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Zeta Zemach

Is Second Life only about sex?

247 posts in this topic

I have been in Seoond Life for about a year now  (actually I have been there for 5 years, but I had a 4 year break and came back about a year ago) and it gets more and more clear to me that Second Life primarily is about sex and partnerships, and I often find the gender roles to be overly sexy and overly romantic. I know I'm stepping on somebodys toes here :(

Im not interested in neither and for that reason I'm wondering if there is any future for me in SL. What I found was a lot of needy men who would defriend me as soon as they realized that I was serious about not having sex or relationships.

I'm in SL because I'm interested in virtual worlds and I like to talk to people from all over the world

What do you think? Does it make any sense to be in SL if you dont want to have sex or doesn't believe in SL relationsships??

 

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Zeta Zemach wrote:

I have been in Seoond Life for about a year now  (actually I have been there for 5 years, but I had a 4 year break and came back about a year ago) and it gets more and more clear to me that Second Life primarily is about sex and partnerships, and I often find the gender roles to be overly sexy and overly romantic. I know I'm stepping on somebodys toes here
:(

Im not interested in neither and for that reason I'm wondering if there is any future for me in SL. What I found was a lot of needy men who would defriend me as soon as they realized that I was serious about not having sex or relationships.

I'm in SL because I'm interested in virtual worlds and I like to talk to people from all over the world

What do you think? Does it make any sense to be in SL if you dont want to have sex or doesn't believe in SL relationsships??

 

HI Zeta!  Welcome back.  To me SL is much much more then just pixel grinding.  Building, chatting, meeting new people with a vast range in interests.  YAY and Far out!

 

Peace!

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There is quite a bit more to Sl than sex. I created 2 popular clubs on the basis of  absolutely no sexual content. Clean PG clubs and the communities that were created from those 2 clubs were of people with like minds who don't care for the sexual aspect of Sl.

Even tho we ran clean clubs, there was still a few guys that would come in looking for sex and they would quickly be removed or asked to stop.. It all depends on where you hang out I guess. But really even hanging out at the cleanest of places. You will still eventually encounter users like that. But that's why the LL gods gave us mute... Don't let it get to you. Just find some cool places to hang out, but always know that no one place or online venue can fully control the actions of a another user. But you can control your own interaction with them by blocking or allowing it :)

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I have been here almost 6 years and never been involved with any one but friendships . 90% of the time I spend building and learning,my love affair here is 100% creative and I have never taken a spin on one of those beds and I make babies and tummy systems that are designed for couples . 

Never one time have I used my own products for their designed purpose.I really have all the fun and coming up with the HUDs and how they work.I spent years learning to get about 100 functions in a less then 120 string single root script system,the end result is not relevant to me..

Like any one else I came here to see the cool new world on the internet ! I did not even know how to use MS paint,much less scripting anything,  I fell in love with the tools and functionality of second life more then the social aspect.

Maybe you just need a addiction?

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Zeta Zemach wrote:

 

What do you think? Does it make any sense to be in SL if you dont want to have sex or doesn't believe in SL relationsships??

 

It makes perfect sense to me.

Don' t think you are alone in this.

Have a good ,and foremost, an enjoyable SL the way you like it.

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I would say this- for many people SL is only about sex. It is a mature place where for many people cyber sex is very important.

 

Personaly for me SL is not about sex. Is always How much eforts you put into second life. If you only flirting with people , then SL is about sex I am a person who likes explore things. I like visiting places and seek for rare stuff and designs which are unique. SL is a place which has endless posibilities to explore. Noone can ever say that have seen everything. I explore every night for last 162 days of my life and I cannot say I am tired of SL.

 

So basicly. SL is what you made it to be. For some people is just a sex place but for other it can be a place full of treasures and stuff you would never experience in RL.

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As the others have said, it is perfectly possible to be in SL for other reasons than sex. Personally, it's the building I do myself, the builds and creations others have made, along with the diversity in people and personalities that makes SL such a joy to be a part of.

And if the responses in this thread is any indication, it seems the men you have met are in the minority. :)

- Luc -

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SL is about more than sex and there are a lot of people here that aren't interested in it either.  Howver just like RL, many people are interested in it.  That doesn't make them bad people necessarily as most of them also engage in non sexual activities and have other interests.  Sex is just a part of their life like it is in RL.  However it doesn't have to be part of your SL.  Its your choice.

It is almost inevitable that someone is going to ask you for sex.  However you don't have to engage in it.  If they defriend you as a result, it tells you about the so called 'friendship'.  Your better off without that kind of friend.

 

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/me adds to his profile .. : " No fapping on my account." 

( Just a precaution on inevitability as suggested by Amethyst.)

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Sometimes it seems that way! Really all you need to do is get yourself into the right social circle.

What is it that you enjoy doing in SL? For me, it's building. I belong to a few merchant and building groups, I hang out mostly with other creative types. Since I stopped going to clubs and completely closed my mind to the idea of SL relationships (even making a permanent break from The One), I rarely run into people asking for sex.

*I stay out of newbie areas, freebie areas and most sand boxes. I'm sure there are nice sand boxes but I don't use them often enough to know which ones!

