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What to do if you find out that your partner is the opposite sex in real life?

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OceanBird wrote:

Lying to people who ask you what you are in real life is wrong. But yea lots will lie cause they are getting something out of the lying.

Good clues a female in second life is really a man in real life.

#1 States they are lesbian in profile and will only date women.

#2. Has a sexy name like: Sexybabe, lacenstuff, boodacioustatas etc

#3 Has a male name like: Thomasracer, racecars, mikendakken etc

#4 Is way into sex and trys to seduce you within the first 24 hours of meeting you

#5 Dresses very slutty or half nakid

#6. Refuses to talk on voice

My guess is about 90% of "lesbians" in second life are men in real life.

 

Watch out for real life women playing male avatars as well and dating and marrying women. Lots of those too. Oh and rl gay men rping females in sl... the list goes on and on lol.

 

4, 5 & 6 are extremely common.  Doesn't mean anything.  Sometimes you just want a booty call.  I've had my share of slutwear.  I even label it slutwear so I can find it easier.  I don't talk on voice, don't have a mic.  Have a crappy computer, and don't need the lag.

Do whatever you want, just be honest if asked.  If the OP never asked, then it wasn't a lie.  And, maybe the partner just felt guilty after a while and said "Well I think its time to say something before this gets any deeper."

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Even if not asked it can be “lying” about real life.

Examples:

A fake real life profile picture of a female.

 Little comments inserted into conversations intended to deceive like: "Oh I'm having a bad day... just broke up with my real life boyfriend."

 Those are always done. I’ve seen both kinds of “lies” a lot. Really if a person is good at the roleplaying “lie” the person will never ask what you are in rl cause they think they already know from the deceptions.

 I have lots of male friends who play female strippers or lesbians in sl so I’ve seen all their tricks. Talking about fake real life things only a female would talk about is very common.

Fact is, it’s impossible to roleplay a female in second life unless they think you are female in real life as well. Imagine seeing a female stripper in second life with a profile pic of a rl male and a profile statement that says: “I’m a male in real life but like roleplaying a female stripper in second life. I’m only open to relationships with sl and rl females thanks”

You think any men would tip him as a female stripper? The illusion requires they think what you are in sl matches what you are in rl.

I would never get into a sl relationship with anybody I have not heard on voice.

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That's your choice.

I have voiced, in SL and phone.  But not because it was a requirement.  Just because we felt like it.  If the person I was with didn't use voice or phone, I might *nag* them, but wouldn't really hold it against them.

Since I'm not looking to take anything RL, I don't really care.  If they present themselves as female, they're female.  If they present male, they're male.

If they have a male RL pic on a female avi, I'd probably ask.  More out of getting to know them/nosiness.  And, only if I were getting into a relationship with them.  But, it does ruin the illusion.  I like the illusion.  

Friend was helping me the other day, and I had to switch through a few alts.  I signed on the 1st female alt, the 2nd was a guy.. and then he asked, "Are you male or female in RL?"  Female.  But, we're just friends.  So it really doesn't much matter.  

Friendship I don't care.  Relationship, would appreciate knowing before it got *serious*.  But, as long as they weren't a jerk, I might be a bit hurt, but I'd get over it.

People tell you what they want you to know.  People roleplay their SL.  If it matters to you, you ask.  If you don't ask, then it doesn't matter much.

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Well this things do happened lot on SL.

 I been on SL since 2007  and ran into few   RL man playing female on SL Just to get sex

lucky  for me I been with my partner 3 yrs, but you will run into cons and liars  my partner told my sister that we are just friends news to me  but,  that's  man for ya   GOODNIGHT GOODLuck

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When I was single, I always voice verified. Most men felt comfortable, and were often the first to initiate voice. I generally like to Skype and voice chat with my friends anyway. There was one person I met who refused to get on voice, so I didn't take that relationship any further than friendship. People have every right to set their own personal boundaries, and it's not fair to castigate because they're not comfortable getting intimate in SL with a person of the same gender in RL.

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4, 5 & 6 are extremely common - I agree that they are. I've had this happen in places outside of SL. I do role play sometimes, and the person usually gets nervous or silent if asked about IRL gender if using a female avatar. I usually get the hint it is a guy then. I'm not a lesbian IRL or in-game wit h all my ava roleplay charaters  but one of my 'cosplay characters' is a lesbian. I do it just to flirt sometimes, but never for anything more than to do that and become their friend. 

