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  1. Thank you all so much for your replies! 😄 I thought I forgot to mention something crucial; I'm usually online from 5:00 pm SL time to 11:00 pm SL time. Time zone differences can make all the difference; I have only a handful of friends I am fortunate enough to have which come on around the same time as I do. A lot of people come on but have to leave much earlier than me, meaning that I'm often left alone with only a handful of other people to spend time with, if at all. I have a rather rare, atypical avatar (otherwise conventionally attractive, although this can be subjective) which I feel would turn off and intimidate some people. I have been told this. In my experience, my one defining characteristic (you'll know it instantly when you see me in-world) is a deal-breaker for some people. So when making friends and finding a partner, I'm keeping this in mind. I would of course, love to have someone who accepts me for who I am and how I wish to be, and loves me because of how I am. But changing my appearance drastically to suit the tastes and expectations of others is not something I'm willing to do. Thank you very much, Luna Bliss. For your recommendations. I went to Pammy's; I don't know what they're all about, but all their events seem to be held at around 1 am SL time, which is impossible for me. I haven't yet seen a single other person there. Warehouse 21 on the other hand, is absolutely jam packed with people; it lags my PC immensely and I was more worried that my viewer will freeze entirely. I don't think it will be fun waiting for everyone to load in, but beyond that I haven't tried my luck. It would seem rather challenging to interact with people on a more intimate or personal level when there are just so many revellers. From what I saw, it's an absolute riot and seems like the kind of place I usually avoid. Hello, Hecate! It's so good to see you here. I don't know about those particular venues that were mentioned, but yes, a lot of the lesbian venues I've been to seem to welcome trans women, and people of diverse gender identities, so long as they have a feminine aspect to their identity and present in a feminine fashion (certainly no male genitals hanging out) Honestly, I would love nothing more than to meet and make friends with more trans women and gender diverse individuals. But I haven't had much luck in that respect either. I would speculate that, just as in real life, trans people only make up a fraction of the total population of any given locale, making them on average, far rarer. Katherine, thank you for bringing all of this to my attention. It turns out we've met in-world before; I'm one of the people who went to that exhibition at Ash Grove - I purchased all of your exclusive artworks that were available at the time. We met together at your gallery. It's wonderful to see that you have contributed here. (Although, did you just call me "Starlight"? 😆) I haven't thought of that before; I started out in SL in the kink community years ago, but I haven't had any experience with lesbian kink communities; mostly it just wasn't my thing, but I'm open to exploring it now. This kind of concern isn't really one that I share; perhaps I haven't ever met anybody I spent time with that turned out to be male in real life, despite having a female avatar - and even if they were, it wouldn't matter at all to me, as long as they treated me well, and certainly not in that overt, hypermasculine, testosterone-fuelled manner that I now strongly seek to avoid. One of my very best friends in SL is male in real life, despite having a female avatar but they are open about it. But thank you for bringing to my attention the possibility of being taken advantage of, deceived and cheated and the potential consequences of such things. But in my experience... in general, the kind of rabid, witch-hunt mentality to "catfishing" I believe hurts women, all women (especially trans women who might not yet feel comfortable revealing their true gender identity) as much as it hurts men, if not more than men, who are so paranoid about total strangers, their friends, their potential partners in reality being other men with pretty female avatars. For the most part, it's insecure men raising this concern, although I have very occasionally encountered women who are very strict about this on their sim (I took my friends who have female avatars despite being male in real life to these places and nobody was the wiser, so STUFF these oppressive, authoritarian, exclusionary sim owners) I'm sick to death of me and my friends being constantly treated with suspicion just because some insecure person (usually male) are so excessively fixated on this because they can't wrap their heads around why some people who aren't female prefer female avatars, and the idea that it's okay to do so. Not everybody feels comfortable revealing their real-world gender, age or any other characteristic and it's absolutely okay to keep this to yourself. We come to SL to be whoever we want to be, and that's awesome - we didn't come to be interrogated, bullied, shamed and mocked by insecure strangers who have an issue with who we truly are. I'm absolutely sick to death of being caught in the net of suspicion and made to feel like a second-class citizen at a border checkpoint every time I go to a club where there's men. These people automatically assume every female avatar is male in real life (an absolutely ridiculous assumption to begin with) and won't let you go as soon as they catch you in their dragnet of suspicion - as soon as there's potentially a tiny bit of something that gives even a little probable cause to scrutinize and interrogate an individual to the point of bullying, harassment, outing, shame and embarrassment, they will never let you go. Sure, they will eventually catch someone (not without likely hurting and humiliating them first) but they will unnecessarily hurt many "legitimate" women in the process just because we value our privacy and personal choices and simply don't want to or feel it's necessary to "voice verify" and hand over our social media profiles and a bunch of real life photos of ourselves every time to every single man who is suspicious of us and feels he has the authority to be the "girl