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Senobia Xenga

Q. for Married Men who partake in pixelated perversions

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I'm more perplexed by what you wrote. I always had a good opinion of you, since I read your blog the first time cause its was enjoyable to read and you seem to be a nice person. But after reading this...I'm not sure on that anymore.

I know her chose of words was quite strict and maybe not the right words to chose, but her intention and her question was right I think. It was definitly about chosing virtual sex-relations over the woman who this guy is married to. There was no part about a alternative lifestyle both may have agreed to and I think its only natural to not think about that first, when reading such a profile.

I personally don't think you are a pervert or sinfull by chosing the lifestyle you described. But it would simply be not my cup of tea. It would eat me up inside knowing the person I trust the most has the desire to betray me and sleep with others instead of me.

If you want others to not call you sinfull and perverted, don't call them dead jsut cause they don't have sex with dozen different people at the same time.

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Dilbert Dilweg wrote:

I can point out several RL divorces  in which the residents used to always say "It is just roll play" till one ran off with their roll play partner..lol

 

cool .start pointing hehehehe

kidding..

i'm sure you can..but i'm sure we could find some that didn't get divorced over it as well..


Dilbert Dilweg wrote:

Like I said.. When 2 humans are involved. you can only lie to your self so long,....

It's unhealthy for any marriage lol

ya but i thought this was about quickies logins and not getting all involved..

and as far as unhealthy for any marriage..you can't hostly know that..maybe for some marriages..

it may actually help other marriages..

i wasn't married when i came into SL..but i have been with the same man all this time..

before sl ..i never knew about a lot of these things that go on in the world..i still don't know what all those  acrynoms are lol..

but i can tell you some things from second life have been nice additions to things in our  life together that  are still very healthy..

if this man is going out looking to find someone else and get a relationship going..ya thats going to be unhealthy..

but if he is curious about things..that can be healthy..it sure beats them going out and doing those things for real..


Dilbert Dilweg wrote:

And a book has nothing to do with anything in this post, that's a whole other topic.. it's not another human lol


it's just an avatar to some..just because someone is typing back does not mean the person they are typing to is imagining anything else but what they see or what their imagination is drumming up in their mind..

if it was real sex..you can bet there is a lot less imagination going on at the time..hehehehe

sometimes it's not another human to the person that is immersed with the avatar..

you are trying to godmod  their RP with reality is all..

it's why there are RP rules..IC and OOC..

to say it's always real is like saying all multi player games where two people are playing charactors and there is a chat..is not charactors at all..it's just all real..because they can type to each other..

because if these feelings get put under the fire..then they all do..

it's not real sex..it's cybor sex or erotic role play..because for it to be real sex you need more than just emotions for that..you need someone else there having it with you and actually physically doing it with you..

there are all kinds of titles for different types of sex people can have..but there is onyl one real sex..if it's not real then it's one of the others..no matter how much our imaginations  try to say it's real..

nothing compares to real sex on it's level hehehehe

so ya some look at it as an interactive book or cartoon or whatever..if it's all text it's all imagination getting triggered making up the pictures in the mind for the visuals..

you can bet that what goes on in someones head is not really what is going on at the other end of that connection..

it's just getting typed up..because if it was all going on word for word to make it real..there would be no time for typing.. lol

for it to be real it would have to be true hehehe

otherwise it's fiction being typed up..

 

here is a better test for someone that is cheating..if it feels like you are cheating ..then it's a really good chance you are..

if you have to hide because it will cause an argument and maybe a divorce..then ya it's gonna be cheating..

if it's something looked at as just ..caught cyborsexing on the intranets again..it's just gonna be looked at as  being caught with porn..

just depends on who catches you and how they look at it..

 

 

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Tracy Redangel wrote:


Naturelle Starbrook wrote:

I see no difference in watching a porno, or interactive web cam porn, or sl sex.  I do not think it's a crime to watch porn and it's not a crime to **bleep**, even if you aren't thinking about your wife or husband.  Though I have heard that many people think it is a crime.