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Thank you all, for great answers. It seems there is more to SL than sex :)

I will continue to look for the right places or even start to build myself -as some of you suggests.

Ametyst@: I'm not saying that SL sex is bad -it's just not for everyone, and in my experience a very big part of SL is about sex. Maybe I have been to the wrong places or been with the wrong people. But even no-sex sims seems to be pick-up places.

The reason why I wrote this post was that I realized that SL created more frustrations than Joy, and I was fed up with people asking for my friendship for the all the wrong reasons. I started to mistrust people. I actually had to remove my real-life portrait because people only commented on this, instead of reading my profile. It's also my experience that people doesn't bother to talk to me when they realize there isn't any possibility for sex or romance. 

Dont get me wrong, I think SL is a great place and I have met interesting and kind people :)

 

 

 

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Zeta Zemach wrote:

I have been in Seoond Life for about a year now  (actually I have been there for 5 years, but I had a 4 year break and came back about a year ago) and it gets more and more clear to me that Second Life primarily is about sex and partnerships, and I often find the gender roles to be overly sexy and overly romantic. I know I'm stepping on somebodys toes here
:(

Im not interested in neither and for that reason I'm wondering if there is any future for me in SL. What I found was a lot of needy men who would defriend me as soon as they realized that I was serious about not having sex or relationships.

I'm in SL because I'm interested in virtual worlds and I like to talk to people from all over the world

What do you think? Does it make any sense to be in SL if you dont want to have sex or doesn't believe in SL relationsships??

 

Yeah Zeta .. i think that in the final analysis slex is pretty much what SL boils down to .. i mean .. there are plenty of other things to do in SL besides have virtual sex .. personally .. music & chatting are what i like to do the most .. along w/ 'playing barbie' dressing up my avatar .. but in the long run .. music venues are where ppl meet , pair up & go off to some skybox to have slex .. & making avatars attractive serves to attract slex partners .. i know ppl who say they are celebate in SL & have profiles that say 'no sex .. dont even ask' !!  but i also know that some of these same ppl have alts they take to A rated places & have all kindsuv slex w/ them .. even ppl who have been in sl for awhile & have gotten bored w/ pixel slex are still in or looking for relationships .. so ppl will tell you that SL is about a lot more than slex .. & thats true to a degree .. but dont let them fool you !!  if LL banned slex SL would die w/in hours ;)

Jeanne

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Zeta Zemach wrote:

Thank you all, for great answers. It seems there is more to SL than sex
:)

I will continue to look for the right places or even start to build myself -as some of you suggests.

Ametyst@: I'm not saying that SL sex is bad -it's just not for everyone, and in my experience a very big part of SL is about sex. Maybe I have been to the wrong places or been with the wrong people. But even no-sex sims seems to be pick-up places.

The reason why I wrote this post was that I realized that SL created more frustrations than Joy, and I was fed up with people asking for my friendship for the all the wrong reasons. I started to mistrust people. I actually had to remove my real-life portrait because people only commented on this, instead of reading my profile. It's also my experience that people doesn't bother to talk to me when they realize there isn't any possibility for sex or romance. 

Dont get me wrong, I think SL is a great place and I have met interesting and kind people
:)

 

 

 

Way to go Zeta!  If your are interested in building, I teach a building class on Saturdays at Helping Haven.  Look me up if interested!  Far out!

 

Peace!

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In the main (still), SL is an adult community so there will be adults engaged in adult activities which run the gamut and include slex.  No one can force you to do anything you do not want to do and you control where you go and what you do.  If you like, you could add something to your profile to nudge away those who only have slex in mind.  Of course, those that are more aggressive deserve a quick mute and move on.

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I think it was a good move to remove your RL pic, especially to protect your personal privacy. All you can do is put in your profile your expectations in SL, and either people will respect it, or they won't. Second Life is an adult community (mostly) Yand you will come across some who don't respect boundaries. But as long as YOU know your own boundaries, you should be fine. I like dressing up my avatar and making her pretty ( kinda like my own pixel Barbie LOL). I love shoes, clothes, hair, and all that because it is like virtual dress-up. Well my RL husband plays SL with me, and he does the same thing, (although he's a manly-man so he likes his tats, biker clothes, etc LOL). But it's always me that gets hit on with STUPID IM's like "Hey baby, nice avi wanna F***?" PPffft, so stupid, they can't even say anything more clever or original than that. Sometimes I mess with the idiots and tell them things like, "Yes, if you come clean my house, fix dinner, wash all the cars, paint the house, then yes I'll consider it" or tell them the alien implant in me forbids it LOL.

You just have to find your place in SL, surround yourself with good friends who will like you for who you are.

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@Tracy: I have to say that I was quite naive in the beginning, but after a while I developed a thicker skin.  Apparently some people act like jerks because they can hide behind an avatar and will never be held responsible for their behavior. They are just small-minded people who has nothing better to do -sorry if I sound harsh, but I have met a lot of jerks in SL Don't get me started on needy desperate men...