The whole girl avatar in game and turns out to be a guy IRL isn't new, and it's been going on for years in MMOs and other Virtual Worlds like this. I usually get really angry if the person lies. I was born and raised where I was taught to dislike being lied to both irl or in-game. (thats just cause the irl personality carries over) After it kept happening to me way too much I decided to stop getting into relationships unless they do a timestamp with their SL or whatever screen-name, and take a picture. Just ask them to hold a piece of paper in their hand with that info, and a clear picture of them.

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Rockie Redstar wrote:

Well this things do happened lot on SL.

 I been on SL since 2007  and ran into few   RL man playing female on SL Just to get sex

lucky  for me I been with my partner 3 yrs, but you will run into cons and liars  my partner told my sister that we are just friends news to me  but,  that's  man for ya   GOODNIGHT GOODLuck

You tolerate the behavior because you like the idea of being "with" someone.

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the only way to truly know it's a girl is take them shopping with you for three hours.  real men don't like to shop.

 

that is a joke.  (but true, all the guys i know hate shopping)

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I'm not sure of your back story but this happens all the time in SL. One friend of mine was married to a "man" (thought was a woman---he is man) for year. He was devistated when he found out... physically ill. Worse, this partner looked him up in real life and showed up at his work place professing love to his fellow employees (while he was upstairs and unaware). That's one story. I have several. Second Life is full of  deception... you can love the sex you prefer and still be hurt beyond repair. I know what I'm talking about...

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Its totally not a rape... rape means that someone has sex with you when you dont want... you wanted it ... but you didnt really know that hes a male in RL .. People think that only sexy and bitchy female avatars are the most case when a male fat guy is sitting behinde the PC ... and yes ... its mostly true ... luckily im not the case :D ... so yes dear ... it happens to most of us... maybe to me too but i dont know about it =)

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this is a fear men brought on themselves..because of it women get pressured to prove they are women..

then when women feel insulted that we have to prove that we are what we are..we get called men..

those types have been told to piss off in more ways  to sunday by real women for years lol

i guess we should feel flattered that there is so much of a concern that tools are made to sound like us..and tricks of all kinds to prove a man is a woman..and all kinds of ways to try to make sure a woman is a woman

i have been asked some pretty silly things over the years before to prove myself to someone..i think i have more fun hearing these things..some i have actually done because of the effort put into the idea LOL ..because they were kind of cute ideas..but there are some really strange ones as well.

-----------------

write my name and your name on your arm in black marker while in front of your monitor showing us in second life..Oo

(ya ok so i either have to scrub my arm skin off or wear your name around till it comes off..isn't the monitor picture of us in sl at this time enough)..

that can be photoshopped..

Oo (Bleh..how about i just send you some DNA?*Ceka teleports home*)

----------------

take a picture and hold a piece of paper between your boobs standing sideways..on the paper write mine and your name and that we are standing in this certain place in second life right now..

(You can't see all that writing with that between my bew.....OMG!! You just wanna see mah bewbies!!)

---------------

get on voice and hold a camera close to the mic so i can hear it click..then take the picture of yourself holding the camera close to the mic clicking it..

(ok how do i get the camera in the picture?)

do you have two cameras?

Oo( are you kidding me!!??)

---------------

these were not even about having sex..one was a man asking me to dance but had to be sure first..i guess he thought he was so hot that i would be instant in love or something..i didn't stick around long enough to fall under his spell i guess hehehe

others were just form hanging out in places..

all were from within the first hour of meeting someone..

i guess that would be better than months or years later..

now it has gotten to the point  that women are putting pressure on women to prove they are women?

there is more chance someone will go along if there is not some silly pressure put on them to prove something..

if they don't they don't..but getting demanding or being offensive if they decide not to is wrong in more ways than one..

demandign will get someone nowhere fast..

unless we are roleplaying deamnding..then it's kina kinky :P

 

 

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I also like how some people think because you don't voice, and are in an A rated SIM and using a female avi that you're a guy IRL. LOL I don't voice because I have no mic, computer isn't the best, and don't need anymore lag SL can bring. Ever since I've made friends my first month I've had them respect me for not voicing or camming on Skype or anything like that due to my computer. lol

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Ann Otoole wrote:

I'm so good I could wear a Nun Habit
;)

LOL - Here in SL, that would just add to the kink and make you desirable to a different group of folks.