I would rather have my man sitting at the computer rubbing one off than out physically having an affair.  It would be easier to get over him masturbating to a pixel than telling me he is in love with another woman.  It's no different from me fantasizing about Dean Winchester!  Or reading a good erotic novel!  It does not mean we are perverted or are cheating.   

I think if the pixel or porn queen shows up at your doorstep or if Dean Winchester shows up at mine, then there might be a problem.  But I know my husband would give me a "hall pass" if he did! 
:P

I
definitely see the point in that, and agree, although if my boyfriend wants to watch porn I prefer he watches it with me. And Dean Winchester..YES!
:D

Haha..I think we should all get a "Hall Pass" for Dean Winchester!  He is very sexy!   I know I would give my husband a free pass if his fantasy showed up at our door! 

My husband is in the fishing industry and is often away on a ship for months.  Sometimes he has to watch porn alone..lol     

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Ceka Cianci wrote:


Dilbert Dilweg wrote:

I can point out several RL divorces  in which the residents used to always say "It is just roll play" till one ran off with their roll play partner..lol

 

cool .start pointing hehehehe

kidding..

i'm sure you can..but i'm sure we could find some that didn't get divorced over it as well..

Dilbert Dilweg wrote:

Like I said.. When 2 humans are involved. you can only lie to your self so long,....

It's unhealthy for any marriage lol

ya but i thought this was about quickies logins and not getting all involved..

and as far as unhealthy for any marriage..you can't hostly know that..maybe for some marriages..

it may actually help other marriages..

i wasn't married when i came into SL..but i have been with the same man all this time..

before sl ..i never knew about a lot of these things that go on in the world..i still don't know what all those  acrynoms are lol..

but i can tell you some things from second life have been nice additions to things in our  life together that  are still very healthy..

if this man is going out looking to find someone else and get a relationship going..ya thats going to be unhealthy..

but if he is curious about things..that can be healthy..it sure beats them going out and doing those things for real..

Dilbert Dilweg wrote:

And a book has nothing to do with anything in this post, that's a whole other topic.. it's not another human lol


it's just an avatar to some..just because someone is typing back does not mean the person they are typing to is imagining anything else but what they see or what their imagination is drumming up in their mind..

if it was real sex..you can bet there is a lot less imagination going on at the time..hehehehe

sometimes it's not another human to the person that is immersed with the avatar..

you are trying to godmod  their RP with reality is all..

it's why there are RP rules..IC and OOC..

to say it's always real is like saying all multi player games where two people are playing charactors and there is a chat..is not charactors at all..it's just all real..because they can type to each other..

because if these feelings get put under the fire..then they all do..

it's not real sex..it's cybor sex or erotic role play..because for it to be real sex you need more than just emotions for that..you need someone else there having it with you and actually physically doing it with you..

there are all kinds of titles for different types of sex people can have..but there is onyl one real sex..if it's not real then it's one of the others..no matter how much our imaginations  try to say it's real..

nothing compares to real sex on it's level hehehehe

so ya some look at it as an interactive book or cartoon or whatever..if it's all text it's all imagination getting triggered making up the pictures in the mind for the visuals..

you can bet that what goes on in someones head is not really what is going on at the other end of that connection..

it's just getting typed up..because if it was all going on word for word to make it real..there would be no time for typing.. lol

for it to be real it would have to be true hehehe

otherwise it's fiction being typed up..

 

here is a better test for someone that is cheating..if it feels like you are cheating ..then it's a really good chance you are..

if you have to hide because it will cause an argument and maybe a divorce..then ya it's gonna be cheating..

if it's something looked at as just ..caught cyborsexing on the intranets again..it's just gonna be looked at as  being caught with porn..

just depends on who catches you and how they look at it..

 

 

Exactly!  To be real sex, you actually need someone else physically in the room with you.  Well, that's what I believe anyway and so does my husband.    

