Jump to content

How to move on fast!!


You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 3326 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Recommended Posts


squashy Beeswing wrote:

This thread is very timely for me.  I am still going through the process and it has been horrible. 

I can tell you from personal experience how NOT to move on fast, which is to do as i did and remain 'friends' and in constant contact.  It was the worst thing i could've agreed to.  I didn't get the benefit of a clean break and the pain was -- and still sometimes is -- excruciating. 

I'm sorry that i haven't being particularly helpful.  It was just that this thread resonated with me so much; I'm hoping to get some tips for myself.  :matte-motes-crying:

I pulled the plug on a fading relationship and set my old avatar adrift on the ocean in a burning raft. I deleted everything SL related on my computer, too. All part of my grand plan to leave SL for good. That grand plan lasted all of five weeks. That was two weeks longer than a friend said I could stay away, so I won the bet.

A year and a half later, I have lovely memories of my two and a half years with her. Those won't go away because I cherish them. In truth, I'll keep the bad memories too, but a bit deeper in the closet. They are instructive, and in a world were relationships are so important, I need every bit of knowledge I can get to ensure that those I have, and those I make, get the best I have to give.

I offered Cheryl some clichéd aphorisms already, but I've plenty more...

 

  • That which does not kill you makes you stronger.
  • Love will make you forget time and time will make you forget love.
  • Saying you love someone when you don't love yourself is like a naked person offering you a shirt. - Maya Anglou
  • Before you find your prince, you have to kiss a lot of frogs.
  • Marriage is a great institution, I'm not ready for an institution yet. - Mae West
  • Romance is built on illusion, and when we love someone, we love the illusion they have created for us. - Roger Ebert

That last aphorism is both appropriate and incomplete in SL. It is easy and unavoidable to pour some of yourself into the illusions others create for us in SL. We are but icebergs here, with most of our person hidden below SL's waterline. What we don't see, we imagine. I think this may explain the depth of feeling that so many experience in SL relationships. We have fallen in love with a heady mix of the serendipity and wonder of another mind mixed with the allure and comfort of what we dream them to be. This happens in RL as well, but not to the degree it happens here.

Caveat Resident.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 58
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic


squashy Beeswing wrote:

This thread is very timely for me.  I am still going through the process and it has been horrible. 

I can tell you from personal experience how NOT to move on fast, which is to do as i did and remain 'friends' and in constant contact.  It was the worst thing i could've agreed to.  I didn't get the benefit of a clean break and the pain was -- and still sometimes is -- excruciating. 

I'm sorry that i haven't being particularly helpful.  It was just that this thread resonated with me so much; I'm hoping to get some tips for myself.  :matte-motes-crying:

ya i did that one time..my outlook was  to impose as much hurt on myself as i could so that it would speed up the healing  which at the time  my mind was not the clearest..

what ended up happening is i did get over it fast as far as hurting..that hurt ended up being hate..which really remained for the longest time well into other relationships..

i remember sitting down at times and going into a day dream and thinking back at how stupid i was for letting myself be treated like i was when we were together..

then all of a sudden jumping up and yelling things like.omg why was i so dumb!!! \o/

then noticing other people had came into the room while i was in the middle of the day dream..

the only time you can become friends with someone is after  you have healed..myself i had to get to a point where i didn't care one way or the other about them..hate or like..

then build from there to be friends again..which most times may never happen..

sticking around and being treated like crap or feeling that way is no way to get yourself back where you want or need to be..

you need to get distance if you can and regain confidence and strength again..become whole and in control..

for me memories are something  to hold onto when we are strong enough to handle them..because they can be powerful when we are weak and keep us at holding on to a tiny string of hope..

you need to get yourself back and get strong and be able to walk in front of any person knowing you can't be phased..

only then can you take what happened and learn from it and use it to your advantage for experience and wisdom that will become part of the guide you use for the rest of your life..

these hard falls are meant to happen only to make us greater than we were...not to break us down..they test us to see what we can take..

you are far from done Squashy..you have so much more in store for you and you will find your way to better things...you just have to grab yourself and say..i'm not putting myself through this SH!T anymore!!

i am strong!! i am powerful!! from this day forward nobody puts me in the mud again..not me! not without a fight!!

Get Strong girl!! Get Powerful!

we don't need closure..we just think we do..no matter what..with or without it we still get better..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pretend to be happy. Pretend you are so much happier without him next to you.

Your aim is to be BETTER than your stupid ex. Make him feel miserable because you appeared to have move on way better than him. Revenge is sometimes, very very sweet! It is a quick painkiller... just becareful not to be addicted to it.