:smileylol:

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That won't work either, one of my best male friends loves to shop, he can always pick cute stuff for me =/

I use my avie mainly to RP and I always pick male characters to roleplay. I don't have a problem putting in my profile that im a girl but I like male avies, and when im noticing that a female avie is flirting with me im like "Hey, If you didn't read my profile im a rl girl"

I dont like sl love relationships, but I think...If you want to avoid this problems you should tell in the very beginning  that the gender does matter to you. And even then the other person could lie =/.

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I suppose that the learning here is that if you require that your partner be Gender Verified - you should place that in your profile and be up front about it.

Many people new to SL and who have not had a huge background in other online environments take it for granted that "what you see is what you get".  Conversely, SL is escapisim on many levels and a huge chunk of SL female avatars are owned my male Typists. This is SL, not Facebook :-)

Personally, that does not bother me as I interact only with the other Avatar - but if you *require* gender verification, it would be best to get that settled with a prospective partner up front and save on drama later.

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Is that possible? This is the first time to hear a kind of situation. Well I think if you can prove that his sole purpose is to have sex with you, you can file a case for harassment against him. 

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rosebanks123 wrote:

Is that possible? This is the first time to hear a kind of situation. Well I think if you can prove that his sole purpose is to have sex with you, you can file a case for harassment against him. 

There is nothing in the TOS that says you have to be the same gender in SL as in RL. In fact it is against the TOS to demand that they tell you their gender in RL at all.

If you are not going to meet them in RL what does their RL gender matter?

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:



 In fact it is against the TOS to demand that they tell you their gender in RL at all.

Chapter and verse?

 

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Ceka Cianci wrote:

this is a fear men brought on themselves..because of it women get pressured to prove they are women..

then when women feel insulted that we have to prove that we are what we are..we get called men..

those types have been told to piss off in more ways  to sunday by real women for years lol

i guess we should feel flattered that there is so much of a concern that tools are made to sound like us..and tricks of all kinds to prove a man is a woman..and all kinds of ways to try to make sure a woman is a woman

i have been asked some pretty silly things over the years before to prove myself to someone..i think i have more fun hearing these things..some i have actually done because of the effort put into the idea LOL ..because they were kind of cute ideas..but there are some really strange ones as well.

-----------------

write my name and your name on your arm in black marker while in front of your monitor showing us in second life..Oo

(ya ok so i either have to scrub my arm skin off or wear your name around till it comes off..isn't the monitor picture of us in sl at this time enough)..

that can be photoshopped..

Oo (Bleh..how about i just send you some DNA?*Ceka teleports home*)

----------------

take a picture and hold a piece of paper between your boobs standing sideways..on the paper write mine and your name and that we are standing in this certain place in second life right now..

(You can't see all that writing with that between my bew.....OMG!! You just wanna see mah bewbies!!)

---------------

get on voice and hold a camera close to the mic so i can hear it click..then take the picture of yourself holding the camera close to the mic clicking it..

(ok how do i get the camera in the picture?)

do you have two cameras?

Oo( are you kidding me!!??)

---------------

these were not even about having sex..one was a man asking me to dance but had to be sure first..i guess he thought he was so hot that i would be instant in love or something..i didn't stick around long enough to fall under his spell i guess hehehe

others were just form hanging out in places..

all were from within the first hour of meeting someone..

i guess that would be better than months or years later..

now it has gotten to the point  that women are putting pressure on women to prove they are women?

there is more chance someone will go along if there is not some silly pressure put on them to prove something..

if they don't they don't..but getting demanding or being offensive if they decide not to is wrong in more ways than one..

demandign will get someone nowhere fast..

unless we are roleplaying deamnding..then it's kina kinky
:P

 

 

This post had me cracking up in rl. 

Women have a softer way of approaching conversation for the most part.  It's easy to tell if one really listens which I do.

Feel bad for the OP.  Hurts never good no matter how it comes.  Next time Skype if you feel its getting serious and are unsure.

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