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CTSS3XXY Arun

How often are we scammed by so called Dommes/Doms?

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A recent experience has left me wondering, just how many of us, are taken for a ride by so-called Dommes/Doms.  Yes, some may say it is our fault for having high expectations or for even wanting to pay for domination.  However, the fact remains, that there are so many domination females and males in Second Life, that are excellent, and are deserving of their titles, for them to take the time to nurture those wanting to experience D/s lifestyles.  And on the negative side, yes, those shameful females and males calling themselves Dommes/Doms.   Expecting people to pay money to join their groups, and keep you waiting, Oh, yes, I paid 3k to join one so-called group, and part of it was a free 10 minute session, so, after being able to arrange an actual time today, which was convenient for my partner in his RL busy schedule, she asks us if we are ready, we had problems, getting our avatars fixed due to SL, and then tpd there, she imd saying she would cancel if she saw any xcite items, as we had already tpd there and sl being sl, was hard to get the xcite items off, also my voice was not enabled and I crashed on landing at her sim, when I came back, she said she was cancelling, as we were wasting her time, end of the free 10 mins and this was all in 3 mins of started time.  She never gave a notecard saying what she expected us to have on our avatars or even advising against wearing xcite items, and having set up outfits with these on, was taken aback when told not to wear them or she will cancel at moment of tping to her.  In disgust, my partner logged off and went back to work in his RL, I, meanwhile told her how much of a disgrace she was to domination, and how much she has lost in lindens that she could have made from us, due to her demanding lindens. that we pay for her time if we want to be with her.  We have no problem paying for services in SL by the way, and  this is not a personal attack against her in this forum, however, I hope it will raise awareness to those wishing to take services up for domination, as there are some wonderful groups out there, and timewasters like this female,  to waste a week of our time, and for us to expect something from her and yet be very disappointed, is a shame indeed.  I would not treat anyone the way she has done, and with second life and all its hiccups, patience and respect is needed no matter whether you say you are a Dominant, or are a sub.  So, I am posting this, and if anyone can advise of any independent groups that can or do recommend honest and true Dominants, then advise me of the name of the group, otherwise, if there is none, I have created a group called SUBMIT TO MY AUTHORITY DOMME SCAMS.  Join me if you want.

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#1: People who submit to someone without even knowing them deserve everything they get

#2: People who _pay_ for joining a random group really need to get their heads examined

Common sense. Would anyone lend a random stranger on the street $100? Most people wouldn't, unless they're fine with just donating the money and never really expecting it back. Yet, online they trust some random stranger with even more.

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"Yes, some may say it is our fault for having high expectations or for even wanting to pay for domination."

Yes, your comments are expected.... and yet, even creators and builders can scam us, can't they?

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High expectations? Hardly. There's nothing wrong per se with paying for sex (or domination). There's everything wrong with paying without knowing what you get.

Creators and builders... don't you check before you buy? I do.

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I find it interesting that you're getting a thorough reaming from voicing a complaint over a lousy experience with a paid Dom group. 

There is no clearing house in SL that I know of where one can check out the reputation of a group or individual. The only direct way I could get better acquainted would be to talk to them or join the group. Looks like you chose the latter unwisely. But how are you to know that until too late? Were the warning signs there? I don't know. 

I do wonder if this was some kind of fraud. It sounds like a classic grab and run. Basically you paid 3K for 10 mins and got nothing. Did you miss any rules or instructions on the group info? Did you receive a group notecard? Did to talk to the group before arranging your free 10 mins?

As long as money exists in one form or another, fraud and scams are going to exist. 

Best protection against it, trusted vouchers. Get to know folks in the Domination community, see who they recommend and go from there with eye wide open for scams. Getting bitter about this isn't going to recover your lost 3k. And treat people with the respect they deserve. Don't "blast" them when you're angry. File an AR report instead.
 

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That sounds very good advice, isabelle.   The bit about getting to know people in the BDSM scene and taking it from there, I mean (I don't think LL would get involved in a dispute between residents like this).    Certainly there's no shortage of BDSM and FemDom sims and clubs at which dominants and submissives hoping to hook up with each other hang out.

 

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isabellalecour wrote:

I find it interesting that you're getting a thorough reaming from voicing a complaint over a lousy experience with a paid Dom group. 


I think the criticism is about his reaction and apparent assumption that it's a commonplace phenomenon for Dom(mes) to act like this rather than an exception.

Though I've met Dom(me)s who're disagreeable to me in their methods and play, I've never once met any who would demand payment for their time with me (maybe that's because I've not been looking, haven't needed to look, and won't go looking for that).

"I do wonder if this was some kind of fraud. It sounds like a classic grab and run. Basically you paid 3K for 10 mins and got nothing. Did you miss any rules or instructions on the group info? Did you receive a group notecard? Did to talk to the group before arranging your free 10 mins?"

I doubt it was a scam, sounds more like an example of exceedingly poor planning and communications by all involved.

Crying foul over a perceived slight is what people get angry about.

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Hello,

Firstly, it has to be said that there is no single way to "do" BDSM. SL offers tremendous variety, and each dominant you meet is likely to have a unique style and repertoire. Each also indulges certain kinks. If you are shopping for a domme, one of the first things you'll need to do is find out how she dominates, what types of fetishes she is willing to explore and what her demands are.

It sounds like the person you met is a findom, specialising in financial domination. Most findom groups do charge a fee (usually much higher than 3K though), and offer no guarantees of time with the mistress. Findom is a specific kink where the sub (often called a cash cow, pay pig or ATM) enjoys being financially exploited and "wallet raped". A findom's client may pay to be ignored, abused or humiliated. It is always about serving her financially, and some findoms take the money and give you no time in return as part of the service. Financial domination is different than paying a fee for service or hiring a dominant escort to punish you, although there is some overlap. In SL, I am both a findom and a "regular" domme. I like everything from foot worship, cuckhold, punishment, slave training, CBT, tease and denial....financial domination is a part of that, but not all I do. When I meet a sub, it is important for me that they understand financial domination, including pay-ignore, pay-abuse, etc, is part of the deal. If that isn't what they seek, I try to let them know within a few moments and refer them elsewhere if I can. 

In future, I would recommend chatting to the domme for a few minutes before scheduling the scene or joining a group. Most dommes would prefer not to have their time wasted and are happy to clarify things for you. You can also often find information on their picks and profile. I would recommend not paying before you've met the person or spoken to them. You are far less likely to get scammed if you take your time. :)

 

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