If someone really was divorced because of porn or sl sex, that is really sad to me. 

 

 

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Naturelle Starbrook wrote:


Tracy Redangel wrote:


Naturelle Starbrook wrote:

I see no difference in watching a porno, or interactive web cam porn, or sl sex.  I do not think it's a crime to watch porn and it's not a crime to **bleep**, even if you aren't thinking about your wife or husband.  Though I have heard that many people think it is a crime.

I would rather have my man sitting at the computer rubbing one off than out physically having an affair.  It would be easier to get over him masturbating to a pixel than telling me he is in love with another woman.  It's no different from me fantasizing about Dean Winchester!  Or reading a good erotic novel!  It does not mean we are perverted or are cheating.   

I think if the pixel or porn queen shows up at your doorstep or if Dean Winchester shows up at mine, then there might be a problem.  But I know my husband would give me a "hall pass" if he did! 
:P

I
definitely see the point in that, and agree, although if my boyfriend wants to watch porn I prefer he watches it with me. And Dean Winchester..YES!
:D

Haha..I think we should all get a "Hall Pass" for Dean Winchester!  He is very sexy!   I know I would give my husband a free pass if his fantasy showed up at our door! 

My husband is in the fishing industry and is often away on a ship for months.  Sometimes he has to watch porn alone..lol     

i want a hall pass for the hunk of a man that is playing thor these days  hehehehe

i never wanted to comfort someone so badly as when he could not pick up his hammer hehehe

 

here thor..lets just forget about this hammer for a couple of day's.. you know nobody is gonna come along and steal it..so lets get you out of these clothes and all cleaned up  hehehehe

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The simplest answer to this entire thread is this. Don't worry about what other people do in SL. You do what you do. Others will live out their SL the way they want to regardless of what you or anyone thinks, and that's that. There is no sense in trying to make heads or tails of it, because you just can't.

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Faye Feldragonne wrote:

At least he's honest and up front and not some sneeky type. Men in SL want SEX or RL LOVE. Nothing in the middle. IMO. I'd rather know his intent before getting to know him. So kudos for the truth (not necessarily we like his truth).

 

I'm not a man (you only wanted to hear from men),  but I have to agree with Faye about the honesty part --- as long as someone is up front and honest, that's all that matters. 

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Senobia Xenga wrote:


Perrie Juran wrote:

 

The simple answer is "Yes it can be ok."

Most of the detailed reasonings are in the "fray" above.

No, there's no 'detailed reasoning' there. Just a bunch of skirting around the issue.

I didn't ask if anything was 'ok'. I asked why do these men act all uppity and proper using their RL partners/spouses as an excuse for not wanting/looking for serious relations here - because they are so totally giddy, happy and smitten with them - but drop those morals as quickly as their drawers when it comes to partaking in the aforementioned pixelated perversions. Why the double standard? If your RL gal is good enough not to sneak around on to maintain another relationship, why ain't she good enough not to screw around on, too? 

 


 

Now your question is a lot clearer.

What makes the question difficult to answer is that different people will have different viewpoints as to what constitutes ethical or moral behavior between two or more consenting adults.  Whether or not you consider extramarital relations OK or not OK.  If someone does not like the word "marriage" we could simply substitute the phrase "a committed relationship between two and only two people" as I am using it here.

For those who consider them not OK, it is pretty much a closed subject.  ANYTHING out side of the relationship is wrong.  I have met girls who told me that if they ever caught their husband just 'rubbing one out' they would consider it cheating.  There may be men who would think this of their wives but I have never heard a man say this so I am sticking with what I know.

Once you move into the category that extra marital relations (meaning more that two people are involved for the sake of this reply) are OK there are so many viewpoints it gets a bit wild.  I know a poly marriage that the members of would consider it cheating if one of them had relations outside of the group. 

Whether or not the individuals in the situation you describe are "dropping their morals" really depends on their reasons.  And whether or not it is immoral will really depend on your point of view.  Thee are just too many scenarios to give one flat answer.

