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How to move on fast!!


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I noticed that some people can recover from a heartbreak faster than others. Some gets shattered , while others just take it so casually. And I can't help but wonder... is there a trick on how one can move on fast???

Let me know what I'm missing  :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

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/me puts my arm aound your shoulder, and squeezes gently---hun, we all heal in different ways, some of us take longer.  I have come to accept that sl comes with so many temptations, so it is a little easier to let go, with no regrets---just pleasant memories.  Give yourself time to heal and a break from sl is a good thing.

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Cheryl Corbeau wrote:

I noticed that some people can recover from a heartbreak faster than others. Some gets shattered , while others just take it so casually. And I can't help but wonder... is there a trick on how one can move on fast???

Let me know what I'm missing  :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

I suspect I'm way over on the "slow to recover" end of the scale. I don't know of a trick to speed things up. Cheer up though, in order to reach "never to recover" you'd have to climb over me!

;-)

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Humans have a grieving process. It is even studied and documented in psychology. The 5 Stages of Grief”: disbelief, yearning, anger,depression and acceptance.

We have no other choice but to process through the process. Whether we miss seeing a TV show, lose a lover, or a parent or sibling passes we go through the same process. The difference is all in how strongly we were attached to what we lost.

I would guess you are in stage 2 or 4. He may simply have given up something he wasn't that attached to, which explains why it seems easy for him. Sorry.

Depending on our personality and level of attachments we will experience each stage differently. For a TV show the stages may flash past so fast we hardly notice them. With a lover we may alternate between 2, 3, and 4.

Yearning... find something to do so you have little time to yearn, find a replacement, or my favorite eat chocolate. We see some quickly find a rebound lover to stop the yearning. I suppose that works if they are a boy toy and you can avoid becoming attached. People looking for a serious relationship know to avoid lovers on the rebound.

Anger... yell in pillow, growl, kick a can, vent to a friend (don't abuse your friend - ask permission) and possibly think through your anger. Some people get stuck in this stage and we hear the horror stories of people keying their X's car. They make movies about it like Play Misty.

Depression... the best cure for depression is physical movement and sun shine. Get out and walk or run. Being still aggravates depression.

Reaching acceptance... this completes the grieving process. Getting to where you don't experience any of 1 to 4 in any significant way is a sign of acceptance. The lost of a significant other will always be with us. It is just we have grieved and accepted it.

Failing to pass through to stage 5 means on the next loss of a similar significance one will have the left over stuff added to the current grieving. As odd as that sounds thinking of emotions as liquid in our body conveys the idea. We have to find someway express the emotions and move them out. Otherwise they build up and we deal with them later.

All this intellectual knowledge probably isn't going to make you feel better. But, it may enable you to find a process to move out of the unpleasant feelings faster. When the process becomes debilitating, it is time to find a professional councilor and find out what has you stuck in the process.

 

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Cheryl Corbeau wrote:

I noticed that some people can recover from a heartbreak faster than others. Some gets shattered , while others just take it so casually. And I can't help but wonder... is there a trick on how one can move on fast???

Let me know what I'm missing  :matte-motes-bashful-cute-2:

Resolve not to take sl seriously. It's just a game. Role play love, don't fall into it. Keep in mind that ppl you meet in sl may not be ~probably aren't~ who or what they portray themselves as being. If you become fond of the friends you make in sl keep in mind that they could be gone tomorrow. If that happens just let them go. Don't be attached. Have fun in the moment, don't regret the past or worry about the future.

Jeanne

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if it was bad..

i delete everything..pictures,gifts and anything that reminds me of them..that or burry them on an alt and forget about those things..

then get involved into anything different or in a different place till i feel better...

i try to take myself out of it as much as possible..until i can either return without worry of old feelings or lost interest in where ever or whatever it was..

you need to be around people that will build you back up and not feel sorry for you..

stay away from love songs..angry music works hehehe

that or songs about getting stronger..something like pink is really good..she is a strong woman =)

that's what i do anyways..well not all of it but at the start of a breakup..

till i can handle being around things with memories attached to them again..

what works for me may not work for you hehehe

oh and can't forget..have to do lots of makeovers and shopping and looking for a new looks that feels really good..

you don't have to stay with it..just gettign out and doing stuff like that keeps you busy thinking about you and not someone else =)

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A lot of people move on with someone else. I was in a relationship in SL that wasn't going anywhere, so I broke up with the guy. It was very painful at first, but not long after I met and fell in love with someone else. Long story short, that person has also become my RL partner going on 1 1/2 years now. That's one way. Just let yourself feel whatever you're feeling. I think music helps and icecream. LOTS of icecream.

*P.S. If it helps...when you meet the right person...the REAL right person...you'll wonder what the hell you ever saw in the other person. Trust me on this one. One day you'll have sunshine again :)

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Nalates - dangit girl, you would have to remind me...I'm still not over them cancelling Tru Calling! *pouts

Wrynn dear, it takes as long as it takes and it's different for everyone and different for each relationship. really no one else can tell you that you are on the right or wrong pace with it.

Here's one thing I have found to be kinda helpful. When you're feeling angry, save that for the 1st person that wants to minimize your feelings as 'drama' and give them both barrels. That will kill 2 birds with one stone.

 

Hugs

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Thank you Ceka, I did delete things he gave me. That was the first thing I did. Then he asked me why I was no longer wearing my wedding ring when he was still wearing ours. I felt I was being mean. But thanks for sharing, now I know I just wasnt being mean when I did that. hugss...

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You seem happier already. We all spend some time at heart break hotel, usually at least a couple of stays. Rest up and recuperate, but don't be too indulgent. 

Also learn how to make simple and fast meals. You'll find it's easier to feed yourself when you've lost the will to go on.

 

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Cheryl Corbeau wrote:

Thank you Ceka, I did delete things he gave me. That was the first thing I did. Then he asked me why I was no longer wearing my wedding ring when he was still wearing ours. I felt I was being mean. But thanks for sharing, now I know I just wasnt being mean when I did that. hugss...

omg  lol he asked you why you were not wearing yours? what a jerk..

he was the one being mean just saying that...

all he is trying to do is make you feel guilty..just show him you have already moved on..i know it's hard to do..but it will stop his silly games he is starting up..let him know he is not part of the decision making in your life anymore..freaking lingerers..

he is what i call a lingerer...

 

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This thread is very timely for me.  I am still going through the process and it has been horrible. 

I can tell you from personal experience how NOT to move on fast, which is to do as i did and remain 'friends' and in constant contact.  It was the worst thing i could've agreed to.  I didn't get the benefit of a clean break and the pain was -- and still sometimes is -- excruciating. 

I'm sorry that i haven't being particularly helpful.  It was just that this thread resonated with me so much; I'm hoping to get some tips for myself.  :matte-motes-crying:

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Oh Squashy, I am sorry you are going through the same. This is something I'd to hate to see someone else go through. 

Yes that's what happened to me too. He decided it's over, yet still wants to be friends. He sometimes says things I so have been wanting to hear, but the bottomline is we're over.

 

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