police" or the "guy police" of SL or whatever. This whole scaremongering mentality is so overblown, and I am so, so over it. Just let women be women, and let people in general be whoever they want to be without scrutiny or fear. I won't ever apologize for my femininity, and neither should my male friends who choose to play as female avatars, whom I will happily defend to the end, even if it puts me in the firing line of the male gaze of death. My stance is that this should hardly ever be anything ANYONE should ever concern themselves with. Perhaps some of you are in the minority, but I'm sure many of those who are male in real life or were assigned male at birth but prefer female avatars, like my friends, are also sick to death of all of this too. In summary, this kind of elitist, paranoid witch-hunt mentality and behavior - it hurts women, it hurts men, it hurts trans people, it even hurts people with disabilities such as mute people. Sorry for the rant, but this is something I'm really sick of. Katherine, I haven't experienced what you described, and I hope I never will, but this is my take on it, from my personal experience. This isn't intended as a personal criticism of you. Yes, my thoughts exactly. I hardly spend time in adult sims to begin with, and I'm certainly not looking for/interested in sex whatsoever. I'm not sure about pickup stuff, or how lucky I would be in those places. I have a rather rare avatar which is quite different as well, but there's no real community for my kind, other than the sisterhood I was part of in my first year of joining SL - sadly that shut down and I miss my sisters terribly. People do ignore me, but I don't know if it's because of my avatar or for other reasons, but I haven't had any glaring negative experiences as a result. If you know of any good clubs in which people actually socialize instead of dancing while AFK and saying the same old greetings, pleasantries and short comments, then by all means, let me know! As for the real-world gender of someone in SL, as I wrote above, it doesn't bother me whatsoever either. I am attracted to females but so long as people present and act in a (at least relatively) feminine way in-world, then it's all fine by me. I think I am open to men with female avatars and definitely transgender women. So long as there is a genuine connection and good intentions I'm open to relationships with just about anyone with a female avatar. Male avatars and masculine behaviour (not interests) for the most part turn me off completely now, not like before when the feeling of being in an intimate relationship with a female would make me strangely uncomfortable (I think this may be a learned behaviour that went away with time and experience) and I would constantly seek out men over women (but I would still be open to a same-sex relationship if it was right) There is, of course... a difference between merely having gender preferences and outing/humiliating people without their consent. Let's be clear about this distinction. If I were to still persist in finding the right male partner for me, he would have to have a very specific type of appearance and personality, which is exceedingly rare so I figure at that point it's easier to look for a female partner. But I'm really struggling to make friends right now, let alone finding a partner to be in a relationship with. So any tips and advice would be more than welcome 😉
  2. The last couple of years (decade) have been rough. I went from teaching full-time at college while simultaneously running a professional illustration studio (60 to 80 hr weeks) to being housebound with barely an ability to walk or stand. Last year, after nine months in PT/OT rehab where I could not leave my bed I’ve learned a few things. 1. I am grateful every day for the mobility I have, rather than focusing on what mobility I’ve lost. At the same time I am thrilled with the opportunities that SL gives me to move, and socialize, and build, and enjoy virtual sunsets. Living most of your life within four walls is a special kind of torture. SL provides an escape and respite from this reality. 2. I’ve been forced to simplify my RL and by extension, my SL. I’ve always been so focused on making money and growing my business (thus the hours) that I missed a *****load of stuff. The same was true in SL. I had three alts, with distinct personalities. (Because SL is actually a psychological experiment in multiple personality disorder.) and all three built stuff and I funneled the products into a store and was consumed by stats, and visits, and trends. I now have one avatar and while I still built and sell stuff I couldn’t care less about its marketability, success, or any kind of coherent theme. I build because I love It and that’s my non-business model. I now have time to explore more. 3. I’ve always been an introvert. My energetic popular professor-ship that stood in front of a hundred students and enthusiastically espoused the wonders of photoshop and digital illustration was an exhausting mask that sucked the life out of me. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED the teaching, it was just draining. In SL I have been a lot more selective in who are actually my friends what groups I join, and what activities I participate in. My RL interaction with people is extremely limited. So I am grateful for the interaction opportunities that SL provides. 4. I hate grief-ing and trolls. I will never understand the thrill it must be to be a professional ***** and crap on another persons SL experience. Since joining SL 18 yrs ago I’ve been told by griefers to get a life! Get a life? Really? Because deliberately offending and belittling, and bullying residents is such an example of a life well lived? Truly, it just baffles me. (Caution, comic book nudity: https://flic.kr/p/2pCrk8m
  3. Yeah, bro. We can't have experienced users around. They might detect when those "fake new" residents are around, bullying or hitting on the "real new" residents. They might offer some useful hints when the 70 year old, technologically inept, pre-mesh, mentors fail. ( Which is often). They might offer a newbie an idea of what there is to do in SL besides pretend to be relevant as a "helper" in every single sim that accepts requests to become a "helper". Sure would be a shame.
