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I was about to logout from SL yesterday when an 'adult' female newbie landed nearby and promptly made a friend request. 

I've been in SL for 5 years, so I'm used to newbies requesting friendship out of the blue like that.  I replied that I normally liked to have a bit of a conversation before offering or accepting any friendship.

She then asked how to do a cartwheel, so I offered her the appropriate animation...but it then transpired that this newbie was in fact (or claimed to be) a 13 year old, at which point I ended our conversation by telling her that I couldn't be her friend.

As I'm an adult male in both lives, it's clearly a very awkward situation to be in.

 

 

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There are alot of teens in SL,usually they don't want anything sexual,and maybe seek a family RP to be in.There were nothing sexual in this girl,basing on what you wrote,I don't know how that can be awkward.I was a friend of a family that had a daughter that was actually a teen,and it was very fun to be around her,she had friends who could trust.

The problem is silly or innocent children falling for pedophiles traps 

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At the point of her announcing her age, I wouldn't have even spoken to her any more, but would have spent the time instead submitting an abuse report to Linden Lab.  Mixing with the kids doesn't make me feel awkward at all, as I would never be involved in any conversation of a sexual nature, and I talk to kids in real life - they're not a different species, but as anyone under 16 shouldn't be accessing Second Life, it's up to Linden Lab to make some checks and take the necessary action.



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There may well be "lots of teens in SL"but they shouldn't be there if they are under 16.

"I don't know how that can be awkward.I was a friend of a family that had a daughter that was actually a teen,and it was very fun to be around her"

Clearly this wasn't a "family friend", and I'm an adult male, but if you can't see how that might be awkward, then I can't explain it to you.

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"At the point of her announcing her age, I wouldn't have even spoken to her any more.."

I didn't, I just told her that I couldn't friend her and logged off.

"..but would have spent the time instead submitting an abuse report to Linden Lab."

Well it was very late and I needed to get to bed, but I may still do that.

"I talk to kids in real life - they're not a different species"

Really?...erm, I have some great-nieces who are fantastic girls, so I'm certainly not anti kids.

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Yes please, explain what is awkward in simply talking to someone who is not an adult. Is it awkward for you to talk to some neighbours children or a teenager in the real world? As someone said before they are human beings. Nothing awkward in talking to other humans, I think.

 If you see something awkward in talking to someone who is not 18 in SL, then maybe you have an awkward view on what SL is (no its not a 3D sex place). You rather should have told her why its not a good idea to join SL when shes 13.

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But she was not sexual in any way,or wa she?If she were acting in a sexual manner then it would be very awkward.I chatted with a lot of people that I knew it were a teen,most I just ignored or said I needed to meet a friend.The only weird sittuation was when a teen guy wanted me to be his girlfriend(the way he saw SL was pretty much like a teen newbie)

As long as thei are nice and know in what type of place they are,there is not a big problem in my opinion,maybe is because you are a male and she was female,and I can't imagine myself in this sittuation

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Belladona Viper wrote:

There were nothing sexual in this girl,basing on what you wrote,I don't know how that can be awkward.

 

The OP self-indentifies as being an adult in SL, and that usually means they enjoy the fact that they don't usually have to stifle comments or temper their humor around other adults in SL, as opposed to having to when around RL children. A child as young as this would surely be a complication to that SL freedom, even more so if he were to accept that friendship offer, and not being willing to tell her that would be.. awkward.

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At last, someone who seems to understand..

"..even more so if he were to accept that friendship offer, and not being willing to tell her that would be.. awkward."

Well, that would make me something else wouldn't it?...and that's my point, any observer would be suspicious of such a friendship, however innocent it was.



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I'm pretty sure he can hold is super adult humor and temper for a couple of minutes to have a short conversation with her. Its more awkward if someone can't behave normal and need to make sexual comments and discuss adult-only topics all the time.

Well, now he found it awkward and left the girl without a word. Does she leaves now? I don't think so. She may find someone else to talk to and maybe never tell anybody her age again.

 

Edit: There is a huge difference between saying no to her friendoffer and thinking its awkward to talk with her.

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Chriz Palen wrote:

"Well, now I found it awkward and left the girl without a word."

I told her she was too young to be my friend.

I don't blame you for feeling awkward. I don't want anything to do with children on the Internet. I mean absolutely NOTHING!  

 

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Just to clarify "Well, now I found it awkward and left the girl without a word." were Syo Emerald's words, not mine...

Storm Clarence wrote: "I don't blame you for feeling awkward. I don't want anything to do with children on the Internet. I mean absolutely NOTHING!"