What if the RL wife approves of the pixelating?  Where do we go from there? 

So different peoples points of view are going to result in different answers.

 

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Perrie Juran wrote:

What makes the question difficult to answer is that different people will have different viewpoints as to what constitutes ethical or moral behavior between two or more consenting adults. 

 

Right. So I asked those people to kindly share their insight into the situation. Clearly, nobody can speak for anyone else, hence the reason my question was addressed to that demographic.

 

 


Perrie Juran wrote:

What makes the question difficult to answer is that different people will have different viewpoints as to what constitutes ethical or moral behavior between two or more consenting adults. 

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

Wait... this sounds strangely like a differently worded Dissertation cry for help... Delete your posts!!!

 

ETA.. @OP

Perversion
is a concept describing those types of
that are excessive or
from what is considered to be
or
. Although it can refer to varying forms of deviation, it is most often used to describe sexual behaviors that are seen by an individual as abnormal, repulsive or obsessive. Perversion differs from
, since the latter refers to a recognized violation of social rules or norms. It is often considered
and in psychological literature the term
has been used as a
,though this term is
, and "
deviation
" is now used instead by others.

Get off your psycho-babble soap box. The choice of wording was merely an attempt to have the thread last longer w/out risking deletion than it would have lasted had I called it blatant pixel F'n.

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Senobia Xenga wrote:


Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

Wait... this sounds strangely like a differently worded Dissertation cry for help... Delete your posts!!!

 

ETA.. @OP

Perversion
is a concept describing those types of
that are excessive or
from what is considered to be
or
. Although it can refer to varying forms of deviation, it is most often used to describe sexual behaviors that are seen by an individual as abnormal, repulsive or obsessive. Perversion differs from
, since the latter refers to a recognized violation of social rules or norms. It is often considered
and in psychological literature the term
has been used as a
,though this term is
, and "
deviation
" is now used instead by others.

Get off your psycho-babble soap box. The choice of wording was merely an attempt to have the thread last longer w/out risking deletion than it would have lasted had I called it blatant pixel F'n.


Why must the title be so crude.. whats wrong with "Q. for Married Men who partake in pixelated sex"

calling it a perversion was a blatant flame attempt. You cannot tell me you didn't expect people to take offense at that.

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I am married RL since 10 years and had a SL-Partner for almost 3 years. We didn't have much Pixel-Sex because we both had our RL around all the time (i have my RL wife, she has her kids and hubby there). And i have to say, i love sex with my RL wife because i can actually FEEL her. SL-Sex is nice for the imagination, or for fantasizing but i still prefer RL.

But i did have sex with my SL-wife too several times. Was very exciting too. The nice thing about SL-Sex is, you can do things that you can't do in RL.

Unfortunately we broke up because she thought i was dating someone behind her back. Yes, she used the term "dating", which is just as wrong as thinking the Earth is flat. And dating automatically involves Sex, which means i was supposedly screwing someone several times who was actually just a good friend (and SL-Daughter) and was talking to me when she needed to talk... I didn't even have feelings for her. But the fact that my RL wife is home, and that i was very happy with my SL wife didn't count. She didnt trust me.

And to this day (6 months later) i am still single in SL and havent had anymore girlfriends and am not interested in Pixel-Sex. Now that should tell you something, right?

I admit, i do have a female alt too, and i am hanging around with friends, and going to clubs and beaches too. I dont tell them who i am in RL, and i dont want sex with her either. Well sometimes i cant believe how fast you can meet a horny man who wants some fun. But they wont get it from me. If i tell them something like, 1000L for 30 mins, then they run. lol

So i think its mostly the men who want sex in SL. I hardly met any women like that. Now looking back, i somehow can see why my SL-wife didnt trust me. Probably she thinks "all men are the same"... or most of them.

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I've not read the entire thread but, when you refer to pixelated perversions, are you including any & all pixelated sexual activity?

Am not a man but I have no idea why you would ask such an open ended question cause I'm sure there are so many factors involved here you can't possibly get a concensus.