  4. Disagreeing with the fraudulent claims you made about Adult content being the default, is not "bullying". Nor is disagreeing with your suggestion that abolishing a huge part of the grid that pays to keep SL open, "bullying". Nor is pointing out that your fraudulent claim that anyone with banlines cannot possibly have SL Friends, is nonsense, "bullying". Nor is pointing out that your fraudulent claim that anyone with banlines "must be hiding something" is nonsense, "bullying". Nor is pointing out that your fraudulent claim that anyone who doesn't want adult content banned, must be a loser with no RL, is nonsense, "bullying". Nor is pointing out that sneering down your nose at anyone not exactly like you, is elitist snobbery, "bullying". Nor is laughing at you when you say laughable things like "there's no need for people to have sex in RL", "bullying". You need to learn the actual meanings of words before you use them.
  5. Notice when some use the confused emoji a lot they are like the only person doing why everyone likes the subject. Anyone who is creative and intelligent to say they have an open mind seems to be the same boring ones that use the confused emoji out of everyone else. The jealous creature that use confused emoji a lot and pretends to have amnesia like the white coats need to take them away to the funny farm they lost it. The kind get mad over everything topic everyone has a say it's about sharing know one made anyone boss this place for everyone. Each person has alts. They only use confused emoji if they acted like this in the world and bullied people for sharing things they were asked to leave. The behavior is immature. But boring ones who are confused a lot should use it as an excuse that they are not happy with their own problems. They try to change the subject and make no sense with their alts. I hope the lindens catch up on these ones that are bullying ones not happy anyone to be happy. If everyone just blocked the pretend amnesia ones well they only could talk to the walls and their alts. Think fine to use the emoji but should use as excuse out of their own problems so go love themself learn to love others just move on from topic if they not for them.
  6. Eventually we are going to end up with only 5 posters talking to each other. Oh that's what we already have, lol. And they are quite happy in there little echo chamber. Thats seriously sad with 45 000 people logging in every day. All because of one small group making the forum a horrible place to be. As for bullying someone who tries to help people ... thats about the sadest thing ive ever heard. They are like little 5 year old school yard bullies ...
  7. I really do not like the look of banlines, but how they appear, and usually behave is much preferred to being sent home by a zero second orb. I would say that most reasonable people do not want to stray onto private property without the blessing of the owner / renter, but the limitations of second life make this difficult to achieve at times, especially with the added confusion of lag and sim crossings and it is a confusing and upsetting experience to be targetted when acting with the best of intentions. Unreasonable people will be that way whichever extreme of the access debate they adhere to, but even in the case of extremely annoying and inconvenient behaviour, I do not believe any kind of griefing or bullying is acceptable. I also realise that the perception of home invasion can be traumatic for some people, in ways that they have little control over, and while this can get covered up with masking aggression there is always a person under the attitude.