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I think sex (or slex) in SL is fine, it's a natural part of both lives. The part I don't like is when someone I've literally met 3 minutes before starts "fishing".... talking about his happy trail or wondering if he can have a picture of my boobs lol. The A**hat newbs that run up and say " Wanna fu*k?" I just  ignore completely and laugh.

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Personally, I run into way more non-sexual related places and activities, than otherwise.

I know more people who don't engage in sexual activities in sl than I do otherwise. In fact most people I really know who engage in sexual activities are actually with their sl partner in rl as well. So the slex is merely a fun way to add a little spice into their existing rl sex life. Which is pretty much the same way we(my hubby and I) use slex, lol. It's fun for us and just one more tidbit in our already.......well you don't need details now do you, haha. Suffice it to say, most of the people I do know personally, use slex in the same manner.

But, like I said, I know lots more who don't even engage in such activities. I do know some who engage in it for rp purposes, but, that's only a couple people.

Clubs are notorious places to meet other people. While slex might not be on the minds of all who go there, it's no secret that whether it's sl or rl, meeting folks in such a setting can, and often does, lead to such things. Not saying one should avoid places if they intend to avoid those activities of course. Making certain you make your intentions clear in your profile, will go a long way. It won't stop all the people, you'll still get "invitations" as it were, you'll still get hit on, but you can always just ignore. If you find that going to thse places continually gives you nothing but the latter, might be a good idea to switch up where you're going. Try some place new. Or some places.

If you have hobby or something you'd really like to explore, go there. Odds are, if there are others around, they're there for the same reasons you are(most, not all of course, there are always oddballs everywhere). Building for example, there are tons of building classes and lessons. Those are great places to meet new people who have similar interests, and disinterests as well. Like to explore? Go out and do it. There is a pretty huge universe out there in sl and I promise you that while sex makes up a portion of it, it's not the majority, imo. I think it used to be much more the majority, than it is now. Now a lot more of it is pretty well spelled out for you, so you can tell which places you'd rather not go.

For the folks that bother, regardless of your forewarning of disinterest....mute is your friend ;)

 

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@Thanks Hippie: I might accept your generous offer -I just need a little more time in my life :)

@Tari: I agree -However I have tried to find sims that match my RL interests -and there were no one there LOL. People seems to gather in sims that has a romantic or sexual concept. 

I think this is an interesting debate -and definitely not a new subject.

From the comments I got I see there are different perspectives on the matter ;)

My whole point is to question wether the contact you have with people in SL, eventually is expected to end up in relationships and/or slex. Personally I would like to think that life (and SL) is more than that -call me a bore/prude and hunt me down... I honestly don't care. I have male friends in RL and that works for me, but in SL its much more complicated.

I have met quite a few men in SL who gets obssesive after talking to them once or twice -and they get offended if I talk to another man or doesnt IM them as soon as I am online. Well, sometimes a conversation is just a conversation. It doesn't have to lead to anything more -just like in RL.

 

 

 

 

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I like to meet people, and make some money here by selling things. I don't need pixel sex in SL, i can have that in RL, besides that its more fun in RL.

Also i am very helpful when someone needs help, and a good listener when someone needs to talk.

Not interested in SL-Relationships.

The last time i had sex in SL was almost a year ago with my SL-wife. We were together for over 2 years. Well when we broke up she accused me of screwing another girl behind her back, but we were only cuddling and talking She was like a daughter to me, but she wanted more, so we did a little flirting too. But i know when its time to stop. And i know, just flirting can be called "cheating" too.

My wife even thought that i was "dating" that girl. But i am not trying to explain anymore, nobody listened to us, so be it. If they think that way thats their problem. We know better.

I'll just shut up and let her think that we had sex... nobody can prove that we didnt do it. And theres a little difference between cuddling and sex.

But thats the way it goes i guess. I learned my lesson. I changed my avi into a pet avi and am only doing my shops in SL, nothing else.

No Sex = No Drama

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Randall Ahren wrote:

Even furries have sex. They call it yiffing.

 

LOL Randall!  That reminds me.  About 4 years ago when Ladysue my partner, and I were fairly new, were about to do the SL bump and grind.  We were preparing, and I turned around and looked.  She had a fox furry ava on!  I told her that I just could not do it!  I just could not..um.err.. you know, with a fox!  Sigh!  She laughed and laughed.  She never did that to me again!  HEHEH!

 

Peace!

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Hippie Bowman wrote:


Randall Ahren wrote:

Even furries have sex. They call it yiffing.

 

LOL Randall!  That reminds me.  About 4 years ago when Ladysue my partner, and I were fairly new, were about to do the SL bump and grind.  We were preparing, and I turned around and looked.  She had a fox furry ava on!  I told her that I just could not do it!  I just could not..um.err.. you know, with a fox!  Sigh!  She laughed and laughed.  She never did that to me again!  HEHEH!

 

Peace!

I know I've related this incident here before but early on in my SL while exploring Secret Reflections (R.I.P), I ran into a Neko and a Purple Unicorn who invited me to join them for a threesome.  At that time I had not been sufficiently corrupted enough by SL to do a Purple Unicorn.

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