All in all, I think perhaps the bottom line here is - How can anyone who is happily married rl do anything sexual without the inclusion of their rl partner? 

 

 

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Tamara Artis wrote:

So everyone except me are having SL sex?? :smileysurprised:

And we're all perverted too.

:matte-motes-sunglasses-3:

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I think a lot of unfair assumptions are made of married men or men in real life relationships and have second life relationships. 

Noperson engages in an online relationship unless there is something missing from the real life marriage or there is a desire that is not being met. Marriages and relationships can become stale and sometimes embarking on an online relationship can actually save the real life one by allowing that person the freedom to explore areas of sexual behavior or practices that their real life partner would constitute as perverse or at the very least something they don't enjoy.  

I would suggest that there are many men and women who without the release of cyber or virtual sex would have real life affairs - They see online relationships and sex as a "Safer Option"  Lets be honest it IS the safer option. Its a lot easier to tuck yourself away in a room with the desktop or laptop than make excuses to go to the "Gym" or go on a " Work training course" on a regular basis and see your lover in RL. Lets be honest if most people discovered their RL partner was having virtual sex they would be far more forgiving than if they found a pair of panties in the glove box of the car.

I know of several couples that are in very solid happy marriages/relationships. They both engage in online relationships and sex and they enjoy this mutual escapism, sharing stories of their intimate encounters and SL and other virtual sex mediums are just another form of erotica they use to enhance their sex lives.

The moralists can say its cheating if you have online sex because you are engaging in a level of intimacy that is above the level of friendship. In fact I came across a case in theUK where a divorce was granted on the grounds of "Unreasonable behavior" That behavior was the husband having an online sexual relationship. While the judge could not declare that an adulterous act under the marriage act he found that the amount of time he spent online with his online partners to the detriment of his real life marriage, caused distress and upset to his wife and lead to the breakdown of communication and a decline in marital relations.

After six years in second life I find that there are just as many women as men engaging in online sex and relationships. Yes many are hidden from their real life partners often because of some of the reasons I have mentioned. They want to explore everything from **bleep** to BDSM to Role playing - They don't want to break up the family home in RL or embark on a RL affair so this is the safe alternative.  For anyone to say that they should be upfront and honest about what they do in SL with their wives/husbands/partners I would say that there are a million reasons why a second life is hidden.

I have spoken to quite a few married guys about the reasons they have online sex and there are a few reasons that are very common.

1. They have been married many years and their partner is no longer interested in sex. They have a good lifestyle outside bed and to break up would be emotionally and financially destructive not only for them both but for children too.

2. The RL partner has over many years made them feel that they are no longer attractive, The bald head and pot belly has come along with middle age and its been so long since they had a compliment or made to feel good. Second life allows them to reinvent themselves and to feel attractive, wanted and successful with women once more - This also applies to women who embark on SL relationships.

3. They have always wanted to be dominant, sub serviant,  have **bleep** sex, role play everything from doctor and nurses to slave and master - Sadly RL partner isn't one to oblige so rather than seek that satisfaction in RL and break up the family unit then second life provides that outlet.

4. I simply enjoy the eroticism of mutual masturbation with a stranger who may live several thousand miles away.  My wife/partner knows I **bleep** all SL does is give me a fun way of enhancing it.

The real problem in SL as regards married men (or Women) engaging in online sex and relationships is when area;l life emotions start to come into it. When real life photos are exchanged along with personal information including phone numbers. When online sex becomes voice sex, when Second life becomes entrenched into real life - That's the big problem. The virtual life diminishes and start to take over real life and fatally damage the real life marriage and family.- The UK divorce I mentioned being just one of thousands of examples.

Ultimately we have no right to judge anyone morally as no one has the right to insist that everyone lives by the same moral and ethical code. It is down to ourselves to decide what we define as acceptable behavior choosing our friends, relationships and living a life that conforms to it.