  8. The neighbor's "bullying" tactic certainly worked in this case..
  9. The Golden Circle Adult Lounge or in short, TGC. TGC is an upscale adult entertainment destination that recruits only the most skilled dancers, escorts and erotic roleplayers. We are looking for Second Life adult entertainers who offer text, voice, cam and Lovense services. Love the art of roleplaying and seduction? Then TGC is the right environment for you. Why TGC? ★ We offer training and mentoring to ensure you provide high-quality services to our guests. ★ We are a friendly and inclusive environment and do not tolerate any kind of discrimination, harassment or bullying. ★ We are an experienced management team that has all worked as dancers, escorts and role-players for many years so can offer real advice to support you in building a client base. ★ Our hiring process ensures we hire only quality employees who are interested in being part of a collective. ★ We promote the lounge and our staff actively across platforms - inworld and on social media - and organise events to drive traffic. Submit your application here: The Golden Circle Application Socials: TGC Facebook TGC Flickr TGC Instagram
  10. oh nvrmind i just now saw giggles yes rowan i see sheesh they might need a new life but see in my state cyber bullying is illegal
  11. I also like Prokofy's builds and style! Her arts background was a good investment! I admire that she actually lives in many of the homes she prepares for use as rentals... that shows her of love and dedication to her tenants. I admire and respect her dedication to being among or considered the oldest rental establishment in Second Life. ♥ It is her public views, opinions and baseless defamation of others which need updating and rethinking. I suggest again, perhaps a little break from "insert appropriate noun" here and some happiness counselling so her Second Life experience won't include interfering with the enjoyment of other people in Second Life who may read a Forum post full of her opinionated vituperation? Maybe a quiet word with someone (IM or face to face meeting inworld) would help to inform Prokofy of some new and updated ideas, or at least an exchange of information between parties involved would better serve Second Life and Mainland before publicly spewing half-truths, verbal bullying, libelous defamation of others. Such isn't a good way to share information and expect a favourable result, in my opinion. What sort of example is she providing new Residents and people in Forum (new and existing) about how to effect change, make suggestions or ask questions about Second Life. I fully believe in the freedom of speech, but not fact-poor ranting about imaginary pending disaster and doom based on an irrelevant past experience. Memory isn't as trustworthy as we are led to believe.
  12. If people could hide themselves, they'd be able to do far worse than offend by having their own opinions. In a public forum, anything said outside private messages should be viewable by everyone. Otherwise you'd have people trying to block the mods, the bullying would increase because people could hide themselves from everyone who might take issue with it or didn't know how to prevent it, and things would be far worse than anyone currently imagines them to be. In my experience, people who want to do everything in secrecy while having any kind of power over others are usually up to no good. Like everyone else who has been here more than a week, I've had some pretty bad days on the forums. There are people here who, in my opinion, seldom if ever put forth anything from their keyboards but pure excrement. But if I let that put me into some victim/abuser mindset, then I'm only victimizing myself. It's all just words. You can't control other people. They can say anything they want, and the mods decide if it's going too far. And this is exactly as it should be. welcome to reality. My current ignore list on the forums is at 0. And funnily enough, since un-ignoring everyone, nothing anyone has said has offended me in the least. The simple answer as to why? I think it should be obvious to anyone who can be honest with themselves.
  13. Those old heads didn't even get an update to include universal neck that was available in their hdpro heads over 3 years ago, which is far less efforts/work than EvoX update. But as much as I dislike Catwa (as a brand and look wise), I can't say it's something "bad". Can't support old stuff forever. Lelutka also made one final BoM update for their Origins heads before Evo line was out, dropped their price to 1.5k with the Evo release or shortly after, and a few months ago they were retired for good. It wouldn't stop the "bullying" anyway, though. Look is subjective of course, and as long as you like your own look it's the only thing that matters, but no amount of skin lift and EvoX updates would make those old heads any better. Not to mention just how much people get fed up seeing Catyas and Daniels non stop when Catwa was a "thing to get" back into 2016-2018.
  14. I don't see, honestly, that you've been bullied at all. Forums are about discussion, and the shape and tone of that discussion is going to depend upon a great many things. Zalificent is, characteristically, sarcastic in her replies (so, sometimes, am I), but she's not "bullying." And as Val noted above, she hasn't really "threatened" you. It may well be that you're not temperamentally suited for the give-and-take of a forum? Not everyone is, and that's fine too. And not everyone enjoys a place like this. But it can be really valuable to hear other perspectives on subjects like this, and, whether you agree with Zalificent (and me) or not, you're actually better informed about other approaches to SL than you were. Just as I have gained by listening to you, however vehemently I may disagree with your viewpoint. There are of course exceptions, but I think it's rarely better to just shut out other voices.