And yes, You need someone to point out all the wrong things about your ex. I am telling you right now, even not knowing WTH he is/was... that He is pretty dumb to let go. So yes, that's one bad point for him.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the suggestion Descarado, I will surely keep it in mind.  I have never been good at pretending and  taking revenge. But I do like the idea of aiming to be better. It's just that, you know, when you break your walls down for someone, it's hard to build them back up again. hugs...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Then don't use the metaphor of walls. Walls broken down never gets any better than before. Unless they're built on a better soil.

Use the broken bone metaphor.

Callus formation on a broken bone heals fast and is a better composition of tissues than a normal bone.

In another word, What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Get your girlfriends with you. Tell them to keep reminding you what an **bleep** your ex was. That will take you off your illusion of your perfect prince charming. Once you take that Prince Charming spell off from you, you will see him as what he really was. Just a normal dude with a huge insecurity.

And then you should compare yourself with him... you will see that You really do deserved someone so much better than him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Cheryl Corbeau wrote:

Getting my girl friends together is definitely something I have to do. I usually just keep to myself when I'm like this. Thank you !!

oh god no don't keep to yourself girl...get out and  get the fun going again..sooner the better..

hit some clubs and get hit on and shop till you drop..

as i said before..Spoil  yourself..

these past things are just steppin stones to the real thang!! lol

let loose..

lets get this party started!!! \o/

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As of of today you can add me to the "moving on" group.  yay me. 

While it's nice to know I'm not alone, I don't wish for anyone to be hurting like this because it sucks! 

Part of what is hard for me with SL is that we joined together to help bridge a long distance relationship gap in between times we saw each other. Since we joined we did almost everything together until the last couple of months, and now he's not really on anymore. 

Being an introvert, I'm not so inclined to... well whatever it is that extroverts appear to do do more comfortably and gracefully than I do.  I tended to keep to myself when he wasn't logged in, I enjoy time alone working on projects, etc.  But at the moment, not so much.  Most of my friends are couples and  i'm not feeling the "hangin with the couples" vibe right now.

 I agree with Ceka about getting involved in something different, changes of place, etc.  Even though it's probably not what any of us *feel* like doing, it really does help.  Of course nothing sounds good when you're feeling like this.  But putting one foot in front of the other and doing something, anything, getting involved, seeing new places, people, things.... Until finally a shift starts.   

Being of service can be good too, helping others gets my focus off my own problems if only for a short while, like a tiny vacation and I can breathe normally for a little bit.  

One final self-pitying blurt if I may, here's how I felt today after the "talk".  I thought of this tonight and as gawd awful pathetic as it is, I couldn't help but crack up because I so identified with it.   :) 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites


leyna wrote:

As of of today you can add me to the "moving on" group.  yay me.  

/me hugs you all up.

This is starting to look like an epidemic, Leyna!!!

I have fallen very far behind on my "Warm Welcomes" project. Although my fireplace was designed to burn away sin, I imagine it might help burn away sorrow as well. So, for any of you who want to give it a try, look me up in-world. I'm not in much, but you'll get my full attention if incineration suits you.

Maddy

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Madelaine McMasters wrote:


/me hugs you all up.

This is starting to look like an epidemic, Leyna!!!

_______________________________________________________________

Thank you Maddy.

Interesting, according to facebook data spring break and two weeks before Christmas are the likeliest times of year for a breakup.  April Fool's Day is popular, as well as  the summer holiday and the day after Valentine's Day.
   

___________________________________________________________________ 

I have fallen very far behind on my "
" project.

__________________________________________________________________

Then get crackin!
:P
 

________________________________________________________________________

Although my fireplace was designed to burn away sin, I imagine it might help burn away sorrow as well. So, for any of you who want to give it a try, look me up in-world. I'm not in much, but you'll get my full attention if incineration suits you.

Maddy

/me wonders what one wears to their own sin and sorrow burning....considers pearls and a tiara. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites


leyna wrote:


Madelaine McMasters wrote:


/me hugs you all up.

This is starting to look like an epidemic, Leyna!!!

_______________________________________________________________

Thank you Maddy.

Interesting, according to facebook data spring break and two weeks before Christmas are the likeliest times of year for a breakup.  April Fool's Day is popular, as well as  the summer holiday and the day after Valentine's Day.
   

___________________________________________________________________ 

I have fallen very far behind on my "
" project.

__________________________________________________________________

Then get crackin!
:P
 

________________________________________________________________________

Although my fireplace was designed to burn away sin, I imagine it might help burn away sorrow as well. So, for any of you who want to give it a try, look me up in-world. I'm not in much, but you'll get my full attention if incineration suits you.

Maddy

/me wonders what one wears to their own sin and sorrow burning....considers pearls and a tiara. 