Of course if my great-nieces join Facebook, I'll friend them, but anonymous kids in SL, no thanks.

Cheers Storm.

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Syo Emerald wrote:

I'm pretty sure he can hold is super adult humor and temper for a couple of minutes to have a short conversation with her. Its more awkward if someone can't behave normal and need to make sexual comments and discuss adult-only topics all the time.

Edit: There is a huge difference between saying no to her friendoffer and thinking its awkward to talk with her.

 

He did have a short conversation with her, which was 100% more than what was required. Nobody said anything about not being able to behave normal except you, and he did say it was the situation that got awkward, not him or the talking to her part. Suprising, unexpected, caught off guard at seeing a child not even old enough to be here, and her admitting it openly... absolutely... and lets not forget about the rather real chance that behind her oh-so-innocent AV sat one of the FBIs underage taskforce - internet crimes agents. For all you know the first 'bait' tactic was moments away when he bailed on that. That's certainly a helluva lot more plausible than suggesting he's just a "not normal" social misfit that can't communicate. Even his replies here prove that to be utter crap.

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He stoped talking with her at the moment she said shes 13 and for me the situation isn't awkward, thats why I asked him to explain what exactly is awkward. I don't think its awkward to have a little conversation with someone who is 13, if it happens just randomly. She didn't act unnormal in any way. Young teenagers tend to not think about what might happen to them when they tell their age to some stranger on the internet.

And even if their is a FBI agent behind that avatar, you can't get in trouble just because of talking with someone absolutly harmless.

And that part with behaving normally was about saying adults need their freedom because they need to talk that way. And I just thought thats a stupid argument when talking about just one conversation.

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Syo Emerald wrote:

And that part with behaving normally was about saying adults need their freedom because they need to talk that way. And I just thought thats a stupid argument when
talking about just one conversation
.

Just one conversation is enough with a child.  I am not the parent.  Where are her parents; perhaps in the bedroom getting laid; certainly not monitoring their child on the Internet.   Who am I to be the surrogate and explain why adults can NOT be friends with children.  AR and leave.  

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That "awkward" feeling is a good thing to have. It's our common sense's way of protecting us from future bad situations with minors and it protects those minors as well.

 

I`m a teacher who works with youngsters, aged 11 to 16 every day, but i dread the day when i might run into one of them online somewhere. They know i play online games, but i havent told them my user names or the servers i play on. I dont tell them i use second life at all. Even the kids in a classroom are a danger, regardless of me being a qualified person, checked to be with them. False alligations are a commonplace threat that can ruin careers and wellbeing.

 

Frankly, minors are dangerous, so when one appears in second life, i think anyone who runs a mile or who AR's them is doing both themselves and that child a favour, especially if they are making ill thought out friend requests.

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Chriz Palen wrote:

"At the point of her announcing her age, I wouldn't have even spoken to her any more.."

I didn't, I just told her that I couldn't friend her and logged off.

"..but would have spent the time instead submitting an abuse report to Linden Lab."

Well it was very late and I needed to get to bed, but I may still do that.

"I talk to kids in real life - they're not a different species"

Really?...erm, I have some great-nieces who are fantastic girls, so I'm certainly not anti kids.


Writing your responses to me in a font that small was just plain cruel, I cannot read such small print - or were you attempting to whisper, knowing that I had fallen asleep at my keyboard? (insert whichever smiley face you think is appropriate here - I am veering between winkey smiley tongue and winky smiley mildly amused)

It is not too late to submit an AR. As another pointed out in this thread, not ARing the person means she is able to carry on making other adults feel awkward.

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Syo Emerald wrote:

And that part with behaving normally was about saying adults need their freedom because they need to talk that way. And I just thought thats a stupid argument when talking about just one conversation.

 

Nobody said adults "need" their freedom or "need" to talk that way though. I said they "enjoy" that they don't always have to monitor themselves here, which is a known and proven big draw for people. There are huge numbers of adults that come here specifically to get away from all that responsibility, but I never suggested that loosing that momentarily was in any way an impediment to a conversation, more like something many would just rather not have to worry about during "me" time. He did say that he told her that she was too young and that he couldn't be her friend, which was after he found out she was 13. That was civil enough, and it certainly wasn't this guys responsibility to sit and chat with her after that, or tutor her about surfing the net at her age. It's one thing to talk with someone you know is 13 beforehand, and it's something completely different when the adult woman you were just talking to suddenly becomes a barely pubescent child. Caught off guard, the status quo changes drastically, you lose things to say, and because he's a guy it can get a bit uncomfortable.. perfectly understandable.

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