  15. That isn't what I meant by different. Try being the only First Nations in the whole school of all white. Bullying would be putting it mildly. Torture is more accurate.
  16. Like other men who play as female avatars, I admit one of my reasons for doing so are the typical ulterior ones (I'd prefer to look at a woman than man, etc.) There are also maybe less nefarious reasons I'd so as well (want to experience life from different perspectives and so forth.) However in this topic I'd like to relate to what I was like growing up and perhaps what I'm like now. It involves the concept of "masculinity" and the pressure for boys and men to conform to this ideal. I was a 90s American kid (born in 1986.) In the 90s ideals were somewhat less progressive than they are today. LGBTQIA+ weren't as widely accepted as the use of the terms "gay" and "*****" as insults were commonplace, especially among boys and young men. And masculinity was held in high regard in society and promoted widely among the media. McDonald's had action figures and vehicles for "boy toys", and dolls and plushies for "girl toys". I never perceived myself as particularly "masculine" in my life, even though I was subject to peer pressure and bullying about it. I was not a strong or physically imposing person. I was also very mild-mannered and quiet. I wasn't really interested in playing sports or play fighting. I mentioned the McDonald's toys before; in addition to the "boy toys" I also had no qualms about getting the "girl toys" if I were interested in them as well. As my school classmates made fun of Barney the Dinosaur for being purple and thus "gay", I didn't join in their chants. And speaking of those insults, people used them against me and that reinforced my belief that I wasn't very masculine. (Although I think they made fun of me more for my seriousness, high sensitivity, and social awkwardness.) I still am rather mild-mannered as I was as a kid, but I think one of the reasons I play women in video games (and in turn virtual worlds) now, is because of my previous experiences of not feeling masculine. I mean, I don't think I'm particularly "feminine" either (I once described myself as "middle of the road" in terms of masculinity and femininity.) But given this fact I can't really relate to the hyper masculine ideal in addition to the other more common reasons I have, I think I would gravitate toward playing as female characters/avatars. Tl;dr: I think one of the reasons I play female avatars/characters in virtual worlds is because I never felt really "masculine" in my life, in combination with other more typical reasons like "admiring characters", "wanting to see different perspectives", etc.
  17. Linden Lab does not police cyber-bullying for the most part. There are some types of discrimination they may act against, but often your best recourse is to mute and block the offender(s), then just avoid the offending sim. You can try to AR the sim owner, but SL won't tell you if they do anything about the problem or not.
  18. Peeve : The apparent need to feel superior to others by always bullying them out of a discussion for any suggestions they make. Is it really that impossible to disagree without being perpetually vile or blatantly contemptuous about it ?
  19. Oh, we could do a whole other thread on middle aged "Mean Girls" in SL, and on woman-sponsored "Dramaz." There are seriously times when it feels like I'm back in the lunchroom at high school again. There is absolutely no shortage of immature women here -- but it manifests itself very differently, I think, for the usual reasons: social conditioning and expectations. It's arguable that the immature behaviour of some women in SL is more actually destructive than that of men (although men can be pretty good at being destructive too), just as I've always suspected that the adolescent bullying behaviour of teenage girls, which was (in my day, anyway) more psychological than physical, was quantifiably more cruel than what boys inflicted on each other. I think most women in SL have experienced versions of that at one time or another.
  20. I don't know what grid you are on but your Opensim experience is WAY different than mine. There is more sex and bullying in Opensim than I've ever seen in SL. I've never known anyone that got banned from SL, yet I know several people that have gotten banned from a grid on Opensim. Not only that but several grids ban the entirety of Opensim or charge grids for access. As far as Opensim being more conservative? That's a joke right?
  21. There is the technical definition of bullying: "Bullying is a subcategory of aggressive behavior characterized by the following three criteria: (1) hostile intent, (2) imbalance of power, and (3) repetition over a period of time.[2] Bullying is the activity of repeated, aggressive behavior intended to hurt another individual, physically, mentally, or emotionally". But what most people mean when they say someone is bullying them is that they believe the other person is coming on too strong, being too forceful. Barring extreme examples that are easier to define it's simply not easy to sort out, as what is "too strong" for one person is not so for another. And someone who has a blunt and/or assertive personality can easily be seen as coming on too strong and forceful.