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Brett Alderton wrote:

I know of several couples that are in very solid happy marriages/relationships. They both engage in online relationships and sex and they enjoy this mutual escapism, sharing stories of their intimate encounters and SL and other virtual sex mediums are just another form of erotica they use to enhance their sex lives.

 

Ultimately we have no right to judge anyone morally as no one has the right to insist that everyone lives by the same moral and ethical code. It is down to ourselves to decide what we define as acceptable behavior choosing our friends, relationships and living a life that conforms to it.

 

Very much agree with your last paragraph here. It always bothers me to no end when poeple judge my relationship by the standards they set for themselves or their own relationships.

I am in a long term relationship and play out all kinds of sexual things in sl - when I feel like it. I don't have to hide from my boyfriend - I often share the stories with him or the fantasies I indulge in. It does not take away from our relationship - it adds to it.

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SL is SL  and RL is RL  there is a big difference I have 2 thoughts  for this

1. Maybe he is  wife is not so opened in her Sex Life  so  the sl  is the time for him to break the limits and  try something  without Cheat  her  or Lost her , I remember  a documentary in Discovery  ( taboo) that says  many wifes  divorce their husband  because  he ask them to do something  that  he  saw  in Porn . SL is world that made from players  for Players.

2. To write in profile  it shows  that  he knows  what he wants  he do not want  a relationship  in rl  because sl is sl and rl is rl .

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Nikolaos Frog wrote:

SL is SL  and RL is RL  there is a big difference I have 2 thoughts  for this

1. Maybe he is  wife is not so opened in her Sex Life  so  the sl  is the time for him to break the limits and  try something  without Cheat  her  or Lost her , I remember  a documentary in Discovery  ( taboo) that says  many wifes  divorce their husband  because  he ask them to do something  that  he  saw  in Porn . SL is world that made from players  for Players.

2. To write in profile  it shows  that  he knows  what he wants  he do not want  a relationship  in rl  because sl is sl and rl is rl .

Yeah, some guys think sl and rl are totally different, some think that they are almost the same. I think sl is part of rl, or a continuum to rl. But i guess that depends too if you think that sl is only a game or no. Like irl people like to play sometimes, act funny or play or just try something, be a bit adventurous, you can do that in sl too, without being completely rp avi or keeping sl completely separate from rl. What i was going to write here further, i think i forgot already... :matte-motes-impatient: 

SL is not made for "players" only. :matte-motes-angry: 

I guess just if you think sl and rl are totally different you must remember it always with others and tell them,  'cause they might think you are very serious. :)

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Scout Schwager wrote:

What like ladies don't do this too? Lots more females in SL than men.

Unless you figure in the SL females that are RL men.  TONS of those running around.

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Just curious but in your other posts seems you use the same terms "rub one off" and that you would never do it but yet you found this "pervert" "trolling" on a sex/rp sim, I go to sex/rp sims for one reason. Its not for a relationship where this post was originally posted. That said I don't think sex is a perversion more a pleasure, I can't relate love with sex if I have sex with someone does that mean I automatically love them. I think marriage is about love (old fashioned I know) and would want my partner to feel pleasure if they wish. I guess (can't speak for all men) all women are beautiful and the human body is beautiful to think that married people all of a sudden find no other person attractive or desirable, don't think that a ring has some magic power that makes lust go away. But as I have said in other post this is purely entertainment for me and im sure others. Im still having a hard time grasping how he enjoys SL has any effect on your enjoyment. I mean is he bothering you spamming you for sex? Another curiosity is why would you ask a question but then want to only see the replies that you think are relevant?

That's my opinion and im sticking to it.

Sorry to all I might have offended but I feel this is a open discussion and have every right to my opinion as everyone else.

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I couldn't have said it better myself. A lot of married people do this in sl. You can learn new things and techniques in sl and take them to your rl partnership just like watching porn can do the same. Personally if my man wants to wonk off to sl or porn it doesn't bother me none. I also agree that why is sex concidered a perversion?

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