/me smiles...  You can wear whatever suits you best.  Attire runs the gamut. I don't have any sorrow to burn away, but the sins are piling up on me.  I may need to visit Maddy's incinerator again soon....  I promise not to use up all the fuel this time...

Link to comment
Share on other sites


leyna wrote:

/me wonders what one wears to their own sin and sorrow burning....considers pearls and a tiara. 


Leyna,

If you are burning away primarily sorrow, I think pearls, and the gemstones and precious metals of a tiara will be safe. However, you should know that sin burns considerably hotter than sorrow, so if you arrive at my fireplace with a high sin to sorrow ratio, you may place your finery at risk.

Of course now you are faced with a problem. Anyone reading this and seeing your photograph (should you decide to accept my Warm Welcome) might draw conclusions from a lack of jewelry.

I truly care about my friends, so if you have any doubt, I recommend you look for a tiara made of tungsten, containing costume gems of quartz and a simple strand of black pearls, which will hide soot well. Noone (except possibly me, who knows tungsten when she sees it, and keeps a secret when she has it) will be the wiser and you can walk away with your reputation intact.

I look forward to giving you, and any others who'd like to shed a little sorrow or make room for more sin, a Warm Welcome.

Maddy

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Cheryl Corbeau wrote:

I noticed that some people can recover from a heartbreak faster than others. Some gets shattered , while others just take it so casually. And I can't help but wonder... is there a trick on how one can move on fast???

Let me know what I'm missing  :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

OK i just found out i am not working overtime tomorrow...Soooo

All of you that are feeling  terrible..i think we need a shopping spree!! and then maybe find  us a nice fun club and dance get com[plimented from the guys in those clubs or where ever we end up going..

i think you all need men giving you compliments in times like these to let you know there are still plenty of options left out there or fish in the sea!!

we are all beautiful in our own ways no matter what happens...so lets  go and treat ourselves to a good time and spoil ourselves..

to all the men in the past.. thank you  for making us stronger smarter and and wiser today..

so who is with me sista's?!! \o/

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

When I saw this thread, I had to post which isn't something I do in these forums very often.

I just went through a nasty breakup in SL, which was unexpected and definately didn't see it coming.   I was the one that picked up the pieces and moved on fast...

For the past year I had been lead to believe that i'd found my 'soulmate' which seems almost next to impossible in a world that is shrouded by secrecy of people and their RL's.  Things they choose to keep private, etc.  I was preparing to sacrifice stability in my RL  to have him move here to be with me and start a life.  This is what he had me being lead to believe he wanted too.

Out of the blue, i noticed a distance growing between us and i talked to him about it, he claimed he wanted to fix it so i gave up being at my business all the time to dedicate more time to him (he hated my business) He claimed i was attempting to argue, and suddenly turned on me, stating "I have better things to do with my night than argue with you" i wasn't even arguing, but regardless...

I sat, in tears because he was mad at me, before i knew it he departnered me and it crushed me like i'd n ever experienced in SL before.   I was ready to give it all up and leave this realm forever.   I didn't know how or why he'd turned on me so fast after all the now broken promises that he'd always be with me... i was... devestated.  I cried for 24 hours straight after losing what i thought was my dream partner.

The next day, albiet soon, i was approached by someone who had feelings for me that i didn't even know of or hadn't paid much attention too because i am a faithful individual.   He told me to take my time, and get back to him with an answer.   I cried for another 24 hours realising that the past life i knew was oficially over, and there was NOTHING i could do about it.

I went to bed, depressed, heartbroken, sad, completely a mess, and when i woke up the next day I simply asked myself "WHY?" Why cry over someone that claimed they wanted to grow old with me, but turned on me so fast? If he was so eager and willing to let go of me so fast, why should i sit and cry about him when there was a potentially good person wanting to be a part of my life.   I accepted the invitation for the date that day, and it changed my world.

I'm now engaged to someone who i am TRULY in love with, that loves me back, that protects me, has my back, greets me every morning with soft sweet words.   Someone that adores all my children in sl equally, if i HADN'T moved on so fast, adn pined over the loss of someone that really didn't want to be with me i never would be where i am right now, happy, at peace, content, and loved.

Sometimes when people turn on you... or things go sour... you have to decide what's best for you? Why are you crying? What's the point of being so devestated when it's apparent they simply don't care.  Harbor that mentality, and use it as a guide towards bigger and better things that could very well be laying right under your nose without you knowing.

 

I hope that you recover fast <3 it's never an easy thing to do, but each one of us is unique and special in our own ways, and laying out ther ein hiding is someone that is willing to accept your uniqueness, and treat you how you deserve to be treated.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 3326 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...