  22. @Rickhfx, you're taking our advice the wrong way; I think you are the one jumping to conclusions. Let me take these comments in order... Sitting as a defense. Sometimes, you can "sit" WHILE dancing. For example, if you are dancing by means of a poseball, you ARE sitting, and are protected from pushing just as if you were sitting in a chair or on the ground. You may also be able to get some protection even while dancing by using a movelock. However, be aware that this may interfere with your dance animation, so it may not be a good choice. You'll have to try it and see. "Happened on a Second Life Owned Sim". Really? You mean, an LL-owned region such as an Infohub? I hope you know you won't find any of the more popular clubs, and certainly no managers and bouncers to deal with griefers, at such places. What you DO find there are trolls, griefers, and troublemakers. There are more than 20,000 other regions to be in. Go find one of them that isn't such a wretched hive of scum and villainy. "SL allows and profits off the griefing intended programs". Yep, this is true, at least to some extent, since LL earns a commission from Marketplace sales. The thing is, Linden Lab takes the very reasonable view that it is not the device that is the problem, it's the way in which it's used. Many of the things that people use to cause annoyance are simply fun toys, when used between consenting friends. The same thing that can have you and your friends laughing uproariously can also be used by a griefer to annoy the crap out of people. Rather than take away the fun applications of such items, LL allows their sale and use...but MIS-use should be reported. "I walked away from the computer to come back 15 hours later and it was still going on". First, why didn't you just log off? Second, how does this make it worse? YOU were not experiencing annoyance, you were away from your monitor. What does it matter if one pixel person keeps bumping into another pixel person if there's no one around to see it? The griefer was probably AFK too. "Not a word about hate or bullying". Oh...it's SYMPATHY you want! Sorry, we misunderstood. We thought you were asking about griefing protection tools, as the title of your post indicates. OK: we're sorry that this has happened to you, and we all agree that in a perfect world, it would not. Now...use some of the tools that we've mentioned in our replies and DEAL WITH IT.
  23. Jump to conclusions much? Why should I need to sit when we were all dancing? This happened on a Second Life Owned Sim. Second Life had the evidence, I was not the only one. SL allows and profits off the griefing intended programs. I was attacked after a short time being on, I walked away from the computer to come back 15 hours later and it was still going on. I was not the only one attacked. They did not even manage to crash me. It's clear some respondents here, are the same type of bigots and troublemakers I was trying to avoid. Not a word about hate or bullying, speaks volumes guys. "rolling my eyes" unfollowed
  24. I heard a lot of stories about self importance, bullying and drama about the mentors back than. Of course I'm not implying that all mentors did so, but as far as I know all the drama going on was the main reason to stop the show back then.
  25. lol, no. None of those things. I've never run across this person before. She is a self-described "anti-woke" woman who has decided that the Left has gone "too far." She thought the art itself was bad, and that an exhibition on empowerment and the positivity of womanhood was too "politically correct." In fact, she suggested that I, and everyone in the SLLU Feminist Network (which has been in operation since 2007) must clearly be men IRL, because a woman would never (she says) take that kind of approach. (One of her own Flickr pieces is a poorly-executed pic of her holding a fetus suspended from a coat hanger.) So, she produced no less than two nearly 10 minute YouTube videos savaging both me and the exhibition (but mostly me, and in the case of the second video, a DJ friend who she's decided wasn't sufficiently attentive to her); they are jam-packed with obscenity and slurs, including the "f" slur (the one used to insult gay men) and the "r" word (the one that compares people with those suffering from Downs Syndrome). Her second video is also, or was, explicitly transphobic: she hates "men in dresses" trying to get into women's prisons, etc. Her first video must have received a warning or been briefly hidden by YouTube, and she decided (incorrectly) that I must have reported it, so she then spammed my Flickr account with posts "accusing" me of being a man IRL, and hating "free speech," and contacted at least one of the members of the SLLU Feminist Network to complain about me. The second video -- which I also did not report -- was actually removed by YouTube for bullying and harassment. She's a troll.
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