'Yes').

There was an old song made famous by Frank Sinatra: "That's Why the Lady is a Tramp". Had a line that went "She never bothers with people she hates". I don't do hate, but if you substitute 'Actively Dislike' you'll have a good description of my attitude. I don't do the party thing where we're supposed to pretend we all like each other. I dislike that, for me it's faking. If I'm at a party with people I don't want to  be with I won't be with them. If they speak to me I will speak back, but only minimally. I actually had a guy who was one of the few on my 'Actively Dislike' list (and knew that) walk up to me at a convention we both happened to attend with a big smile and his hand out for a shake. I had no problem saying, "**** off, [Name]" and walking away.

 

ETA the questions. I knew there was a reason I'd left room at the top of my post